31
THE NEXT COUPLE of days were busy for Nora, and a welcome distraction while she mulled over what the future might look like. Her heart had ached when she saw Archie put a brave face on her asking him for more time to think, but it was what she knew she needed. She couldn’t talk to him about the future without having some idea of how that might look.
As soon as she’d got back from the lake after seeing him, she headed to Stoke and threw herself into work. Although it was Sunday and the production line was closed, Neil was in to supervise the production kiln, which fired every day of the week. The test firings of her new pots had been successful and the glazes she had chosen worked perfectly, matching the idea she had in her head as closely as was possible to achieve. It was a relief to know that, because she’d begun working on this collection before she’d really needed to. Now it was going to help plug the gap there would be while she was on maternity leave. Aside from telling Hilary she was pregnant, she’d also told Val first thing on Monday morning. It was only fair to give her as much notice as possible.
‘Oh my god! I knew it! Didn’t I say the other week when you were sick?’
‘You did,’ Nora said, grinning at her friend’s reaction.
‘See? The pill is obviously not up to working against the quality of his sperm.’
‘Val!’
‘Well! How else do you explain it?’
Nora wasn’t about to go any further with this topic of conversation. ‘How are the Christmas lines coming along?’
‘Spoilsport,’ said Val, giving her a side-eye. ‘We’re all confirmed. Everything’s scheduled. We’re starting with your special Croftwood range just so we can get it out of the way.’
‘I love the design we settled on,’ said Nora, filling the kettle and then rummaging in the cupboard for two mugs. The midnight blue bauble had a simplistic gold outline of the Court dusted with snow — glitter would be added as a final step — its twisty chimneys radiating to the top of the bauble and meeting at the hanging point where a gold ribbon would be the final flourish. ‘And the mugs came out okay?’
‘Yep. They look so good, I wonder whether you’ll need a second run of them? Anyway, I’ve pencilled in a second batch at the end of November. If you don’t need them we’ll fill that with some extra runs of the normal Christmas mugs ready for the website rush the week or two before Christmas.’
‘Perfect.’
‘So you’re happy about the baby?’ Val asked. She tipped a few custard cream biscuits onto a plate and set it on the table.
‘Yes, so happy, although it was the biggest shock I’ve ever had seeing that positive test.’
‘And Archie’s pleased?’
‘Yes. But the moment I told him he launched straight into suggesting we should get married.’
‘I suppose he’s trying to do the right thing,’ said Val.
‘Yes, and on one hand that’s lovely, but on the other hand, do I want to leap from a twenty-year relationship that ended only a few months ago, to marrying someone just because I’m pregnant?’
‘I’m guessing not.’
‘Correct. But even though I know what I don’t want, I don’t know what I do want either. Except for everything to be like it’s been these past couple of months. I love Archie but I don’t need to be married to him or live with him just because we’re having a baby. Is that mean?’
‘I can imagine there’s quite a lot to consider for the lord,’ Val said tactfully.
Nora sighed. ‘It’s so complicated. I know he’d like to get married but it’s so far removed from how I saw our future a couple of weeks ago, I can’t bring myself to think it’s the best plan.’
‘I get that. And it’s still so soon after Julian. You probably feel like you’ve jumped from one thing into another without a minute to yourself.’
‘That’s it exactly. And I don’t want to lose what I’ve worked for all these years. I know you’ll hold the fort here for me. And I know I can get childcare and still work afterwards, but it isn’t going to be the same.’
‘It won’t be,’ said Val. ‘When I had my girls, it cost more to put them in nursery than I could earn. That’s why this was my first job for a few years. At least you won’t have to worry about that.’
‘No, I’m very lucky. And I think Archie will be a hands-on dad.’ She hoped he would be. She couldn’t imagine being at the beck and call of a baby twenty-four hours a day. ‘The thing I’ll miss the most is my little cottage. It’s not as if Archie can move in with me. There would hardly be room for the three of us anyway. But I’ve never lived anywhere before that’s just mine.’
‘Get used to it. Nothing is ever just yours again. Especially if you have a girl, nothing is off limits. If they’re not rooting around in your handbag for a loose fiver, they’re “borrowing” your hair straighteners and you have to fetch them out of their bedroom every time you want to use them.’
Nora laughed. ‘You love it.’
‘I do, and there will come a point where you won’t even remember worrying about all of this now because you’ll love it.’
It was almost exactly what Hilary had said, and Nora began to realise that although it felt like she was giving up everything for this baby, there were things to look forward to that she would love, she just didn’t know exactly what the good stuff was yet.
‘I think I’ll have to sell my house,’ she said.
‘I wouldn’t rush into any big decisions. That’s a knee-jerk reaction,’ Val said through a mouthful of custard cream. ‘You don’t want to move in with the mother-in-law yet, do you?’
‘I can’t imagine that at all,’ said Nora. ‘I get on all right with Constance but Archie is different when he’s at home. He’s more buttoned-up and formal when he’s there, which I totally understand, I’m not sure I can live with that Archie all the time, though.’
‘I thought when the Lord got married, the mother moves out to a cottage. That’s what happened in Downton Abbey.’
‘He can’t ask Constance to move out. Anyway, the place is huge enough that you’re not on top of each other, but he might not be my Archie anymore.’
‘Keep the cottage as a love nest,’ Val suggested.
‘Tempting. We haven’t talked about any of this yet. I told him I needed time to think.’
‘So you told him you’re pregnant and then what?’
‘He suggested we get married and then got called down for dinner and I left.’
‘Oh god, Nora. And you’ve left it like that?’
‘I can’t think about what he wants, Val,’ Nora said, pleading her case. ‘I need to think of some options that seem workable because otherwise my head will explode. He doesn’t understand how huge this is for me. Everything’s going to change.’
‘One thing at a time. Have you made an appointment with the midwife yet?’
‘God, no! Do you think I should?’
‘Yes,’ Val said firmly. ‘I hate to break it to you but you’re what they call a geriatric mother so they’ll keep an extra special eye on you. It’s best to get everything checked out just in case.’
‘Geriatric?’ Could things get any worse?
Nora lost herself in throwing for the rest of the day. It gave her time to think and helped her relax. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered whether she’d been unfair to Archie. Yes, perhaps his marriage suggestion had been unwelcome and he shouldn’t have robotically gone down to dinner at the worst possible moment, but he had said sorry, so he’d obviously had time to think about things while she’d been at Hilary’s. What had he said about the stables? Was he suggesting they turn them into somewhere for them to live? She couldn’t imagine he would feel happy about leaving Constance in the big house alone, even with Mrs Milton and Ursula there. And that wasn’t what she objected to anyway. Constance was great, but starting a new relationship, fast-tracked by having a baby so soon after meeting and then moving into somewhere that was more museum than home, with his mother. It was a lot.
That evening, while she was relaxing in her hotel room, indulging in some mindless television, she suddenly felt lonely. She missed Archie. Maybe she didn’t feel ready to make decisions, but they weren’t decisions she should make alone. That wasn’t fair. Of course it felt as if all of this was going to have a bigger impact on her than it was on Archie, but shutting him out while she worked out how she felt wasn’t helping. She realised she needed to talk things through. And that could only be with him.
I’m sorry about this morning. I’ll be home tomorrow. Come to mine for dinner? x
I’d love to. I’ll bring dinner with me. A x
Nora immediately felt better. The next day, she already felt as if a weight had been lifted and found she was looking forward to seeing Archie and talking things through now that the immediate shock had worn off. She had thrown like a whirling dervish for two days and the drying room was full of pieces for her current collection so that she could build up a stockpile, and to a lesser extent her new experimental collection which still needed some refining before it was ready to be unveiled to anyone aside from Neil and Val.
‘You’re off then?’ Val said when Nora sought her out to say goodbye.
‘Yes. Archie’s coming over for dinner so we can talk.’
Val grinned. ‘That’s good. You look happy about that.’
‘I am. I’ve missed him.’
‘That’s a good sign. I’m sure you two will work out a fine plan,’ Val said, giving her a hug. ‘Take care of yourself.’
‘Will do. See you next week.’
Nora had time to shower when she got home, blasted her hair with the hairdryer and then put on her most comfortable clothes; leggings and a long oversized hoodie that had “I’m kiln it” emblazoned on the front. Archie rang the doorbell just as she was coming back downstairs.
‘You could have used your key,’ said Nora, sad that he thought things had changed that much.
‘It didn’t seem right,’ he said, coming in and kissing her on the cheek. ‘You look wonderful. How are you feeling?’
‘I’m fine, thanks. Less nauseous today.’
‘Good. I’ve brought dinner courtesy of Mrs Milton. It’s a shepherd’s pie.’
‘Lovely.’ Nora led the way to the kitchen, feeling that there was a level of awkwardness she probably should have expected, but hadn’t. She took the dish from Archie and put it in the oven to warm through.
‘Cup of tea?’
‘Thank you,’ said Archie, sitting down at the kitchen table.
‘I’m sorry about yesterday at the lake. It wasn’t fair of me to make you wait before we could talk about things.’ She wanted to tell him that she’d missed him but he seemed a little distant and she could see in his eyes that he was uneasy.
‘No, it’s perfectly understandable. I should have respected you when you asked for time to think.’
Nora sat down and reached her hand across the table. It felt like a test. Because if he didn’t reach out, that said everything about how he was feeling. She would have pushed him away too far. Hurt him too much.
But he reached for her hand and leant towards her. ‘I know this is harder for you than it is for me and that you’ve had so much change in your life recently. Our relationship is so new, having a baby is a frightening prospect.’
Nora could only nod and squeeze his hand. She was overwhelmed with relief that he understood after all. He was her Archie, the man who was tender, loving and committed to her. Not the Archie who’d left her in his bedroom to go down for dinner. Whatever he’d told her, she knew it had been shock that had driven that. He’d been clinging on to the closest, easiest thing to do next that could reassure him that everything was still the same; dinner.
‘I don’t want to do this alone. I want to find a way to do it together but I don’t know what that means. There’s so much to think about.’
‘We don’t have to get married if that isn’t what you want,’ Archie said. ‘The baby should be something wonderful for us, not something that comes between us.’
‘But it brings all the differences between our lives into focus. All of the things we didn’t need to consider or think about before. A lot of that matters now. But I’m sorry for saying I don’t want to marry you. I love you and I wanted that to be enough.’
‘It is enough. I don’t want to get married because of bloody traditions, either.’
‘But it’s important to you that the baby is your legitimate heir.’
Archie sighed. ‘I wish it wasn’t but it’s ingrained in me. Look, I’m not an expert in the legal side of any of this. It’s always been straightforward in my family, until now, so that’s all I know. Why don’t I take some advice on what the options are?’
‘Okay. Thank you. Are you upset that I won’t just get married and live happily ever after?’
‘Not at all, my love,’ he said, pulling her hand so that she got up and went to sit on his lap. ‘Your independence is what I love about you. I hadn’t thought through what I was actually asking of you.’
‘We were both in shock. It was a five-minute conversation in the heat of the moment that we ought to forget,’ said Nora, stroking his cheek. ‘We’re having a baby. Let’s give ourselves time to get used to the idea before we start thinking about all the practicalities.’
‘That sounds like a very sensible first step. I want to decide all of these things together, but I know I’m from a background where normal is not terribly normal so you must shoot me down if I make any idiotic suggestions. This is going to be a learning curve for both of us.’
Nora finally felt as if they were in it together. Perhaps this is where they could have got to sooner on Saturday night, not wasted the past two days, but that didn’t matter now. She sank her head into Archie’s shoulder and nuzzled his neck.
‘I think we have half an hour or so before that’s ready,’ she said. ‘Come on.’