Chapter 24
Aisling
Present day
I frown down at the ice shimmering one inch away from the tip of my rented skate. Connell muscles his way into the small space between my shoulder and the edge of the board, where the little gate has been pulled ajar.
“Hm,” I mumble, tentatively lifting my toe so that I can prod at the ice, my frown furrowing.
Connell shoves a hand through his hair, whacking his elbow into the side of my head in the process, and I yelp as I topple off-balance, tearing at his shirt so that I don’t actually fall over.
Large hands steady me from behind and I offer Logan, my brother’s best friend, a grateful smile over my shoulder, before slapping my palm across Connell’s stupid giant elbow.
My brother blinks down at me in surprise.
“What was that for?” he asks, rubbing his elbow protectively.
I shake my head and laugh.
“Connell, you almost knocked me unconscious.” I point one of my shimmery golden nails over my shoulder. “Logan can vouch for me.”
I feel Logan’s chuckle against my shoulders as Connell continues giving me that innocent wounded look. I give him another little shove and then he grins, strangling his forearms around my neck as he cuddles me into a headlock.
I claw at his arms and squeal as he begins carrying me onto the ice.
“Connell, no! I’m not ready, I’m not ready!”
My whole face turns crimson as the Carter U hockey boys – kitted out in actual sportswear after spending the past two hours training ‘for fun’ – glance around to watch. Tanner’s eyes lock with mine and I practically whimper I’m so embarrassed. I cover my face with both of my palms and try not to die of mortification.
The hockey guys have been playing actual hockey, while I’ve been messing around in the stands with Fallon, Winter, and the football team; but since their hockey session seems to have concluded, Connell had the brilliant idea that we actually get on the ice with them.
His football team filters onto the ice around us, not exactly skating gracefully but managing to use their brute force to remain upright at least.
I swallow hard and peep through my fingertips, releasing a squeal when Connell finally lets go of me. He clomps around so that we’re face to face.
He gives me his golden sunshine grin as he grips his palms over my shoulders, giving me a playful wobble.
My eyes are wide with panic and I do a close-mouthed squeak as I stare up at him.
“Come on, Ash, you’re a cheerleader! You know that you can do this. If those guys can do it, you can definitely do it.”
I try not to hyperventilate as he releases his hold on my shoulders, leaving me to hold my body on my own as he glides effortlessly back a couple inches.
“Connell,” I wheeze, standing frozen in the centre of the rink. “Connell, please don’t leave me.”
“Ash,” he says, tilting his head with a smile as if to say come on, baby sis. “Just kick off the ice. It’s as easy as breathing.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Funny that you say that, because I’m actually finding it really hard to breathe right now,” I whisper, hands clenching into tiny fists as I roll my lips into my mouth, petrified.
“Aw, Ash,” he says, his voice gentle and only slightly laughing. I peep one eye open and watch as he comes back to get me. “You’re still scared shitless about this, huh?”
“I’ve only been skating once,” I remind him, my voice a high-pitched whisper as he moves around me and starts gently shoving me forward. “It wasn’t exactly a great experience.”
Like a lot of people who don’t come from a family of hockey lovers, my only skating experience took place during winter break of school, for a girl’s sixteenth birthday. I spent my time on the ice white with fear, having had no-one to teach me what you’re actually supposed to do. Needless to say, I haven’t wanted to get back on the ice since.
“That’s just because I wasn’t there,” Connell grins.
I breathe out a desperate laugh, gripping my fingers into his hands as he tries to push me.
“Ow,” he laughs, trying to shake off my fingers as I cling to him. “Are you trying to draw blood? I won’t be able to push you if you claw my hands off.”
“Oh my God, just hurry up already,” I wheeze, instantly screaming as my skates slip into a horizontal split, the guys’ hockey puck hurtling towards one of my boots, making Connell lose his balance behind me.
“Shit, shit, shit!” he rasps.
“What do you mean ‘shit, shit, shit’?!” I yell.
But then he’s falling backwards and dragging me down with him, his whole body shaking with laughter as I thump down on top of him.
To his credit he does cup his hand around the back of my head to make sure that I don’t hit it while we fall, but it’s not enough to stop me from shoving off of him and whacking him relentlessly on his stupid biceps, making him laugh harder as he holds up his forearms trying to protect himself.
“You – big – freaking – klutz!” I shout, yelping when he manages to wrangle my wrists and stop my fight.
“Hey, you were the one who started breaking out into a cheer routine,” he drawls, grinning when I give him a withering glare, and releasing one of my hands because he can tell that I want to give him another smack again.
I give him a nice little whack across the shoulder and he throws himself onto his side, grinning as he groans and pretends like I’ve maimed him.
I fight my smile for as long as I can but then I finally let my dimples pop, rolling my eyes. He instantly stops his injury routine and he gives me that special twin grin that telepathically lets me know that he’s sorry, that he’s glad that I’m okay, and that he wouldn’t let anything bad actually happen to me, all without saying a single word.
He heaves himself up onto his blades with all the grace of a Mack truck, and then holds his palms down to me so that I can slap my hands in his and let him haul me up.
As soon as I’m back on my feet, feeling the slip of the ice beneath me, all of my fears come rushing back.
It’s not that I don’t want to be on the ice with everyone else – it’s that I just can’t skate.
I glance at the stands and see that the only two people who are currently off the ice are Caden, whose hair is dripping with sweat and cheeks are ruddy after so many hours of play, and Winter, who is sat on her boyfriend’s lap, her back to his chest, as he squeezes her firmly with his forearms and murmurs something into her ear.
Winter is the only person who hasn’t stepped foot on the ice yet but her little dimpled smile hasn’t wavered for one single second.
I settle my blades on the ice, brow creased as I stare at the scuffed up rented boots, and I take a tiny swallow as I try to slide one of my feet towards Connell.
I shake my head, my cheeks burning red.
“It’s no use,” I whisper. “I think it would be better if you just, like, continue to push me toward the edge of the rink so that I can–”
“Hey man.”
A deep voice sounds out behind me and I freeze on my already unmoving legs.
A big tan hand reaches around me to slap palms with Connell.
I blink at the thick tendons in the wrist, following it with my eyes as those fingers clamp down over my shoulder, the position casual but the grip firm. Possessive.
Connell gives Tanner a full-watt smile of his own before glancing down into my eyes and laughing gently at the look on my face. I look pointedly at the enormous hand currently holding me in place but Connell just smiles and shakes his head, giving me a little pinch on the chin for good measure.
I slap his hand away before looking down at my skates again, practically cracking the ice with how tensely I’m standing in them.
After the… situation that happened with Tanner yesterday – wherein he ended up kissing the sense out of me up against the lake house, and he told me that maybe I could join them at the rink today – I didn’t really think that I would actually end up on the ice. I thought that they would be playing hockey and I would be watching hot guys bash into each other for a few hours. I didn’t want him to see how bad I am at this, and the realisation that he already has makes me swallow thickly, blinking the stinging sensation away from my eyes.
Connell gives my free shoulder a squeeze of his own before looking over my head and asking, “Think you can teach her?”
Sparks sputter around my temples as I stare up at Connell, horrified.
“I’m sorry, what?” I croak out.
I smack my palm against my forehead because I’m so freaking embarrassed, only for Tanner’s hand to quickly reach around me, clasp my wrist, and force it away from my face.
“Connell, you can’t just ask guys on my behalf to teach me how to skate! I don’t even want to learn how to skate,” I tell him, really panicking now.
“Ash, you’re going to be amazing,” Connell says kindly, although I can barely focus on his words as Tanner’s broad chest starts slowly pressing up behind me. “Just work through your fear. And Tanner’s, like, half-alright at skating so I’m sure that he can teach you the basics.”
I glance over my shoulder to see Tanner smirking at my brother.
“Thanks,” he says dryly, although the smile on his face shows that they’re both only teasing.
I look between them and narrow my eyes.
They’re both being so friendly with each other.
It’s very suspicious.
Before I can say anything else Tanner quietly clears his throat, looking into my eyes. Even though his expression is gentle and tentative, the directness of his gaze is so intense that it makes my breathing hitch.
With his helmet off his hair clings against his forehead, although he quickly shoves it back, making his striking gaze even clearer. His skin is ruddy beneath his tan, his breathing heavy and his shoulders hulking.
“If you, uh… if you really don’t want to learn, I can just carry you over to the edge and get you back in the stands,” Tanner murmurs to me. “But, uh…”
He glances back at Connell who gives him an encouraging nod, the damn traitor.
“If you want to learn I can… I can be the person who–”
“Put it this way,” Connell says, recapturing my attention. “What if you were, like, stuck in Antarctica and the only way to… I don’t know, reach the rescue plane was to cross a frozen lagoon, otherwise you’re, you know, stranded there for life. Then you would be really glad that you could skate.”
I blink up at my brother, unable to formulate words for a few seconds.
“Connell,” I say, “what in the absolute fuck are you talking about?”
Tanner’s chest shakes against my shoulders, a quiet laugh rumbling up his throat.
“How do you even think of this shit?!” I exclaim, groaning into my hands. “You are literally crazy. I’m never going to be stuck in Antarctica!”
Connell drops his hands to his sides and throws his head back, groaning.
“For fuck’s sake, Ash – you know how karma works. Now you’re definitely going to get stuck in Antarctica so I’m fucking insisting that you learn how to skate.”
“You – are – insane ,” I laugh, shoving him in the chest, only to immediately lose my balance and squeak as Tanner’s hands grip around my hips. He shoves me against his front, steadying me.
I stare at him with wide eyes over my shoulder, and after a long silent moment of having my ass up against his groin he pushes me a centimetre forwards and drops his eyes. The tips of his ears turn a deep shade of red.
“Just try and learn,” Connell says kindly, giving me a pinch on the cheek. “For me. And so you don’t get eaten by any polar bears.”
“Connell,” I groan, grinning as he gives me a quick hug. “Fine,” I say, shaking my head at him as I shove his bulky abdomen away from me.
Connell gives Tanner a flick of his chin and clomps over to his teammates, who are currently trying to score a puck in the net against Austin.
When my brother is finally out of earshot Tanner tightens his grip on my hips, turning me around and towering over me as he pushes his body flush against my chest.
“Hey,” he rumbles, one of his hands gently squeezing my ass.
After two sweaty hours of playing hockey, Tanner looks really good.
“Why is my brother being so nice to you?” I whisper, becoming breathless when he wraps a hand around my throat.
He glances briefly over the top of my head so that he can ensure that everyone is out of earshot and then he murmurs against my cheek, “Because he doesn’t know that I’ve fucked you.”
I choke and stumble at his words but he keeps me firmly in place.
“You wanna learn how to skate?” he asks, as if he thinks he can change the course of this conversation after just saying that .
“Tanner, why are you and Connell–?”
He gives my throat a gentle squeeze before reluctantly releasing it. Both of his hands swoop down to take mine and he jerks his chin at me, silently commanding my attention.
“I’m gonna pull you, so just relax your feet and let yourself glide.”
“Tanner,” I say warily, instantly looking down at my skates as he slowly begins moving backwards. I release a small squealing sound.
“Ash.” His voice is so deep that I glance up at him without even meaning to. “That’s it,” he murmurs. “Eyes on me.”
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as he begins gently tugging me forwards, my Bambi-legs sliding dangerously outwards and making me squeeze my eyes shut as I whimper.
“Aisling.”
One of his warm palms cups my cheek and I reluctantly squint one eye open so that I can peek up at him. When he sees that I’m still semi-functioning he relaxes a little and offers me a handsome smile.
“It’ll be easier if you keep your eyes open, baby,” he murmurs, making me hastily glance toward all of the guys that we’re slowly skating closer to.
Well, Tanner is skating effortlessly closer to them – I’m just along for the ride.
“Tanner,” I whisper frantically as he pulls me a little closer, “you can’t call me that right now. We’re supposed to be keeping this a secret. And here you are, holding my freaking hands.”
I shake my head as I start to freak out about how obvious we’re being.
“Everyone’s going to know.”
The look in Tanner’s eyes is gentle, longing.
“Aisling, I swear, no-one is going to think that anything is going on between us.” He caresses his thumbs firmly over my knuckles. “They all already know that I’m crazy about you, but no-one is going to think that you’d ever return those feelings.”
I blink up at him in surprise, my body now stilling for a completely different reason.
“Why would… why would no-one think that?” I ask, my voice still light and breathless as I look him up and down.
Because, as much as I would have previously hated to admit it, me not liking Tanner just doesn’t make sense.
Even though I have tried to ignore him since our freshman year, Tanner is undeniably the hottest guy that I’ve ever seen. His features are hard and beautiful, and his body is broad and strong. And then add on the fact that he’s a hockey player? I can’t believe that he’s actually single.
A smile crease pulls taut beneath his sharp tan cheekbone.
“’Cause you’re too good for me,” he murmurs, locking my fingers tighter between his, “and you can have anyone you want, so why would you ever be with a guy like me.”
The gentle chuckle that leaves his throat only makes my heart squeeze more painfully.
“But you can have anyone you want, too,” I argue, searching his eyes with mine. I breathe out a humourless laugh as I mumble, “I mean, clearly. Seeing as you fucked your way around campus–”
This time he laughs loudly as he stops my skates from sliding out again, before he meets my eyes, something dark and dangerous in his irises.
Before I can even blink he’s spinning me one-eighty, smothering my yelp with one of his palms before settling his other hand around my hip.
He stabs his chin into the curve of my neck, smiling against my skin when his rough stubble has me shivering.
“Who put me in that position, baby?” he taunts, a dark bite in his voice. One of his knees knocks into the back of mine, pushing me forwards.
I narrow my eyes at the empty half of the rink, glittering in front of us.
“Oh, so you screwed around at Carter U for me ?” I breathe, my husky tone filled with mock-gratitude as I rest a hand over my heart. “How sweet,” I whisper, “you shouldn’t have.”
He breathes out a laugh before hauling my hips up against his groin.
“I told you, I only wanted you. You were the one who wouldn’t let it happen.”
Then he curses under his breath as my legs begin sliding apart into another deep split.
He kicks my boots back into place, huffing angrily.
“Damn it, Aisling. How the fuck are you so flexible?”
“I didn’t hear you complaining about that four years ago,” I mumble, my breath hitching in my throat as he presses his stubbled cheek against my pink one.
“We were alone in your bedroom, not on the ice with your brother,” he rumbles. “I’m trying to not get turned on right now, Ash. And watching your legs slide open isn’t helping with that.”
Feeling a warm lick of mischief in my belly I deliberately let my skate slip sideways again and Tanner lets out a low growling sound, shoving it back into place.
He stands to his full height, removing the warm press of his cheek from mine, and I let out a sad whimper as I look up at him over my shoulder, earning me another gentle squeeze around the throat. He checks behind us when he hears his guys hollering because one of Connell’s teammates must have finally got the puck in the net, and then he turns back to me, swiping a quick kiss against my temple as he murmurs, “You gonna let me teach you now or what?”
I try to push away the icy fear in my chest as I finally nod up at him.
He nods at me in turn, caressing his hands back down my body until he’s holding my hips again.
“Might be easier if you try and squat a little,” he says, leaning over me so that he can see my wobbly knees.
He reaches down with his hands so that he can gently push them equidistant apart.
“Now engage your core, hold the position, and then start rollin’.”
I swallow nervously as I glance down at my legs.
“I don’t know what that means,” I whisper, “when you say, ‘engage your core’. Isn’t that, like, a sex thing?” I ask breathlessly.
“Your belly,” he says, flattening a palm against my lower abdomen.
I gasp at the contact and he curses under his breath.
“Stop gettin’ all horny,” he murmurs warningly, “we’re trying to keep this a secret, remember?”
I reach my arm across my body so that I can swat at his giant bicep.
“If you don’t want me to be all horny then stop touching me like that,” I whisper.
I feel him smirk against my temple before hunching lower so that he can suck my neck. His free hand smothers over my mouth before I can moan and then he’s pulling back with a quiet laugh as my knees finally thump against the board at the opposite end of the rink.
I press my hands against the board to steady myself, and I blink up at our reflections in surprise.
I just skated a whole length.
The look on his handsome face is cocky and content.
“See?” he murmurs. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
Shakily I lift my skates so that I can slowly turn to face him, my movements wobbly and nervous although he lets me grip his jersey for support. He casually wraps one of his forearms around my back, skating gracefully backwards so that I’m not pressed up against the board.
I look up at him with wide searching eyes.
“You distracted me,” I whisper, hands clenching his shirt tightly as he smiles down at me.
“You needed to take your mind off the ice so that your blades could feel their way. Let your body do the work without your mind feeding it any fears.”
He lifts the hand that isn’t resting protectively against my lower back to lightly caress my jaw.
“You’re skating even now, see?”
My eyes widen as I glance down, instantly stumbling over thin air and making Tanner chuckle as he rights my position.
“Well, you were ,” he murmurs, grinning and squeezing me against him tighter when I give him a little shove. “You’re a natural, Aisling, I swear – you just gotta take your mind off the ice and then your body fuckin’ owns it.”
I look up at him from under my lashes, watching his broad chest steadily rise and fall.
I close my eyes momentarily and try to do what he just said – to let my body move naturally – even though I’m aware that Tanner is giving me a huge helping hand. I fumble clumsily on my boots and I feel my cheeks stain pink, but after taking a shaky little inhale I try to kick off with more precision than before.
My orientation isn’t great but at least I’m moving forward.
I slowly open my eyes and find Tanner watching me, his pupils wide and his throat swallowing hard.
“That was good,” he rasps, side-stepping some of the guys as he takes us around the back of their net, never taking his eyes off me. “So good, Aisling. I’m really fucking proud of you.”
My heart squeezes tight, his rough words so surprisingly sweet. So unapologetically gruff but with the gentlest sentiment behind them.
The busy rink around us fades into the background, just a shimmering white canvas while I search his molten eyes.
His cheek lifts slightly as he watches me watch him.
“Maybe you’re not the only one who wears their heart on their sleeve,” he murmurs, one of his hands holding me just beneath my elbow so that he can squeeze over my tiny freckle.
I breathe out a small laugh, endlessly surprised by him.
“I can’t believe that you even remembered that,” I whisper, as he pulls me in a gentle spin.
“How could I forget your freckle?” he murmurs, his voice so deep that it makes me giggle. Hearing that gruff voice say such cute words is doing crazy things to my heart.
Upon hearing me laugh his mouth lifts into a grin and he pulls me briefly against his chest as he hunches down to reach my ear. I shiver with pleasure as his stubble scrapes over my flushed cheek.
“I’ve been dreaming about your freckle for the past four years.”
I laugh and shove at his chest, although I quickly yip as I lose balance and I yank him closer, which only makes me laugh harder as I stumble over my skates once again.
“Okay,” I breathe, shaking my head at myself but still smiling. “So, I’m never going to be a professional figure skater,” I admit.
Tanner pulls me into the centre of the rink, hands resting chastely around my waist as I cling to his jersey like a baby koala.
He glances over at Austin as he calls to us, saying something about heading out to grab dinner in five. Then Tanner settles his gaze back on mine, looking calm.
Looking happy.
“You didn’t call me last night,” he murmurs, and I give him a confused smile.
“Was I supposed to…?” I ask, laughing lightly.
He rubs roughly at the back of his neck before encasing my waist with his hand again.
“I mean, we didn’t… like, I know if, uh…”
I lift my eyebrows slightly, kind of entranced by how nervous he seems.
“Yesterday, when the guys came back,” he rasps, his cheeks staining crimson as he tries to choke some words together, “and I mentioned that… because if we’re maybe… and I just, you know, really like you–”
“Oh my God, Tanner, just say what it is that you’re trying to say,” I tell him, unable to stop myself from smiling up at him because he looks downright hopeless right now. I pry one of my hands from his jersey so that I can give him a brief caress over his heart.
The action seems to floor him, his pupils swallowing his sparkling irises.
“I wanted to come over,” he murmurs. “When everyone had gone to bed, I wanted you to text me and tell me that you wanted me to come. I, uh…” His cheeks burn brighter as he swipes his tongue over his lower lip. “I slept outside last night, by the fire. In case you, uh, texted, so that Hunter and Fallon wouldn’t know…”
I breathe out a shaky exhale, eyes on my hands as they twist into his jersey.
“Tanner…” I can’t meet his eyes when his gaze is so dazzling and hopeful. “We have to take this slow, remember? We can’t rush into this like we did last time.”
He nods and tucks two fingers under my chin, making me meet his eyes as he looks fervently into mine.
“I know that, Aisling. And I wanna take it slow. But we can still, you know… cuddle and shit.”
I thump my forehead against his jersey as I laugh out loud, and when I peek up at him again he’s got this proud smile on his face. He rubs his palms into me harder, looking way too pleased with himself when I give him another giggle.
“Who knew that the biggest player on campus would be such a softie?” I say teasingly, tugging on his shirt so that he can help me do a final lap of the rink.
He checks over his shoulder to see that no-one is looking and then he grabs me by my jaw, crushing me into a rough hungry kiss. I laugh against his mouth until he pulls away, sparkly-eyed and grinning.
He gives me a little squeeze over my freckle and warmth surges through my heart.
Softie , I mouth at him, and he mouths back, Only with you.