Chapter 21
21
NOELLE
W hen Killian returned to the kitchen after his phone call, I knew from the crestfallen expression on his face that he was leaving. We wouldn't have our nighttime snowboarding session. I wouldn't get one more night with him.
I breathed through the searing pain. I should have suspected something like this would happen. Jeremy's calls and messages had gotten more pressure filled this week. Apparently, Killian Wilde's comeback was big news in the snowboarding world.
"I have to leave."
"I thought we could do a bonfire tonight," Roland said.
Killian's expression fell. "I'm sorry. Jeremy scheduled a flight for me tonight."
"Didn't he know you were spending time with your family?" Clara asked.
"He doesn't bother to keep track of what's going on with me personally," Killian said.
"Maybe he should."
Killian scrubbed a hand over his face. "He scheduled interviews in the morning. I have to be there."
"Can't you do it remotely?" I asked, not liking the vulnerability in my voice.
"These are in person. I'm meeting with all the radio show hosts in one place."
"I didn't realize," I said, my voice trailing off.
Then Killian was enveloped in his family's embrace. I moved off to the side. I was merely his chauffeur. I'd get him where he needed to go, and when I was home alone in his place, I'd be able to let go. I'd cry all the tears that were building up behind my eyes.
Before I knew it, we were in his truck, and I was driving us to the lodge. Killian was quiet, and I didn't have anything to say.
His mind was probably on all that he had to do to get packed and ready to go a day early.
Inside the condo, he disappeared into his room. I hovered at the doorway. "Do you need help with anything?"
"You can start throwing everything into a suitcase. I don't care if they're folded or not. Riley will get it when I'm there."
Riley would be spending a lot of time with him from now on. She'd be the one who'd unpack him, folding his clothes and organizing his briefs. I hated it, but I forced myself to open a suitcase on the bed and take his clothes in the closet and throw them inside.
It didn't take much time to put all his belongings into three suitcases. Just like that, the condo was devoid of Killian. There was nothing left to remind me of him. I didn't even have a shirt I could sleep in. I thought we'd have more time.
I'd even worked up the courage to talk about us tonight. But that time had passed. He needed to go, and I had to get out of his way.
We rolled the suitcases to the front door.
"I'll drive you to the airport."
"It's a private runway. I'll put the address in the GPS." Outside, he threw the bags in the bed of the truck, and we climbed into the cab. I was happy that I was driving and had something to keep my hands busy.
"I'm sorry," he finally said, his voice filled with regret.
Was he sorry for leaving? For not giving me anything more than a good memory? Or was it something more? "This was always the plan."
Killian let out a breath. "Not like this."
"It's a few hours earlier than we expected?—"
He sighed. "It feels sudden. I wasn't prepared for it to happen this way."
I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. Did he have different plans?
"We were going to snowboard tonight. I was looking forward to it."
I shrugged as if it wasn't an acute loss. "There will be plenty of opportunities for that." But there wouldn't be. Not for us. He'd be competing, and I'd be consumed with work and family. It was what I'd always wanted, but for the last few weeks, we'd had something else. I had someone to come home to at the end of the night. Someone to share my life with. It had been nice. Really nice.
I wasn't ready for it to come to an end. I knew I wouldn't find anyone else who could fill that role except for Killian. He was the only one who bothered to get to know me, and now he was leaving.
"I don't like leaving."
"As soon as you get back, you'll be busy." I'd seen his schedule for the next week. He wouldn't have any downtime. I'd steeled myself for a lack of contact. It's what I expected so I wouldn't be disappointed.
Killian grunted.
"I thought you'd be thrilled to get back out there. Prove to everyone that nothing has changed."
"I want that."
And I wouldn't get in the way of his dreams. He needed to do this. Otherwise, he'd always resent me. I had serious doubts we could withstand a long-distance relationship. Along with the races, there were afterparties and events where there were plenty of beautiful women clamoring for his attention.
I couldn't handle that. It's why I hadn't asked for something more, and I wouldn't let him do that either. It wasn't fair to him or to me. He should be free to do whatever he wanted. Besides, our relationship was a fling, and our time for fun had come to an end. If I fell for him, that was outside the constructs of our relationship.
It was my fault, and I wouldn't burden him.
I pulled into the small airport and followed his directions to the private lane.
"This is me."
I didn't waste any time, throwing the truck in Park and getting out. I waited for him to grab his luggage and rolled one for him to the stairs.
A worker for the airline checked his identification and took his bags.
"This is it."
I hugged him tightly. "You're going to do great." Then I stepped back, not wanting to prolong the goodbye. "Good luck, Killian."
"Are you ready to board? The pilot said if we get you seated, we can be next in line to take off."
Killian nodded, and it was my cue to leave.
"Thanks for everything," he said.
"Bye, Killian." I turned away from him because those two words felt like more than a goodbye. It was an end to our short relationship. We had our time, and it couldn't be replicated in the real world.
I put one foot in front of the other, climbed inside his truck, and pushed the button for the engine to roar to life. I placed the truck in Reverse and got out of there.
I didn't let the tears fall until I got onto the main road. At the lodge, I went in through a side entrance, using the Wilde keycard, and then took a cargo elevator to the penthouse floor. I swiped the keycard to our condo.
Inside, it looked the same. It still smelled like him. But everything that made the condo Killian's was gone.
It looked like a place someone rented to live in temporarily. It was fully furnished. It had the photographs of the Wildes that could be anyone, and I knew if I went into the master, it would be bare.
He hadn't left anything behind. I closed the door to my room, the one I hadn't stayed in for a while. I'd purposely left my stuff in here, knowing it would be mine again shortly. I wasn't sure I could stay. It hurt too much to see the kitchen where we cooked our meals and made love on the counter.
The living room where we watched shows and movies to get to know each other's wants and desires. The coach that he bent me over. The master bathroom where I saw him naked for the first time.
Living here was a special kind of torture. But it came with no rent and was nicer than any other place I'd ever lived.
I'd stay for a few months because it was convenient for frying donuts in the kitchen downstairs, and I'd save as much money as I could. I didn't have the luxury to move to a new place and have a fresh start yet.
Then I forced myself to go to sleep. I needed to get up early to bake, and I had a list of assistant duties I was grateful for now that my time had suddenly cleared up. I wouldn't have space to feel lonely or abandoned.
M orning came quickly. My face felt swollen because I'd cried myself to sleep. But I had work to do, and I hoped time would help.
I fried more donuts than usual, adding chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry icing, some with sprinkles and some without. I added glaze and maple.
Marcus stopped by my station where I was icing like a machine. "You've outdone yourself this morning. Are we expecting busloads of diners this morning?"
"I wanted to make sure we had enough for everyone."
"I think you made enough for tomorrow too. Why don't you take some out to the lobby and take a break."
I set aside the icing piper. "Good idea."
Marcus grinned. "Let me know what you think."
That was an odd comment, but I hadn't gotten enough sleep to ask about it. Instead, I grabbed a tray of chocolates, which I always struggled with to keep up with demand, and made my way to the display case where there was a line of people holding pink boxes, waiting.
A mother said, "Oh, look, there's more chocolate."
I smiled at her, and the little boy who cheered. I'd never seen the place this busy before.
"We just love your donuts," a woman said as I carefully replaced the empty tray with the new one.
"That's so nice to hear."
The man behind her said, "My kids make me get up early to get chocolate donuts before they're out."
"I'll have to make more chocolate donuts then," I said as I slowly backed away. Inside the kitchen, I let out a breath. "There's a lot of people out there."
He smirked. "I told you."
'"I'm not sure I have enough donuts."
"It's okay to let them run out. It creates scarcity and increases their value."
I huffed out a laugh, despite the melancholy that had settled over my shoulders. "I'm selling donuts, not gold bars."
"They might as well be the same. Heather at the front counter said there was a line out the door this morning, before you even put the donuts out."
"That's crazy. Who would get up early just to get donuts before they ran out?" I grabbed my icing tool and continued with my tray of donuts. A white swirl on chocolate. Sprinkles on the strawberry. If I could just focus on design, I could ignore the fact that Killian was gone for good.
"Girl. You don't see yourself very well."
That caused me to straighten and meet his gaze. "Marcus, what are you talking about?"
"Your donuts are the best I've ever tasted, and you know how I feel about pastries."
"You're a cook. Not a baker."
"Exactly. They're not exactly good for my health, but I can't resist them."
I frowned. "I never sold this many at Cal's shop."
"That's because he's an asshole, and people don't want to go to his shop for donuts. They want to come here. Get up early, grab donuts, and get on the slopes. The whole family can come and sit in front of the fire with hot chocolate. Or they're taking them home."
I shook my head. "It's just a novelty for now. The attraction will wear off."
"I'd prepare yourself. I have a feeling this is just the beginning, and there will be more demand."
After the breakfast rush, I cleaned my prep area until it gleamed and then took off my apron. Eli appeared in the doorway.
"Noelle, can I talk to you for a minute?"
I smiled at him. "Of course."
He took me to a table in the lobby and pulled out a chair for me to sit. "I wanted to talk to you about taking a couple of days off a week."
I frowned. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Did you see the line this morning?"
"It was great. But you need days off. You can't work seven days a week."
"I can." And I would because I wanted to forget about Killian all together. Getting over him was going to be a long and arduous process.
"That's not realistic in the long run. You probably want to have a morning off here or there."
"How about we see how it goes, and I'll let you know." My phone dinged with messages. "I have a bunch of pending assistant requests. If there's nothing else?—"
"If you need anything, let me know."
"I'll be sure to do that." I didn't need anything except to stay so busy I'd fall into bed and pass out every night. Work and sleep. Those were the only two things I was focused on.
I ran through the list of tasks for the room requests this morning. They ran the gamut from toiletries to clothes to ski gear. I fulfilled them all, using the key card to leave the items in each room for the guests when they returned. I marked the task completed in the app and sent the request for feedback.
I'd follow up with a new item if there was an issue. I was eager to please and had all the time in the world to make this business a success.
Killian wanted to be the fastest on the slopes, and I wanted to be the best service provider in the area. The assistant pay I'd received for working for Killian would be gone now, and I needed more income from the resort-assistant service. I didn't feel comfortable hiring anyone yet. What if the work dried up? I didn't want the pressure of paying someone else. I'd end up foregoing my own salary to make sure someone else was paid. I wasn't ready to hire anyone yet. No matter what I'd said to Killian.
I didn't need any downtime. Keep busy was my motto. I worked on marketing ideas for my businesses, wishing I had more event bookings, but they'd died off. It was probably because my attention was on Killian and other business.
It wasn't easy running so many different ventures. But it was the perfect thing for me to turn my attention to. I wouldn't listen to any radio interviews or read articles on people's opinions of Killian's comeback. I couldn't look at his glossy pictures or think about the parties he was attending.
He'd do his thing, and I'd do mine.
Right before I fell into bed each night, I looked for a text from him, and like always, I was disappointed. I had to remember he was busy, and so was I. We hadn't promised we'd keep in touch or maintain any sort of relationship. So I had no reason to be upset.
There hadn't been any declaration of feelings. He might not feel the same way I did. It was likely that he didn't.
But on the eve of his first race, I sent one text.
Noelle: Good luck.
He didn't respond until right before the race.
Killian: Thanks.
But I was picking up several orders in town for the lodge guests and didn't have time to tune into the race itself. By the time I got back to the lodge that night, the coverage of the race was on all the bar TVs. I sucked in a breath when I realized he'd won.
He'd won his first race back. I was thrilled for him. Elated.
Noelle: I knew you could do it.
I didn't wait for a response because I didn't expect one. There were probably afterparties tonight and celebrations. Then he'd feel more pressure than ever to continue racing at a high level. He'd forget about me and everything here. It was just as it was supposed to be.