22. Lila
CHAPTER 22
Lila
The crowd in The Rusty Pint was once again buzzing with excitement.
Travis had the local band playing in the bar to entertain everyone who would eventually head out to watch the rodeo. The band was currently covering Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again.” That caused a chain reaction of Saul and his buddies at the bar requesting one song after another of country classics. The locals loved it, and some even got up to dance. There wasn’t a single empty table. Seats and booths were filled with familiar faces and new ones.
The bar was full of life and laughter, as if this place had always been meant to bring people together. Not to let them lose themselves in alcohol daily until they couldn’t see straight like most—like my mother did—but to catch up with old friends and simply be.
Seeing the satisfied smile on Travis’s face when he walked out of his office and took in the wonderful chaos all around, I knew that was exactly what he’d meant to do all along.
For the longest time I’d wondered why he’d bought The Rusty Pint in the first place. Not anymore. Not when I could see how happy it made him to spend his time here. Travis may have loved working on the ranch with Finn and their dad, but there was no mistaking where that passion laid. It was here. He’d taken something that was ugly and made it beautiful.
He’d created a community where people could come together and have a good time in each other’s company. Sure, it was still a bar and there were drinks being spilled on the floor constantly, but it was his.
Ever since he took care of me while I’d been sick, there’d been a shift between us. A closeness that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel in years. Every night after my shift, Travis would take my keys out of my hands and offer to drive me to the ranch. Then we’d have dinner with his parents, catching up on everything I’d missed. River loved spending time with Travis and Finn. And when Wren came over, he’d ask her dozens of questions about horse training. Not that I minded. He was happy. Happier than I’d ever seen him.
After dinner, when River fell asleep either in my arms or on the couch curled up next to Desmond, we’d load him into the Bronco and Travis would drive with us back to the apartment. He always came in to lay River down on his bed, ruffling his hair once as he whispered good night. I never thought I’d find a man interacting with a child as attractive as I did. Then again, Travis wasn’t just any man and River wasn’t just any kid.
Then, when I walked him to the front door to say good night, he’d pull me into a kiss that left me breathless, making the world around us melt away. His tongue sweeping in and caressing mine until my legs threatened to buckle. It had been like that nearly every night, and every night that we spent together, I found myself wanting more .
We never talked about what we were to each other now. We hadn’t had a conversation about what this meant for the both of us. Did he want a relationship with me? Did I want one?
Yes.
He never pushed for more, but I knew sooner or later, one of us would take that first step.
It was like he’d heard my doubts before I’d voiced them, and he was doing everything in his power to prove me wrong. Chasing away my fears one day at a time, giving me the courage to do the same.
Boots stomped against the oak floors as patrons danced, sending vibrations all the way behind the bar where Desi, Jake, and I kept busy serving a never-ending stream of drinks. Eventually, I spotted Finn by the pool tables, once again surrounded by a group of friends I saw him hanging around from time to time.
Finn shot me a wink as I passed him, heading toward the booth in the far corner to wipe the table down when people finally started to clear out. The band was still going but when eight o’clock rolled in, a few people had started to head home. When they started covering a Kenny Rogers song, requested by someone who wasn’t Saul— finally —people started dancing to the familiar beat of the drums and the twang of the guitar. I immediately recognized one of my favorite songs and smiled.
I gathered the empty glasses on the table and loaded them onto the tray when I heard Finn call my name over the music. I turned and found him leaning against the pool table while the rest of the guys took their turn. Travis was behind the bar, frowning at whatever Desi was saying, which wasn’t anything new. She was probably making fun of him about something he did since it was her favorite thing to do .
“You know, I was just looking for a dance partner,” Finn said with a grin. “You care to join me for a song, Lila?”
I hesitated, “I’m on the clock.”
“Travis won’t care. Come on, I saw Jake flirting it up with someone half an hour ago. One song? I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself, scouts honor.”
I glanced in Travis’s direction, finding him still talking to Desi.
Taking that as a yes , Finn took the tray from my hands and set it back down on the table. He held his hand out, waiting for me to take it. There was a challenge in his eyes.
“What are you up to?” I asked as I took his hand and let him lead me through the crowd until we were standing in the center of the makeshift dancefloor. Couples swayed to the music, losing themselves in each other and the band’s rendition of “Think I’m in Love with You.”
Finn pulled me around to stand in front of him, making a show of spinning me around before tugging me to him.
My face burned as he grinned down at me, clearly relishing in making me blush. Finn was handsome and very charismatic. I saw him as a little brother, even though we were the same age. He was tall and built from years of working on the ranch. His callused hands against mine were proof of his hard work.
His gray eyes looked over my shoulder and he leaned down to whisper, “Oh, just giving my brother something to think about.”
“What?” My brows shot up, but before I could look over my shoulder, Finn spun me around once again before pulling me back. I laughed breathlessly. “You are trouble.”
“And fun. Yes, I agree. I’m touched you know me so well, Lila,” he joked.
We continued swaying to the song. Occasionally, Finn would sing off key and I’d have to fight back a laugh, occasionally glancing over his shoulder to spot Travis. He was serving a couple of customers at the bar, but he wasn’t smiling at anyone. In fact, he looked like he was about to kick someone out if they pissed him off.
When the band started playing a slow song, Finn suddenly said, “He’s a good man, my brother. He deserves only the best this world has to offer. Don’t you think?” I tensed but his hold on my hand was still gentle as he stopped me from pulling away. He smiled down at me, waiting for me to answer.
So, this is why he wanted to dance. Of course, he would. I’d hurt his brother once and it was only natural that he’d be wary of me. I’m only surprised it’s taken him this long.
“I agree.”
If Finn or any of the Adlers voiced their concerns of us rekindling whatever we’d had in the past, I didn’t think I could take it. I loved them all like family and if it turned out that they didn’t think I was good enough for Travis, it would hurt something awful.
Only now that I’d had him in my life again, in River’s life, I don’t know if I have the strength to walk away again. I didn’t want to walk away.
“I do care for him.” I said. “A lot.”
“I know.” Finn curled his hand under my chin, making me crane my neck up to see the grin on his lips. “So don’t you think it’s about time you guys get a move on already? Do us both the favor and wipe that sour look off his face, huh?”
That wasn’t what I expected to hear from him at all.
Before I could say anything more, I felt it. I looked over Finn’s shoulder and met a pair of sharp blue eyes that stared right back at me. Travis was watching us, leaning against the counter from behind the bar with his arms crossed. His jaw was clenched and the expression on his face was unreadable.
The song ended and I quickly stepped back. “Thanks for the dance. I really should get back to work.”
“I’ll never pass up a chance to dance with a beautiful woman. One more thing.” A dimple appeared when Finn grinned. He reached a hand and brushed a curl behind my ear. “It was nice knowing you, Lila.”
“What—” The next thing I knew, an arm hooked around Finn’s neck and Wren was suddenly dragging him back toward the pool table. She was wearing a blue and white striped button-up shirt and jeans along with her brown boots. “I think you stirred enough shit for one night. Hi, Lila. Bye, Lila.”
“B-bye?”
Finn’s laugh was drowned out by the music as he shrugged at me.
I shook my head and turned to head back toward the booth to finish cleaning the table when I felt a hand wrap around my wrist.
“My office,” Travis said as he practically dragged me behind him.
“Travis, what—” It was an effort to keep up with his long strides as he led me down the hall, ignoring all the curious glances shooting our way. Including Jake, who was beaming at this little display from behind the bar. Desi, on the other hand, whisper-hissed at Travis not to make a mess in their office before sending me a wink of approval. My face was probably as red as a cherry tomato. “People are watching.”
“Let them. Get in,” he said as he opened the door and let me step into his office. Seeing as he hadn’t released my hand, I had no choice but to obey.
My heart leaped as I walked into his office and Travis closed the door behind him, the sound of the band playing down the hall significantly muffled now, leaving us in a tense silence that made a thrill shoot straight to my heart. The sound of the lock clicking shut only amplifying everything tenfold.
I took in the spacious office, the large desk in the corner with paperwork taking up one side and a computer on the other. A filing cabinet was nestled beside the safe by the wall. A leather couch and coffee table took up the left side of the room. There were no windows in here, but the warm glow of the lamp on the desk supplied enough light without Travis having to flip the light switch in the room.
There was only the sound of my heart pounding in my ears and the muffled sound of the live music against the walls.
And Travis.
He didn’t speak as he leaned against the door, but his entire body was screaming that he wasn’t happy. His eyes were blazing with an intensity I started to recognize since the night we shared our first kiss in years. One of frustration and want.
I swallowed. “I need to get back. I wasn’t done clearing the tables.”
“That didn’t seem like something you were worried about while you were dancing with Finn.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Is that why you dragged me in here? Because I was dancing with your brother? In my defense, I told him I was working, and he wasn’t exactly taking no for an answer. Take it up with him.”
I didn’t care that it was low that I was using Finn as my scapegoat. He knew exactly what he was doing when he asked me to dance; he said as much. Given the way Travis’s body was tensing up at the mention of Finn, I’d say his brother was going to have a talk with him too. “You can take it out of my paycheck if you want.”
He scoffed. “You think I have a problem with you dancing after working nearly eight hours straight?” He pushed off the door and strode my way. I backed up, not trusting either of us if we touched right now. Mainly because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself from touching him if it came down to it.
“Yes? Otherwise, I’m not sure why you’re so upset.”
He kept walking and I kept backing up until the backs of my thighs hit the edge of the desk. He stopped and crossed his arms. “Try again.”
I frowned and then another thought occurred to me. I let an incredulous laugh escape. “You’re seriously jealous that I danced with Finn of all people? Travis, he’s like a brother to me.”
“Believe me, Delilah, I’m not jealous. I know exactly where I stand with you and where this is headed.”
I blinked. “You do?”
Travis ran a hand through his hair. “Clearly I’ve been doing something wrong if I haven’t been able to convey that message.” I watched him with bated breath until he finally shortened the distance between us. I gasped as he walked right into my space, pinning me against the desk as his hands splayed across the rich wood on either side of my hips. “Tell me what I have to do to make you see what we have here. Do I have to get on my knees and crawl?” he whispered into my ear, making me shudder. “If you think I’m above begging, you haven’t been listening.”
“I didn’t think you’d be jealous,” I said as I slid my hands up his chest, losing the fight of not touching him before it had even begun. “It looks good on you.”
His hand cupped my face, tilting it up. “I’m not, darlin’. Because while you may dance with another man and smile at him the way you did out there, he’ll never earn your attention for longer than a few seconds. You want to know why?” He leaned in and kissed the spot behind my ear, sending goose bumps along my body. “Because your eyes are on me the entire time even when you think I’m not paying attention.”
My mouth dropped open. Travis grinned, tilting his head to one side as he watched the flush spread across my face.
“That’s—”
“The truth. I know it is because it’s the same reason I can’t get any work done when I’m behind the bar or on the ranch. You distract me too much. Day in and day out.”
I frowned. “If I’m such a distraction…why keep me around then?”
Travis’s eyes were a hypnotizing blue as he stared me down. He shook his head with a sigh. “You’re a distraction I didn’t need but have always wanted. I can’t stop thinking about you, Delilah. You consume every inch of me. And you don’t even know it. Maybe that scares you, but you need to know I’m not going to hide how I feel about you. I won’t push you to try for more than you’re willing to give me, but know I’ll take anything I can get. You just have to tell me and I’m there.”
My heart stopped beating.
Or maybe time slowed.
All I knew was that this man cared for me. More than I probably deserved. I wanted him to know that I’d always cared for him too. That I was falling for him all over again and it was the scariest thing I’d ever done since stepping up to be River’s guardian. The truth was, maybe I never stopped loving Travis. Four years did nothing to erase the number he did on me. He said I distracted him, but he’d ruled my every breath since day one. He owned the very beat of my heart .
“Travis.” I breathed his name, a plea for what I wasn’t sure. Only that I wanted him. I needed him.
“Tell me what I have to do,” he murmured, brushing his lips against mine but not quite kissing me. A slow teasing caress. “What do you want right now?”
“What I want...” My trembling hands reached up and framed his face, feeling the scrape of his stubble against my palms. He held perfectly still, though his chest rose and fell faster with every passing second. Every breath we shared. “I want to be with you. So badly that it’s terrifying. I’ve never felt this way for anyone in my life, Travis. You want the truth?”
He nodded.
A lump formed in my throat, but I forced the words out. Needing him to know the truth and everything that entailed. “I’ve been so lost these past few years, and sometimes I don’t know if I’m enough for River, let alone you . After everything we’ve been through, you’re still so kind to me, you treat me and River with so much care I don’t know what to do with it because I’ve never had that before. Never. I’ve never had anyone choose me simply because they could. And you choosing me…I don’t know how to accept it. It’s like something in me broke when I was a kid because even the sight of affection and love scares me. Only now I’m scared because I want to be enough for you, and I don’t know if I can be.”
Travis’s eyes were pained as he listened to my confession.
I was laying myself bare to him, showing him everything I was and taking that risk that he wouldn’t see exactly what Irene saw when she looked at me and decided I wasn’t worth her love.
I knew he couldn’t fix what was broken in me. That was something I had to do on my own terms and in my own time. I’d never voiced how truly broken I felt inside because of all the pain my mother put me through and, in a way, I knew that if I was going to give us a chance, I had to be brave enough to face all my fears.
“You overwhelm me every time you look at me the way you are now. Because you don’t let me hide. You accept me and it scares me to think I’ll let myself get used to this feeling then one day it’ll be gone.”
“It won’t be.” He shook his head. “I wish you could understand that, but not as much as I wish you could see I don’t have to accept you because you are perfect as you are in my eyes. In my family’s eyes. We’ve always loved you, Delilah. We love River. Nothing will ever change that. We’re not going anywhere— I’m not going anywhere. Just like I told you four years ago that I’d let you go only because you asked me to, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t ready to drop everything and be with you the moment you asked me to come back to you. I meant every word and I still do.”
His lips met mine, silencing the soft, shaky sigh that escaped me. It was a tender kiss that let him pour all of his sincerity, his protection, his care into me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, dragging my hands up the back of his shirt. His teeth nipped my bottom lip, and I deepened the kiss. Letting our tongues tangle together as we took our time, savoring the moment. His hand slipped into my hair and tugged, drawing out a low sound of pleasure from the back of my throat.
Travis kissed away a tear that rolled down my cheek, whispering words that were meant just for me.
He pressed his body into mine, barely leaving any space between us. I gasped as I felt him between my legs, and they came up to wrap around his waist. Starting a slow, gentle kindling from deep inside me that gradually burned hotter with every caress. Our slow kisses turned rougher with a shared need to be as close to each other as possible. If I broke away for a fraction of an inch, he was closing it without faltering. His hands cupped my cheeks, tipping my head up and consuming my every breath as I lost myself in him.
His arms wrapped around my back, gently easing me down until I was lying on his desk. The sound of paperwork sliding off the edge of the desk barely registered as his body pressed into mine. My legs cradled his hips while his hands slipped beneath my shirt, making me gasp at how cold they were.
“Sorry,” he breathed, his thumbs rubbing circles above the waistband of my jeans.
“Liar.” I grinned as I stared up at him. He had called me beautiful so many times before, but he was the breathtaking one. Eyes dark with need, lips swollen from all our kissing, out of breath as if he’d been running for miles.
I raked my fingers through his hair, smiling at the way he seemed to melt into my touch.
“We should probably...”
“Yeah.” He said begrudgingly. “I should have stolen Desi’s key. There’s no telling when she’ll barge in here.”
I laughed as he kissed me one more time before pulling me up. I watched him, utterly mesmerized at the way he worked to straighten my shirt before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. When he noticed I was watching him, Travis ran the back of his fingers across my cheek. Catching me off guard when he said, “You’re what I want. You’ve always been what I wanted. I’ll prove it to you every day until you start believing it. Maybe then, you’ll realize that you are worth it. More than worth it. You’re everything.”
By the time we made it out of his office, the band had taken a break, and Jake was hurrying over to deliver a large pizza Manny must have made for them. I avoided looking at Desi and Finn who were hunched together at the bar, talking over their drinks and casting us curious glances. Wren was nowhere in sight, so I assumed she was off getting ready for her part in the rodeo.
The sound of a hand connecting with the back of a head made me pause long enough to hear Finn release a groan. Travis had a grin on his face as he walked past him.
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m going to see if Manny needs anything, and I’ll come back out to let you take off for the night,” Travis said, ignoring the middle finger his brother was giving him behind his back.
“I’ll be here,” I said as his fingers briefly touched mine in passing. I watched him go with a smile before turning around to find eyes on me. Desi was barely containing her excitement and about a dozen questions flashed in her green eyes while Finn looked a little smug. Jake quirked a brow but thankfully didn’t say anything to me. Even Saul, sitting in his usual stool, was giving me a thumbs up. His buddies raised their bottles my way and I knew I had to get away from them before I combusted. I snatched up the rag from under the counter and over my shoulder, I said, “Not a word.”
They all laughed.
I walked away from the bar with a smile I couldn’t contain.
In my attempt to avoid Desi and Finn for the remainder of my shift, I’d kept busy on the floor. Cleaning up messes and collecting empty glasses from tables. I wiped down a few that were empty before more patrons came in and took them too. A few people who headed out waved goodbye with happy smiles and I found myself doing the same. I never thought I’d be so content working at a bar of all places, but there I was.
It made me think about what I wanted for my life. If I applied for college, would I be able to do it? If I had a lot of work to do for each class, I had to consider whether I could handle it. Not only for me but for River too. If I decided I couldn’t do it, would I work in The Pint long term? Summer break would be over before I knew it and I’d have to start getting River ready for kindergarten.
I had so many thoughts racing through my mind. I’d started to think of looking into schools for River when I caught movement by the wide windows overlooking the street.
My heart sank as a couple walked by. The woman was short, wearing a red peacoat that covered her thin figure. The man, who looked to be in his fifties, had his arm thrown over her shoulders. They were talking as they walked past the window and headed for the door.
“Lila? You forgot your apron. Hey, are you okay?” I heard Desi ask as she came up to me, but I couldn’t stop staring as the door was yanked open and the couple walked into the bar.
Even though I didn’t recognize her right away, I recognized that peacoat. It wasn’t as vibrant as it had been years ago, but it was the exact same coat she always wore. The one I’d gifted her when I’d been fifteen after saving up money all year to afford a Christmas present. It was the only thing she bothered keeping without trying to sell for money to buy more booze.
The woman and man turn to head for one of the booths only for her to stop abruptly when her glassy brown eyes met mine. Familiar, and yet…not at all.
Because there was no way this was my mother .
No, this was a stranger.
Only, there was no mistaking the freckles along her pale cheeks or her upturned nose. The clothes Irene wore were baggy, but I could tell she’d lost a lot of weight in the almost five years since she left town. She was practically all bones, her face sunken in a way that broke my heart. It was scary seeing her this way. It made me sick to my stomach.
There were more strands of gray than brown in her matted hair and it was all pulled back into a low ponytail. There were dark bags under her eyes and her lips were cracked.
It physically hurt to see her like this.
“Delilah?” Irene rasped, the sound of her voice making me wince. She looked momentarily stunned. As if she couldn’t believe she was seeing me. Probably a warped mirror image of how I looked now. It lasted all of a few seconds before she smiled and rushed over to me. “Hey, kid! Oh, I’ve missed you so much!” She stumbled toward me before wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.
Utterly unaware of the way she spun my world upside down.
Again.