Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING
B riar
I can’t be. This can’t be happening.
My legs begin to tremble, my heart is racing out of my chest. I clean up my mess and walk down the hall to my bedroom.
I need to be alone. I’m going to cry.
Shutting the door behind me, I collapse on the bed with my head in the pillows, feeling another wave of nausea roll through me.
“Oh god, how did this happen?” I whisper into the pillow, pulling my knees up to my chest in a fetal position. Of course, I know how this happened—I know how babies are made. But we used a condom. We were careful. What am I going to do?
I look at the two pink lines on the pregnancy test again, as if maybe I read the test wrong the first time. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes, blurring the little screen, but the two pink lines are still there.
I’m pregnant.
How am I going to tell Holden? How will he take it ?
He doesn’t want kids. He doesn’t want a family. We’re not even together. I can’t even begin to imagine how he will react.
For three weeks, we barely spoke until last week when he found me on the boardwalk with a mess of groceries at my feet. After that night, we’ve had a few short conversations in passing, but we’ve both had a lot going on. Holden went away for two nights to his family’s cabin while I stayed home to rest and try to kick what I thought was the flu. I bury my face in my hands, still in disbelief. How the hell is this happening?
Holden had taken care of me, assuming that I was sick with the flu. How could I be so stupid? Not once did it cross my mind that I could be pregnant. How didn’t I know?
When he came home from the cabin, I had wanted to talk to him, to tell him that I missed him. That I missed our friendship, that before everything went off the rails I had more fun with him than I’d had in years. I was tired of giving him space and I hoped he’d come around to being my friend again, but the guy can be so stubborn. I guess I have been too.
Tears fall down my cheeks. Another wave of nausea passes through my belly.
Every day around dinnertime, the nausea and exhaustion return. All I seem able to do is lie in bed or read a book. I feel terrible.
And now I know why.
Dammit. What am I going to do?
One thing I know for sure: I’m going to have to sit down and talk to Holden. I have no other choice.
But how am I going to tell him?
I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling, the faint sound of the front door closing echoing off the walls. I sit up, wipe the tears from my eyes and try to gather the courage to go and talk to him. Delaying this conversation will only make it more difficult so I push off the bed and force myself out of my bedroom door and down the hall.
My stomach is in my throat, the air feels so warm and thick, it’s hard to breathe. I’m not sure if it’s the heatwave that continues to pummel Reed Point or just my fried nerves.
I find Holden sitting on an armchair in the living room, untying the laces on his runners. When he looks up and begins to talk, I realize he’s not alone. Tucker is sitting on the couch across from him, taking a long drink from his water bottle. They must have been out at a baseball game. Holden and the guys play on a local beer league team.
“Oh, sorry… I didn’t realize…” I stammer like an idiot. “Hey, Tucker… um, I’ll just talk to you later, Holden.” A heavy silence stretches between Holden and I as our eyes lock. It’s like he knows I have something to say. But this is obviously not the right time. I jerk my thumb towards my bedroom. “I’m going to go—"
Holden holds up his hand. “Um, Tuck. I need to…uh…”
“Yeah, I need to get going. Daisy is waiting for me. See ya, Briar. I’ll talk to you later, man.” Tucker escapes out the front door, leaving Holden and I all alone.
My pulse hammers under my skin. The intensity of his deep-green eyes on mine unsettles me, and the contents of my stomach threaten to empty right here on the hardwood.
What do I do now? How do I tell him?
Holden stands up, a concerned expression on his face. Even though he’s been distant for weeks, he cares. He knows something is wrong.
I haven’t forgotten how beautiful he is, but it feels like eons since I have been this close to him. My god, he is handsome. Way better looking than anyone has a right to be.
It feels like all the air is sucked from the room, and the silence between us stretches on until Holden finally breaks it.
“Is everything okay? You look like something is wrong.”
I blink, completely unsure as to how I should start this. I stand in front of Holden on trembling legs feeling green and pale and scared to death, but I need to tell him. I take a deep breath, then look him in the eye.
“I’m pregnant.”