Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Matthew listened intently, fighting off every inch of him that wanted to reach forward and comfort Winnie with a hug, because he knew, in that moment, she needed a listening ear more.
“It was my dad,” she said, sniffing as a tear trailed down her perfectly smooth cheek. “He never came to any of my shows. They were just silly and pointless to him. But as soon as I had the chance at reaching the Olympics, he invited all of his bigwig lawyer friends to watch me at the first event he ever attended. Of course that was the event I was thrown…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “He was so embarrassed. He couldn’t take it any longer.”
She looked away, and Matthew’s heart broke at the sight of her own pain written so clearly across her creased brow and tear-filled eyes.
“That night, he told me I’d embarrassed him and our whole family,” she said. “So he sold Goldilocks and told me I wouldn’t be riding anymore.”
Matthew’s mouth dropped open, the breath rushing from his lungs. He’d thought her horse had died. But then, Winnie had merely mentioned that she’d lost her. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought this would have occurred.
Anger stirred in his chest, pushing his heart rate higher and higher until he thought it might burst. How could her dad have done such a thing? And for one simple mistake? Worst of all, how could he have ever admitted to being embarrassed by his own daughter for something like this?
“I’m so sorry,” Matthew said. “I had no idea.”
She shrugged, wiping away another tear. “It’s okay. It was just so painful to no longer ride. You always talk about having passion and heart in what you do.” Her voice broke. “That was where my passion was. That’s where my heart was—in riding. I begged and begged Dad to reconsider, but he said it was time for me to get a real job.” She trailed off with another sniff. “It was bad enough to no longer have Goldilocks. But to no longer ride altogether? It took me years to become numb to it. To think of actually being on a horse again is terrifying because I don’t want to go through the pain of not being on a horse again.”
Matthew nodded with complete understanding. How she’d even considered saying yes to this venture blew his mind. And yet, hadn’t she showcased her courage and tenacity throughout the entire trip? This woman would never cease to amaze him.
“I know it’s not all my dad’s fault,” she continued. “I’m old enough to make my own decisions now. I could have ridden, but I’ve just been so afraid of embarrassing him again.” She huffed out a soft, disbelieving laugh. “But that’s going to happen no matter how hard I try not to.”
A look crossed over her features, her brow furrowing.
Matthew longed to hear her thoughts, to know what she was working through in her mind—just as he longed to help. But as each moment ticked by, he could see her emotions shift, clarity rushing through her gray eyes.
She swiped at another tear, moisture smearing across her cheekbone like shining glass. “It’s like, I just want to shut up and get on the dang horse, you know? ”
He smiled, despite himself, her words so like her.
She looked up at him, her tears disappearing, her breathing steady, and brow setting. “So that’s what I’m gonna do,” she said, her words determined. “I’m gonna shut up and get on the dang horse.”
Matthew couldn’t help the pride swelling in his chest.
Before another moment could pass, he reached down, laced his fingers together, and lifted her into the saddle with ease.
And there she sat, tall and regal and ladylike.
In a word, she was perfect.
Winnie adjusted in the saddle, the seat comfortable, the stirrup irons steady at her feet, Prince firm in his footing. Her fears lingered, but only as a distant memory, replaced with her firm desire to ride.
“How does that feel?” Matthew asked from below, peering up at her with those caring eyes of his.
She took a moment before responding, closing her own eyes to immerse herself in the moment. The feel of the horse beneath her. The sound of Prince’s soft nickering as he relaxed at her touch.
With a smile, she opened her eyes and looked down at Matthew. “It feels…amazing.”
He grinned in response. In a matter of moments, he mounted Nightshade, then they were off.
The first few steps took Winnie’s breath away. It felt like a lifetime had passed by since she’d ridden, and yet, in that moment, it was as if no time had passed at all. For all she knew, she could have been that same eighteen-year-old girl, riding her heart out, moving fluidly with each step her horse took, at one with the animal, with nature. With herself .
Yet, she wasn’t the same now. She was older. Wiser. She’d learned what heartache and loss were. She’d given up everything for her dad and for her family. And now? Now…she finally, for the first time in years, felt like herself. No more Winnie Knox of the Knox family.
Just…Winnie.
And she loved it.
“You were clearly born to ride,” Matthew said beside her. “But how do you fare during a race?”
His eyes took on a challenge, and Winnie felt a burst of excitement.
Trotting, cantering, galloping. They all seemed like a distant dream. And yet, with a grin and a flash of recklessness she wasn’t accustomed to, she clicked Prince forward. The horse didn’t need much more encouragement, launching across the grass with fervor.
Winnie had been worried for the briefest of seconds that she might be thrown, that she wouldn’t be able to handle Prince’s obvious power. But then, how could she call herself a horsewoman without pursuing a little adventure?
If she was thrown, she was thrown. What was life without flying?
And so, she flew. She flew across the English countryside, the countryside that taught her to be . She flew atop Prince, his hooves pounding against the grass, digging it up as they raced for the horizon. She flew with young Winnie inside her heart, telling her to be brave, to be herself.
And she flew alongside Matthew, across the grounds of his family’s estate, feeling a freedom she hadn’t experienced—a joy she hadn’t experienced—in far, far too long.
A half-hour into their ride, rain began to fall, so Winnie and Matthew jumped down from their horses and led them nearby to the shelter of a large oak tree, the branches so thick, they could only hear the rain from above instead of feeling it.
With the horses grazing beside them, Winnie propped her hands on her hips, still breathing hard from the exhilaration of their ride.
“I forgot how it felt,” she said, staring across the green expanse, mist blurring the trees in the distance. “Riding, I mean.”
Matthew came to stand beside her. “There’s nothing like it.”
“There really isn’t. And now I’m just mad at myself for waiting so long to do it again.”
“Don’t be,” he said gently. “There are reasons you couldn’t until now.”
How true that was.
Silence settled around them, the two of them staring out across the gray-filtered world. Rain pattered on the ground before them, and the gentle footsteps of the horses’ nearby marked the rhythmic sound with subtle thuds.
The days before this had been perfect, but right now, standing beneath the oak tree, she hadn’t been this happy in years. And she had Matthew to thank for it.
She turned her eyes on him, already finding him watching her, though he averted his gaze to avoid being caught.
She smiled, moving to stand farther beneath the tree. “You know, I thought you’d be a faster rider than what I saw today, Matthew.”
She faced him again, leaning against the trunk and propping her hands behind her back to give her a slight cushion.
“I let you win,” he said, taking slow steps toward her.
“Really?”
“Yep. I wanted you to gain your confidence back.”
While that was probably true, Winnie enjoyed teasing him too much to let it slide. “I dunno. I still think Prince and I could beat you and Nightshade any day of the week. ”
He held up a finger, his eyes narrowing as he was nearly upon her. “You’d best hold your tongue, Miss Knox. If there’s one thing I’m more protective of than even Minnie, it’s Nightshade.”
“I should hope so. Minnie was a diva that?—”
“Now, now,” he said, taking another step toward her. He was so close now, Winnie had to lean her head back against the tree trunk in order to see him. “Let us not speak in such a way of the dead.”
“You’ve written her off, then?”
He stared down at her, shrugging as he rested a hand on the thick branch that jutted out near her head. “I dunno. There’s another woman who has come into my life recently and has made me rethink matters.”
Winnie’s heart stuttered. “Oh?” she asked, nearly breathless. “And who might that woman be?”
He leaned toward her, his eyes flicking to her lips. “Well, I’ve only just begun to get to know her. But what I’ve seen, I really enjoy.”
“Is that so?” she asked.
She stared up at him, her pulse racing, hands still behind her back. She figured that was a good thing, or she’d reach up right that minute and pull his lips to hers.
“Mmm-hmm. She’s quite a woman. Strong and brave. Intelligent and humble.” His words cast a euphoric spell on her, causing her head to spin as he leaned closer, his blue eyes still shining as his voice dropped. “She also drives me absolutely bonkers.”
Winnie scoffed in mock offense, reaching out a hand to swat him across his chest, but he caught it just in time, keeping hold of her wrist.
“You didn’t let me finish,” he said, grinning. “She drives me absolutely bonkers…in the best way possible.”
Once more, she was wrapped up in his words as his thumb caressed the inside of her wrist.
“Because,” he continued, his features sobering as sincerity touched his expression, “when I’m around her, I can’t think straight. When I’m around her, nothing else exists in the world but the two of us.”
He shifted his hold of her, pressing her own hand against his chest, where his jacket parted. His heartbeat tapped against her skin, the speed and strength matching her own heart.
“It wasn’t always like this,” he continued, his eyes focused solely on her lips, “but now that it is, I can’t remember what life was like before she came into it. That is the effect this woman has on me.” He paused, looking at her eyes once again. “That woman is you, in case I wasn’t clear.”
Winnie laughed. “I gathered.”
He smiled in return, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. “I don’t know what life will look like once we return to reality and our work starts again.”
She nodded, her hair rubbing against the trunk. She’d thought the exact same thing across the course of the last few days, and it had kept her lucid. But now, with Matthew’s arm propped next to her, his body so near to hers, she was ready to throw all caution to the wind. Was he?
“So I figured,” he continued, “we ought to end this little business trip in a more memorable way.”
She could hardly keep her eyes open. The tapping rain and Matthew’s lulling accent were causing her to fall deeper and deeper into the dream she wanted to live in forever—the dream of being held in Matthew’s arms.
“What did you have in mind, then?” she asked, slowly blinking up at him, though she couldn’t focus on his eyes any longer.
Matthew licked his lower lip with a growing smile, and Winnie officially lost her mind. “I think you know, Miss Knox.”
That nickname. Where once she’d despised the two words, now, her heart soared because of them. It was something only they shared. And now, it spoke measures of the change that had occurred between the two of them.
Slowly, he released his hold of her hand, though she kept it against his chest, and he reached forward to caress her cheek, allowing his fingers to slide back to the nape of her neck.
Chills sailed across Winnie’s skin in droves, like water flooding the sand on a beach at high tide. She drew in a steadying breath, but it did nothing for the world spinning around her.
He leaned closer to her, inch by inch, her eyes on his until she could no longer see straight, and they drifted to a close.
For what seemed an eternity, she waited blindly, her lips parted, her heart reaching across the empty space between her and Matthew until finally, the warmth from his breath graced her lips, and his mouth pressed against hers.
Satisfaction she’d never known before filled her soul. She’d imagined what it would be like to kiss Matthew, to have his sole attention on her, but those dreams and imaginings paled so far in comparison to reality.
His lips were soft, yet firm, the whiskers of his beard tickling her mouth as he tipped his head to the other side and kissed her again. His heart thudded against her hand, and she pressed her palm flat against his chest to feel it better.
In response, Matthew removed his grip from the branch beside them, using both hands to cup her face in a gentle cradle that caused her legs to weaken.
Winnie had never felt such security, such peace in a person’s embrace before, and that only intensified as their kiss grew. Soon, his arms wrapped around her, strong and firm and comforting.
She slid her own arms around his neck, feeling the movement of his upper back as he shifted his hold of her again and again, as if he was afraid to let go for too long.
In truth, she had that same fear. She didn’t want him to let go of her— ever . Being in Matthew’s embrace, being the recipient of his kiss, was everything she’d ever wanted.
Before, with Prince, she had flown.
Now, with Matthew…sh e soared .
Matthew was holding back, though he didn’t want to. He wanted to release everything within him into this kiss—his emotions, his fears, his feelings for the woman before him.
What he wouldn’t give to keep her there in his arms forever. What he wouldn’t give to share with her the feelings growing in his heart—feelings that were as real as they were confusing.
How had he been so wrong about her? How had they argued and fought for so long, only to now share their feelings for each other in such a way that would surely complicate their working relationship?
Then again, how could he care?
These moments with Winnie in his arms, her soft touch on his back, her smooth lips against his, were greater than anything he’d ever experienced. He couldn’t be parted from her any longer. He couldn’t pull back. He couldn’t stop what was occurring between them because what if it didn’t happen again? What if the planning for the festival got in the way of everything, destroyed the relationship budding between them?
The thought sobered him, and soon, the kiss weakened. He cursed his brain over and over again, trying to fight against it, but Winnie must have sensed his slowing down, as well.
A single moment later, they pulled apart, their breathing heavy as they tried to catch up from the exhilaration of their kiss.
He rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and praying for clarity, for peace, until finally, he dropped his hands from around her.
With a sigh he looked to the horses that had wandered out into the rain. “We should probably get back. It doesn’t look like the rain is about to stop anytime soon.”
Winnie nodded in silence. Was she as disappointed as he was to have their kiss end ?
Together, they made their way out into the fields, gathered Prince and Nightshade, mounted the horses, then rode back to the stables in silence.
All the while, Matthew prayed that the time they’d spent together during their trip was a reflection for many more days to come—and not an indication of how their relationship would end.