Chapter 22
Aisling
Four years ago
There are two large forearms wrapped gently around my waist, soft hair tickling my cheek as he nuzzles his face into my neck. His chest expands against my back on a deep slow inhale, and it falls just as soothingly, content and fast asleep.
I tentatively lift my quilt cover, peeking down at the thick pair of arms – large, tan, and so wonderfully warm. What was it that he said he did again? I remember him saying that his family was military but I can’t remember him saying what he did.
Did I even ask him?
I sink my teeth into my lower lip, frowning slightly as I stare down at his forearms.
The warm weight pressing into my back suddenly pulls me closer. His hands move to massage both sides of my waist as he slips his thick quad between my thighs.
“Aisling,” he rumbles, groaning quietly as he pushes himself against me. “Good morning.”
I bite harder into my bottom lip as liquid heat pools in my belly, his quad rubbing back and forth beneath me making me feel hot and lightheaded.
But most of all I’m burning up because he actually remembered my name.
When it comes to a one night stand, I know the etiquette – I grew up with my brother’s horny football friends who spent every summer hooking up with strangers. I know all of the cards they had up their sleeves when it came to the morning after.
One of the biggest ones being using a nickname to hide the fact that they’d already forgotten their partner’s name.
As the reality of the situation sinks into me, I start to wonder about the other aspects of last night. I mean, in the moment it felt right – crazy soon, sure, but there was an honesty between us that was undeniable. I can’t help but lie here and wonder if Tanner meant what he said.
And he said a lot of really nice things to me last night.
I look down at his hands on my waist, blushing as he presses a stubble-coated kiss to my cheek.
“Ash,” he murmurs, one hand gently lifting up my chin. I can hear the warmth in his tone, the hint of a smile in his voice.
I twist to look up at him over my shoulder and my heart pounds uncontrollably in my chest.
A handsome dimple cuts into his cheek as he meets my eyes, smiling lazily.
“Hey Ash,” he murmurs, cuddling me closer. “You good?”
With slightly shaking hands I push my hair back, breathing fast.
“Yeah,” I whisper quietly, wondering when the other shoe is going to drop.
Like, no way can he actually be as sweet in the bright light of day as I had allowed myself to believe in the dark intimacy of last night.
“I’m just feeling, um… a little overwhelmed is all,” I admit, my voice kind of breathless.
He watches me with an unreadable expression before subtly shifting his weight again, trying to prevent his erection from digging its way into my behind.
“Do, uh… do you want me to leave?” he asks gently.
He has the deepest voice that I’ve ever heard.
I gnaw anxiously at my bottom lip, feeling grateful that he hasn’t removed his warm hands from me yet.
“Um,” I whisper, my breathing picking up as I get even more shy. “No, it’s not that. It’s more like… you’re free to go if you want. You don’t have to, like… hang out, because of the stuff you said last night.”
His eyes hold mine, heated and unblinking, before he gently eases my body around so that we’re lying chest to chest.
He reaches up to brush a curl from my cheek, and he keeps his warm hand around my jaw.
“I meant what I said last night,” he rumbles, watching me carefully as I twist my hands in front of my stomach. “If you don’t feel the same, then okay. But what I said last night hasn’t changed.” He pauses for a moment, checking for my reaction before pulling me closer.
After what we did last night Tanner slipped back into his boxer briefs and then rummaged around for his shirt, easing it gently over my head so that I wasn’t just wearing my lingerie. Then we had made out for a really long time, laughing and whispering intermittently before he finally cuddled me to sleep.
So now his hands stroke over the fabric of his own grey shirt, the cotton soft against my skin as he massages it against me.
“I wanna take you on a date,” he continues. “Probably like a million dates, with loads of kissing.”
I breathe out a laugh, flashing him a shy smile, and his dimple deepens in his cheek as he presses his forehead against mine.
“What d’you say?” he murmurs, a warm flush staining his neck as he breathes deeply, awaiting my reply.
His hands stroke down my arms until he’s caressing me just below my elbows, and my eyes flick down, catching on the tiny love heart freckle, just above where his thumb is rubbing me.
I’ve never actually worn my heart on my sleeve , I told him last night as the rain pounded gently against the windows.
But what if I did?
Because being at Carter U is my fresh start, right? No more acting like the bad girl when all I want is to be loved. To have something real and genuine – that once in a lifetime small town love.
I swallow hard, my eyes on my freckle.
Maybe it’s time to finally wear my heart on my sleeve.
So instead of replying I wrap my arms around Tanner’s neck and bring my lips softly to his.
He releases a low sound as he instantly kisses me back, his hands roaming up my waist and hauling me closer so that I can feel his heartbeat against mine.
“I’m taking that as a yes,” he murmurs, which makes me pull away from him with a giggle. I have hearts in my eyes as he grins down at me.
I hear my phone vibrate on my bedside cabinet and Tanner drops his head to my neck, groaning as I reach over to glance at it. I don’t pay any attention to the endless scroll of messages but I do check the time, my eyes widening as my jam-packed schedule comes crashing back to my mind.
I toss my phone and slap my hand over my forehead, moaning quietly as Tanner sucks a hickey into my skin.
“I have to go to class,” I tell him breathlessly. He kisses my throat and slips two fingers down the front of my panties.
He grunts, rubbing me gently. “Want me to get you off first?”
I gasp as he presses harder, his rough fingers making my eyes squeeze shut.
“I-I’ll be late,” I pant, although right now class is the last thing on my mind. I feel desire flood between my thighs and, when I squirm with need, Tanner feels it too.
“Jesus,” he rasps, pulling back so that he can shove down his boxer briefs.
“N-no, we have to wait,” I whisper, and he instantly stops, his eyes burning as they look deep into mine. But then he nods, dropping his eyes and cursing quietly as he eases his boxers back up his quads. His long thick erection is barely covered by the soft cotton, but he shoves at it for a good ten seconds until he finally manages to wrangle the length of it back underneath the waistband of his underwear.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, cuddling me against his chest and kissing my forehead. “You’re so beautiful, I was getting carried away.” He rakes a hand through his hair and rumbles, “Didn’t mean to.”
A small smile plays at the corners of my lips as I cuddle him back, squishing my cheek against his chest and feeling my heart sparkle as he holds me tighter.
“I don’t want you to go,” I whisper. “I just need to get ready for class is all.”
I look up at him and he jerks his chin at me, making me giggle loudly as he drags me up for a searing kiss.
“I understand,” he murmurs, slowly sitting himself upright, looking around a little disoriented.
The black sheets pool around his knees, drawing my eyes to his tan quads, and he strokes himself over his underwear as he glances around the room in search of his clothes.
I point to his shirt on my body and he presses his palm against his forehead, releasing a quiet chuckle.
“Shit,” he murmurs, grinning as he reaches down to kiss me again. “Okay. You keep it,” he adds as he gets to his feet, trudging around the bed as he goes to grab the rest of his clothes.
“No way!” I say, a laugh tinkling out of me as I pull off his shirt.
He watches me with a slack jaw, absently catching his shirt when I toss it to him without taking his eyes off my body.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, the shirt dangling from his fist.
“Tanner,” I giggle, rolling my eyes. I pull the sheets up over my bra to hide my lingerie from view and he scrubs his hand over his eyes, looking adorably distracted.
“Yeah, I know. Sorry. Again,” he mumbles, pulling on the shirt before shucking up his shorts.
I mean, okay, I kind of wanted to keep his shirt – and I love it even more that he wanted me to – but I don’t exactly love the idea of him rolling out of the condo shirtless, one, because he could inadvertently bump into my brother and, two, because I really don’t want anyone else getting to see his gorgeous body.
That’s just for me.
I tug on my newly-acquired Carter U Cheer sweatshirt as he pulls up the last of his clothes, and then he’s entwining his fingers through mine as we walk through my living room to the front door.
He pulls my body against his and backs me up against the wall, leaning down so that he can kiss me and groaning quietly when he does. His fingers tangle up in my hair and his quad slips between my thighs, rubbing me gently as he caresses my lips with his.
“Give me your number,” he murmurs, pulling away with eyes half-mast. He slips his cell from his pocket, unlocks it, and then pushes it into my palm. He rests his cheek against the top of my head as I type in my number.
“I’ll text you later,” he says as he pockets his phone, his hands moving back to my hips as he kisses me goodbye. “You can let me know your schedule and I’ll work our dates around that.”
“What about your schedule?” I ask him.
His mouth lifts into a handsome smile. “My schedule is wide open for you, baby.”
I laugh into his chest and he strokes my hair, chuckling with me.
“I mean it, Ash,” he murmurs. “Any time you’re free, so am I. Only for you,” he whispers, before pressing a final kiss to my cheek.
“Okay,” I whisper back to him, unlocking the door and leaning against the jamb.
He walks backwards down the hallway, eyes on mine as he waits for the elevator.
When it dings at our floor he shoves his hands through his hair, his eyes on mine as the doors slide open.
“Fuck it,” he murmurs, and then he charges straight for me, making me squeal as he lifts me up off the floor and crushes his mouth against mine.
“Fuckin’ miss you already,” he pants, his palms all over my thighs.
“I miss you too,” I giggle, yelping happily as he squeezes my ass.
He lowers me to the floor, kisses my mouth, and then races back to the elevator before it disappears.
“I’m gonna be blowing up your phone, so get ready!” he calls back to me, making me hug my arms over myself and laugh quietly as the doors slide closed.
And then I’m on my own, breathing heavily against the doorjamb, my heart pounding wildly in my chest as I try to bring myself back down to Earth.
I numbly move back into my condo and quietly close the door, locking it gently before padding over to the kitchen.
I drink a glass of water as I head back to my bedroom, and as soon as I’m through the door my heart stops in my chest.
Because there on the bedside cabinet is Tanner’s khaki cap.
Almost as if he’d deliberately left it there for me.
I make my way over to it, one hand resting over my heart.
Too freaking cute , I think to myself as I brush my fingers over the brim.
Then the soft thrum of a vibration draws my attention to the object beside it; my phone screen blaring bright as text after text filters through.
I roll my eyes and pick it up, but then I’m smiling again as I see the message from an unknown number. I know for sure that it’s Tanner and my heart cinches tight at his text.
Miss you already xxx
But before I can text him back my eyes drop to the stream of group chat messages below his. An already incessant influx from the star cheerleaders on Carter U’s famous comp team.
I twist my lips as I scroll through their messages, not really paying attention until I see the small preview of a photo.
I blink at it – once, twice – trying to work out what I’m seeing. Then I tap on it quickly, my fingers shaking slightly at the prospect.
The image opens and my jaw drops.
No. Freaking. Way.
Because it’s a photo of Tanner – my Tanner – surrounded by pretty much the whole cheer squad, taken from our first social the other night.
I wasn’t there, but it looks like everyone else was.
I blink down at it, my heart thumping wildly, as I try to work out why the hell Tanner was there.
How is that even possible?
I scroll to the messages below it and suddenly I’m getting my answer loud and clear.
ARIA: I’m sooooo jealous you girls met THE hockey heartthrob!
WHITNEY: The Carter Ridge Rangers have a BIG new player on their team!
ARIA: So when you say ‘big’…?
KASEY: I’ve heard, like, nine inches.
WHITNEY: Girl, I heard ten – and from a LOT of different sources.
KASEY: look at his tagged photos though – he’s been with, like, literally EVERY pretty girl in Carter Ridge
I stare down in horror at the screen as more and more photos filter through, screenshots from one of his social media profiles and a million different selfies that he’s been tagged in.
With, like, a million different girls.
I type out a message to the squad, fingers shaking as I tap the screen.
AISLING: wait, who is this guy? what do you mean by ‘hockey heartthrob’?
Whitney, a fellow freshman, quickly answers my questions for me.
WHITNEY: his name’s Tanner and he’s fucking FAMOUS in Carter Ridge – and not just because he’s being predicted as a future star for the NHL, but because he’s been AROUND if you get what I mean. The rumours about him are HUGE.
I immediately message her back.
AISLING: what rumours?
The blood drains from my face as I hit the send button.
It takes a minute before Whitney’s message comes through and when it does, I wish that it hadn’t.
WHITNEY: Aisling, what you are looking at right now is the biggest player on campus. There’s genuinely a rumour that he fucked every single girl in his senior year class. From what we saw of him the other night, I’m pretty sure he’s planning to continue his streak at college too. And like, thank God, because who wouldn’t want a piece of that? Besides, there was a hockey social last night and he didn’t show up, so it’s freaking obvious what he was spending his evening doing instead. But seriously, get in line. Girl code doesn’t exist when Tanner is involved.
She follows up her message with a billion crying-laughing emojis and I slowly sit down on the edge of the bed, feeling my heart plummet in my chest.
“This was a huge mistake,” I whisper to myself, fingers shaking as I hold my phone.
I was so caught up in how kind and handsome Tanner was last night that I didn’t for one second think that it could have all been an act? That he might not be as sweet and wholesome as he’d let on?
I mean, come on, I didn’t even know that he was a student at Carter U! And now I’m finding out that he’s some big shot hockey heartthrob who’s slept with the entire female population of the town that I’m about to spend four years in ?
Tears sting at the back of my eyes as I tap back onto his message, a blank page except for the one text. My heart breaks a little bit in my chest.
I can’t believe that I didn’t even question him.
How the hell could I have been so na?ve?
A million more messages fly through on the cheer chat – more photos screenshotted from his accounts with more pretty girls – and a sob rips through my chest as I realise what a fucking idiot I’ve been.
It’s my first week at Carter U and I already fell for it – I fell for the exact type of shit that I specifically didn’t want to fall for .
For a player.
For the guy who sweeps you off your feet and then immediately pulls the rug.
“Idiot, idiot, idiot,” I whisper between my tears, swiping at them as they fall incessantly down my cheeks.
In what universe would Tanner be love-struck at first sight? Of course he was just trying to get into my panties – and that’s literally exactly what he did.
I toss my phone across the room, grab my pillow and scream into it.
“Fuck – this – shit!” I yell, thumping my fist into the cushion after I drop it onto my sheets.
Fresh start my ass.
There’s a good reason why I had my walls up all through high school, why I played the role of the heartless bad girl when guys were throwing themselves at my feet.
It was because of this, right here: because if you aren’t the one breaking hearts, then you’re the one getting your heart broken.
I rip off my sweater and storm into the condo’s currently-spare bedroom, throwing open the wardrobe and staring in at the neat piles of clothes.
I pick up the cutest outfit that I own and then throw it down on the bathroom counter, ready to scrub that fucking big shot jerk off of my body before forcing myself to be the girl I always knew that I had to be.
The heartless player.
The bad girl with an attitude.
The type of girl who never gets to fall.
I stare down at my little freckle and feel my tears pour down my cheeks.
I was so na?ve , I think to myself.
No more wearing my heart on my sleeve.