30
AFTER A RESTLESS night, desperate to speak to Nora but wanting to give her the space she’d asked for, Archie could bear it no more. Dawn was not yet breaking, and he took a punt on the fact that if Nora needed time to think, that probably involved her going to the lake for a swim. He pulled out his swimming kit and dressed, putting the ridiculously big dry robe on instead of a jacket, and headed with Tatty at his side, across the fields to the lake.
There was no sign of Nora, so he pulled out one of the chairs from under the dock and sat down to wait while Tatty did her customary swim over to the island for a nap. Having had no sleep, and with the beginning of the dawn chorus to lull him, he ended up taking a nap himself. When he woke, his neck was painful from his head lolling against his chest and he was stiff from being sat in one position for too long. How long had he been asleep? Judging by the sun, only an hour or so. He stood up, groaning as his body complained equally loudly at being stretched as it had about being asleep in an uncomfortable chair.
Knowing that there was still hope, that it wasn’t too late for Nora to come, he moved from the chair onto the dock. He took his shoes off and dangled his feet into the water in an effort to keep himself awake while he mulled over the whole issue of marriage and whether he’d been an idiot to suggest it at all, or whether Nora’s reaction had been more to do with his timing being off.
If the baby was a boy, he could only inherit the title if he was legitimate and that meant marriage. The estate itself could still pass to him if he and Nora didn’t marry, but he would never be Lord Harrington. And despite Archie’s own misgivings about what that had brought to his own life, he still felt duty-bound to protect it in tribute to his forebears, if nothing else. If the baby was a girl, the title would die out with him anyway, unless Betsy produced a boy, so there would be no need to marry. And thinking about this made him sympathetic to Nora’s point; that the baby shouldn’t be a reason to get married. The only reason he was giving her to marry him, he realised, was to preserve the title. And leaving his own feelings aside, how important was that? Important enough to drive a wedge between him and Nora?
He started to feel fidgety and having his feet in the water made him keen to have a swim, something he had never expected to want to do other than to keep Nora company. He took off his dry robe and the rest of his clothes and, feeling brave, launched himself gingerly in from the edge of the dock, even though he had the option of the brand new wide wooden steps that went into the water allowing for a gentler way of getting in. Taking a moment to make sure he had his breathing under control, he set off. The water was warmer than he’d expected, and it was interesting to note the changes that had taken place at the lake in the couple of weeks since he’d last swum there. Reeds had pushed themselves up from below the surface of the water, and the branches of the weeping willow trees on the island were almost kissing the water as they grew after their winter slumber.
As he headed around the island, he turned onto his back and sculled his hands at his sides, looking back at where he’d come from, so that he would see if Nora had arrived before that side of the lake disappeared for him. When he emerged again, he could see Nora’s dry robe and other things piled on the dock next to his. She must be around the other side of the island, probably not that far behind him, but not visible yet. He climbed out using the new steps and wrapped in a towel, his dry robe around his shoulders and sat at the end of the dock again, waiting for her to appear.
It felt very similar to the first couple of times he’d come to the lake to find Nora here. His stomach was in knots, this time from the pain of knowing he’d hurt her with his lack of understanding, rather than the painful awkwardness he’d felt just being around her to begin with. It seemed like such a long time ago.
He raised a hand as he watched her glide through the water, faltering briefly when she spotted him. She smiled, at least. Perhaps finding her at the lake, in her happy place, was a blessing.
‘Good morning,’ he said, as she pushed herself out of the water onto the dock.
’Thank you,’ she said, taking the towel he handed her.
‘You must be feeling better?’
‘I am now. The water’s perfect.’
‘I’m so sorry about yesterday, Nora. I would love to blame the shock for me being such an absolute idiot, but I’m not sure that would be true.’
‘It’s okay. It was a shock. It was also a shock that you thought going down for dinner was more important.’
Her words were like a punch to his gut. They were true, but it hurt that they had come to this. That they could be this brutally honest with each other.
‘I’m mortified about that. I was on autopilot. Terrible excuse, I know.’ What else could he say? ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay,’ she said again, but Archie worried it wasn’t.
‘I came to find you last night.’ He wanted to tell her he had felt a pull to her like never before. That he’d realised he’d upset her and wanted to make things right. But if he said that, and she rejected him, he wasn’t sure he could bear it.
‘I know, you texted me. I stayed the night at Hilary’s.’
‘Right. And how is Hilary?’ Why he was enquiring, he had no idea. It was habit more than anything.
Nora smirked despite herself. ‘Hilary’s fine. Look, I know this is difficult, Archie. Neither of us saw this coming, and it’s going to take some talking through.’
‘I’ve had a great idea about how we can change the stables —’
‘Archie, I’m not ready to think about anything other than the fact I’m having a baby. I’m sorry. But please, I need time.’
‘I love you.’ He felt as if he was baring his soul. Even though he’d said the same thing to her before, many times, the meaning behind it now was greater than ever. But how to convey that with those three words? He wasn’t sure he could.
‘I love you too, Archie,’ she said with a sigh. ‘This has happened because we love each other. It’s not a problem to be solved in that sense. I need to get my head around how my life is going to change and I need to do that before I can think about anything else. Even about us.’
Tears sprang to Archie’s eyes, and he turned his head away so Nora wouldn’t see. ‘I understand,’ he managed to say. ‘I’m sorry. I should have respected that you’d asked for time to think.’ He stood up and gathered his things. ‘I’ll wait for you to let me know when you’re ready to talk.’ He risked looking at Nora, smiling at her too brightly. ‘Take care of yourself.’
Without a backward glance, he walked around the edge of the lake and headed back to the Court, not even wanting to turn back to call for Tatty. But the dog sensed it was time to leave and soon caught him up.
He’d brought this on himself. She’d asked for time and he’d selfishly overlooked that when the very reason she’d left last night was because he’d not paid enough attention to how she was feeling. He’d made things worse by coming to the lake to see her. He should have waited. And now she would think he wasn’t listening to her. His conversation with Seb had buoyed him into thinking he could solve everything, but it was still too soon for her. He could see that now.
‘Oh my god, you’re a dry robe wanker!’ Betsy said helpfully. She waited at the top of the stairs as he came up, with Florence in her arms.
‘Lovely language in front of Florence,’ he said, smiling at his niece and pretending to take her nose. He’d started doing it yesterday, and it had gone down very well. She seemed utterly convinced.
‘You look a sight, that’s all.’
‘I don’t think it counts as being a w-word if one’s using it for its intended purpose.’ The brutal sibling banter lifted his spirits.
‘I have nothing against other people wearing them. I’m talking specifically about you,’ she said. ‘I suppose Nora bought it for you.’
‘Yes.’
‘And where is Nora today? Not still poorly, I hope?’
‘She’s swimming and then I imagine she has work to catch up on since she missed a couple of days this week.’
‘On a Sunday?’
Good point. ‘She works whenever she feels like it.’
‘It’s a shame we didn’t see more of her. Perhaps you could both come and stay for a weekend sometime? Although, we’ll be back for the festival in the summer.’
‘Lovely. We’ll make one or other of those happen.’ Which was the lesser of two evils, he wasn’t sure.
‘We’re leaving after lunch. We’re walking to the chapel with Mama to visit Papa. Are you coming?’
It might be just what he needed to take his mind off things. ‘Give me ten minutes to have a shower.’
He was dressed and rubbing his hair dry with a towel when someone knocked at his door.
‘Come in,’ he called. ‘Mama,’ he said in surprise when he saw Constance. ‘I’m coming.’
She came in and closed the door behind her. ‘Archie. Is everything alright? I saw you walking over the lawn looking so forlorn, and Betsy says she thought you might have been crying.’
He almost laughed at the fact his sister had given him a hard time about the dry robe when she thought he’d been crying. It was a perfect example of how hard they both found it to express themselves with anything related to emotions.
‘I’m fine, Mama. Nora and I have had a minor… interruption to business as usual. Nothing to worry about. We’re giving each other some space, that’s all.’
‘Am I right to think that it’s Nora who needs the space rather than you?’ Constance said gently.
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
‘Oh, darling.’
It was all Archie could do to not fall into his mother’s arms and weep. Constance took a step towards him and he crumbled.
‘I’ve ruined it.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Constance, leading him over to the sofa. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.’
‘Nora’s pregnant.’
‘I wondered if that might be it.’
‘Did you?’ Archie said, surprised.
‘It’s the first thing one thinks of when a woman has a mysterious bout of sickness. And that coupled with what you’ve told me, about her needing space. I put two and two together.’
‘I asked her to marry me.’
‘Of course you did, darling Archie. And she declined your proposal, which is where you find yourself now.’
It was odd that his mother somehow knew the whole story with no one having told her.
‘Unfortunately, it was an expectation rather than a proposal.’
‘Ah.’
‘And she asked for time to think about everything, and I went to the lake knowing she would be there. I talked things through with Seb and I have a brilliant plan, but she’s not ready to hear it.’
‘I know you must be thrilled at the thought of becoming a father, as I am about being a grandmother again but it must be an awful shock for Nora. And you must know that the way she is feeling now is probably nothing to do with how she feels about the baby. But you must allow her the time she needs, otherwise you risk driving her away.’
He nodded. ‘I know that now. I’ve left it to her to get in touch with me.’
‘That’s for the best,’ Constance said, patting his leg. ‘My darling. All will not be lost. I’m certain Nora loves you as much as you love her. She’ll come around and these few days while you’re apart will make you stronger in the long run.’
‘Thank you, Mama,’ Archie said, kissing her cheek as they stood up.
‘Archie. You understand the importance now of making things official between the two of you. It’s unacceptable to continue living as you are with a child on the way.’
For a moment, he’d thought Constance was entirely on his side, worried only about how he was feeling and how he and Nora might navigate the future. But apparently not.
‘You think I should insist on marriage?’
‘You would be happy for your child to be illegitimate? To not bear your name? Come. Let’s visit your Papa and then we can send your sister on her way and enjoy a peaceful evening together.’
Archie followed his mother out of his room wondering whether there was any solution at all that was going to suit Nora as well as satisfy everything else he had to worry about. If there was, he had no idea what it was.