Chapter 3
3
An hour and a half or so of admiring the iconic skyscrapers and bustle of the sidewalks later, and the limousine glided to a halt outside a brownstone townhouse in a pink cherry tree-lined street in the West Village. The early evening sunshine peeped from between powder puff clouds high in a vivid blue sky giving the houses’ black wrought-iron railings and ornate architecture a happy, glistening glow.
‘Come on ladies, finish up your cocktails, we have arrived,’ Deedee said, chivvying Gina and Rosie along as they had been so in awe staring out the window taking in the sights that they had barely touched their dirty martinis. ‘This is our holiday home for the next week.’
‘Wow! I love it already.’ Gina swiftly took a few big mouthfuls of her cocktail, clearly in a hurry to take a proper look. Deedee smiled, pleased to see her friend excited.
‘Mmm, me too, it’s so cute with the lovely lavender pots on the side of the steps there,’ Rosie marvelled, chugging the last of her cocktail and almost pressing her nose onto the car’s window to get a closer look. ‘And it’s just like Carrie Bradshaw’s apartment in Sex and the City .’
‘I’m so glad you approve,’ Deedee nodded, delighted to see that the outside of the building where Lois’s penthouse apartment was looked exactly as it had in the photos she’d seen. It wasn’t always the case, as she had seen some shockingly misleading pictures, compared to reality, in her time running her own travel agency business. She thought of her shop now back in London, the lovely little corner premises with the chic Tiffany blue-and-gold signage and the high ceilings and solid oak wood flooring. The leather sofas and Nespresso coffee machine, the expensive Diptyque room spray she used to create a sense of luxury and escapism to a far-flung beach somewhere exotic for her clients and wondered how she would feel if she really did have to close the business. It would be the end of an era, that was for sure. She had left it in the capable hands of her assistant, Molly, who usually only worked weekends but had happily stepped in to cover for the week while Deedee was here in New York. Molly was saving up to try to get enough money together for a deposit on a home of her own, so Deedee had used the money she would usually have paid herself with this week to be able to give Molly the extra hours. But it was playing on her mind that she might soon have to tell Molly she’d be out of a job if wasn’t possible to figure out some sort of rescue plan to keep the company going. Though she truly hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Plus the shop was the last tangible bricks and mortar connection to Joe, a place where he had physically been as she had sold the house they lived in together for twenty years not long after he died, simply unable to bear the feeling of loss every time she got home and he wasn’t there. It was sad not overhearing him in his office on a call to a client or pottering around in the kitchen cooking his favourite pasta dish, perhaps pouring them each a glass of Whispering Angel to have with the dinner he often cooked. And he had been such a good cook.
Deedee had thought at the time, soon after Joe died, that a fresh start was necessary, that she’d feel differently in the lovely little mews house she’d found on the other side of Blackheath near Greenwich Park. That her heart would stop aching and she wouldn’t feel Joe’s absence so acutely in a house that he had never lived in. But the truth was it hadn’t changed things at all, her heart still ached, and she still missed him just as much. In fact, it had made it worse in a way, not having the familiarity of the furniture even – the sofa he had sat on, the bed they had slept in together. Deedee had got rid of it all and then deeply regretted her decision very soon after. Grief. Now she knew that’s what it had been at the time, and also in hindsight that it was never a good thing to make such a rash decision, a big life change in the midst of a bereavement. Of course, the grief had got easier to handle over the years, but it still walked beside her, sometimes falling way behind and lulling her into a false sense of security that it was going to be OK now, she could breathe again. Other times it got right up in her face and felt utterly overwhelming to the point of tears prickling in her eyes and a stifling tightness forming in her throat. Often when she least expected it. Like right now. She could feel tears stinging in the corners of her eyes making her vision filmy. She also wondered if Anthony asking about Luca had set the sense of loss off today – even though she was happy for Luca, it was sometimes something fairly innocuous that triggered the feeling of grief. Or was it being here for her big birthday without Joe? The sadness that he was missing out, as Joe had loved a celebration and always made a big effort to make sure everyone had the very best time. And he would have loved this big old brownstone building. They would have pondered together about the history of the building, the nostalgia, and ruminated on who had lived in a house like this over the decades. Making up wild stories together of a well-to-do family in the Gilded Age of 1800s New York, a bohemian community of students in the seventies perhaps, and hipsters in the converted apartments of the nineties. Or maybe the sudden sense of sadness was a mixture of it all, mingled in with the jet lag. But whatever it was, she definitely knew this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Deedee had honestly thought she and Joe would be with each other forever, grow old together. They were a team, had complemented each other, with Joe being the pragmatic one with his talk of ‘planning for our twilight years’. Whereas she had always been more maverick and ready to book the next adventure for them to enjoy so they had rich memories to treasure together in those twilight years. And then it suddenly hit her like a concrete slab to the chest. She gasped. Joe had been here with her in this very limo the last time they were in New York! No wonder she was unravelling right now.
Inhaling hard through her nose, she then let out a long breath from her mouth and pinned a smile on her face, thankful that she had her big shades on in case the tears actually escaped onto her cheeks again. It had happened on the way to the airport this morning when the taxi driver had gone on and on and on, saying, ‘Rather you than me love, travelling all that way and all by yourself, I’d be a bit lost without my other half,’ and she had nodded politely in agreement. Because it was true, she was feeling ‘a bit lost’ too and so had muttered a mute, ‘Yes, I can imagine,’ before pretending to take a call on her mobile just to change the subject as she’d surreptitiously wiped the tears away with the corner of a tissue. She usually didn’t mind explaining that she was a widow, even though the word was laced with all kinds of connotations and none of them good, as far as she was concerned. Only the other day, she had listened to a podcast where a younger widow was being interviewed and talked about the social stigma and feeling like an outcast for suddenly finding herself ‘husbandless’ among her group of married friends. And Deedee liked talking about Joe, about how wonderful and charismatic he had been, but in recent months she just hadn’t felt like it. She wanted to keep his memory all to herself, as if sharing any part of him with a stranger might somehow mean she’d lose a little bit more of him. It was silly really, she knew that, but still the feeling persisted.
‘Are you getting out of the limo?’ Anthony popped his head through the open car door, breaking Deedee from her reverie.
‘Oh, yes, sure,’ she said overbrightly, glancing around the car’s interior and seeing that it was empty now and both Gina and Rosie were standing on the sidewalk with their luggage and the bobbing birthday balloons. ‘Sorry, I was… um, just gathering myself,’ she settled on, not wanting to elaborate more and lower the mood for them all. This was supposed to be a fun time. She’d invited her friends here to celebrate, to drink cocktails and generally have a wonderfully joyful time together and so she couldn’t really mope about the place with a sad face on, even though that’s how she was feeling inside. She felt her phone vibrate and rummaged in her bag but didn’t find it in time. She looked at the screen and saw the same unknown number with a USA country code that had rung several times now but still hadn’t left a message. Scammers no doubt, Deedee concluded, as all the people she knew who lived in America were stored in her phone under their names and everyone knew that scammers never left a message. Maybe she should block the number.
‘You sure you are OK, doll? You seem miles away,’ Anthony said interrupting her thoughts. He took her hand to help her as she clambered across the long leather seat, the smooth denim of her jumpsuit making her slip slide all over the place.
‘Yes, I’ll be fine,’ she told him, widening her smile and giving his hand a squeeze as if to reassure him. ‘Just tired from travelling, that’s all.’ She dipped her head and traced an index finger over the leather piping part of the seat where Joe had sat that last time.
‘And nothing more?’ He let go of her hand and gave the side of her arm a comforting stroke. But before she could answer, Rosie dashed around from where she had been standing by the boot of the car.
‘Oh, Deedee, this place is picture-perfect! Thanks so much for finding it for us. And I just saw the cutest guy – faded jean shorts, T-shirt, designer trainers and a beard – you know the type, a proper New York hipster and he was on a skateboard with a caramel-coloured cockapoo puppy under one arm. So sweet. He waved too, a kind of cheeky salute with a wink.’
‘And I saw a man pushing a hot dog cart at the end of the road there. In fact, why don’t we head out to have a look around right away and see if we can find out where that hot dog man has pitched up?’ Gina said excitedly, batting the balloons away from in front of her face and then looking at Deedee and then to Rosie, before adding, ‘As soon as we’ve taken our luggage inside, of course.’
‘I’m up for it, and we can always go to the You’ve Got Mail place another time too,’ Rosie grinned, and went to push her suitcase towards the stone steps leading up to the front door of the brownstone.
‘Um—’ Deedee hesitated, not usually one for missing out on fun, but knew she needed a moment to pull herself together and acclimatise to being here without Joe, so added, ‘I think I’ll take that shower and get some rest tonight so I’m firing on all cylinders tomorrow.’
‘Are you sure?’ Gina asked. ‘We could bring a hot dog back for you, or a giant slice of pizza if you prefer?’
‘Yes, absolutely sure darling, don’t worry about me. I want to unpack my luggage, hang up my clothes so the creases drop, do my skincare – flying is so dehydrating – you know, do all those kinds of thing so I feel organised. You go though, I’ll order in something to eat, but thanks for the offer.’ She took a quick breath, suddenly conscious that she was talking too much to cover up how she really felt.
‘We could wait for you,’ Rosie suggested, keenly. ‘It won’t be the same without you and it doesn’t seem right to leave you on your own on our first night together in wonderful New York. Especially when you are the reason we are here… to celebrate your big birthday.’ Deedee was grateful when Anthony stepped in.
‘If you want hot dogs then I’ll take you to my pal, Larry, on the corner of Fifth and 59 th . You don’t want to be chasing after some putz dragging his truck down the sidewalk all the way back here in the West Village.’ Anthony flapped a hand in the air. ‘No, not when Larry’s dogs are the best in town!’
‘Even better than Gray’s Papaya in You’ve Got Mail ?’ Rosie winked.
‘Yes, even better than Gray’s Papaya in You’ve Got flaming Mail !’ He let out a long whistle and shook his head as if they were deranged to even consider biting into a sausage cooked by anyone other than his pal, Larry. With a flabbergasted look on his face, Anthony swiped up a couple of their suitcases, one under each arm and scaled the stoop like a nimble-footed mountain goat straight up to the front door in one swift movement. Dumping the cases on the door mat, he turned and hollered, ‘Let’s go ladies, chit-chat time is lateeeer! This is New York remember… aka the city that never sleeps, for crying out loud ,’ and clapped the heels of his hands together a few times, before tapping the screen of his watch. ‘Also, the traffic cop is gonna turn up any hot second now and if it’s that same witch I encountered last time then we’ll all be turned to dust with just one mean look from her evil laser-beaming beady eyes! That monster can spot a parking violation from ten blocks away.’ He puffed out a long plume of fully exasperated air.