3. Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Jake
F or a second my mind goes blank.
“You’re—” I swallow hard. Hannah’s grey-blue eyes are on me and I detect fear in them, a lot of fear.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispers and wells up. The first few tears roll over her red cheeks. She rubs them away, smudging her mascara.
“Here—” I grab a piece of kitchen towel from the counter and hold it out to her. She takes it from me with shaking hands.
“Hey, come here,” I pull her gently into my arms. I can’t see her sad. I would do anything to make her smile again whenever she’s sad. She presses her face into my chest and I gently rub her back.
“Please don’t judge me,” she mumbles. Is that what she’s worried about? I pull back and make her look at me.
“Why would I judge you?”
“Because I’m a forty-year-old woman and I’m stupid enough to get pregnant from a one-night-stand,” she sniffles.
“Hanny-bee, I would never think you’re stupid. Things happen in life that we can’t control.”
“I always use a condom,” she sobs.
“Not always a guarantee.” I’m not really helping here.
“What am I going to do, Jake?” She looks at me with these big, worried eyes again. “I don’t even know the guy. I met him when I went to London at the beginning of August.” I remember it clearly. It was one of these girls’ nights out she enjoys occasionally. I hate them because I don’t trust any of the wankers she meets, but she’s a grown woman and it’s not for me to stop her or judge her. And I’m not really in a position to judge given that I’ve had plenty of one-night-stands myself in the past. Hannah and I are not relationship people.
“What do you want to do?” I can’t make this decision for her.
“I don’t know,” she slumps back onto the little bar stool and takes a sip from her mug.
I pull my stool to Hannah's side of the breakfast bar. It scrapes on the floor as I drag it closer before taking a seat.
“I think I want to keep it,” she finally whispers. An image of Hannah with a small baby flashes though my mind and I’m surprised at the feelings that thought causes. Warm feelings, happy feelings.
“Why are you smiling?” she asks.
“I think you’ll make a great mum,” I shrug.
“So you don’t think it’s crazy? I mean, I have no way of contacting the baby’s father. I don’t even know his name. I was quite drunk.” She hides her face in her hands.
“Who cares? You’re going to be a super mum, I know you. And I’m here to help. And so is your family.”
“What if they’re angry with me?”
“Are you having a laugh? Ols will be crazy happy if you make him an uncle.” Her brother would do anything for his family. No way will he be upset about this.
“Maybe you’re right,” she wipes more tears away. She looks like a cute little panda with her smudged mascara.
“I’ll be with you every step of the way. You’re not on your own. I promise you.” I gently squeeze her hand.
“It’s not your responsibility—”
“Hell, it isn’t! Am I your best friend or not?” I give her a big encouraging grin.
“I panicked when the doctor confirmed my suspicion this morning. But then Dan, the mountain rescuer who helped Ols during his accident, brought his daughter into the store. They were out trick or treating. She was an adorable little zombie and when she hugged me after I gave her a big bar of chocolate, I thought that maybe I want this. I’m forty. Time is running out and this might be my only chance to have a baby.”
“You know that’s not true. You could have any man you want.” I never understood why she hasn’t ended up in a relationship with one of the many, many knobheads who drool over her whenever we go out.
“But I don’t have one. I’m going to be a single mum,” she sounds scared again.
“Single mum with an amazing best friend and a supportive family… have you told them yet?” I rub her upper arm.
“No. I didn’t want to tell Ols today, knowing that he had good news waiting with Keeley coming back. I’ll tell them at the weekend. Mum wants us over for Sunday lunch.”
“They’ll be fine,” I softly kiss her on her forehead. “Are you hungry?”
“I am,” she sighs. I bet she hasn’t really eaten a lot today. She’s not a nervous eater. If anything she stops eating when she gets anxious.
“How about I make us one of my special sandwiches?” I wink. She loves my sandwiches so much that I can guarantee she’ll have all the ingredients in the fridge. Salami, lettuce, red peppers, a bit of cheese—they’re not really that special, but she insists nobody makes them like I do. Apparently, I nail the mustard-to-salad cream ratio like no one else.
“That would definitely qualify you for the title of world’s best friend,” she grins. “And I’ll go and take a quick shower. I’m sure I look like a zombie myself by now,” she points at her face.
“Not like a zombie but a cute little panda,” I chuckle.
“Whatever,” she slides off the bar stool. Just as she gets to the stairs leading to the upper floor, she turns one more time. “Jake, please will you come with me on Sunday? I’d feel better if you were there.”
“Of course, Hanny-bee.” There isn’t much she could ask me that I wouldn’t do for her. After all, she’s the most important person in my life.
Hannah fidgets nervously as I pull into the driveway behind Ols’ car.
“They’re going to be fine,” I say, turning the key to kill the motor.
“I hope so. But if Mum’s in a bad place I won’t tell them today. Promise you won’t give me away,” she looks panicked and I mime zipped lips. Hannah’s mum has struggled with depression since her husband died a few years ago. Hannah found it extremely difficult to deal with it, especially when her mum refused to get help from a professional. Ols carried all the burden of keeping the family going.
After Ol’s accident, he said he was going to see a therapist. We hoped it might give his mum the nudge she needed to get help too, knowing there’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking support. We never know how her mum will be when we see her, and I understand why Hannah might decide not to tell her.
“Why did you not tell me that Keeley was coming back?” Ols chuckles and pulls Hannah into his arms when he opens the door. The hug is a bit stilted as he’s still wearing the back brace he was given after his accident. It’s been over six weeks but a broken back takes time to heal.
“And ruin the surprise?” Hannah laughs.
“Oh Jake, it’s so nice that you can join us,” Hannah’s mum greets me.
“Hope it’s okay, Rosemarie.” I give her a quick hug.
“Of course! There’s plenty of food,” she smiles before embracing Hannah. I guess she’s having a good day.
We all help to get lunch on the table and once we’ve sat down the atmosphere shifts. It feels like things are not being said and I don’t think it’s just because I know Hannah’s secret. I try to catch her eye but she’s stubbornly avoiding my gaze.
“I have some news,” Rosemarie breaks the tense silence. All eyes are on her and there is worry on both Ols and Hannah’s faces. “Don’t look so scared: it’s a good thing. I’ve been seeing a therapist since—well since Oliver and Keeley’s accident, and he’s encouraged me to tell you.” She smiles. Ols and Hannah exchange a surprised look before they simultaneously assure their mum how happy they are about her news.
It has been killing me to see Hannah and her mum having a difficult time with each other. My mum died a year after Sean. I’m still convinced it was a broken heart that killed her in the end. I’ve been without a family ever since and I don’t want that for Hannah.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough. I didn’t win the lottery,” Rosemarie laughs and gets Ols and Hannah to settle down. She tells them about the progress she’s made so far and neither Oliver nor Hannah can hide on how relieved they are.
“Right, dessert?” Rosemarie finally asks. I give Hannah a gentle squeeze on the thigh. She needs to tell them. Now is the right time.
“Actually I have some news as well,” Hannah mumbles and lowers her gaze. She looks like a young girl who got caught cheating on an exam. I put my arm on the back of her chair and gently stroke her back to give her some strength.
Everyone’s staring at Hannah, but I can see Ols eyeing me as well.
“I’m… I’m pregnant,” Hannah finally whispers. Silence. Everyone appears frozen and I'm mentally willing them to do the right thing.
“Pregnant?” Oliver asks. I can’t read the tone in his voice.
“Yes,” Hannah sniffles.
“How?” Ols exclaims.
“What sort of question is that? I’m pretty sure you know about birds and bees,” Rosemarie giggles.
“Yes, but…. but—” He stares at me, “Are you the father?” Huh, where did that come from?
“Ols!” Keeley exclaims.
“It was a one-night-stand!” Hannah shouts. “Now you can judge me. I know it was stupid, but it is what it is.”
“Darling.” Rosemarie gets off her chair and kneels next to Hannah. “Things like this happen. Nobody has the right to judge you for anything. We’re here for you. Aren’t we?” She gives Ols a pointed look.
“Of course we are. I’m sorry, Han. I’ll be the best uncle you can imagine,” he gives her a big grin although there’s still shock in his eyes. Keeley squeezes his hand.
“I want to keep it,” Hannah mumbles and places her hand over her tummy.
“What about the father?” her mum asks carefully.
“I have no way of contacting him,” she sniffles and her cheeks turn red from embarrassment.
“Don’t worry. Between me and Jake, this kid will have two awesome father figures,” Ols laughs and holds out a fist for me to bump.
“I told her she’s not alone. She has all of us,” I say.
“Yes, she does.” Rosemarie gives me a knowing look but turns to Hannah and pulls her into a big hug.
“You’re not disappointed in me, Mum?” This right here is why Hannah found it so difficult to deal with her depressed mother. She’s always been one of those people who needs things to be good between her and the people she loves, and when her mum is in one of those low moods it just breaks her. It's like she can't handle anything negative without it hitting her deep. She wants to help of course, but every time her mum pulls away or snaps at her it’s like a punch to the gut. Hannah’s got this need for everything to be alright, and when it’s not she takes it personally, like it’s her fault.
“No darling. I’m over the moon that you’re making me a grandmother. Another reason for me to get better.” She gives her a warm smile.
“Oh, Mum.” Hannah hugs Rosemarie, tears streaming over her cheeks, before Ols pull both of them into his arms. Keeley and I exchange a smile. This baby will be loved by so many people, he or she won’t be missing their father. She, I really hope it’s a little girl. A little Hannah is just what this world needs.