Chapter 38
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Matthew was dreaming. It was a lovely dream—filled with wildflowers in a meadow, by the smell of it. Or maybe he was in the rose garden at home. Wherever he was, the sun was warm on his face and across his hand. It was soft. Comforting. Gripping.
But, then, the sun didn’t have fingers. So what was holding him in such a pleasant way? Was it his own hand? Or…
A vague memory trickled through his mind like a babbling brook, and his eyes fluttered open. He blinked as the sun’s light spilled out across his face, then he focused on what lay before him.
Instead of seeing his room, he was greeted by the sight of two closed eyes, brown hair falling gracefully over a brow, and perfect, pink lips just a few inches away from his.
Winnie.
How could he have forgotten? He was in bed with Winnie. They’d fallen asleep watching the movie, shifting as they slept throughout the night—always remaining on their respective side—but each time, their hands had found each other’s, as if unable to handle being apart.
Truthfully, it had been one of the best nights of Matthew’s life. Like a dream. The whole trip had been like a dream—especially now, waking up beside her.
He remained still, taking the opportunity to observe her for a moment without her being aware.
When she’d first walked into the room last night, sweatpants, sweatshirt, and hair down, just like the night she’d almost left Foxwood, his breath had been snatched promptly from his chest.
He honestly had no idea how he’d kept his hands off of her, especially after he’d read her proposal for the next festival. The changes she’d made, not only to the event, but in herself, had been staggering.
But then, perhaps she hadn’t changed. Perhaps she’d merely allowed the real Winnie Knox to be revealed. Would Winnie allow her to stay? Or would the New York Boss Lady return the second they made it back to Foxwood?
An unsettled feeling crept across him, but he managed to set it aside the very moment Winnie stirred.
She drew a deep breath, then sighed, her eyes still closed as she shifted to her back. As she did so, her hand slipped away from Matthew’s.
The loneliness that followed rushed over him like a raging river.
As her eyes fluttered open, he refrained from reaching out to her again, watching instead as she took in her surroundings, confusion in her eyes until she settled her gaze on Matthew.
To his utter delight, a bright smile stretched across her lips. “Good morning,” she said, her voice slightly husky.
How could she make even that attractive? “Good morning. Sleep well?”
She nodded, stretching her arms above her head, then covering her mouth as she yawned. “I think so. You?”
“Oh, yes.”
Their eyes met, and a look of understanding passed between them. She glanced away with a soft blush across her cheeks .
He wanted to say something more, cause that appealing blush of hers to deepen, but his phone buzzed beside him.
“That’s probably Char texting,” he said, moving to sit up in the bed as Winnie did the same.
Sure enough, her name popped up on the front screen of his phone.
Char
You two lovebirds ready to be rescued?
Now it was Matthew’s turn to blush. He swiftly moved the phone away, glancing at Winnie to ensure she hadn’t seen his sister’s ridiculous text.
Fortunately, she had shifted to pull up her own phone, seemingly unaware of Char’s teasing.
Matthew
Yep. We’re ready when you are.
He thought it best to ignore her “lovebird” comment altogether.
Char
I can be there in 45.
Char
Did Winnie see my lovebird comment?
Char
I hope so.
Matthew once more adjusted the screen to the side.
Matthew
No, and she’s not going to.
Char
LOVEBIRDS LOVEBIRDS LOVEBIRDS
“Is she able to pick us up?” Winnie asked.
Matthew dropped his phone. He’d be sure to delete those texts before he was around Winnie again. “Yep. Forty-five minutes.”
“I guess we’d better get up, then.”
But both of them remained there. Was she as reluctant as he was to end the trip? Or was she ready to go back to real life?
That same feeling of worry tried to burgeon inside of him, but he batted it away as he would a bothersome fly.
“Hey,” Winnie began softly, avoiding his gaze, “before Char gets here, I just wanted to say thank you. For the last few days, I mean. It was…it was really eye opening. Life-changing, even. So, yeah. Thank you for taking the time to help me as much as you did and bringing me along.”
She ended with a shrug, clearly trying to play off her gratitude as nothing special. But to Matthew, it meant everything. And it was certainly enough to prompt him to prolong their time together.
“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile. “But the trip isn’t over yet.”
She looked at him with a questioning gaze.
“I still have one more thing for us to do at Foxwood. Just be sure to wear trousers this time.”
Then he popped out of bed without another word, feeling Winnie’s intrigue which made him all the more excited for what he had planned next.
Winnie didn’t know what to expect from Matthew after he’d said he’d had another surprise for her, but her excitement continued to grow throughout the day.
They’d had a full meal at the bed and breakfast, packed their belongings, then waited for Char and her daughters to pick them up. The drive home had been delightful, Matthew playing with his nieces and Char speaking of her date before they’d arrived home—rather, at Foxwood.
Matthew and Winnie had parted ways after, taking showers, sprucing up, and spending a few minutes recouping before meeting again in the afternoon.
Winnie would be lying if she’d said she hadn’t been anxiously waiting to see him again. She was eager to discover what final surprise he had for her, but honestly, it didn’t matter, so long as she could stare into his eyes and imagine herself touching his curls for longer.
When they did finally meet up in the main entryway of Foxwood—Matthew in his tan breeches, a navy-blue collared shirt, and black boots—every other thought fled her mind.
She knew what those clothes were for. “Matthew…” she began.
He must have already expected her response, raising his hands with a comforting smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. I just thought, after seeing your face light up as you watched those horses on the movie last night, that if you are ready to ride, this might be the perfect opportunity to do so.”
A rush of conflicting emotions blasted throughout her soul. She couldn’t even begin to express how sweet his offer was, nor how it made her heart warm. But she’d sworn off riding horses more than ten years ago for a reason. She couldn’t face the heartache of saying goodbye again to something she loved so deeply.
“Just come to the stables at least,” Matthew said gently.
Winnie couldn’t say anything, unable to dampen the hope in his eyes. In silence, she followed him through the woods until they emerged from the thick trees, the stables coming into view with two horses standing outside of them, all tacked up and ready to go.
Winnie stared at the geldings, then back at Matthew, who looked very much like he was regretting the idea to bring her out there.
The look in his eyes, his offer, his kindness, and his vulnerability softened her heart— opened her heart. So much so that a desire slipped by her defenses without her notice, expanding across her entire being before she could even recognize what was happening. That desire grew louder and faster and stronger. It pressed against her senses and prevented her from breathing.
It was a desire she’d suppressed for too long. A desire she never thought she’d feel again, yet a desire she’d longed to feel for ten years.
It was the desire to ride .
“I’m sorry,” Matthew continued, clearly misinterpreting her silence. “I shouldn’t have presumed, especially after what you told me before. We can forget this ever happened. Let’s go…climb a tree or something.”
He began to lead her away from the horses, but without thinking, Winnie reached forward, her hand resting on his forearm to stop him.
“Wait.”
He turned to look back at her, his eyes wary. “Really, Winnie. I shouldn’t have…”
His words trailed off when she shook her head. “No. This is the kindest, most generous thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Relief shone in his eyes, and despite Winnie’s continued reticence, she smiled.
“Are you sure you wish to?” he asked.
She looked back to the black and chestnut horses. “I’m sure.”
And yet, as she spoke the words, her voice wavered. Perhaps her spirit was sure. But what about her mind? Her courage?
They moved forward, her heartbeat pounding in her ears.
“You remember Prince,” Matthew said motioning to the chestnut gelding beside Nightshade, “Char’s horse?”
Winnie nodded, moving to the front of the horse and allowing him to smell her hand. Her fingers shook from the adrenaline that pulsated through her body. Prince responded with forward facing ears and a look of interest.
The sniff of the horse this time didn’t send her spiraling, nor did she have recurring flashbacks of her father’s actions. Instead, she was filled with different memories. Far less painful memories. Memories of tacking up Goldilocks. The palomino nibbling at the back of her hair she’d always worn down.
Matthew excused himself for a minute, disappearing within the stables, and Winnie took the time to allow Prince to get used to her—and for her to get used to him—rubbing his neck and forelock as he continued to sniff her.
Matthew returned a minute later. “These are for you. They’re Char’s. Should fit as perfectly as those wellies did.” He extended toward her a pair of smart, black riding boots that matched his own.
“I’m gonna need to start paying your sister for all the clothes I’m borrowing from her,” she joked.
She accepted the boots, placing them on one-by-one as more memories returned from her younger years. Donning black boots just like these, pulling on clean breeches, show coats, stock ties, and pins. She’d always looked clean and tidy at her performances, but today, her jeans and raincoat would have to do.
After all, she wasn’t trying to impress any judges today. She was merely going to get on a horse for the first time in more than ten years.
Her stomach churned painfully, her nerves seeming to eat her from the inside out as Matthew finally faced her.
“Ready?” he asked.
She planted her feet securely on the ground and nodded.
“I can give you a leg-up,” Matthew offered. “Unless you’d prefer a mounting block?”
Winnie shook her head, stepping around to the horse’s left side where Matthew waited for her.
Her hands still shook, her legs as weak as jelly. She couldn’t believe she was about to do this, to disregard her dad’s direct orders—to sit atop this horse and to ride again.
She knew it had the potential to bring on a whole slew of issues. Craving riding day in and day out so she could no longer focus on work. Having Dad ridicule her for disobeying him and, worst of all, embarrassing him yet again by following this “childhood fantasy of becoming a horse girl.”
And yet, Winnie knew if she didn’t ride right now, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. So, with as much courage as she could muster, she moved toward Matthew.
He laced his fingers together and leaned low for her leg, but just before she placed her bent knee toward him, her breathing shallowed, and memories assaulted her.
The last time she’d ridden Goldilocks. The moment she’d been thrown. Dad’s words. The feeling of freedom atop her beloved animal.
Tears sprung to her eyes, and she backed away. Matthew instantly straightened, concern filling his features. “It’s all right,” he said.
His understanding and compassion stabbed at Winnie’s pride, and she turned away. “I just need a minute,” she said, trying to calm her breathing. “Sorry. This is just…” She broke off with a sigh. “This is just so embarrassing.”
“Hey,” Matthew said at once, moving around to face her directly. “Please, don’t be embarrassed. It’s perfectly understandable. There is nothing harder than getting back in the saddle. There are literal books written about it.”
But Winnie shook her head. “It’s not about getting back in the saddle,” she said, blinking away her tears. “It’s…It’s about not getting in the saddle again.”
He didn’t respond, allowing her time to continue.
“It’s been so long,” she whispered. “And I loved it so much. What am I going to do if I have to say goodbye to it all over again?”
His brow pulled together. “Why would you have to say goodbye if you don’t want to? I thought you chose to no longer ride.”
She looked up at him, tears brimming again. This time, she didn’t blink them away. This time, she allowed them to fall as she finally explained the truth.