Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
AXEL
I stood in the middle of the motel room.
The acrid smell of unlit gasoline was already burning my nose.
I had spent the last fifteen minutes wiping down the room before dousing every inch of it, including the walls, the synthetic carpet and the mattress on the bed that I had dragged Sergei’s body onto.
Curtains, pillows and mattresses had been saturated.
I wasn’t an arsonist by nature, but I couldn’t risk any part of Mila’s DNA getting traced back to Sergei’s death. I had already driven his truck out to a remote abandoned culvert and torched the vehicle down to the metal. The motel room contained the last traces of evidence that tied her to him.
I picked up the phone and pressed 9 to make an outside call.
“911. What’s your emergency?”
“I’m near the Pines Motel, and I’m seeing flames. Something’s on fire there.”
“Has anyone started the fire alarms?”
“I don’t know. I’m driving in my vehicle. You’d better send someone.”
I hung up and walked a good six feet outside of the doorway.
I ignited a butane lighter and shielded my face before tossing it into the room.
The gas fumes ignited before the lighter even passed through the doorway, and there was a low whomp as the entire room instantly burst into flames.
I immediately felt the punch of heat on my face.
I jogged to the other end of the motel, where one lone car was parked.
I pounded on the door. “Fire. You need to get out.”
When I heard them respond with a shout, I moved around the corner. The front desk clerk was sleepily watching television.
“Your motel is on fire. How many rooms do you have rented?”
“Two,” he stuttered, confirming that I had alerted the only person currently checked in.
“I already called 911,” I told him, as I exited out the door.
In the distance I could hear the thin wail of rescue vehicles approaching. I jogged back to my truck, which was parked in the shadows, away from cameras and eyes. The frantic motel guest was too busy throwing his things into his car to notice me.
Every inch of Sergei’s room was on fire. The windows had been blown out from the heat and the heavy curtains burned as they flapped in the open frames.
Somewhere in that mess, Sergei was fittingly being erased in a makeshift dump of a pyre.
I started the engine of my truck, barely registering the destruction I was leaving behind.
I’ll do anything to keep her safe.
By the time the emergency trucks arrived and realized there was a body in the room, I’d be long gone.
It took me two hours to get to Portland, and then I joined the heavy stream of morning traffic, which slowed me down significantly.
I parked Viktor’s ghost vehicle in a deserted lot behind a dilapidated pizzeria and quickly swapped plates.
Then I drove to the large, bustling mall and wiped down the inside of the truck.
I left all the windows open and the keys in the ignition.
I bought some clean clothes, got changed in the bathroom, and left my old clothes in a shopping bag hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Cleaning staff would pick up the bag, and it would languish in their lost and found for weeks before anyone looked inside.
With my hood up, I walked through the parkade and confirmed that the ghost vehicle had already been stolen, which meant someone was probably putting it in hiding for me, changing the plates or painting it. Preferably they would chop it up and sell it for parts.
Working to stay in the blind spots of any cameras, I took the light rail from downtown Portland to the international airport.
I stood in front of the departure board and weighed my options.
I needed to get out of the United States before they connected Sergei’s death to me.
And, since that could eventually happen, I couldn’t return to Canada because of the extradition risk.
I could vanish internationally, but I’d probably be hunted, if not by Canadians, then by my own country.
I knew I had the skills to disappear, but I couldn’t guarantee they’d leave Mila alone.
I took a deep breath.
There was a flight leaving in two hours for Moscow. It was probably the least appealing option, knowing what I’d end up facing, but I knew it was the only way I could protect her.
If I went on the run, I was almost positive they’d use her to put pressure on me.
But if I faced the consequences of my actions and they had me to punish, they would most likely leave her alone.
Especially since she was Canadian.
When it came down to it, I was choosing between Mila’s freedom and my own.
Weirdly enough, it didn’t even feel like a choice.
There was only one option, and that was to protect her at all costs.
Viktor answered on the first ring. “Are you okay?”
“I’m good, thanks. Did Mila make it back to Vancouver okay?”
“I picked her up a couple of hours ago.”
I looked around the boarding area. My flight was scheduled to leave in less than an hour.
“Did she eat?”
“Not much, but she was happy to see Bandit and I’m not sure I’ve seen a dog so damn excited in my life.”
Something thick tightened in my chest, making it hard to swallow. “Oh, yeah? How’s she doing?”
“Blaire tucked them both up in the guest room. It’s been silence from their corner since then.”
The thought of Mila asleep in the safety of Viktor’s home, with Bandit in bed with her, made something inside of me crack open.
Everyone she needed protecting from was now either in prison or dead.
She was finally safe.
So why’d it hurt so much to hear about her? Wasn’t this exactly what I had planned?
“She’s been through a lot.”
“You want to talk to her?”
I wanted to get on a flight and take my chances getting back into Canada. I wanted to walk into that guest room and lie down on that bed beside her, while Bandit thumped his tail in approval, so I could watch her sleep.
But I didn’t want to talk to her on the phone and endure another excruciating goodbye.
I couldn’t handle the restrained sorrow in her voice.
I couldn’t take her disappointment. I’d inflicted a lifetime of that already.
I didn’t know what would happen when I rolled into Moscow, but I didn’t expect to be welcomed with open arms. I would be more than sufficiently punished for abandoning my post to pursue a mark in a different country without jurisdiction that had resulted in murder.
It would be bad. I just wasn’t sure how bad.
How could I explain all that to Mila when I knew she’d ask me if I was coming back? The humane thing was to let her go, now that she was safe and free. I was the last anchor from her past that was holding her back.
Which meant I had no business talking to her again. “Let her sleep.”
“Where are you heading?” His tone was casual, but his question was loaded. He wanted to know if this was my departure call before I disappeared into the ether.
“Bought myself a ticket to Moscow.”
Silence hummed over the line. He sounded concerned. “You sure that’s a good idea?”
“They’ll leave her alone if they have me.”
Static hummed between us. “What do you want me to tell her?”
The words hurt as they came out of me. “As little as possible, but if you could help her get back on her feet a bit. I’d be indebted.”
“We’re her family now. She’ll know that soon enough. We’ll always have her back.”
That promise might have been the only thing that would get me through what I faced. I didn’t deserve my brother. There were precious few people I trusted in this world, but he was one of them. And it made my coming choices bearable, knowing that he would be looking out for Mila and protecting her.
I sounded so damn emotional. “I really appreciate it.”
“Just do your best to sort yourself out, okay?” His voice sounded a bit ragged. “It’s not going to be easy.”
“I’ll be in touch.”
“I’ll be here.”
I waited until right before I was called to board my flight. As expected, Yuri answered on the first ring.
“Yuri, it’s Axel.”
His voice went low. “Where are you?”
“PDX airport.”
“Where the hell is that?”
“Portland.”
Only his erratic breathing sounded between us.
Finally he spoke. “Is this it, then? Are you calling to tell me you’re going off the radar? It’s only going to get worse for you if you run, you know.”
I cut him off. “I’m about to board a direct flight to Moscow. I’m unarmed and I want to come in.”
The news that I was coming in under his control bolstered his confidence immediately. “Do you know what kind of international shit show you left in your wake when you walked?”
“Are you going to let me come in?”
I could hear his breathing on the end of the line. “Why are you doing this?”
“To keep the pressure off her.”
He exhaled. “Why is it always a piece of ass that ruins the best of agents?”
I let that insult go. Only because I had no more bargaining chips left. “Do we have a deal?”
“You know you’re not going to get a warm welcome. I can’t protect you from whatever consequences they give you.”
“I know.”
I heard the sound of papers shuffling. “I’ll send someone to pick you up.”
It took four days of interrogations, reviewed footage and intense negotiating before Yuri showed up at my cell, a thick document in hand.
He reached through the cell and tossed it on the bed. “My superiors want to make a deal with you.”
“What is it?”
“You can read the full report, and I advise you do so, but essentially they need you to go undercover again. This time in a less pleasant environment than what you just enjoyed.”
I didn’t even pick up the packet. “Is this one of those missions that sounds impossible and that’s the upside?”
He looked at me and said in a quiet tone, “It’s a bad deal.”
“I’ll do it on two conditions.”
His eyes widened. “You haven’t even read what’s required of you.”
“The mission doesn’t matter. I’ll accept anything, as long as they agree to leave Mila alone and you arrange for me to see my brother in person one last time.”
He stood with his hands in his pocket. “Was it worth it?”
“Was what?”
“Throwing not only your career but your life away for someone who probably won’t even remember you in six months.”
I stared at him and then shrugged. “You can let me know if they agree to my terms.”
Six weeks later, I sat chained to a table and watched as they led Viktor through a series of locked doors.
He sat down across the table from me, but neither of us spoke until the guard had exited the room.
“You look good.”
I shrugged. “It’s probably the most sleep and exercise I’ve had in a long time.”
A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. “They said the trial and charges against you were dropped. Are they letting you go?”
“So to speak.” I dropped my gaze to avoid his scrutiny. “For a price.”
He didn’t even try and hide his concern. “How bad is the danger they’re sending you into?”
I didn’t want to talk about the logistics of my next placement, or how it sounded like a direct path to hell. “It’s not good, but the weather is better than here.”
He let that sink in. “Heavy price for your freedom.”
It was never about my freedom. This had always been about hers.
“Better than twenty on the inside.” My tone was glib, but it wasn’t far from the truth. Saving Mila had always meant it wouldn’t end well for me. I was just grateful they were letting me choose my ending.
And I was definitely taking my chances on the outside. Even if I didn’t have a fighting chance of survival.
I’d go crazy if I was locked up for twenty years with only my memory of her.
“Did you do what I asked?”
He slid the envelope across the table from me. “The law firm can immediately file for an annulment based on your abandonment of your Canadian wife, as long as both parties sign. Once they get both wet signatures, the paperwork can happen immediately.”
“The guard said he’d watch me sign and witness for me. He has a pen for us when we’re ready.”
Viktor thought about his next words. “You sure about this? Sometimes it’s okay to have something or someone to look forward to.”
He was assuming I would survive my mission, but I didn’t want to give anyone that kind of unrealistic hope about my future, which was already closing in on me. “I’ve already screwed up her life enough. She deserves her freedom.”
He nodded slowly. “She asks about you all the time.”
The lump in my throat was thick. I had promised myself I wouldn’t ask, but I needed one scrap of her to ease the pain. “How’s she doing?”
“She’s back at her classes, and her friend Selena invited her to move in with her and her older sister.
Everything at the house was confiscated, so we helped her get a bed and some other items to get started.
She and Bandit moved out a few weeks ago.
That dog isn’t going to suffer from lack from of attention.
Her two new roommates dote on him more than Blaire did, and that’s saying something. ”
I nodded, working hard and failing to keep the emotion off my face. Getting confirmation that she was thriving flooded my system with so much relief it almost floored me. “That’s good. Can you make sure she signs these papers so you can file them with my lawyer?”
His eyes dropped to the annulment papers. “She’s told me on more than one occasion that she believes you’re coming back. She said that you found her in that motel and that she knows you’ll be back this time too.”
I was probably going to be dead within weeks. Which was weird because I’d never wanted to live more than I did in this moment.
Viktor watched me carefully.
I gave a helpless shrug. “You know I’ll try.”
I’ll die trying to get back to her.
“What am I supposed to tell her when I give her those annulment papers?”
He clearly didn’t approve of me rushing things, so I confessed my bigger concern. “They might not be able to provide confirmation of my death. Then she’d be widowed but technically married to someone she can’t prove is dead. I don’t want her to have to wait seven years to get her freedom back.”
Understanding dawned in his eyes, followed by a flash of sorrow. “You know I can’t tell her that.”
We both knew he was getting the shit end of this deal by having to give Mila this paperwork. “Maybe just tell her the truth about me.”
“Which truth? The part where you love her?"
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Tell her that I wasn’t always like this.”