Chapter 11 #3
“Why don’t you ever get angry with me for losing my temper?” I’d snapped more than once in front of her and she’d never so much as raised her voice.
“Because the way you’re acting is normal.
I don’t just mean because you’re frightened, I mean your proximity to your mate.
Or rather, your self-denied proximity. Noticed any mood swings since you got here?
Letting your anger get the better of you despite your better judgement?
” That was an understatement. No matter how many times I told myself to play nice, I didn’t seem to get the message.
“You and your mate are each other's compass now. As long as both of you are lost, you’ll keep making wrong turns until you find your way to each other.”
I stared down into my cup, not trusting myself to speak. I despised the thought of him affecting me in any way, but it did give me some comfort that the struggle I’d had to control myself wasn’t entirely my fault.
“What’s wrong with Allie anyway?” I asked, deciding it was best to change the subject. “Why did she act crazy like that?”
“The same as what’s wrong with most of the mated females.
Her wolf wants a pup.” She was focused on her task but I could see her mind was elsewhere.
Probably concerned for the women in her pack.
I don’t know why, but until now, it hadn’t really occurred to me that Dinah was directly responsible for them.
Kole had more power but as a Luna, I supposed she had a closer bond.
Their hurt was her hurt. I’d never seen people connected like this before.
“Is she going crazy? Like Kole?”
“Not quite. Because she’s mated, she won’t get lost in her wolf. She’ll just become more and more…irrational.”
I tried to wrap my brain around her words. Every time I tried to gain an answer all I found were more questions.
“Is it the same for Carrick?”
“Again, not quite. Males don’t have the same equipment as us or the same hormones. It affects us differently. It affects each wolf differently too. Our personality and temperament mean something.”
I nodded again. Kallum had said the same thing last night. “So, being around me helps?”
“It’s likely to boost her fertility, yes. She hasn’t had a heat in years.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. My whole life I’d been on my own, no one to look out for and no one to look out for me. Now, all of a sudden, I was responsible for the well being of thousands of people…I didn’t know what to do.
“This is nuts.”
“I imagine this must be strange for you, but just try to think of us like your human family, except the bond is more physical.”
I arched an eyebrow at her. Did she think I was an idiot?
“Why do you keep fucking with me?” I said, but once again, she didn’t even flinch at my lashing out.
“I know that you know I don’t have a family, human or otherwise.
Did you think I wouldn’t notice that none of you have asked me about them?
Asked if anyone would be looking for me?
I’m guessing you did some research before I even arrived at your house.
You aren’t stupid enough to kidnap a person without finding out who might come after them.
” I snorted. “I bet you thought you’d struck gold when you discovered I was all on my own. ”
“I wouldn’t say that was our reaction, no. Anyway, forgive me for not being honest, I keep forgetting how perceptive you are. I thought it would make you uncomfortable that I knew so much about you. ”
I rolled my eyes. “Out of everything making me uncomfortable right now, you all googling me is way at the bottom of the list.”
To my surprise, she laughed. “Fair enough. Using the ‘human family’ analogy was a misstep. Let me try and explain our connection another way.” She paused, mulling her thoughts over.
I sipped my tea, enjoying the natural aromas wafting from the steam.
“Think of it like this. The Alpha is the ship. The pack are the passengers, going where he takes them.”
“Then what am I?” I asked. “The ornamental figurehead that makes the ship look pretty?”
“No,” Dinah chuckled, “you’re the ocean.
If your waters are calm, the Alpha can sail a steady course.
If you’re caught up in a storm, and your waves are violent and threaten to break the ship in two, then what can you expect but for all its passengers to be afraid?
The ship is helpless against a raging sea, as Kole will be helpless as long as you are in turmoil. ”
Everything she said was making sense but it didn’t make bearing it any easier.
“That’s a great metaphor but you can’t control the ocean. So why is he trying to make my turmoil worse?” I held up my cuffs, one example among many that Kole was going the opposite way of winning me over.
“It’s complicated and his reasons are not mine to tell, but for what it’s worth, he really thinks he’s doing the right thing.”
“You mean the Elders think he’s doing the right thing.” She didn’t answer, but the look she gave told me she agreed. “Why do they hate me so much?”
“They don’t hate you, they just have outdated opinions on how females should behave, particularly Lunas, particularly human ones.” She finished up the chicken strips and covered them with foil, finally sitting with her own cup of tea.
“In time gone by, a female kneeling at her mate's feet during meals was not uncommon, especially if she had displeased him in some way. The Elders believe there is harmony in submission. I understand their logic. From the outside there was perfect harmony. But inside the females there was rebellion and eventually, it spilled over into the pack. That was an ugly time in our history.” She seemed to get lost in dark memories before shaking them away.
“Equality came for us just as it did in the human world.”
“When did things change?”
“Over the last hundred years or so. Each pack moves at a different pace just as human cultures do. Jonah’s parents were the catalysts for the equality we have now.
Then Jonah and I put in the grunt work when it was our time.
Now, Kole is setting the standard for our future.
Or at least, he was.” She sipped her tea as if to stop herself from saying more.
I watched her. She had just shown me a major chink in her armour.
“That must be hard, seeing your own son undo all of your work.”
“Yes,” she nodded, “it has the females worried about our progress being set back, but so many of them are too young to remember what it was like before. They can’t fear what they know nothing of.
Not really. All they know now is that their futures are uncertain and that subjugating you will give them security.
So that’s what they want. It’s selfish but the young can be that way.
” So, not all the females were on my side.
That was important to know. “Kole will see the errors in his actions eventually.”
“A lot can happen between now and eventually,” I murmured, and she lifted her face to mine.
“I know.” There was nothing else to say. In a way, she was helpless too.
“So, I’m guessing the Elders don’t like you either, huh?”