Chapter 11
ELEVEN
I GUESS WE WERE THAT OBVIOUS
B riar
I screwed up.
Why did I sleep with Holden?
That is the question that has been running through my head on repeat since I woke up in Holden’s bed this morning.
He was still asleep when I slipped out from under the covers and crept to the kitchen. I made a cup of tea, but it didn’t help keep my mind from replaying the mind-blowing sex I had with Holden last night. Needing a distraction, I decided to make breakfast and was just finishing up with the French toast and bacon when Holden finally appeared in the doorway, shirtless and with the sexiest case of bedhead I’ve ever seen.
I wanted to let breakfast get cold, to walk him right back into the bedroom and go for a round four. Oh my god. Did we really have sex three times? And the craziest part was that he was somehow able to bring me to orgasm three times too.
The barista at Dream Bean, my usual weekend spot, calls out my order, bringing me back to the present. Grabbing my green tea lemonade, I head outside in the direction of the beach. I need to clear my head, and I’m hoping a walk and the ocean air will do the trick.
I’ve gotten all of 10 steps when I hear my name. I wince when I see Daisy and Everly headed towards me. Any other day I would be thrilled to see them, but I’m certainly not in the right frame of mind to talk to anyone after the morning I’ve had. But there’s no point trying to avoid them now, so I do my best to put a smile on my face and fake it.
“Hey, Briar. Long time no see,” Everly jokes as Daisy wraps her arms around me in a tight hug.
I laugh when she plants a kiss on my cheek. “What are you two up to?”
“You would know if you looked at your phone. I texted you twice.” Daisy keeps her pointed gaze on me. “So, how did last night go?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, hoping I sound more innocent than I feel. Did she notice Holden and I flirting last night? Would Holden have told Tucker what happened when we got home? Oh god. Does she know that I had sex with her husband’s best friend? Would she care?
“You were looking pretty close with Holden last night.”
I guess we were that obvious. I shouldn’t be surprised that our friends are talking about it. Trying my best to look unaffected by her comment, I lift a shoulder. “We both probably drank a little too much. I think we all did.”
“Are you as hungover as I am?” Everly asks, and I mentally thank her for redirecting the conversation.
“I’ve definitely felt better.”
“Me too,” Everly says. “It was a rough morning so when Jake offered to stay home with the kids so I could grab a coffee with Daisy, I didn’t argue. I might need two cups. ”
“Can you join us?” Daisy asks.
“I would love to, but I’m exhausted. I’m going to go home and have a nap.”
“With Holden?” Daisy raises her eyebrows.
“No, not with Holden. Sorry to disappoint.”
“The only one who should be disappointed is you,” Daisy teases. “You should be hitting that.”
I shake my head at my best friend. “Not dating, remember? Neither is he.”
I haven’t seen or spoken to Holden since I left him in the kitchen this morning. When I finished getting ready after my shower, he was gone. It’s not like we had anything to talk about. We had already said everything that needed to be said, but still the conversation felt so awkward. And then to find out he was just… gone, it kind of stung.
“Mmm hmm,” Daisy says with a twinkle in her eye before Everly interjects, saving me yet again. “I’m actually happy that I ran into you today, Briar. I wanted to welcome you to Haven Harbor by having you and Holden for dinner, and Daisy and Tucker and Sierra and Gray too. I was thinking maybe next weekend if you’re free?”
A bead of sweat trickles down my spine. Summer this year in Reed Point has been suffocating. For nearly two weeks, the temperature has hit record levels. So hot that if you walked barefoot on the concrete, you’d get third degree burns. But it’s possible I’m in a sweat for a different reason.
I’m not sure having dinner with Holden at Jake and Everly’s is a good idea. Distance seems like the better choice. Then I remember that I already agreed to go to his parent’s house tomorrow night. Shit. The universe is clearly testing me.
Rather than say no to Everly and run the risk of appearing rude, I say, “That sounds lovely. I’ll talk to Holden and see if he’s free and get back to you.”
“You two haven’t synched your calendars yet?” Daisy asks.
I roll my eyes. She is not going to let up on this.
When I arrive back at the house, the place is dark, and Holden is nowhere to be seen. I kick off my shoes and drop my bag by the door, then go up the stairs to see how Bear is doing. The door to Holden’s room is open, so I peek inside, but there’s no sign of him there either.
Heading to the spare room, I flick on the light to find the most beautiful bedroom I’ve ever seen. There is a queen size bed with a light gray fabric headboard and white comforter in the center of the room. It’s covered with pillows in grays and soft pinks with crisp white bedsheets tucked neatly into the bed frame. There’s a pretty white nightstand with a lamp on the far side and a matching dresser against the wall. Bear is curled up in the center of the bed and all I want to do is curl up beside her and never leave.
The room is a dream. And Holden put this all together for me.
The poor guy was probably suffering from having to be in the same room as my cat for a few hours, but knowing Holden the way I do now, that wouldn’t have stopped him. He is thoughtful and kind and puts others before himself. Someone who likes to make the people he cares about happy. And I love that about him.
I feel tears prick at my eyes as I sit down and sink into the bedding. Justin never cared about me. He never cared enough to even ask me how my day was, never mind doing something like this. He gave me nothing while he took everything from me over the years. It took me a long time to see that, but now it’s crystal clear. My friendship with Holden makes me feel cared for and appreciated. He makes me feel comfortable and safe enough to share how I really feel. My heart nearly explodes when I lie in this gorgeous new room… or at least it feels that way from the fullness in my chest. Holden didn’t need to do any of this—just letting me stay at his house was generous enough; even if he’d just given me the couch to crash on, I would have been grateful. But he did all of this to make me feel at home, and it’s the most thoughtful thing any man has ever done for me.
I’m not used to people doing nice things for me, and I don’t quite know how to process it. Justin really messed me up, and I wish I was able to just get past it. I cared about him, and he hurt me in the worst way. For a long time, I’ve wondered if I’d ever really be able to trust a man again.
Sitting up against the pillows with Bear in my lap, I send Holden a text to thank him.
Briar: My new room is beautiful, Holden. I feel terrible I wasn’t around to help you.
I wait a few minutes and there’s no response, so I change into my pajamas and get ready for bed. As I climb under the crisp new sheet, a notification from Holden pops up on my screen and I swipe the device to life.
Holden: Don’t feel bad. It didn’t take me long to put it together.
Briar: Thank you for being so generous. I hope Bear didn’t give you too much trouble.
Holden: You don’t need to thank me. You do need to have a talk with your cat though. I think she hates me.
Briar: Bear doesn’t hate anyone. Give her time to warm up to you.
I stare at the screen, wanting to know where he is and what he’s doing on a Saturday night. Since I moved in, we’ve gone to bed every night together and something about being here without him feels different… and wrong.
I set my phone to do not disturb, double check my alarm for tomorrow, and then sink into the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. Pulling the soft sheets up to my chin, I breathe in their fresh laundry scent, which makes me realize that Holden must have washed everything before he made my bed. For some reason, that makes my heart swell a little bit more.
I’m exhausted, but I find myself lying wide awake, thoughts of Holden running through my head.
Stop thinking about Holden, stop thinking about Holden, stop thinking about Holden.
As I finally feel myself start to settle into sleep, another thought crosses my mind: I love my new bed, but it’s not Holden’s and that fact makes me incredibly sad.
“You really don’t have to do this,” Holden tells me again as he opens the passenger door of his truck, and I slide onto the leather seat.
“Are you kidding? After what you’ve told me about your parents so far, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I insist. “Besides, I plan on getting the dirt on you. You know, childhood photo albums, most embarrassing teenager moments. All the good stuff.”
We’re going to his parents’ house for dinner like I promised. If we’re going to sell the whole fake girlfriend thing at the wedding, we need to start now. And I actually am looking forward to it. Holden talks so highly of his mom and dad that I can’t wait to meet them. I’m also looking forward to meeting Barb, his mom’s wife.
But if I’m honest with myself, I’m most excited to be spending time with Holden, who I haven’t seen or talked to since our talk yesterday morning.
I missed our morning chat over breakfast today. I missed dinner around the coffee table last night. And I missed falling asleep in his bed listening to the soft sounds of his breathing. I realize it has only been a day and a half, but I’m pretty sure he has been avoiding me. And the truth is, I hate it. I’ve missed him. I miss being with him, talking to him, riling him up. I’ve missed the way I feel, the tingle on my skin, whenever he’s around. But I like him so much that I’m not prepared to let casual sex ruin our friendship.
“Not even a little bit nervous?” Holden asks, putting on his seatbelt. I glance at his profile, noticing the way his back is rigid, the tick in his jaw. He’s trying to act like everything is fine, but it’s not; something is definitely off. I wonder if it has anything to do with our talk yesterday or it’s something else. Did I hurt him when I said I wasn’t looking for anything long-term? But Holden isn’t looking for a relationship either. Having sex was a random, impulsive decision after we both had a few too many drinks. He agreed with me that it shouldn’t happen again so there’s no reason why that would upset him.
Why does everything have to be so complicated? I hate that being hurt by our exes has affected us both .
“Why would I be nervous?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
“Meeting new people is fun. I like learning about other people’s lives. It can bring new perspectives and teach you new things. And they made you , so they must be cool,” I tell him. All of that is true, but there is part of me that feels bad about the way I’m meeting his family. Holden and I are lying to them, and deep down that feels wrong.
Holden is quiet as he starts his F-150, then backs his truck out of the driveway.
“Holden, are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“You just seem quiet. It feels like there’s distance between us. We’re friends. If there is something wrong, I hope you would tell me.”
I really wish he would tell me what is bothering him. We were doing so well—getting along, having fun—and now it feels like we’re back to square one.
I take a breath when he doesn’t respond right away. He has that frown again across his face, the one that he had when I first moved in with him, and I wish I could kiss it away.
“There’s nothing to tell you.”
There is definitely something on his mind, but I feel like I already know him well enough to know not to push him. Especially right before dinner at his parents’ place.
I am wondering how the heck we’re supposed to fake being in a relationship in front of his family when he’s barely speaking to me. But there isn’t time to figure that out, because 5 minutes later we’re pulling up in front of his mom’s house.
Donna and Barb live in a small, cream-colored house in one of Reed Point’s older neighborhoods. The grass is perfectly green, which is impressive considering the heat wave we’ve been having, and there are two pots on either side of the front door overflowing with purple and pink flowers.
Holden opens my door and offers me a hand out of his truck. Apparently even when he is actively avoiding me, he’s still a perfect gentleman.
When we get to the doorstep, Holden rings the bell and I can hear the voices inside getting louder as someone approaches the door. A moment later, a woman with Holden’s deep green eyes and smile greets us.
“Hi baby, I’m so glad you could come!” She hugs her son tightly, then quickly turns her attention to me. “And you must be Briar. I’m Donna, Holden’s mom. He told me you are beautiful, but I wasn’t expecting drop-dead gorgeous. Barbie, you need to see Briar.”
He told his mom that he thinks I’m beautiful? He talked to her about me?
I am still wrapping my head around this when Barb appears in the foyer and pulls Holden into a hug before turning to me. She clasps my hand in both of hers as she introduces herself, a wide smile on her face. Soon we’re being ushered into the air-conditioned living room where his dad is waiting for us.
“Look at her! So pretty. Isn’t she beautiful?” Donna says to Holden.
“She is.” Holden’s eyes lock on mine. A shiver skates over my skin. All I have to do is look at Holden and my body reacts in some sort of primal way.
“Holden, my boy,” his dad says, giving his son a bro-hug before looking at me with kind eyes. “I’m David, Holden’s dad, it’s nice to meet you. Holden tells us you’re from Canada? ”
“I am. Born and raised in British Columbia, about 45 minutes outside of Vancouver,” I tell them, taking a seat on the couch next to Holden. “It’s beautiful, especially if you like the mountains and the ocean.”
“I’ve heard it’s just gorgeous,” Barb gushes. “Is your family still up there?”
“My mom and my brother are. My stepdad passed away recently.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry,” his mom says, concern clouding her expression.
“Thank you,” I smile softly. “We’re all doing a lot better now.”
“That’s good to hear. So, tell us a little about yourself, Briar. We would love to get to know you better.”
“Oh gosh. Well, I work for Rossi Cheese as their senior director of sales and marketing,” I begin.
“Do you like it?” his dad asks, taking a seat across from me in an armchair. Donna and Barb are both sitting on a loveseat to my left.
“I do. I love my job. I have a great team, and I find it challenging.”
“That’s wonderful. It’s a lucky thing when you love your work. And what about in your spare time? What do you enjoy doing?” his mom asks, pushing her dark brown hair behind her ear.
“Well, when I’m not working, I like to read. I also love interior design. I actually just rented a new apartment, so I was really looking forward to picking out furniture and décor, but—”
“Holden told us about the flood,” his mom interjects. “How awful. But I think it’s wonderful that it worked out having you move in with him for the time being. And it’s so beautiful on Haven Harbor. You must be really enjoying it. ”
I place my hand on Holden’s knee like a girlfriend would do. “It’s beautiful. I’m going to miss living across the street from the ocean. I’ll miss Holden making me tea every night before bed too.”
Donna smiles, turning her attention to her son. The way she looks at him makes it clear how much she loves him. You can see how proud she is of him.
I wonder if she is noticing how quiet Holden has been since we arrived. He’s avoiding eye contact, letting me do most of the talking. His mind just seems somewhere else entirely. If his mom does notice, she doesn’t say anything to him about it.
“Oh! I’m being a terrible hostess. I was so excited to meet you, Briar, that I forgot all about the drinks. I made us all Barbie Breezers! I hope you’re a drinker, honey,” she says to me. “We like our cocktails in this house.”
My fake boyfriend shakes his head and smiles as his mom leaves the room, returning a few minutes later with a tray full of bubble-gum pink drinks with lemon slices decorating the rims.
“I’ve never had a Barbie Breezer, but they look delicious,” I say, leaning forward to take the cocktail from Donna. “Thank you.”
The five of us sit in the living room and talk. His parents ask Holden about work, ask about his friends, about what he’s been up to lately. The conversation between them all is easy and relaxed. I like seeing Holden in this setting, with the family who know him best.
Eventually we sit down for dinner, passing around platters filled with roasted chicken, glazed carrots and roasted potatoes. Holden’s dad offers up a toast to welcome me, his son’s new girlfriend, which I immediately feel guilty about. I already like his family so much, and I hate that I’m lying to them like this.
As we dig in, Donna gives Holden a play-by-play of their recent trip to New York. “I just love that city,” she gushes. “The food, the people, the shows. There’s just so much going on. Me and Barbie went to see Wicked . Holden, I think you would have loved it. Your dad didn’t want to come see that one, but we did drag him up to the top of the Empire State Building.”
Holden pauses, fork halfway to his mouth. “Wait… Dad went too?”
“Well, sure. I thought I told you he was coming with us? It was his first time to the Big Apple, can you believe that? The three of us had the best time.”
“Great trip,” David says, nodding in agreement. “It’s a world away from Reed Point, that’s for sure. I slept for 10 hours when we got back home, it was nonstop.”
I stifle a grin, popping a bite of carrot in my mouth, then steal a sideways glance at Holden in time to see him shaking his head.
“Dinner is incredible,” I say, rescuing him from having to hear any more details of his parents’ getaway. “You need to tell me how you made this chicken, mine never turns out this good.”
“I can do that, honey. Thank goodness Holden mentioned you don’t eat pork. I was planning on making my mother’s pork tenderloin recipe.”
I turn to look at Holden. He remembered. Once again, he was looking out for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that. He clears his throat, knocking me from my thoughts before I get too emotional at the table.
“Well, I appreciate you going out of your way for me. ”
“I hope you saved room for cherry pie,” Barb says. “Donna’s secret recipe, you don’t want to miss it.”
“Wait until you taste it,” Holden’s dad adds. “Donna knows how to bake her way around a kitchen. You should have seen the elaborate cakes she would make for the kids’ birthdays.”
It’s clear how much all three of them love Holden. I can’t help but compare his relationship with his parents to mine. My mom and my stepdad have always accepted me and supported me, but I think when you have a parent who didn’t love you enough to stick around, there’s a part of you that always feels like you aren’t enough. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve ever let my dad disappearing from my life keep me up at night, but it’s times like these that I can’t help but feel a little out of place.
By the end of the evening, I’m feeling very full and very happy that I decided to accept the invite for dinner. It’s been great meeting Holden’s family, and after tonight I feel like I know him a little bit better.
As Holden says goodbye to his dad, Barb and Donna manage to corner me in the hallway. “We’re so happy we got to meet you, Briar,” Donna gushes sweetly. “It’s obvious how much Holden cares about you.”
“I care about him too,” I say truthfully. “He is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.”
“That’s our Holden. When he was a little boy, he used to bake cookies with me, help me with the gardening. He was always wanting to help out. At school, anytime a kid was picking on one of the quieter ones, Holden would give them hell.” Donna beams. “He’s always had the biggest heart. To this day, he tells me he loves me before he hangs up the phone.”
I listen intently, heart fluttering in my chest. Hearing this just confirms what I already know: Holden is the best kind of person.
As if on cue, he appears in the hallway, smiling when he finds me there with his mom and stepmom. He kisses the side of my face in a perfect display of affection.
“Ready to go?” he asks. He stretches his arms over his head, causing his shirt to rise just enough to show off a sliver of his toned stomach. Holden is breathtakingly gorgeous. I force myself to avert my eyes. As much as I’d like to soak him in, it will only make me want him more and that is dangerous for my heart.
I thank Donna and Barb for having me, say my goodbyes to them all and then head out to the truck with Holden holding my hand.
We drive back to the house in silence. I was looking forward to chatting about the evening with him, to telling him how much I loved meeting his family, but Holden is withdrawn again. The familiar frown is back. His eyes are straight ahead, his hands gripping the wheel tightly.
I look out the window, remembering just a couple of nights ago, when he asked me if it was okay that we fall asleep in one another’s arms. Remembering how sweet he can be. Remembering what it felt like to curl up against him.
Letting myself fall for Holden isn’t an option. I know how that would end: we would date for a little while until I decide I need something more serious, and then he would bail. I can’t risk that after how badly Justin hurt me.
When Holden and I get home, he makes a right to go to his bedroom and I make a left to go to mine, where I get ready for bed and look forward to sleep.
It seems like it’s the only time I stop thinking about him.