Chapter 10
TEN
EYES ON MINE, PRETTY GIRL
H olden
I have never been as hyped-up in my damn life as I am right now, kneeling between Briar’s parted thighs, her naked body spread over my bed, waiting for me to fuck her.
Briar is fucking perfect. Her tits, two perfect handfuls with pale pink nipples that are already hard and her hips, the perfect curve of smooth, bronze skin. My eyes roam over every inch of her, memorizing her body as my cock throbs in my hand.
There is no way I will be able to fuck Briar once and get her out of my system; I know that now. That makes this dangerous. But fuck me, I can’t stop.
I lost control of this the minute Briar stepped out of the bedroom in that fuchsia pink minidress and those three-inch heels, her hair cascading over her delicate shoulders. She managed to throw my world off its axis in less than 30 seconds. Game over. I didn’t stand a chance.
She moans when I slide my dick over her clit. “Holden, please start doing what you promised me you would. ”
“I always keep my promises, babe. But let me play first.” I tease her opening again with the head of my cock.
“Holden!” she answers immediately.
“I love it when you scream my name.”
“I’d like to be screaming your name while your dick is inside me.”
I laugh at that. “Your impatience is so fucking hot.”
She reaches between her legs for my cock.
“You sure, Bee, that you want this?”
“I swear, Holden, if you don’t stop talking and start fucking me, we’re going to have a problem.”
I smirk. “I think someone needs my cock. Luckily, I need to fuck you just as badly.”
Briar’s eyes focus on my erection, so I give it a tug, fisting my shaft. “You’re huge, Holden. I’m scared you’re not going to fit.”
“We’ll make it fit. I’ll go slow,” I say, reaching for the nightstand to dig out a condom. Once I’m suited up, I settle into the V of her hips, my hands bracing her thighs.
I line the head of my cock up with her drenched entrance, toying with her at first before slowly pushing inside.
She’s so damn tight.
And hot.
I’m never going to last once I’m buried deep inside her body. I lean forward on my palms over her as I push a little further, until I’m about halfway in, pressing an open-mouth kiss to her lips.
What’s better? Tasting every inch of her body and feeling her come on my tongue? Or sinking into her tight, wet heat? I can’t decide. One thing I know for sure is I want to make her come again, which is what I plan on doing next.
I close my eyes, gritting my teeth as I try to control myself. I pray I don’t bust my nut the second I’m all the way in because she feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s not easy. She fits me like she was made for me.
It’s so tempting to fuck her into this mattress until she’s chanting my name, but I restrain myself. I’m not sure what I thought she would feel like, but I know it wasn’t anywhere close to this.
“I’m going to go a little deeper, Bee. Can you handle it?”
She mewls. It’s the sweetest sound. Her lips part and her eyes flutter closed. “Yes, like that, yes.”
“Eyes on mine, pretty girl. I want you to remember who’s fucking you.”
Her hands splay on either side of my jaw, pulling my face towards her so she can kiss me. I groan against her lips when I’m filling her completely. I nearly come on the spot, balls drawing up into my body, cock throbbing.
My pulse strums a steady beat under my skin as I begin to pump my hips and thrust my length inside her body. My pelvis pushes against her pelvis. My balls tighten, wanting to release.
“Look at you taking me so good, baby, clenching my cock like a vice.”
Her eyes are pointed to where we’re joined, watching my shaft slide in and out of her. “Look at us, Bee. It’s fucking perfect. You look so hot taking my dick like a good girl. Look at how drenched you are for me.”
“So good. So, so good,” she says, her fingernails scraping down my shoulders as I move my hips.
“We fit perfectly together. So fucking perfect.”
I probably shouldn’t have admitted that, but I’m not thinking straight. I can’t think at all. It’s quite possible my brain exploded as soon as I felt her walls tighten around my cock .
Briar tilts her hips until I’m hitting the right spot, and I know she’s close. I’m on the verge too so I slow my pace a little trying to hold on to my last shreds of control. It’s almost too much, trying to hold off my impending orgasm. And when she reaches between her thighs and massages my balls, I almost shoot like a rocket. I’m a ball man, I love when they’re played with.
Go slow, take your time, I tell myself in my head, wanting to draw this out as long as I can.
If I can only have her one time in my life, I want to make sure neither of us ever forget it. I want to ruin her for all guys after me. The same way all women will be ruined for me.
I regain my composure and begin to rock my hips into her, reaching down between her legs and swirling my thumb over her clit. Her inner walls clench around my cock, and the feeling of it ignites a spark in my body. Her breath hitches and her body tenses. She’s right there on the edge. She just needs a little more.
“Hold on, beautiful. I’m going to make you see stars.”
With short, quick movements, I glide in and out of her tight body until the pleasure is so great, I’m biting the inside of my cheek so I don’t come like a teenager. Her body shudders as she chants my name over and over, as she soars over the edge, riding out her release. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
It’s only when her wet, tight channel is squeezing the life out of my cock, that I come with a moan and pour into the condom, draining my balls. Every muscle is trembling through my release; it feels like I’ve left my body. It takes minutes for the aftershocks to subside, and when they do and my muscles relax, I collapse on top of her, and we both lie there until our breathing evens out .
Fuck. That was the most intense orgasm of my life.
We’re both destroyed. I stay inside her as she clings to me, my face nuzzled in her neck. I can feel her heartbeat against mine as our chests heave, but we stay tangled together, neither one of us wanting to move.
I only pull out when I soften, rolling onto my back, taking her with me. I kiss the top of her head, and this time when my lips brush over her hair it feels sweet and gentle.
“Don’t move. I’ll be right back,” I tell her, walking to the bathroom to get rid of the condom.
When I climb back in bed, I breathe a sigh of relief that she’s still there. It makes no sense. I know that this isn’t going anywhere. We’re both too messed up from our pasts. Knowing that this is probably the only time I will be with her makes my heart clench. If only things were different.
I move her face into the crook of my neck and inhale her scent, then softly stroke her hair. Her naked body snuggles into my side.
“Briar,” I murmur into her hair. “Do you think it’s a bad idea if we fall asleep like this? Just tonight, and then tomorrow we can go back to normal.”
“I think it’s fine,” she sighs into my chest. “I’m your fake girlfriend. You don’t have to worry.”
“Worry about what?”
“About falling in love. Catching feelings. You don’t have to worry.”
My stomach bottoms to the tips of my toes. I know what this is but damn if her words don’t sting. Briar’s hand rests on my chest as she exhales a long breath into my neck, and I tighten my arms around her.
And I fall asleep hungry for more.
I’m not surprised when I wake up the next morning alone.
It’s Sunday morning and the time on my phone reads 8:00 a.m. I don’t remember her having to be anywhere today. I rub a hand over my face, wondering how she’s feeling after last night. Does she have regrets? Is that why she slipped out of bed so early? Or maybe she was just trying to avoid the awkward morning-after-sex conversation.
Not much seems to ruffle Briar’s feathers. But maybe a one-night stand is all it takes.
I smile, my mind filling with thoughts of Briar and visions of watching her come last night. Is she replaying the night in her mind like I am? Is she already considering a repeat because I know for damn sure I want more. Maybe I’ll cook her dinner tonight and see where things could lead. I laugh to myself, realizing that I’m obsessing about Briar.
But we need to talk. If we’re going to live together, we need to have an open and honest conversation about what happens next.
I had more fun last night than I’ve had in a very long time. Dinner with Briar was incredible. We laughed, we flirted; the chemistry between the two of us was electric. I was able to be myself around a woman and that is something I haven’t felt in… forever.
Briar intrigues me. She caught my eye from the minute we met, and my fascination with the girl has only grown stronger. I don’t know exactly what her ex-boyfriend did to her, but I know enough to know that he hurt her. Badly. And I can’t understand how anyone could be a prick to one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met. The guy must be a giant asshole. He’s lucky he lives in another country. If he shows up around here looking for her, the violence raging through my veins will not be able to be contained .
Being around Briar—her spontaneity and bubbly personality—makes me feel lighter. There are people who make you happy by simply being in their presence and she is that for me.
It terrifies me how badly I want a repeat of last night. My god, I’ve never had sex like that in my life. It was mind-shattering. Life-changing. I thought I had experienced great chemistry before, but nothing even comes close to how I felt with Briar last night.
My body craved her, I craved her. It wasn’t even 10 minutes after pulling out of her that I wanted her again. After the first time, I was addicted. After three rounds, I was insatiable.
It hadn’t been all that difficult for me to go an entire year without intimacy with another woman, but one night with Briar is all it took to make me want more.
Maybe she’d agree to one more time. Maybe she’d agree to more? If there is anyone who could bring me out of my celibacy for good, it’s her. Fuck me, this girl has gotten to me. I can already tell I’m getting too attached to Briar and that is exactly what I promised myself I wouldn’t do. There’s no point letting this go any further when I know there’s no hope for a future.
Why am I such a disaster when it comes to relationships? I let out a frustrated groan before dragging myself out of bed, brushing my teeth and throwing on a pair of shorts.
Maybe a cup of coffee will help me see things clearer. I tell myself it doesn’t matter if Briar is here or not, but when I step into the kitchen and see her sitting at the bar sipping a cup of tea, I instantly smile.
Her hair is a blonde, wild mess on top of her head and she’s wearing my T-shirt slung over her tiny frame. She startles when she notices me, and Bear, who had been sitting on her lap, leaps out of her arms and onto the floor.
“Oh no! I’m sorry!” She springs from her stool, chasing Bear into the living room.
I lean against the counter and watch as she tries to wrangle the cat into her arms. When she finally gets a hold of her, she strokes the thing behind its ears then presses a kiss to the top of its head. “I’m sorry, Holden,” she says, grimacing. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
I press my lips together, preparing for the sneeze that I already feel coming my way.
“Oh god, you’re mad. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“I’m not mad.” I hold up a hand as the sneeze finally barrels out of me.
“You’re sneezing again. And your eyes are red. Holden, are you okay?”
She crosses the room to where I’m standing, Bear still in her arms. When she’s a few inches away, I sneeze again.
“I’m fine.” Or I will be once I take my allergy meds. And once she gets that damn cat away from me.
Briar looks from the cat to me, her eyes widening. “Holden Banks, are you allergic to Bear?”
I bite my lip. “Maybe.”
Briar’s jaw drops. “What!” She playfully taps my chest. “Why on earth would you allow me to move in with you if you’re allergic to cats?”
I shrug, opening the cupboard and reaching for my Claritin. “You needed a place to stay.”
“Have you been taking medication this entire time?” I shrug again. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“This is why I didn’t tell you,” I say, filling a glass from the tap and swallowing the tiny pill. “I knew you’d make a bigger deal out of it than what it is. ”
“A bigger deal? Holden, you have been drugging yourself so I can live with you. It’s a big deal.”
“A little dramatic, don’t you think?” She’s so fucking cute.
“Not even a little.”
I raise my hand, holding my index finger an inch from my thumb. “Just a little.”
Briar hands me a plate heaped with powdered sugar-topped French toast and bacon. “I made you this. I’m going to put Bear back in my bedroom before you drop dead from anaphylactic shock.”
I roll my eyes as I watch her walk away, then turn my attention to the gigantic mess she’s made in my kitchen. As usual, it’s like she took a wrecking ball to the place. But on the other hand, she took the time to make me breakfast. A breakfast she won’t eat. She’s always busy doing nice things for the people in her life, including me. Busy Bee. The nickname suits her. And if you ask me, I think it’s growing on her.
A few minutes later, she returns to the kitchen but stops near the doorway. I feel her eyes on me as I eat breakfast.
I look up from my phone and catch her staring, then raise my eyebrows at her. “Do you want me to put on a shirt, Bee?”
“You know, not everyone likes guys who are all muscle-y.”
“But you do,” I say with a smirk.
“I’m never looking at your muscles again,” she huffs.
She takes the seat next to me, looking over my shoulder when I laugh at something on my phone. “What’s so funny?”
“It’s just my mom,” I explain. “She’s obsessed with Reddit. She’s constantly sending me the weirdest shit.”
“What? Show me. ”
She leans towards me, and I am suddenly hyper-aware of the place where her arm presses against mine. I clear my throat.
I tilt my screen to show her the post my mom sent me. It’s a picture of a middle-aged woman doing a deep lunge in a sequin bodysuit, along with the caption, “Dance like the rest of the world can fuck right off.”
Briar coughs out a laugh. “I don’t know your mom, but I like her already.”
“She sends me this stuff every single day,” I tell her, shaking my head. “But yeah, she’s pretty great.”
Briar smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She dips the teabag in and out of her mug, not looking at me. She seems nervous, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s regretting what happened between us last night.
Shit.
“So, we should probably talk.” I swallow. “I haven’t had a woman in my bed in a year.”
“Since Aubrey.”
I nod and inhale deeply. “Yes.”
“What happened between you two?”
“It’s a long story.”
“We have all morning.”
Briar watches me, waiting for my response.
I sigh. “She wanted to get married and have kids.”
She arches her eyebrows. “And you didn’t?”
“No.”
“So, what happened?”
“Eventually, I ended things. She felt like I strung her along, wasted her time. I didn’t mean to, but I hurt her.”
“And you haven’t dated since then?”
“No. ”
“Why not? People break up all the time, but they don’t usually swear off dating because of it.”
I consider this. I’ve never really talked to anyone about this, not even the guys. But for some reason, I want to be totally honest with Briar.
“I can’t give a woman what she wants. Most want a ring, and a house with a white picket fence and kids. And I don’t. That kind of makes me undatable.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them all back. I want to tell her I could try for her. I want to tell her that I’ve never felt sparks the way I do when I kiss her. That my house has never felt more like a home than it has this past week. Even with all her mess, the brightly colored pillows, the blanket I don’t need, the plants that I know will be dead as soon as she moves out. I want to tell her that I like having her here with me. That I like her .
But despite these feelings, deep down I’m still the same guy I always have been. In the end, I would still let her down. So, I stay silent, waiting for Briar to say something.
“Maybe if you found the right person, you’d change your mind,” she says gently. “Love has a way of making you do crazy things.”
I let her words sink in. There’s something about the way Briar makes me feel that has me hoping that I won’t be alone forever. Maybe I could make someone happy one day. That’s a thought I haven’t let myself believe in a long time.
“Maybe.” I let out a deep breath, feeling like I’m having a hard time trying to explain myself. “It’s just… look at my parents. They got married and had two kids only to decide they didn’t want to be married to each other. What was the point? Over 50 percent of relationships end in divorce.”
“And some don’t. There’s always a chance you’ll find the one and live happily ever after. ”
“You never know. Maybe I’ll change my mind.”
“I hope you do,” she says.
“But I’m pretty positive that I don’t want kids.”
Before I can say anything more, Briar takes a deep breath, like she’s gathering her courage. “Holden, listen,” she says, twisting her hands in her lap. “I had a great night with you last night, but it can’t happen again. We’re roommates. We have the same friends now. I’m not looking to date someone. When I’m ready, I want to… find my person, you know? Get married and start a family. I want everything you don’t.”
The muscle in my jaw flexes as my chest aches a little in my chest. This is the way it has to be. The only way. Hell, I knew this before I kissed her in the kitchen last night. She’s right. It’s better to end it here before we ruin a friendship, before we ruin the dynamics of our entire friend group.
“We’re still friends, right? And I’ll still be your fake girlfriend, but I don’t think it’s smart for us to fool around. We’ll have to be somewhat affectionate in public, but when we’re at home, we need to keep some distance.”
I nod, even though my stomach is in knots and I’m not totally sure what she said. I spaced out after she told me last night could never happen again.
“Good.” She wraps an arm around my back and drops her head on my shoulder, signalling that the awkward conversation is now done.
“I’m going to go take a shower,” she says, stifling a yawn as she slides off her chair. “I need to wake up.”
I nod and watch her walk out of the room. We were up for hours last night. I think we’re both feeling pretty tired. I scrub both hands over my face. This is such a mess. I never should have had sex with Briar. How did I think I could be intimate with her and then just go back to living together as roommates and nothing more?
The ache in my chest doubles in intensity as I walk to the front door and lace up my sneakers to go for a run. I desperately need to put some distance between me and Briar.