Chapter 35
35
Anais
Today is the day I’ve been dreading for the last three weeks. Vivian and Phoenix are arriving today, just two days before Christmas. I’m home with mama and they’ll be staying with gramma, so at least I won’t have to worry about running into them when I’m drinking my morning coffee. But I will have to stomach through spending Christmas with them.
My mom and I drive in silence to gramma’s house. I need the quiet to think about something other than seeing them. I think about Bishop and the beautiful gift he gave me before I left.
I touch the necklace resting just below my suprasternal notch. The double chain holds a small diamond heart that hangs just above a diamond butterfly. When I opened it I cried. And when he told me the meaning, I sobbed.
Music played in the background –Lenny, of course, because that’s his favorite– and we sat curled up in front of the Christmas tree I helped him decorate. He pulled out a box of ornaments that his mom has saved for every year he lived in their house. From newborn to college graduation –even though he didn’t live with them through college– twenty-two precious ornaments were pl aced on his tree.
When he placed all of them and more that he had on the tree, he brought out two boxes, one small and one larger and flatter.
“Open this one first,” he said, handing me the square box.
I gasped when I saw it for the first time. I pulled out a glass butterfly with beautiful purples and blues covering the wings. The thorax and abdomen were covered in crystals and when I held it up to the light, colors danced across the walls.
“This is gorgeous. Thank you.” I lunged at him and wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing the breath from him.
“Go hang it on the tree,” he told me.
“What? No way. This is your tree. I don’t want to add a girly ornament to your manly tree,” I laughed.
Bishop stood and picked me up, holding me under my butt. My bare ass rested on his forearms as I was dressed only in his t-shirt. He walked me over to the tree and said, “Put that ornament on our tree and next year we’ll add another.”
My poor heart felt like it was going to burst, it was so full. I found the perfect spot for my butterfly and hung it. The bright white lights of the tree made the colors on the wings dance and shine. It was like a sun catcher on a summer day.
He kissed me then carried me over to the couch where we sat –me on his lap– and he handed me the second box. If I thought the first was too much, this one was extraordinary.
“You have my heart, my little butterfly. I want you to know that you will always have my heart. No matter what happens, where the future may take us, it is yours. Whenever you think life is too hard or that we can’t possibly weather this storm that surrounds us, just touch this and know that I am with you. Through all the good and the bad, we’ll do it together.”
“Together,” I replied, sniffing away the tears that had begun to fall.
We pull into my gramma’s driveway and I blink, realizing I was so lost in my memory that I didn’t have time to panic.
The car stops and I take a deep br eath before opening the car door. I step out and see the front door open and gramma standing there with a smile and twinkle in her eye. I make my way over to her and pull her into a tight hug.
“Hi my precious girl.”
“Hi gramma.” I kiss her cheek then take her hand as we walk inside the house.
We clear the foyer and step into the living room. There stands Phoenix and Vivian, both with big grins on their faces.
“Hey Peanut.” Phoenix makes like he’s going to step towards me, but I put a stop to that when I glare at him, ignoring his greeting.
Vivian gulps and decides to keep her mouth shut. Wise of her since I’m sure she was about to greet me with a sugary sweet hello in an attempt to calm the waters.
“Gramma. Is it okay if I grab a soda?” I ask her, walking into the kitchen.
“Of course. Help yourself.”
I open the large door on the fridge and see rows of soda and tea and water. Gramma is always stocked with my favorites. I close the door and jump when I see Phoenix standing behind it.
“Jesus. What the hell, you creeper?” I place my hand on my heart and nearly drop the can in the other.
“I can’t take this anymore, kiddo. I miss you and I hate you being mad at me. Please Ana, forgive me. I overstepped and I’m sorry.” He touches my arm and I quickly pull away.
“Never. I will never forgive you for what you did. You hurt me thinking you could just ship me away and all would be forgiven and forgotten. But what hurt me most was seeing how Bishop has mourned the friendship he has lost. Friend ships because everyone has forgotten about him.”
I feel the sting in my nose and the lump move up my throat as tears build.
“Can’t you see that I just want what’s best for you? You don’t see it now, but in time you’ll thank me.” I look at him in utter disbelief.
“Thank you?” I snort. “I hate you. I’m sickened by your behavior. The man you once said was the most genuine and caring soul is now your mortal enemy. You beat him, Phoenix. With my own eyes I saw how you wanted to not just hurt him but eliminate him. You broke him!” I scream and choke as the emotions finally win.
“Anais,” my mother calls.
“No, mom. I am done with all of this bullshit, half assed apologies. They mean nothing to me. You,” I shout, pointing at Vivian. “You should be ashamed of how you all have acted. Was it not Bishop who was ready to jump on a plane and fly halfway around the world to check on CeCe when she was in her accident? Did he not stand by your side through all of the crap with this asshole?” I hitch my thumb at Phoenix, as if she didn’t know who I was talking about.
“He held Cami’s hand when she grieved for the loss of her husband, and again when Vaughan’s life was hanging by a thread. You guys are the worst kind of hypocrites. Do you know,” I start pacing around the room. “When I told him I hated you and he should, too, he said he could never hate you. You’re his brother and always will be and that maybe one day you’d forgive him. You forgive him. For loving me! For taking care of me. For wanting nothing but the best for me. He is the one who pushed me to come here and told me to reconnect with you because our bond is too important to lose. All of this from a man you left bloodied and bruised, lying on the floor as I cried and held him.”
I stomp over to where I left my purse and rip my phone from it.
Me: I need to come home and I need to leave NOW!
I pocket my phone and angrily swipe the tears away from my face. I fling my purse over my shoulder and square my shoulders.
“I love you gramma and I’m sorry, but I cannot be in this house with those two. They make me sick,” I sneer. “There are gifts for you under mama’s tree. I love you so, so much, and hopefully you’ll come visit me this summer.”
I squeeze her to me and kiss both cheeks. My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I pull it out to see a text from Bishop.
??:I’ll book you a flight for this evening. I’m sorry, baby girl, but I’m glad you tried.
“Mom, I’ll get an Uber back to the house but I’m leaving.” I kiss her, fat tears falling, and guilt weighing on me because this is not her fault.
I hate pushing her away, but being in the same city, much less the same house, with that man is too much.
“Please don’t do this to your uncle, Ana,” Vivian calls out.
“Then you please quit hurting Bishop. Be the friend he thought you were and help him. He’s a broken man, Vivian, and it’s at your hands. Let that guilt sink in when you and your friends are all gathered around the table, talking and laughing. Look around and see that an important piece of your puzzle is missing. Without him, you will always be incomplete.”
I leave it at that and walk away.
My steps are brisk as I walk through the terminal. I move closer and closer to the main part of the airport and begin weaving in and out of people. I just want out of this place and into Bishop's arms. I feel like I can’t breathe, like I might choke to death, thinking of all that has happened over the last few months.
The high’s and low’s of it all really set in on the plane ride. I popped my earbuds in and closed my eyes, listening to the soundtrack that is Bishop and me. With every song that played, another memory of he and I and a reminder of what he’s lost because of me. What he gave up just to be with me.
I touched my necklace and let sile nt tears fall when I listened to our song. Butterfly played on repeat for about twenty minutes before I finally moved on.
I see the exit from the terminal into the baggage claim area and see a beast of a man, with a heart of gold, standing there with his hands in his pockets. My smile grows wider than I ever thought imaginable and I take off running, pushing through the mass exodus of IAH airport.
When I’m within a foot of him, I drop my bag and leap into his arms. My legs and arms engulf him like a constrictor, and I burst into tears.
“Hey. Don’t cry. It’s okay,” he soothes, stroking through my hair and kissing any part of me he can get to while I have him locked in my hold.
“I’m sorry, Bishop. For all the grief I’ve caused you, the problems that have followed from being with me, and I’m just sorry you lost so much. But I promise I will never leave you. I’ll always stand by your side even if it means it’s just you and I. I love you.”
I hear a gulp work its way down his throat. “I love you too, baby girl. And you haven’t caused me any grief. You’ve brought me a happiness I never thought possible. So instead of saying you’re sorry, say you’re welcome.” I nod into his shoulder and his giant arms practically crush me with how tight he holds on. “Can I put you down so I can get your luggage?”
“No,” I mumble.
He lets out a low laugh and says, “Okay, my little butterfly. I’ll carry you to the moon and back if that makes you happy.”
“You make me happy Bishop Michaels. Everything else is just a bonus.”
A crooked grin slowly spreads across his face. “Same, baby. Same.”