Chapter 27 #3
“There are different kinds of safe, Ab. You’re right—so right—about my family being an unhappy one. I don’t think you can blame Gertie any more than she blames herself, but in the end, yes, I grew up in a sad place.”
Abby walked deeper into the woods. The ground was rocky, but that was so everywhere in this part of Montana. She needed to find shelter but didn’t worry about it. The mountains and forest would always shelter her.
She found a shattered pine tree, its stump nearly four feet across.
It had snapped about ten feet up, and the massive top of the tree had fallen and was long dead and bare.
The ground, piled high with the fallen needles, was soft as a feather bed.
Sinking to the ground, Abby leaned back against the tree.
She could sleep here as well as anywhere.
But Wade needed to go away first. Instead, he slid down the trunk next to her. The tree was big enough that there was plenty of room for both of them, especially with Wade sitting so close their arms touched. “You know I care about you, Abby, don’t you? I want you to stay here.”
“And if I can’t?” The needles gently scented with pine seemed to ease into Abby’s bones. There was peace for her in the wild places.
“Then I’ll leave with you. That home holds nothing for me but responsibility, Christian duty.
I needed to come home and see to my father, but I’ve done that now.
I thought for a time we could stay and be happy here, but now I doubt that.
We’ll go somewhere else. We can leave now—tonight, if you want.
Go into Divide and have a marriage blessed, then head for the mountains, in the direction of your high valley.
Build a small cabin, raise a garden, and hunt for food.
We don’t need the ranch to survive. We’ve both proved that. ”
He just would not stop jabbering about marrying her. She couldn’t say yes, yet she found herself unable to say no. So she changed the subject. “You really lived in the mountains last winter?”
Wade nodded, and Abby had to look close in the dark night.
With the trees overhead, even the bright moonlight and blazing stars struggled to penetrate the darkness, but Abby’s eyes adjusted quickly, and his sincerity was unmistakable.
“I found an old miner’s shack, or maybe a trapper lived there.
It was probably smaller than your tepee. ”
“And you liked it there?”
“I—I was contented there. I needed some quiet to get over…”
It took a moment for Abby to realize he wasn’t going to continue.
“To get over what?”
The sound of Wade slowly inhaling melted into the soft rustle of the wind and the cry of a hunting owl. Insects chirped in the night, and the leaves overhead sang their own quiet song.
Long after she decided he wasn’t going to answer her, Wade finally spoke. “To get over—the—the sight of you—riding away from me with Wild Eagle. It broke my heart.”
Now it was Abby’s turn not to speak. Wade had saved her from those men last fall when he was headed for work on a cattle drive for Silas Harden’s family.
He’d abandoned that job and stayed with her, tried to persuade her to come back with him to his white world.
When she’d refused, he’d taken her to her home.
And on the way, they’d come to care for each other.
Wade reached down and took her hand, fumbling for it a bit in the dark. He pressed her knuckles against his lips.
She liked it so much, it terrified her, so she wrenched away. “I can’t do it, Wade. I can’t bind myself to you. I’ve seen too much of the white men, all bad.”
“No, not all bad. Not me.” He moved suddenly, rising onto his knees.
He caught her shoulders and turned her, pulling until she knelt to face him.
“You trust me, Abby. I know you do. And my father and the trouble that goes with him doesn’t have to be part of choosing me.
I will go with you wherever we have to go to find a peaceful home, full of happiness.
Say you want that. Please, at least tell me there’s a chance. I need to hear that.”
She hesitated to speak the words that he seemed to believe would bring him happiness. But there was no way for them to be happy with her dislike of all his people.
His lips settled onto hers. In the darkness, she hadn’t seen him lowering his head. For this reason only, she didn’t duck away. And then she couldn’t. She couldn’t end the kiss that she knew was all wrong for both of them. He drew her closer, all his loneliness pulling at her own.
At last, he raised his head. “You know we could find a way to be happy together, Abby. Your kiss tells me the truth even if your words deny it.”
“Oh, Wade…” Abby rested one palm on his face. He had whiskers, bristly from neglect. Her father would come in cold from checking cattle and scratch her cheek with his whiskers, and she’d giggle. She’d loved her father, a white man.
“Just a chance, Ab. I’ll give you all the time you need to decide if you can live here with me, or we can leave here right now if you can’t bear life in this house.
I’ll walk away with you—not even go inside to say goodbye.
We’ll find a preacher and say our vows to God. I’d pledge myself to you forever.”
“You offer to give up your family for me?”
“You’d be my family. We’d begin our own.” Wade kissed her deeply. “Have children.” The kiss came again, longer this time.
He turned then and sank back down to lean against the tree. He pulled her down, tucking her to his side. “You don’t have to answer me now. I know you’re still confused and grieving and angry. But say you’ll give me a chance, please. Here or in the mountains or anywhere else you’d like to go.”
Knowing it was a mistake, Abby rested her head against Wade’s broad shoulder.
Through the trees, she could see the lights in the big house.
She hated that house—its foolish size and the unhappy people who inhabited it.
It represented all that was wrong with the whites.
Now she was forcing Wade to do something he might regret all his life.
It wasn’t yet time to leave. “I will give you this time you want so badly, Wade.”
His arm tightened around her, and his sigh ruffled her awful yellow hair.
The light in Mort’s room extinguished. Moments later, a light farther to the back of the house came on, in the room where Gertie slept.
There was still a lantern burning in the kitchen.
The light spilled out and illuminated the bit of backyard.
Gertie had left the light on to guide Wade home.
“I will stay here and try to adjust to this world while I decide if I can risk a life with you.”
A soft kiss on the top of her head made her smile and admit the truth. “I, too, felt my heart break when I rode off with Wild Eagle. I did not want to leave you.”
His other arm came around her, and he hugged her until she thought she might have to pinch him so she could breathe. Then he laughed and pulled back enough that they could see each other. “Do you really want to sleep out here tonight? I could go in and get you a blanket.”
“No, I’ll come back in. But there may be times when I need to get outside, to clear my head and breathe clean air and think without the noise of your father ringing in my ears.”
“I was dead serious about leaving if he speaks rudely to you again. If he is unkind, just tell me and we’ll go. I give you my word.”
Abby nodded, though he’d just put yet another burden on her. Now if his father was cruel, which he was bound to be, she would have to keep it secret unless she wanted to send Wade from the house.
They stood, and Wade took her hand, his fingers sliding between hers. “Are you ready to go back in?”
She would never be ready, so why wait? “Yes.”
“Do you mind if we pray before we go? I need to ask God to be with both of us.”
“I need that too.” Abby took Wade’s other hand, and he quietly said many things that were in her heart, but not all.
He couldn’t begin to imagine all. And she couldn’t begin to tell him.