Chapter 52
52
It was the best of times and the worst of times, thought Ethan.
‘No chocolate tastes as sweet as you,’ he would tell Libby each day in his kitchen, kissing her bare neck where she had her hair scraped back into a messy bun revealing that soft, pale skin underneath.
‘Stop distracting me,’ she would reply. But she never seemed able to stop herself from turning around and kissing him back.
And those kisses never seemed to be enough for him to quell the need for more from her. But he had to make do during the busy hours servicing and running the train throughout January until he could be alone with her once more.
All he wanted to do was slow time down, to make the nights even longer, but they whizzed past in a blur with just a whisper of the memory of holding Libby in his arms in the darkness.
Each morning before dawn, she would creep out of the old school and back to her cottage before her dad would know that she was gone.
It was a secret love. But perhaps not so secret.
His brother cornered him one day with a knowing look. ‘Must say, I’m glad that you two have finally got together,’ said Ryan. ‘It’s only been, what, almost thirty years?’
Ethan looked at him. ‘How did you know?’ he couldn’t help but ask.
‘Because you look happy, bro,’ Ryan told him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. ‘Have you told her how you feel?’
Ethan gulped and shrugged his shoulders in response.
Ryan looked a little worried at his brother’s expression. ‘Maybe her psychic powers aren’t as strong as you think they should be.’
‘Maybe everyone should mind their own business,’ Ethan told him before walking away.
But he wasn’t so quick that he noticed the sad shake of his brother’s head.
Surely Ryan of all people understood? Ethan couldn’t love anyone like that. It was too dangerous to open his heart up to the hurt that would surely happen when the relationship inevitably failed. Because love never lasted, did it? His mum had shown him what happened when the love stopped. That was when the real pain began for everyone and he just couldn’t do that to Libby.
And yet, despite his confused feelings, he rushed back to her each and every night, sweeping Libby into his arms as soon as he saw her and holding her tight, so tight, so that she could never leave him.
It was getting so bad that, only hours after she had crept home in the wee small hours of the morning, he would meet her at the front gate on her way for an early coffee at Platform 1.
‘Aren’t you sleeping?’ he asked her, desperate to reach for her hand but stopping himself as they nodded at a couple of dog walkers heading past.
‘Not especially,’ she replied, a smile playing on her lips. ‘At this rate, I’ll need extra make-up for Harriet’s wedding because I look so haggard.’
One glance at her face confirmed to Ethan that she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He felt himself growing closer and closer to her. One night they even finally spoke about Las Vegas.
‘I knew deep down that I wanted to marry you that night,’ he told her.
She stared up at him. ‘You did? Why? You’ve always been against marriage.’
‘Why?’ repeated Ethan before laughing. ‘For someone awfully bright, you’re remarkably stupid sometimes.’
‘Hey!’ she said, giving him a playful push with her hand.
But he didn’t move. Instead, he pulled her closer to him once more, letting his kisses replace the three words that he could never say.
One morning, as the end of January grew nearer, Ryan looked at him. ‘Do you really have to leave after the wedding? It’s clear how much you care for her,’ he said.
Ethan sighed and shook his head. ‘Don’t go there,’ he replied.
‘Why not?’ said Ryan. ‘It’s been as plain as day for years. I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t you and Libby.’
Ethan went to walk away, but his brother blocked his path. ‘You’re telling me that she doesn’t make each day better? That you can’t wait to see her? That she’s your other half? That she completes you?’
Ethan gulped. ‘It won’t work.’
‘I love you, bro, but don’t do this,’ Ryan told him. ‘Don’t be the world’s biggest idiot. If you let her go this time, that will be it. Forever. And that’s a long time to regret not having the love of your life in your actual life.’
Ethan sighed and then looked at his brother. ‘Since when did you get so wise?’ he asked.
‘I was always wise,’ said Ryan, with a grin. ‘You were just too dumb to notice.’
As they hugged, Ethan thought how grateful he was that he was closer than ever to Ryan. That he enjoyed having real friends in the village. Being close to his family and his roots.
And Libby, always Libby.
He had wondered over the years about getting the marriage annulled. Although he wasn’t sure he wanted to move on from being married to her.
And right at that moment, he would marry her all over again in a heartbeat.
Ethan shook his head. But he still needed to leave, didn’t he? After the wedding, he would move on once more. That way he wouldn’t get hurt and, more importantly, neither would she. Leaving was the only safe option for the both of them.
But this time the thought didn’t give him any sense of relief. It merely highlighted how much he would be giving up.