Chapter 43
Forty-five excruciating minutes later I pull up at home. I’m shouting Soumia’s name before I even open the front door fully and get through it. There’s no response.
‘Soumia?’
I find her in the front room, sat on the sofa, tucked into her dressing gown. Mascara has dried over her cheek bones like a sad clown.
‘Where were you?’ Are the first words out of her mouth. Her tone’s cold.
‘I’m sorry babe, I didn’t see the messages.’
Her eyes stay focused on the wall straight ahead. ‘I needed you.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
Soumia looks at me with daggers in her eyes. ‘Who were you with?’
‘I went out last night and…’
‘Shagged someone else.’ Her tone doesn’t change. She’s stating facts like she’s heard it all before.
‘No. I stayed out, but no. I didn’t sleep with anyone.’
‘Not for the want of trying though.’
I don’t say anything because she’s right. She stands up off the sofa and crosses to the opposite side of the room from me.
‘Fucking typical. It’s all about you isn’t it, Callum? Poor Callum, his ex has come back, boo fucking hoo.’
‘That’s not fair.’ Or is it? ‘Is this about the chocolates? I promise I’ll get them for you next time I’m away.’
Soumia laughs. ‘Is this about the chocolates? Are you serious? You’ve not once asked me how I feel after all the shit with McBride.’
‘I thought you were OK.’ I don’t move from the spot.
‘How would you know? You didn’t ask.’
‘I didn’t think it was a big deal. We’ve all been there.’
‘I haven’t, Callum. I haven’t whored it around the fucking world lapping up all the attention every Tom, Dick or Harry gives me.’ Soumia’s face is folded with frown lines I’ve never seen before.
‘That’s not fair Soumia, give me a break.’
‘I gave you a break when I held you when Liam walked out. I gave you break when I let you move in here. And I gave you a break when I knew you’d had a shag around here even though I’d ask you not to have anyone in my house.
I’ve been giving you a break every day for the last six months.
Where’s my break, Callum? Where the fuck is my break? ’
I take one step closer to her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you were hurting.’
‘You couldn’t even be there for me after some fat fucker punched me.’
‘I know, I know. I’m a shit.’
Soumia’s voice breaks with angry sobs. ‘I’ve been there for you every time.’
‘I know you have. I’m sorry.’
‘You’re fucking toxic.’ She spits the words at me. ‘You’ve cried for months over Liam. You’ve finally met a decent man in Olly, and you give up at the first hurdle.’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Yes, I do! I spoke to Olly.’
I put a hand up. ‘I don’t want to know.’
‘Of course you don’t. Why give someone the time of day when you can actively try and sabotage a good thing? How fucked up can you get? Trawling the gutters looking for a shag. Is there anyone in Canal Street you haven’t been with?’
‘I didn’t sleep with anyone.’
‘But you would have done, wouldn’t you? If you hadn’t got shit faced.’
‘I… I don’t know.’
‘Course you would. Anything for more drama. It revolves around you.’
The light shines through the window and shimmers on Soumia’s face. For the first time I can see the swelling and the large black bruise that covers her right cheek bone and eye.
I wince at the sight. ‘Are you OK?’
‘No, Callum, no, I’m not OK.’
With that she falls onto the sofa and lets her emotions run out of her like a burst dam. I’ve never seen her like this before. She’s shaking.
A silence falls over us. I want to run over and hug her and comfort her, but I don’t want her to push me away.
She shouts at me. ‘Don’t just stand there, fucking hug me.’
I give her the biggest squeeze, an embrace so large it’s as if I’ve summoned the world to protect this magnificent woman.
She sobs. Big loud angry tears fall onto my shoulder.
I don’t move. I stay and hold her for as long as she’s held me.
I’m filled with a mixture of shame at my own actions, and pride that Soumia needs me.
I hold her tight as she howls into my shoulder.
‘I’m going to lose the house.’ Soumia’s barely audible between gasps of air.
‘What?’
‘The house. I’m behind with the mortgage.’
‘Is that what this is about?’
‘It’s about everything, Callum. The job, McBride, you.’ The last one stings. ‘The bank won’t leave me alone.’
‘Why?’
‘The repayments went up when I remortgaged. Then the gas went up, the electric went up. Everything’s gone up. I ignored the final demands.’ Soumia’s cries have stopped. She’s talking with a calmness. A matter of fact.
‘Have you tried talking to the bank?’
‘I can’t face it. I kept on thinking it would be ok as soon as I got senior.’
‘That’s why you studied so hard?’
Soumia’s chest wobbles up and down. She’s biting her bottom lip to stay in control. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘We could always do a moonlight flit and run off into the sunset?’ I try and lighten the mood. ‘No?’ Soumia’s not smiling. ‘You’ll have to raise my rent.’
‘I can’t do that.’
‘You have to do that. Talk to the bank too, arrange a proper payment plan.’
‘The electric’s going to be cut off.’ Soumia loses her battle with her emotions.
‘Hey, hey beautiful, calm down. Wipe your tears. I’m not going to let either of us get ready in the dark, it wouldn’t be good for anyone. How much is owed?’
‘Twelve hundred.’
‘I’ll pay it.’
Soumia looks at me. ‘I’m not asking you to.’
‘I know you’re not, but I’ve got it, I’ll pay it.’
The swelling on Soumia’s face is getting worse.
‘Do you know how embarrassing this is? I’m not just a little skint, I’m completely broke.’
‘You never have to be embarrassed in front of me. I hide in cupboards.’ Soumia cracks a smile. ‘You’re going to be ok.’ I kiss her hand. ‘I promise.’
‘So are you, if you just stop being…’
‘A selfish prick?’
‘I was going to say dick head, but that works.’