Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
DIXIE
M y insides knot.
I shouldn't have heard that conversation and I definitely shouldn't have told Tripp. I don't even know why I reacted the way I did. Clay was just a hook up or two. I never felt anything for him. I am sad that he died, I am sad that my daughter will never remember her dad. He was good to her. Every kid deserves to have a dad that loves them unconditionally.
Clay helped with my music, but only when it suited him. He reminded me that he could quickly pull it away from me with a click of his fingers. He was in with some nasty guys from the city, I only met a few of them but they always made me feel uneasy.
My agent is a piece of shit, he will come looking for me but there is no way in hell I am going back to him.
Too many broken promises. He keeps eighty percent of my royalties, and I am broke.
Lainey pulls me from my thoughts when she pushes her bowl of pureed fruit onto the floor, the noise making me jump.
“Oh, Lainey,” I sigh, pushing from my chair and grabbing a cloth from the sink. I clean up the mess when I hear Orla.
“Leave it darlin', I’ll do it,” she ushers me from the floor but I shake my head, not moving.
“No honestly, I've done it now, please,” my voice breaks as I look up at her, my eyes are all glassy with unshed tears and I don't even know why.
“Dixie,” she whispers as she bends and lifts me from the floor, hands either side of my face. “What's happened?”
I pull my bottom lip between my lips, the words on the tip of my tongue, but Lainey interrupts our moment when she starts a tantrum to get out of her highchair.
Orla turns and takes Lainey from her chair and soothes her, bouncing her gently and walking her out to the front porch to look at the leaves on the trees dancing in the soft summer breeze.
My bottom lip trembles as I walk over to the sink, turning the faucet and rinsing out the dirty cloth. Folding, I hang it over the side of the butler sink then press my hands flat to the surface either side, head hung low as I cry quietly before I am caught.
Is it guilt? All-consuming guilt because I am lying to Orla ad Jorge? They've been so good to me; they've been more of a family to me than my own. I mean, that wasn't hard. My mom died, my kid sister died, and my dad beat me black and blue before I left town.
But even that came with its own problems.
Young girl looking for an escape.
Powerful male promising her a better life.
I'll let you connect the dots.
I hear the sound of heavy boots, my skin prickling, and I know it's Tripp. Sniffling, I lift my hand and run my finger under both of my eyes to wipe the stray tears away.
“Dixie?” his voice is soft and warm, and I hate that. I spin around, forcing a fake smile upon my lips as I look at him.
“Yeah?” my back is pressed against the sink, fingers curled around the edge of the worksurface.
His eyes roam over me quickly and I let my head drop. The sound of his footsteps become closer and my heart stutters in my chest.
Toe to toe with me, his hand slips from his jean pocket and grips my chin softly, tilting my head back to look at him.
His brown eyes bounce between mine, his pupils dilating slightly, the once harsh frown lines that were dug into his forehead smooth out as worry paints across his handsome face.
“Who upset you?” he asks me, letting his hand fall from my chin.
“No one,” and it's the truth. No one did upset me.
“Then why are you crying?” he steps back a little and I miss how close he was to me.
“Hormones.”
He hangs on my words a little longer before he gives me a sharp nod.
He is dirty. Hands covered in mud, boots thick with it too. His jeans have hand marks rubbed into the thighs and his face has a golden glow to it from the sun.
“I saw mom out front with Lainey, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
The breath catches at the back of my throat, and I swallow the burning lump down. Giving him a soft nod, he turns and trudges mud back through the kitchen then kicks his boots off at the door.
“I'll clean this up,” I call out, not sure why I offered.
He glances at me as he walks towards the stairs, lips part as if he is about to say something, but he doesn’t. He just continues upstairs, and I jump when I hear the bedroom door slam shut.
Moving towards the cupboard, I grab the broom and begin to sweep the dry mud clumps off the floor, then run the damp mop over.
I press the coffee machine on and sit at the table, the house is quiet and for the first time in a long time, I can hear my thoughts.
They're not as heavy or messy as they once were.
I have a lot of shit to unpack, but I am hoping whilst I am here, I can figure out what I need to do next.
And, if I decide to stay, I need a job.
The Rivera's have been far too kind to me the last few days and I can't keep taking from them. I've also got to remember that when they find out my connection with Clay, I’ll no doubt be kicked out to the dusty road.
They're not going to want me or Lainey here.
My bottom lip wobbles again but I stiffen it, refusing to let another tear fall through guilt. I didn't deserve to cry.
I also didn't deserve any of the kindness I was being shown.
It wouldn't be long, and everyone would know that Dixie Walker was a fraud.
The sound of a throat being cleared has me turning towards the back of the house as Jorge comes through the boot room.
“Hi Jorge,” I squeak, pushing to my feet. “Coffee?”
He shakes his head from side to side and I sit back down, cautiously.
“Why are you sitting here alone?” he asks, now bootless as he drags a chair across the tiles and sits next to me.
“Lainey was fussing, chucked her bowl over her highchair and made a mess. Orla took her out to watch the trees...” I trail off as he just stares at me, opal eyes filled with so much knowledge and wonder.
He grumbles, sitting back, fingers linked together as he rests his hands on his stomach.
“I was thinking about getting a job, I need something to pay my way around here,” I say a little too hastily. I haven't even decided if I want to stay or not yet. I know I am not wanted here, especially by Tripp, but I could move into Sylvia's.
My old childhood home still sits at the base of the mountains, the other side of the creek. It's run down and been left to rot. I always said I would go back home one day when I found the courage, but being back here made me realize I don't think the courage will ever come.
“I'm sure we can find you something, people are always looking for help.”
I smile at him. His skin worn, his eyes tired. A body that has worked all its life and is still going. The Rivera’s have always worked their fingers to the bone. Day and night they're out on their ranches doing what they love.
“I'm sure you could get a couple of gigs singing, Tripp tells me you're causing quite a storm back in the city?”
And my heart falls deep into my chest.
If only you knew .
“I don't know about that,” I laugh my nerves off. “I don't have my guitar. I hire one back where I live; my dad broke my one up before I left home.” I pause for a moment and I feel a surge of hot tears burning behind my eyes. I haven't thought about my guitar in a long time. My mom bought it for me one birthday, I had been asking for one since I was five. It was the most cherished gift she could have given me. But he took it from me, like everything else and destroyed it along with my happiness. I was just grateful that I still had her pendant. My fingers find it on their own accord and my heart soars back into my chest.
Two stars and a moon. Tied in an infinite bond. Always there, even when I couldn't see her .
My eyes flutter ever so slightly, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
“I'm sorry Dixie, I never meant to make you cry,” he grumbles, leaning forward on his chair and resting his elbows on the table.
“It wasn't you, I got upset over a memory,” I nod, half laughing, half choking on a sob as I palm the stray tear away.
“But I am sorry, no child should have to go through what you did...” he pauses just as Orla walks back into the room with a sleeping Lainey.
“Oh honey, are you okay?” she says softly when she sees my red rimmed eyes, careful not to wake Lainey.
I nod.
Because the truth is, I am okay. I will heal from this, I will rise, like a Phoenix from the ashes. I will rise, I will soar.
Standing, I say goodbye to Jorge and carefully take Lainey from Orla's arms.
“Thank you,” I whisper, as I cuddle my daughter to my chest and walk up the stairs to our bedroom. I huff when I reach the door and it's shut.
The handles are rounded doorknobs and the way I am holding Lainey prevents me from reaching for it.
“Damn it,” I say a little louder than intended. Bending my knees slightly, I try and twist the knob with my elbow, but it slips right off causing my arm to jolt and Lainey stirs.
I really don't want to wake her. She fussed all last night, and I could feel the bumps in her gums where two teeth are threatening to break through.
I lean against the bedroom door, head falling back and hitting the wood.
“Do you need help?” I hear Tripp’s voice, and my eyes lift to see him standing wrapped in just a towel. Skin all wet and shiny, brown chest hair damp. His muscles ripple under his skin as he walks towards me, arms strong and toned. Dark brown hair flopped against his forehead, water droplets running down his nose. Hot.
“Please,” my voice is barely audible as I pull my eyes from him. Ten years looks good on him. A little too good if I am being honest.
I step aside and ignore the want to inhale his scent.
He twists the knob and pushes the bedroom door open, revealing my room.
“Thank you,” I just about manage as I step into the room and lay Lainey in her cot, settling her down before I walk back out onto the landing, baby monitor in hand as I pull the door two.
Tripp has disappeared into his room and disappointment surges through me.
I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen to pour myself a coffee from the pot I brewed. Glancing up at the time, it's just past two. I have an hour until Lainey wakes and I feel a little lost on what to do.
Everyone goes about their day, their jobs, and then there is me who doesn't quite know what to do with herself.
I'm sitting back at the kitchen table, hot coffee in hand when Pacey walks through the door, a boyish grin on his face.
“Dixie,” he greets me as he moves towards the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water.
“Pacey,” I smile back as he plops himself on one of the barstools.
“What's new?” he asks, eyes flitting between mine.
“Not a lot, every day is pretty much the same to me at the moment,” I admit, taking a sip of coffee.
“We can find you something to do, there is always jobs to be done on the ranch,” he offers, and I place my coffee down on the coaster.
“Thanks.” My cheeks blush slightly, “I would take anything at the moment.”
A cough fills the room and both me and Pacey turn to look in that direction. Tripp is leaning against the door frame, beautiful arms folded across his chest.
“Am I interrupting something?” He asks, one brow raised.
Asshole .
“Yeah, me trying to find Dixie something to do around here to keep her from losing her mind.”
“What about Lainey?” he counters back.
“I'll watch her if Dixie wants to find a little job, I would love to have her, only if that's okay with you?” Orla’s voice floats from the boot room, as she places a hand on my shoulder, and I shrink in my chair a little.
“Only if you wouldn't mind? I mean, I still have to find something first but...”
“Like I said, plenty to do on the ranch. I'm back working here since I lost my job, so the more the merrier in my opinion,” Pacey gives me a slow wink and I don't miss the low rumble of Tripp from beside me.
“I would love to help out; Tripp, would you mind?”
His eyes are on his brother, and I know Tripp isn't happy about it.
“Whatever, just don't think we will go easy on you.”
“We?” Pacey pipes up.
“Yup, I'm back working for the family business too.”
And my insides knot.
“Great,” Pacey rolls his eyes in a playful manner and I let out a flutter of a laugh.
“Welcome to Rivera Ranch Dix, you're gonna love it,” Pacey's smile is wide and my heart beats a little faster in my chest.
“I'm sure I will,” I admit, my eyes finding Tripp's. He isn't smiling. His jaw is tight, nostrils flared slightly... he is pissed off. “When do I start?” I beam.
“Is tomorrow too soon?” Pacey asks and his eyes bounce between mine and his mom's.
“Tomorrow is fine with me, Dixie will just need to let me know hers and Lainey's routine...” she pauses for a moment, and I know she is referring to my breast feeding.
“I'll have to run out and grab a couple of bits...” I trail off, anxiety clawing at my throat at the thought of spending more money I don't have.
“Well once Lainey is up, we can drive into town. Get you some clothes and whatever else you both need.”
I place my hand over Orla's that is still resting on my shoulder, and she gives me a squeeze of reassurance.
With that, Tripp sulks out of the house, slamming the front door behind him.
“What's eating him?” Pacey looks over his shoulder before his eyes settle on mine.
“I have no idea,” I whisper, but the truth was, I did know.
He is upset with me.
Here I am playing house with his family when he knows my connection to Clay. Their friend is up for the murder of my daughter’s dad. Their dad is willing to take the wrap. Tripp doesn't know my history. No one does when it comes to Clay.
He just helped me when I had nowhere else to turn.
I will tell Tripp the truth, but I'm not ready yet.
I don't want to see Austin or Jorge sentenced for something they didn't do... but who says they didn't do it?
Someone killed Clay, and all arrows point to Austin.
Jorge is a wonderful man and a very proud one, I wish I could understand why he would want to protect someone who isn't even blood. But I suppose I never will. I wasn't even protected by my own blood, by the man who should have kept me safe. But he never did, so yeah, I never will understand.
The hour slips by and we're on our way out. Lainey is fed and happy, gurgling away in her car seat and grabbing the soft toys that dangle in front of her. Orla drives us to the nearest department store, and we pop Lainey in the cart. Her chubby legs kicking happily as she squeals.
“Oh, look at her, she loves riding in the cart,” Orla says, pushing it along and I am happy to walk beside her, Lainey's beautiful blue eyes flitting between me and Orla.
“She does,” I smile at my beautiful daughter, she's so innocent and blissfully unaware of the cruel world we live in. Walking into the department store, I head straight for the breast pumps. I reach for a manual one but Orla takes it from me and places it back on the shelf.
“Electric pump is better,” she says softly and my gut twists. It's double the price and I can already feel the beads of cold sweat pricking at the base of my neck.
“I don't mind a manual,” I offer, a small smile creeping onto my lips.
“Only the best for you, Dixie,” and her eyes glisten with kindness and my chest aches.
I pray that my credit card still has enough on it to cover the pump as I place it into the cart.
“Now, shall we look at some more snacks for you, how about some new toys?” Orla sings to Lainey as she pushes her down the aisles, and I can hear her giggling.
She really didn't need any new toys. Orla and Jorge have been more than generous with everything they have already paid out for.
I pause for a moment to watch the glee on Orla's face as she shows my daughter the flashing toy she picked up, Lainey completely mesmerised.
Creeping up behind her, I place my hand on hers and tilt my head.
“Lainey already has so many wonderful things that you and Jorge have treated her to...” I trail off for a moment and ignore the burn in my throat. “But I can only afford the breast pump.” I lower my voice and shame blankets me. I have no idea why. I shouldn't be ashamed. I work hard, it's not my fault that my manager takes everything from me and leaves me just enough to put food on the table.
My bottom lip quivers and I look away from her.
“You’re under our roof, Dixie. This is not your burden. Let us look after you for a while...” she squeezes my hand before stepping away from the cart and wrapping me inside her arms in a motherly embrace. “You deserve to be cared for, sweet girl,” and I choke out a sob.
My tears run through her shirt, but she doesn't push me away. Just cradles me like I am a little girl who needs their mom. She holds me until I have nothing left to cry.
“Now, wipe your pretty face of those tears, and let’s get Lainey some new clothes. Then we will stop at the store for you on our way back into town.” Her cool hand cups my face, brushing her thumb across my cheeks. “No more tears,” she smiles, and I return it.
Pulling into the parking lot, I slip Lainey from her car chair and feed her in the back of the truck. She was fussing and I didn't know how long Orla was going to keep us in here for. She told me that this is where they've always come for their clothes and the boys still come here now. She told me if I was going to work on the Rivera Ranch, I needed to dress like a Rivera. Just a lot prettier.
Lainey was changed and full and back into another cart. Orla brought her a brown stuffed floppy horse and she hasn't let go of it. Her little fingers grasped tightly round the horses leg as she dangles it over the handle, babbling away to it and my heart melts.
The bell chimes as we walk through the door and the overbearing smell of leather burns through my senses.
“There she is, our favorite Rivera lady,” an older man calls from behind the counter.
“Oh, stop it Eddie,” Orla waves him off, shaking her head from side to side.
“Riggs need new chaps again?” he rolls his eyes.
“Nope, not here for Riggs today, we're here for Dixie,” she turns to look at me, beaming with what feels like pride. But I have no idea why she would be proud of little old me.
“Well, hello there Dixie. I'm Eddie and I own Hats 2 Horses,” he runs his fingers around the rim of his hat then tips it down.
“Hi Eddie,” I stay close to Orla. “Why the name?”
“Why not? You can literally get hats and horses.”
Puzzled I turn to Orla.
“He also sells horses,” her lips twist.
“Yeah but she won't ever buy a horse from me, she always uses the Warren lot with the murderer son.”
My blood chills.
Orla clears her throat, stepping forward.
“Now, now, Eddie… no one likes a gossip,” her brows raise, tone full of warning.
Eddie dips his head for a moment. “She is starting on the ranch, she has nothing so we need to kit her out,” his eyes sweep over me, but not in a creepy way. “Can you help us Eddie or do I need to take my business elsewhere?” Orla's tone is clipped, and I know she is reacting to his earlier comment.
I'm wearing a white bardot top, a denim jacket and black high waisted jeans with sneakers.
“Well, you brought her to the right place,” he winks at Orla but she is fussing over Lainey. Eddie walks out from behind the counter, and I notice his prosthetic leg. “Wondering what happened?”
My cheeks burn at being caught.
“Used to be a bull rider. Got crushed in the gate one day. They couldn't save my leg.” He lets out a soft sigh, but his face is still glowing with a smile. “I'm alive, and I am grateful for that. I live a great life and I am happy. What more could I want or need?” he asks me, and I give a soft shrug of my shoulder.
He gives me another sweeping look before he is off and grabbing all items of clothing, throwing them over the racks.
“Taylor!” Eddie bellows and a young man walks onto the store floor, his eyes searching for Eddie.
“Yeah dad?”
“Reach up and grab the tan cowboy boots for me please son,” Eddie nods up at the higher shelf before looking over his shoulder at me. “Size five?”
“Yeah.” I give him a puzzled look before looking down at my dirty old sneakers.
Tongue in his cheek, he wanders further down the aisle and grabs some Levi's. Taylor jumps down off the ladder and walks over to me with the shoe box.
“Thanks,” my eyes focus on his beautiful hazel eyes. Auburn hair and freckles dusted across his cheeks. Would put him a couple of years older than me. Maybe.
“Not a problem darlin'” he gives a slow wink and I see he has his father’s charm. Dressed in plaid green and cream shirt, Levi’s, a tanned belt with a huge gold buckle and a tanned cowboy hat to match his boots, he looks the part.
He tilts his hat before disappearing out back.
“Cute,” Orla smirks as she begins pushing Lainey towards the clothes that Eddie had tossed. I follow behind her and take over pushing as she fills the cart.
“I wasn't flirting,” I find myself protesting, cheeks flaming.
“Of course, not,” her lips twitch, “he’s a nice kid, maybe he can take you out one night.”
A nervous laugh bubbles out of me.
“Not really up for dating at the moment,” I mumble as we approach Eddie.
“Okay kid, I think that's everything. Go try some of it on. Orla will let you know if it all fits okay,” he beams at Orla and she gives him a soft nod, thanking him.
I follow her to the changing rooms, it's small, with two dressing rooms. Orla perches herself down on a cow skin stool and Lainey is eating puffs. Placing a kiss on the top of her dark hair, I linger for a moment. I have never loved someone as much as I love Lainey.
Grabbing the handful of stuff that Eddie picked, I trudge into the dressing room. Yanking the curtain across, I hang the clothes on the steel clothes rail.
My nose scrunches a little at some of the color choices he has chosen but I trust him.
Stripping off, I reach for the first pair of skinny legged Levi’s. Jumping up and down to get them round my waist, I button them and glance at myself in the mirror.
They're high enough that they hide my mom pouch nicely.
Grabbing a plaid shirt, it's dusty pink and beige chequered. Slipping it up my arms, I button it up and tuck it into my jeans.
What do I look like.
I tilt my head in the mirror, letting my eyes roam over my new attire.
“You got an outfit on yet?” Orla calls out.
“Yeah,” I inhale deeply and pull the curtain back and her eyes light up.
“Oh I love it, is the shirt comfortable? Jeans fit okay?” she asks, standing with Lainey in her arms, her little mouth sucking hard on her pacifier.
“I think so?” I turn and look at myself in the mirror again before facing Orla. “The shirt isn't pulling around my chest, so I think we're good?” I look to her for confirmation, and she holds her thumb up.
“Put the boots on,” she beams and a soft giggle escapes. Bending down, I lift the lid from the box and my eyes widen at the tan cowboy boots. My fingers brush over the cream stitching and my heart gallops in my chest. I had always wanted a pair of my very own cowboy boots, but I never did get them, not until now. I blink away the heavy tears that are forming on my bottom lid and delicately lift them from the box, afraid I am going to break them somehow.
I balance myself as I slip my foot into the boot, and it fits like a glove.
“Well, you look every bit cowgirl,” Orla beams and Lainey scrunches her nose at me, arms and legs kicking with excitement.
“Yeah?” happiness radiates through me.
“Yeah,” she nods in confirmation.
I try two more pairs of jeans, one straight legged, one bootleg as well as some jodhpurs.
I also try on the tanned chaps to match my boots. I had a handful of shirts and tees to take home with me too. I had been thoroughly spoiled.
Lifting the bags from Eddie, I thank him and for the fiftieth time, thank Orla too.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” Eddie smiles, turning and reaching for a large, square box.
My brows raise and I notice the knowing smile on Orla's lips.
He lifts the lid and pulls out a brown cowboy hat with a cream stitching detail.
My eyes widen as he lifts it and places it on my head.
“Now she's a cowgirl,” he winks, and I fist my bag for my card but he holds his hand up, shaking his head from side to side. “It's on the house, darlin'.”
We say goodbye and make our way back towards the ranch. Orla drives slow as Lainey starts to fuss. She is over tired and over stimulated, but I truly believe she had the best day.
We didn’t go out much back home. A lot of our trips were to the recording studio. I became more of a hermit once I had Lainey. Anxiety used to suffocate me at the thought of going out by myself. What if someone tried to take her from me? What if something was to happen to me whilst we were out, and she was left without a mom? It didn’t matter how much I tried; I couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts that crashed over me. I hated it. In constant fear that Lainey was going to be without me one day. I know if I deep delved into it, it would stem from my own trauma of losing my mom at a young age, I never let it bother me until I became a mom myself. I grieved her, of course I did, but I pushed every sad thought that I once had into the deepest crevices inside my chest. They were never coming back out. But having Lainey sparked a new fear. A fear of me dying on her. A fear that she would lose me one day. The thought of leaving her alone was enough to throw me into a panic attack in the back of the truck. Closing my eyes for just a moment, I inhale deeply through my nose.
When I finally open my eyes, I see Orla’s bright blue eyes on mine in the rear view and I can see the pain that shines through. Giving her a weak smile, I turn my attention towards Lainey. Gurgling, fingers curled around the toy that is wrapped around the handle of her car seat and her horse teddy is tucked under her arm. My heart warms, glowing even. She was the perfect antidote to all of this, but the creator of all my deepest, darkest fears.
Rolling down the dusty driveway of Rivera Ranch, the small figures in the distance became a little easier to see. There he was. Backwards cap hiding his tufty brown hair and I am sorry but there is something about a man wearing a backward cap that makes me feral, especially Tripp Rivera. Toned, muscly arms wrapped in a damp gray tee and tight dirty denim jeans. He looked every bit cowboy. Lugging barrels of hay from the back of a truck and dumping them into the empty stables. Sweat glistens against his sun-tanned skin, muscles rippling under said skin that I so desperately want to run my fingertips over.
“Close your mouth honey, you’re starting to drool,” Orla catches me and my cheeks turn pink.
“I wasn’t…” I try to counter back but it’s no good. She caught me red handed.
Twisting my lips, I drop my eyes from the sights in front of me.
Pushing the car into park, she cuts the engine and Pacey comes bounding over like the golden retriever he is. He greets his mom with a kiss on the cheek as she steps out the high truck. I unbuckle Lainey and lift her from the seat. She is clammy from the car chair. Her dark hair is slightly damp and curling at the bottom. I scoot along the back of the seat and delicately slide out the truck.
Lainey starts to cry, bottom lip trembling before folding down and the tears roll down her cheeks.
“It's okay baby,” I soothe her, walking towards the ranch. I feel bad leaving my bags in the trunk, but I need to get Lainey settled.
I look over my shoulder and Pacey gives me a soft nod as he moves towards the back of the truck and I keep walking forward. My skin prickles when I pass Tripp but I refuse to look at him. I must not give into temptation.
Climbing the steps to the house, I push through the door and head straight for upstairs. Turning the corner for my room, I stop outside my bedroom, head tilting slightly when I stare at my bedroom door.
The knob that was once there has now been replaced with a pushdown handle.
My heart stammers in my chest, tripping before catching itself and resuming its once steady beat. Eyes glass for a moment when I hear footsteps behind me.
Slowly turning, I see Tripp standing there. Chest rising and falling quickly, his skin glistening in sweat, dirty marks rubbed into his cheeks.
His eyes move between me and the door.
Lainey sobs against my chest.
“Did you do that?” I ask, my eyes bouncing between his.
I know the answer. Of course it was him.
His brown eyes soften for just a moment, his hard jaw unclenching. He gives a soft nod before he turns and walks into his bedroom and closes the door.
“Thank you,” I murmur to the empty room.
Lainey is fed, bathed and down for the night so I take that as my cue to go and soak my body in a hot bath. My muscles ache and I have no idea why. Pushing the door closed, the warm room blankets me. The copper tub fills quickly, and I peel my clothes from my clammy skin. Dipping my toe into the water, my whole body relaxes as I sink under the water. The sun begins to set under the mountains of Lovelock Bay and it's been a wonderful day. Sure, it was made better by Tripp and his sweaty, glistening skin as he worked and suddenly my cheeks flush red.
Me and Tripp happened a long time ago. I left that piece of my heart here in Lovelock Bay and I never wanted to find it again. That Dixie was no more. I'm not the broken little girl I once was, I have patched myself up, fixing all the broken pieces the best I could. All but one.
Tripp made me feel again. He made me realise that I was worthy of so much more than what I had been shown. But I pushed him away. I had an out to the shitty hand I had been dealt so I took it. Jumped at the chance to leave Lovelock Bay, but in doing so, I hurt the only person who truly loved me for me.
It was brief, a whirlwind romance, each other’s secret. No one knew about me and Tripp. We just happened one day... he was there, a comforter that I clung to when I felt bare and stripped of every last fibre of myself. He scooped me up, tucked me safely against his chest and promised to never let me go.
He kept his side of the promise.
I broke the promise into a million pieces.
Shattered him in the process.
Then I ran, far, far away.
I set up a new life in Nashville and vowed I would never step back into my hometown of Lovelock Bay, that was of course, until I got the news from my agent.
Clay was dead.
Murdered and left in the cold.
My daughter had lost her father.
There were no feelings between us. Clay liked to remind me of that every time we were together. I was just his plaything when he came to visit. He had connections in Nashville so whenever he was there for a business meeting, he hit me up. He made me feel cheap and worthless, but I still let him.
I wanted to feel and if that meant feeling with Clay then I was content.
Then came Lainey.
He didn't take the news lightly, but he promised to always be there for her. He didn't know anything about my past, I never went into it with him. I didn't really go into it with anyone but Tripp. Sure, most of the town knew my tragic backstory, but I didn't go out my way to tell them. Most of it was gossip, each time it was spread, another layer of lies coated their tongues. I didn't have it in me to fight my corner, and once I left, I left that part of me behind.
The piece that was tucked deep into the crevices of Tripp’s heart.
I never wanted it back.
He hated me.
I wish I hated him. It would make this situation a little easier to cope with.
But I don't.
How could I hate Tripp Rivera. The one who pieced me back together, the one who promised me the world.
Slipping under the water, I hold my breath and let my lungs burn for just a moment before I rise up, a small gasp leaving me as I fill my lungs with oxygen.
I give myself another five minutes in the hot tub before I clamber out, wrapping the warm towel around my slender body and padding across the landing towards my bedroom. Pushing the handle down, I freeze when I see Tripp standing, topless, with a softly snoring Lainey.
My eyes finally move from her to him, his soft brown eyes never lifting from me.
“She was crying,” he says quietly, rocking his body side to side. “I didn't want to disturb your bath, so I thought I would try and settle her.”
And my heart aches heavily in my chest.
He turns to face me, head tilting to the side, eyes cast down on my brown-haired beauty.
I tighten my towel around my body, now suddenly very aware that I am in nothing but a towel. He steps closer to me, the musky smell of his sweat mixed with his cologne, and I am transported back to the broken teen who looked at Tripp Rivera like he was my world and everything in between.
But I suppose back then, he was.
I had nothing else to cling onto but him.
He delicately scoops Lainey off his bare chest and holds her out for me to take. My eyes widen, one of my hands holding my towel and I look at him helplessly.
“Shit, of course,” he curses quietly, turning his back to me and gently placing Lainey into the crib.
I step back, the wall pressing against my bare shoulders as I try and put some distance between us.
He walks towards the door, eyes finding mine before he gives a soft nod and disappears.
I wait a moment, heart racing beneath my chest before I close my bedroom door and sit on the edge of my bed. My eyes cast over my daughter, and I feel a mix of emotions run through me.
He came in here and soothed her to sleep.
He didn't want to disturb me.
A heavy sigh leaves me as I flop down on the bed and let my whirling thoughts consume me.