23. Lila
CHAPTER 23
Lila
Irene sounded genuinely happy to see me. I couldn’t say the same. If anything, I felt panic start to bloom inside my chest. Why was she here? Was she here to see River? Take him? She wouldn’t try to do that, she signed over her rights?—
“I heard that you were working here but I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen you! But I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh?” Her laugh grated on my ears, making my swirling thoughts screech to a halt.
I knew Desi was standing behind me, but I couldn’t look at her. Not when I felt what I was sure was a panic attack coming on with all the thoughts I had rushing through my mind.
“So this is your kid, Irene?” The man beside Irene asked, taking me in with an appreciation that made my skin crawl.
Irene finally let me go and beamed at the man, “Delilah, this is Mark. Mark, this is my daughter and my very own pride and joy. Isn’t she beautiful?”
I avoided her touch before she could pat my cheek. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want her touching me, especially not when she barely looked like she was on this planet when she looked at me with glassy eyes.
Oh, Mom. What have you done to yourself?
“What are you doing here?” I asked, forcing myself to be as detached around her as I could. The second she saw my mask crack, she’d try to dig deep to hurt me again just like when I was a kid. Throwing insults and belittling me at every turn.
Irene seemed to sober up a little at my questioning. “Since you weren’t answering me, we decided to drive over to see you. Figured your phone was broken or something. Besides, is it a crime for a mother to come pay her child a visit?”
There was a reason for that. After I got over my cold, Travis and I went to the store to get my number changed. He’d remembered what I said before and he had every intention of being there with me when I took that step toward cutting Irene off. I’d felt strong for the first time in a long time, knowing that I was taking that step to protect myself.
I was a fool to think it would be as easy as that.
I couldn’t find the words to say before she started again. “It’s good that we finally found each other. I was counting on it. I know I always can when it comes to you. Speaking of that, Mark really needs that money I mentioned before. You see, we have bills coming up and, well you know...”
Mark grunted as he cast a sideways glance her way before making his way over to an empty booth.
“Lila…” Desi tried to speak up, but she was cut off by Irene.
“So, are you going to give me cash or a check?” She held a shaky hand out toward me like a child asking for candy.
“Let’s go outside.” I sighed, trying my best not to cause a scene in the bar .
Desi placed her hand on my shoulder before I could take a step toward the door. I looked over my shoulder to see her shaking her head with a concerned expression. “Actually, Lila’s working, Irene. She can’t talk right now.”
Irene’s lips twisted. “Ah, Desiree. Why am I not surprised you’re following Delilah around? You always did stick your nose where it didn’t belong.”
“And you never seemed to stick around at all, if memory serves,” Desi shot back.
“Okay, enough,” I said before they could both get into an argument because of me. It wouldn’t be the first time my best friend got into a yelling match with Irene for me. I wasn’t about to let that happen now. I looked at Desi. “Please, just let me talk to her. I won’t take long, promise.”
“That’s not what I meant?—”
I gave her hand a squeeze. “I know.”
She hesitated, her eyes clearly telling me how worried she was about my mother’s sudden appearance, but she nodded.
“I’ll be right here. Watching.” That last part was punctuated by sending a glance toward Irene. Despite the obvious disaster that was about to unfold, I gave Desi a smile.
Irene and I stepped out onto the sidewalk after that, the door closing behind us muffling the many overlapping voices in the bar. The air around us felt charged and heavy as I stood in front of her, watching Irene bite one of her fingers as she waited for me to speak.
I steadied myself for what was about to happen.
“I already told you I don’t have any money to give you. You wasted your time coming all the way over here.” My heart was pounding heavily in my chest. Panic starting to bubble up in the back of my mind and I had no way of stopping it .
“Delilah, don’t say that to me,” she whined.
“Mom, how many times do we have to keep having these conversations? I already told you, I don’t have the money. What more do you want from me?”
“You’re really being dramatic right now, you know that? Even as a child you were always too sensitive.” She laughed with a hint of condescension. Hearing it made my whole body tense. She used to talk to me like this all the time. Like I was the one who was wrong. Like I was stupid for feeling hurt by her actions. “I knew I should have been tougher on you.”
“Is that what you call it, Mom?” I let out a dry laugh, even though I felt like crying. “Is that what you thought you were doing when you were getting wasted and doing god knows what while you were pregnant with River?”
She blinked. Then looked at me like I was crazy.
“Who?” she had the gall to ask.
For a moment, time seemed to go still. I wondered if I was actually talking to Irene and not a woman who simply looked like her because, what did she mean by that?
“River…”
“I have no idea who that is.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I lost all control and raised my voice, startling us both. I never yelled, especially at someone else. But this time I couldn’t help it. Not when it came to River. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. “You should go. Get your boyfriend and leave.”
Of course, she’d only contact me because she wanted money. It wouldn’t ever be because she wanted to meet River or because she’d changed in some way. It was foolish to have hoped for that at all in the first place—a damn fool’s dream—but I didn’t want to believe that even after all this time she still had no room in her battered heart for either of us. For River , who’d been abandoned through no fault of his own .
Irene scratched her arm, mumbling something I couldn’t understand. Before I could react, her hand shot out and gripped my elbow hard enough to take me by surprise. I saw it then in her eyes as she leaned forward.
She was desperate.
“Delilah, please . I’m asking you to help me. Mark is pissed, and when he’s mad you have no idea how he can get. You have to help me. We are family, after all.”
“Family,” I scoffed, shutting my eyes to fight off the sting that started. I would not cry in front of her. “My family is the little boy you abandoned. My family is the Adlers, who have cared for us better than you ever could have.”
“Don’t mention the Adlers to me. I know how much you’ve always loved them more than me. You don’t have to throw them in my face.” She spat, her rage hitting me straight on like an oncoming truck. “I haven’t done anything wrong! I’m sick and I need help, don’t you get that?”
“Yeah, Mom. I get that and I really hope you finally get the help you need. But don’t drag me into your problems until then. I-I’m done. I need to be done.” I hated that I sounded like I was begging rather than being strong like I’d initially told myself to be. Just like I hated how helpless I felt when I was around her—like I was a kid all over again desperately trying to appease her so that she wouldn’t lose her temper.
I turned to walk away, wanting to get as far away from her as I could before I did something I’d regret. Said more than I thought I could right now without breaking down into a million pieces. I wasn’t going to hurt her because she hurt me. I learned from a young age what neglect could do to a child. I lived through it, and I was still suffering the consequences of my mother’s actions years later.
I never wanted River to go through the same thing. I worked really hard to control my anger and frustrations especially around him. I didn’t want him to get a glimpse into all that I was exposed to growing up. Right now though, I felt like I could hurt someone and, as much as she probably deserved it, I didn’t want to lash out at Irene. She may have given me life. We may look alike in more ways than one. But I didn’t want to be my mother.
I could hear Irene’s footsteps hurrying behind me. She yanked me back this time. “Don’t you walk away from me! I am talking to you, Delilah.”
“Let go of me,” I said as calmly as I could.
Irene’s grip tightened on my arm, and I winced when her nails bit into my skin. “I’m not playing anymore, you ungrateful brat.”
I could only stare at her as she shook me, yelling at me like she had so many times before.
“Get your hands off her, Irene,” A voice suddenly boomed from behind me.
We both froze in place. My mother stiffened before I looked over my shoulder to find Travis shoving the door aside as he stalked toward us. The look on his face was one of pure rage, and a breath of relief escaped my lips.
The look he gave her was harsh enough that it made Irene release my arm in a heartbeat.
“Delilah.” He only had to say my name for me to understand what he wanted before he was holding out his arm toward me. I didn’t hesitate to go to him, and he glanced down at me when I reached his side. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I am now, I wanted to say, but it was hard to find the words amidst the lump in my throat. My hands were shaking despite myself, and he seemed to notice because his anger only seemed to grow more as he held one of them in a firm grip.
Whatever shock had been on Irene’s face was quickly replaced by disgust as she sneered at him. “Stay out of this, Adler. This is between me and my daughter.”
“Funny that word pops up when it’s convenient for you,” Travis growled, shifting so he was standing in front of me. Shielding me from her. Protecting me. I could only stare up at him in awe as he stood tall and said with authority, “I suggest you leave before you really piss me off.”
I heard her laugh, a cold sound that grated on my ears. “Oh yeah? What are you going to do?”
Travis voice was deathly calm as he said, “Don’t ever touch Delilah again. That’s the only warning I’ll give you. She’s not a defenseless kid anymore, and I won’t stand by and let you hurt her again.” Before she could say anything else, he took my hand in his and tugged me toward the bar. “Let’s go.”
The door opened and a pissed off Mark walked out with Finn right behind him. The two reminded me of a dog herding sheep as Finn released the man’s arm by giving him a slight push. Finn’s gaze was flat as he looked between Irene and Mark. “Bar’s full. Go find somewhere else to drink.”
Irene looked at me with betrayal in her eyes. “Are you kidding me? This is how you’re going to treat me, Delilah?”
“Try to come into my bar again and I’ll have the cops kick you out next time,” was all Travis said before he guided me back into the bar.
Finn stayed behind, clearly making sure neither of them would try to come back inside.
Travis led me through the crowd of people and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about what happened out there. My shaky breaths were drowned out by the loud music playing. If any patrons around us saw what happened through the windows, they didn’t show it as they kept dancing and drinking to their hearts’ content .
Before he could take me to the breakroom, I tugged on Travis’s hand, stopping him when we made it to the center of the makeshift dance floor. He turned to look at me with his usual scowl but whatever expression he saw on my face made his sharp features soften.
The lights were dim, casting a fiery glow in the bar as faces blurred all around.
I didn’t want to know if Desi or Finn were watching us now.
I didn’t want to look over my shoulder to see if Irene was still standing outside.
I just wanted Travis.
We stared at each other as if we were the only two people left in the bar. I took his hand and led him further into the crowd. He pulled me into his arms just as the band started to play Chris Stapleton’s “The Fire.” We swayed from side to side, joined by other couples dancing along to the music. My hand rested over his chest as his cupped the back of my head. In that moment, I wasn’t sure where I ended and he began. As if, in this moment, there truly wasn’t a single thing that could come between us.
“Did she hurt you?” Travis asked me. I shook my head. I couldn’t find the words to speak just yet, too afraid of what would happen if I did. Understanding this, he said, “I’m so sorry, Delilah.”
I went up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck. We stopped swaying when he held me tight. Two statues frozen in time as the world blurred together around us.
“She didn’t even ask about River.” I wiped away a stray tear.
He captured my face in his hands and rested his forehead against mine. “He doesn’t need her. He has you and me, that’s more than enough. We’ll love him enough between the two of us.”
He kissed me then. Slowly easing away the pain in my cracked heart. Putting the pieces back together bit by bit. Proving to me once again that it wasn’t just me and River anymore. I feared we hadn’t truly been alone since the moment I found my way back to Travis.