Chapter 4
4
The next morning, Deedee felt a million times better than she had the day before. After soaking in a jasmine-scented bubble bath last night, she had unpacked her suitcase and then lounged on the sofa with her feet up and her LED light therapy mask strapped to her face. She had watched one of those real-estate shows on Netflix and enjoyed a delivery from her favourite sushi restaurant before getting an early night, New York time, in the hope of sleep sorting out all her thoughts from yesterday so she could feel brighter and in more of a happy holiday mood today. And it had worked as she was now on the roof terrace doing her regular yoga sun salutations and feeling much more like her usual self, optimistic and upbeat and she had even had one of her chatty conversations with Joe inside her head. Something she often did, especially when she was feeling at peace with his death. And sometimes she’d talk out loud to him too when nobody else was around to wonder if she had gone completely bonkers. But she found it cathartic and comforting and funny sometimes, like she had just now on first coming out here to the oasis on the roof terrace. She had gasped on seeing the breathtakingly majestic view of the skyline studded with glittering skyscrapers in the misty early-morning air and tall, spindly church spires too. There was even a glimpse of the iconic Empire State Building in the distance. It was so exhilarating, like being on top of the world.
Wooden planters around the rooftop’s perimeter topped with tall, soft grasses swayed in the spring breeze as she did her last downward dog followed by a namaste pose before planting her hands on her hips and simply gazing across the rooftops of the other brownstones. She was mesmerised all over again by the magnificent view of the streets below. Car horns and the hustle and bustle of people speedwalking to wherever they were going with coffee cups clutched in their hands. Now that the mist had cleared, a hazy early-morning breeze, swirled around the skyscrapers and made her hair flutter around her face, filling her with a newfound energy.
‘Oh, Joe, you should see it from up here… I know you’d love this view too. The buzz and sheer vibrancy of the city that never sleeps is right down there. Although I can hear your voice now telling me off. To “step away from the goddam edge, you crazy woman!”’ Deedee smiled to herself as she shook her head, remembering how sensible Joe was, always the practical one to balance her reckless, risk-taking nature. He had surprised her one summer by chartering a speedboat off the coast of Monaco. She had only stood up for a few seconds as they had reached the top speed, delighting in the thrill from the sea’s cool spray as it thrashed against the side of the boat, making it bounce higher and higher and faster and faster as they rode the waves, when Joe had nearly yanked her arm from the socket as he’d pulled her back down to a safe seated position, terrified that she was going to go overboard. They had laughed about it later, him saving her from catapulting headfirst into the Mediterranean sea and averting potentially catastrophic consequence. But on a serious note, Joe had said the thought of living without her didn’t bear thinking about, it was too painful to even consider, so he wasn’t taking any chances. So if it meant dislocating her shoulder in order to keep her alive, then so be it. The irony of his fear never coming to fruition wasn’t lost on Deedee with her now the one who had found it too painful at times to live without him . Not so much these days of course, she had plenty of joy back in her life too, travelling and spending time with her friends. But in the early days, months, the first year after his death there had been many moments when she had contemplated stepping in front of a fast train or careering her car over the side of a bridge just to free herself from the agony of having to live without him.
Shaking her head as if to banish the bad thoughts, she took a few steps back, so she wasn’t quite so close to the edge of the rooftop. Although it was perfectly safe with the big planters full of reedy grass around the perimeter, she still felt a loyalty to Joe and took comfort in remembering the care he had given her, and little actions like heeding his wise words was another one of her ways of keeping him close. Keeping his spirit alive and the memory of him living on. It felt important to do so, especially as neither of them had any family left to remember him. Joe had been an only child, the same as Deedee. Both sets of Joe’s and Deedee’s parents had died before they met so they’d only ever had each other and Deedee supposed this is why her oldest friends – Anthony, Karl and Yiannis – were especially important to her, with their shared history and love of Joe too, a chosen family of sorts. And more recently, Gina and Rosie, although they had never met Joe, Deedee loved having them in her life, both younger than her by twenty years, their youth and zest for life was refreshing, rejuvenating and made her feel younger too. Even if she had ducked out of the hot dog run last night. But she felt back on form today and so fully intended on keeping up with them for the rest of the holiday. Deedee made a mental note to sit down with Rosie and take a look at the itinerary she had put together and to also set aside some time to try and come up with a plan for the travel agency.
‘Oh, there you are.’ Gina appeared, wearing pyjama shorts and with bed hair, having clearly just woken up. She had a supersized almond croissant in one hand and Deedee’s mobile phone with its sparkly, silver rhinestone cover in the other. ‘You left this on the hall table,’ she added, handing the phone to Deedee. ‘It’s rung a few times and so I answered the last call, and it was Yiannis – he’s going to call you back later. He said to say sorry he missed your call last night, he was tied up in a meeting – I hope you don’t mind me answering it, only I thought someone might be trying to contact you urgently with it ringing so many times.’
‘Oh no, of course not, darling. Thank you. I can’t believe I forgot to bring my mobile up on to the roof with me. It usually never leaves my side. Mind you, maybe it’s a good thing, to do a little digital detox while I’m here.’ She took the phone from Gina.
‘Yes, good plan. I’ve honestly felt brand new this last year or so, since I made a conscious effort to put my phone away and do other things instead – painting, reading, walking on the beach… that kind of thing. My perimenopause brain fog has lifted too, although that could be the HRT kicking in. Thanks again for putting me in touch with your doctor, Deedee, that woman is a miracle worker!’
‘Good for you. And yes, Louise is a wonder isn’t she? Mind you, I don’t have that brain fog problem any more, having come out the other side of it, but I think I will at least try to cut down on the doom scrolling. Such a time sap! And a mood drainer.’ Deedee sighed, recalling the relentlessly long hours she had lost to sifting through the pictures and films of her life with Joe that were stored inside her phone. Maybe it was time to download them all into a proper album that she could take out at specific times to look at instead of trying and always failing to resist the impulse to keep checking and feeling her mood drop as she was doing so. It couldn’t be good for her. Living in the past. But it was so hard not to at times.
‘Exactly, I’m so much happier since I took my life back and focused on doing all the things that bring me joy. And I don’t want to miss any of this marvellous city and being with my friends by wasting time scrolling on my phone.’ Gina swept a hand out wide, as if to showcase the view.
‘I certainly don’t either. But I do need to see who all the calls were from.’ Deedee tentatively glanced at the screen in case it was Molly trying to contact her about a problem at the travel agency, but thankfully not. She saw seven missed calls displayed on the screen. Two from Yiannis and five from the scammers with the USA country code. ‘Sorry, I hope the ringing didn’t wake you up,’ Deedee said, vaguely, seeing she had forgotten to flick the switch to silent mode.
‘Oh no, it’s fine,’ Gina said. ‘I was just starfishing in bed and relishing the lovely long lie in, letting my mind wander and thinking of all the exciting things we can do while we are here in The Big Apple.’ She smiled and took a bite of the croissant. ‘Would you like some?’ she added, tearing off a piece and offering it to Deedee.
‘Ooh, yes please. The yoga has worked up an appetite.’ Deedee bit into the flaky pastry with a creamy sweet almond paste centre. ‘Mmm, this is delicious,’ she murmured in between mouthfuls.
‘It’s from the cutest little bakery on the corner of the street – Rosie went out early to explore and has just arrived back with a giant, pink ribbon-tied box full of baked breakfast treats – there are muffins and those creamy cronut cake things too. Plus there’s the biggest reusable cup of coffee I’ve ever seen waiting for you downstairs.’ Gina laughed.
‘Ah, yes everything seems bigger and bolder here, doesn’t it? And Rosie is so thoughtful, the sushi I had last night wasn’t exactly filling, so a box of pastries is a very welcome treat.’
‘Sure is,’ Gina grinned. ‘Are you coming down now… before your coffee goes cold?’ she asked kindly.
‘Yes,’ Deedee smiled, finishing the last of the croissant and then rolled up her yoga mat, ‘and thanks again, Gina.’ She wiped the powdery, sugary crumbs from her lips.
‘You’re welcome. So how are you feeling today?’ Gina tilted her head to one side as Deedee pushed the yoga mat under her arm.
‘Oh, I’m fine,’ Deedee said far too quickly, seeing Gina’s eyebrows instantly knit in concern.
‘Only you seemed a little subdued last night when we first got here,’ Gina continued as they walked side by side across the rooftop towards the door where the stairs led down into the house. ‘Is everything OK?’
‘Just jet lag, but the early night made all the difference,’ Deedee told her friend, pushing the worry about her travel agency business to the back of her mind, and not wanting to mention just how much she was missing Joe in case she spoiled Gina’s happy holiday mood and her own newfound buoyancy dipped. ‘How about you? How were the hot dogs last night?’ she said to change the subject.
‘Not as good as I imagined they might be, to be honest,’ Gina laughed, before quickly adding, ‘But please don’t tell Anthony. It was kind of him to indulge us with the impromptu trip to Fifth Avenue just to get junk food from a cart on a street corner.’
‘I promise! Your secret is safe with me. Although I doubt he minded taking you – he might come across as perpetually put out, but he enjoys it really. He loves the last minute drama of everything, and he adores female company, and of course loves showing off New York, his dazzling hometown. Always the performer.’ Deedee laughed too.
‘Ah, yes, he did get very animated pointing out various landmarks, like an overexcited tour guide, which was wonderful actually. He made it even more exciting. And Fifth Avenue was amazing of course, just as I remembered it being from all those years ago! We didn’t spend too much time there of course, as Anthony was fretting again about a traffic warden turning up. So I can’t wait to go back and have a proper look, to do some shopping and general browsing and have a brilliant time with you and Rosie.’