Chapter 21
Aisling
Present day
I pad out from the front door of the lake house and lean my hip against the porch railing, doing a brief wave to the delivery van as it slowly reverses beside my brother’s 4x4.
It’s the first time in four weeks that clouds have appeared in the sky – thick grey thunderclouds that blanket out every inch of light.
I peek up from under the canopy overhead, eyeing the weather warily as the driver jumps down from the van. Sandy dust kicks up around his boots, and he pulls the heavy door open at the back of his vehicle.
“You want help hauling this into a particular room?” he calls over to me, as he and his colleague begin mutually lifting and manoeuvring the first piece of the bed-frame down from the back.
“Please,” I say, as they carefully make their way up the porch steps, turning the wood on its side as they breach their way through the front door. I follow in a couple of steps behind them, not wanting to get in their way when they’ll be doing more than a few trips back and forth between the house and the van.
I point my finger above my head, gesturing to the guy who is walking backwards up the stairs that the master bedroom is at the front of the property.
He nods. “Gotcha.”
After that I move back out to the porch, rolling my lips into my mouth as I look out towards the left, letting my eyes follow the trail of the silvery lake, rippling gently under the darkening sky.
Over the past week I have started to collate and order all of the pieces for the lake house’s interior that will pull the property together and transform it from a house into a home. So now the open-plan downstairs living area has a multitude of still-wrapped sofas filling the space, as well as a number of made-to-order wooden tables and a few cosy décor pieces. All still untouched and in their cardboard boxes.
The delivery of the bed-frame for the master bedroom is the last essential item that I needed before I start unwrapping all of these pieces and finally turn this place into what it was always meant to be: rustic, rich, cosy. The perfect escape for when someone feels the call to come back to nature. With the glistening lake out the front and the emerald forest beyond the back the location couldn’t be any more perfect, so it’s my job to tie it all together by making the inside just as dreamy as the out.
It really is going to be the most beautiful home.
I hear the final piece of wooden bed-frame thump against the upstairs wall and I glance over my shoulder through the doorway, wondering how long it will take me to construct all of those pieces together.
Seeing as this is my first semi-official project for my family’s company my parents had given me a two month timeframe to get the whole thing done, but I had obviously wanted to finish it ahead of schedule, to prove myself to them by showing them how capable I am.
The guys duck out of the front door and give me a quick nod and a smile as they trudge down the porch steps.
I turn my back to the gently shimmering water and gaze wistfully at the house before me, a small sparkle of satisfaction in my chest as I take in the fact that all of the hard work is now done. From this point on all I have left are the aesthetic finishing touches. I let out a tiny sigh of relief, proud of what I’ve achieved so far but not yet feeling complete. There’s still work left to do.
The sound of a cabin door opening across the lake pulls me out of my daydream and I turn around, resting my palms back on the top of the porch railing. Connell had fitted a new working lock in the lake house’s front door, so Tanner and I switched accommodations again last weekend.
Tanner walks slowly out of the front door of his cabin, his gait heavy with sleep as he rubs his palms into his eyes. He’s wearing a cotton shirt stretched thin over his broad chest, and unbelted jeans sitting low on his strong hips.
I’m pretty sure that he spent yesterday in Carter Ridge with his mom – mainly because, when we were all having breakfast around the campfire yesterday morning, he said as much to Hunter, very loudly, all while looking me dead in the eyes.
Yeah, okay, it felt good to know where he was going. And even though I don’t doubt that he’s super interested in me, I was relieved to have the confirmation that he wasn’t, like, hooking up or something.
Since taking me to the range last Saturday, Tanner has been cautiously optimistic with befriending me, which ironically enough has absolutely delighted Connell. Connell is such a freaking cinnamon roll that as soon as he watched Tanner knock at the lake house door on Sunday morning, so that he could walk me over to where everyone was eating breakfast, Connell got all excited and decided that Tanner is now his ‘third best friend’ – with me being his first, and Fallon and Logan being ‘joint second’.
A small dot of rain hits my knuckle with a little thump , and I blink myself out of my thoughts before brushing the back of my hand against my baby pink sundress. I glance up at the heavens and watch as the deep slate clouds roll by faster, dark and thunderous.
The sound of rhythmic splashing causes me to glance toward the lake, and I blink at it in shock as I see Tanner effortlessly swimming my way.
He pauses midway so that he can pull himself to a standing position, raking one hand through his hair as we watch each other. His chest heaves deeply, causing the water to slosh over his large tan shoulders.
Suddenly nervous, I glance behind him to the other side of the shore, releasing a tiny gasp when I see that his shirt and jeans have both been discarded.
So the gorgeous guy who I don’t want to fall for is wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs right now? Great.
Tanner’s eyes travel reverently up and down my body before he resumes his stroke, slicing through the water with grace and precision.
And that’s my cue.
I practically run down the porch steps and then begin speed-walking along the lake shore, cursing under my breath when another spot of rain splashes my forehead. I swipe it away quickly with my fingers and glance hastily behind myself, letting out a little squeak of fear when I see that Tanner is following behind me. He shakes some water from his hair before shoving it back off his tan forehead, heated eyes raking down my body as he squeezes some excess water from his shorts.
Well, at least he’s wearing some.
I whip back around to continue my escape, only to let out a defeated “aw man” when I realise that the sandy lake shore has disappeared – it’s totally swallowed up by the swollen lake, meaning that I’ve only walked about ten feet away from my starting point. I may as well have stayed up on the porch – at least then I would have been sheltered from the imminent downpour.
I release a shaky exhale and turn back around to face Tanner.
He glances briefly at the forest to his left, frowning slightly at how threatening it looks now that there’s a storm overhead, and he instinctively moves a step closer to me before dropping his eyes to meet mine.
There’s something kind and cautious in his sparkling irises.
“Morning,” he murmurs, his voice still deep with sleep.
I blink up at him. “Tanner. It’s two in the afternoon.”
He blinks down at me in surprise before his face relaxes into a lazy grin, and he lifts and drops a shoulder as he breathes in another deep inhale.
“Sorry,” he murmurs. “Got back real late last night.”
Another raindrop gives me a tiny slap on the cheek and I frown as I bat it away. Tanner watches me swipe it in silence before lifting his eyes back to meet mine.
I fold my arms protectively over my chest and will myself to stay composed.
“What’re you doing over here?” I ask him, feeling a little nervous and lightheaded.
A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “I kept hearing these sad little sounds drifting over the lake.”
I give him my stoniest glare as his handsome smile widens.
“I’m kidding. Just thought that the beautiful girl across the water might want some company. All the guys were going to the rink today because of the weather, so” – he shrugs lazily although there’s a flame in his eyes – “it’s just the two of us.”
I swallow hard and look down at my sandals. I knew that of course, but now that he’s said the words out loud it suddenly feels all too real.
Just Tanner and me, with the whole place to ourselves.
The delivery van kicks to life beside us and Tanner glances at it over his shoulder.
“You get something delivered?” he asks, eyes flitting to the men at the front of the vehicle.
My cheeks burn crimson as I think about what is now upstairs in the lake house, ready to be assembled in the master bedroom.
“Nope,” I lie, eyes unblinking as I stare up at him.
He narrows his eyes on me. “What’d you get?”
We are absolutely not going to find ourselves in the exact same position that we were in four years ago. There is no freaking way that he can find out that I have another bed to build.
“Nothing,” I say quickly. Then I add, “Definitely not a bed.”
The van’s giant BESPOKE ALL AMERICAN BEDFRAME COMPANY slogan drives by painstakingly slowly in our peripheral vision.
Tanner’s handsome lips fight a smirk as he watches the van crawl past us at one mile per hour.
“Right,” he says dryly, grinning as he looks back down at me.
I drop my eyes and shake my head at myself, emotions bubbling up in my chest at all of the all-too-familiar full-circle feelings.
And Tanner can sense it.
“Aisling,” he begins, his voice kind and deep.
“Please don’t,” I say immediately, stumbling back a step. “Please just… I know that it’s only the two of us here but… I’ll be leaving soon anyway, so let’s not–”
“You’re leaving?”
Tanner’s eyes widen, frowning in shock and displeasure as he swiftly closes the small space between us.
“Tell me when. When are you leaving?”
I shake my head and look up at him, my right eye twitching when I catch another glimpse of the delivery van’s sign.
I swallow hard.
“I’ll probably be finished in two weeks, tops,” I whisper. “Let’s just not make this anymore… complicated than it already is.”
“Aisling.” Tanner’s voice is husky, his eyes raging and stormy. “I’ve had four years of complicated with you. I want to put our past to bed.”
I shudder dramatically at the b-word. “D-don’t say the word bed ,” I whisper, tentatively pressing my wrist against my forehead.
He huffs out a humourless laugh. “Why? Because it reminds you of how good it was before you got all freaked out on me?”
I drop my arm, frowning up at him. “I only got freaked out because I realised how foolish I’d been. I only got freaked out because I realised I didn’t know you at all. ”
Tanner steps right up against me, pushing his chest roughly against mine. “This is good. Get it all out, Ash.”
I throw my arms in the air, releasing an exasperated growl. “Oh my God , Tanner! Let it go already, I don’t want to think about it anymore!”
He nods down at me, eyes hard and unreadable. “So you admit that you have been thinking about it.”
I smack one of my palms against his chest and he grunts, his position unmoving.
“Fine. You want to talk about it? Let’s talk about it,” I snap.
I breathe in a big shaky inhalation and then flick my eyes straight up to his, the fire in his irises licking dangerously against my own.
“I thought that you were exactly what I wanted to find at Carter Ridge, but the morning after I realised that you were the exact opposite. There was this whole other side to you that you decided to withhold from me. After all of the cute stuff you’d said the night before can you freaking blame me for cutting this thing short? For pushing you away? For not wanting to trust you?” I swallow down the acid climbing from my tummy as I stare up at him and choke out, “We met. We fucked–”
Tanner shakes his head, our bodies pressing closer.
“The goddamn mouth on you,” he grits out, his palms shaking at his sides. “You wanna have it out like this? You wanna play dirty? Fine. We met and we fucked , over and over and over again.”
His eyes scorch against mine and I quickly blink away from him, my cheeks absolutely on fire.
“But I already told you before any of that happened exactly how I felt about you.” He exhales roughly. “I told you before we did it exactly how I wanted this thing to go.”
“You couldn’t possibly know how you felt about me, Tanner. No-one can make a decision that quickly.”
“Uh, yes they can, Aisling – most people make their judgement of a person in the first seven seconds of laying their goddamn eyes on them . It’s science, for fuck’s sake.”
He’s right and I hate it.
“What we had was different and you know it.”
I steel my jaw. “You were a player, Tanner. You played me like you did everyone else.”
He shoves his tongue in his cheek, his broad chest pumping heavily. “Don’t say that.” He shakes his head at me, his rigid jaw ticking angrily. “Goddamn it, Aisling. That shit stings.”
My voice is barely audible as I whisper, “Well, so did waking up and realising that I’d just fallen for the bad boy.”
“Aisling.” His stormy eyes are pleading. “How many times do I have to say it? It wasn’t like that. It was never going to be like that with you. Even after you ghosted me I tried to prove myself to you.”
“And why is that exactly?” I ask, cocking my head as I play dumb with him. “How come guys magically decide to ‘not mind’ settling down when it comes to the heiress of a multi-million dollar fortune?”
He frowns down at me in confusion. Then he rumbles, “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“ Sure ,” I drawl slowly, sarcastic as hell. “It was totally one-hundred-percent out of the love in your heart that you chose to pursue me out of every other girl you’ve ever slept with, right? I bet you just happen to ‘not know’ that we’re staying in properties owned by my parents , on land bought up by my family .” I breathe out a laugh as I roll my eyes. “What else? Did you also ‘not know’ that we own the condominium on campus at Carter Ridge?”
Tanner blinks down at me, mouth opening and closing as if he doesn’t know what to say.
Oh.
Oh.
So… he actually didn’t know that.
“Uh,” I say, laughing slowly, “actually, maybe that’s beside the point. I guess that that’s totally not important–”
Tanner presses his palm against his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Tell me that you didn’t think that part of the reason why I wanted to keep you was because of money. Money that – Jesus Christ – money that I didn’t even know that you had . And, by the way, that makes no fucking difference to me whatsoever.”
He frowns down at me, a flicker of hurt pride shimmering behind his striking eyes.
“Say what you want but you know me, Ash. I could have five dollars to my name and you could have five million, and if you ever gave me the time of day you know that I’d still pay for everything. Real men treat women the way that they deserve to be treated.” He drops his eyes for a moment and mumbles, “You know I wanted to treat you like a princess.”
I try to ignore how heart-warmingly perfect that sounds even though my defences are beginning to crumble.
“Okay, so you’re a gentleman in theory . And, yeah, maybe your intentions were… honest. But that didn’t stop you from being the biggest freaking player on campus, Tanner.”
“I hadn’t been a player since starting at Carter U! I had a shitty reputation that followed me to college. And you know it in your heart that I wouldn’t have–”
“People don’t change, Tanner! Once a player, always a player. Don’t freaking lie to me – you’re not going to change your ways for me.”
“You’re right. I’m not. Because I already did , four fucking years ago!”
I give him a vicious glare. “Tell that to the seven trillion girls you fucked.”
He grips his hand around one of my biceps, hauling my body right against his. “I waited for you, Aisling. I waited for you for months. What the fuck was I supposed to do?”
When I lift my chin in defiance, refusing to respond, something dark flickers in his eyes.
“And that’s another thing.” He jerks his thumb across the lake and I glance briefly over to his discarded shirt and jeans. “Funny. You gave me your number the morning after and I’ve been hitting it up ever since. But when you pulled your phone out of your shorts the other day at the range, I know that it wasn’t the same one.”
The colour instantly drains from my face, eyes wide as I realise what he’s realised, what he’s about to say.
I swallow hastily. “Tanner,” I begin.
“Thing is, I could swear that all of my messages have been delivered and read – you know, because it fucking shows me as much when you open up my goddamn texts. So tell me, baby – how am I texting a phone that you don’t use anymore, when everyone else is texting you on another number?”
The silence that stretches between us, filled only by the rapidly increasing fall of the rain and our quickening breathing, answers his question.
He shoves one of his hands into his hair, lake water spilling down his tan cheeks and over his swollen biceps.
“I knew it. I knew that you fucking liked me.” He removes his hand from his hair so that he can cup it around my cheeks. The warmth of his touch makes me gasp, my eyelashes fluttering. “You kept a phone contract going for four years , just so that I could keep on texting you?”
I remain strategically silent but he already knows the truth.
Because how on earth can I ever rationalise having two phones, especially when one of them is only there so that Tanner can contact me?
He leans in closer so that we’re pressed nose to nose. “No matter how hard you pretended not to care, I knew that you still felt it – still feel it.” He pushes his forehead against mine and murmurs, “Scared little chicken.”
I frown against him, making a smile tug faintly at his lips.
“I don’t… I don’t want you,” I whisper, biting back a whimper as he brushes his forehead more firmly into mine.
“Yeah?” he rumbles deeply. “Whose hands are currently gripping into my pecs for dear life?”
I swallow hard.
Those would be mine.
I immediately try to pull them back but Tanner is quicker, and he grabs my wrists, keeping my hands in place as he closes his eyes.
“Just tell me, Aisling,” he murmurs. “Tell me what happened.”
“Tanner…” I say warily, shaking my head.
Because the truth of it is that I’m scared that he’s right – that I’m a scared little chicken.
I’ve invested so much time in trying to convince myself to not want him that I don’t know how to navigate allowing myself to want him.
“It’s okay.” His warm thumb brushes firmly against my jaw. “I’ll fix it all, Aisling. All you’ve gotta do is tell me.”
I nod my head, and recount my eighteen-year-old heartbreak.