Chapter 6
Chapter Six
AYDA
Sitting on the closed toilet, I stared at the box resting on the edge of the sink. It was just a plain old box—so unassuming and ordinary—a three-pack of small, plastic test sticks that had the possibility to change our lives forever.
Not just mine and Drew’s. This would change the life of every man in The Hut.
The rest of the fallout we could deal with when we had the test results, though. I was already a hundred and ten percent sure I was pregnant, but this would make the whole thing a reality. This test would give us a definitive answer.
Pressing my hand to my stomach, I stayed where I was and mentally tried to ready myself for what was about to come. This proverbial can of worms had been opened now. There was no going back to how we had been before those words had fallen from my lips.
If I wanted the answers, all I had to do was take the damn test.
Something I was suddenly struggling with.
“Man up, Ayda,” I mumbled to myself as one foot tapped against the bath mat with nervous energy. It was so easy. There wasn’t much to it. Pee on a stick, wait, and the results would be right there. Easy.
Except it wasn’t.
Pushing up from the toilet, I stared at my bruised face in the mirror and winced at my battered reflection. I hated it.
These bruises were a horrible reminder of the deepest betrayal we’d felt, and that realization now meant that I also had to consider what my body had been through in the last thirty-six hours.
What if the pregnancy test came back positive now, and I went to the doctor only to learn that I was pregnant, but something had happened, and that gift of pregnancy had been taken away?
What would that do to me or to Drew—the man who was sitting out there, possibly working through all the same shit I was working out in here?
Would it have been kinder to have kept my sudden epiphany to myself when he’d caught me after Owen’s attack?
It was too late to think about that now.
This was happening, and there was nothing I could do to change how it had all come about.
I still had Drew, no matter what, and the two of us could work through whatever was thrown at us together.
We’d been through so much in our relationship already and I wasn’t about to let this break either of us, which meant that I had to be strong.
It meant I had to hold my shoulders back and be as level headed as he was being right now.
Even if that meant I had to be the realist.
The first step of all of this was to take the test, which is exactly what I did next.
Reading the directions twice, I went through the steps and rested the test on the side of the sink while I washed my hands, doing my level best not to look at the damn thing before I was supposed to.
I left the other two in the box and finally picked up that little plastic life-changer before I headed back to the bedroom where I’d left Drew.
The moment I stepped through the door, I stopped and took a moment to appreciate him. He was sitting up in bed now, his back against the wall, his bare chest and abs on full display, both riddled with the scars that only ever added to his sex appeal.
He hadn’t shaved in a while, either, so the stubble that littered his face made him look more angular and hard.
Even with that hard masculinity on full display, all I could think when I studied him was how beautiful he truly was.
Handsome, yes. Sexy, absolutely, but Drew was also more. So much more that words failed me.
Easing farther into the room, Drew caught the movement from the corner of his eye and unleashed the intense blue-green of them onto me, temporarily freezing me in my tracks.
He pushed himself up to standing, staring at me like he was waiting for me to remind him how to breathe.
When I finally ventured close enough to feel his body heat, I put my free hand over his heart and felt it smashing against my palm with the same urgency of my own.
“It’s going to take a minute or two,” I finally said. I bit my lip and tried to think of something more profound to say, but all I could do was look at him.
Drew raised his hands, running them up and down my arms slowly before he let his palms slide up to cup my neck. “Have I ever told you how brave I think you are?”
“Don’t say that. I’m absolutely terrified right now.”
“You are, but here you stand, with one hand holding our future while your other rests over my heart like you’re the one worried about me, when it should be me worrying about you.
You’re crazy, beautiful, strong, and I’m going to spend my life making sure you know it.
Then, whether it’s in nine months or nine years, I’m going to make sure our kid knows it, too, and make sure they spend all of their days telling their mama how crazy, beautiful, strong, and fucking loved she is.
” He smirked and offered me a small wink.
“I’ll just leave out the cuss words for a while. ”
The sting of unshed tears was enough to make me blink several times as emotion overwhelmed me. He always knew exactly the right words to say when I needed to hear them. He always knew how to pierce my heart and make it swell twice the size with nothing but love.
“Stop trying to make me cry.”
“Not trying to make you cry, darlin’. Just trying to let you know that I’ve got you, no matter what.” He dropped his forehead to mine and whispered, “Because I love you.”
“I love you. I hope you know I’ve got you, too. I’ve always got you.”
I could feel his heartbeat quicken beneath my touch, but he never moved. Drew simply held me with his gaze, trying to create a world where he was my only focus, and all my doubts, worries, fears, and nerves were drowned out by his blue-green eyes.
It worked. It was so easy to let everything fall away and give him my full attention. His eyes were pools I could drown in, and it was exactly what I needed at that moment, even as the small piece of plastic in my other hand seemed to begin to gain weight.
“Is it time?” he asked.
My breath seemed to get stuck in my throat as I broke our gaze and let my eyes fall to my hand hanging limply by my side, clinging to the stick like it was a lifeline.
It was time.
It was time to look at the stick and figure out where the hell we went from here.
It was time to see if Drew and I were going to be parents.
“I don’t think I can look. I want this too badly.”
Drew swallowed hard. “Then let me do it.”
I pressed the test into his hand as I stumbled away. I didn’t go far, just turned and dropped my ass to sit on the edge of the bed as I tried to find the air in the room.
Drew gripped it with a white-knuckle force, holding it down by his thigh, never taking his eyes from me the whole time. He dropped to his knees in front of me and positioned himself carefully between my parted legs, resting his free hand on my thigh.
“Ready?” he whispered.
All I was capable of doing is nodding. I just needed to know.
A whispered, “Jesus,” fell from his lips before he looked down at the stick, holding it in both of his hands slightly trembling hands. I’d never seen him tremble that way.
“Tell me what I’m meant to be seeing.” A small scowl creased his brows.
“Two lines means positive. One is… negative.”
He swallowed again, his frown deepening as he nodded in gentle understanding.
I was so focused on the movement on his eyes, I forgot to breathe.
Drew looked up, his face creased, and his eyes glistening with unshed emotion, and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.
Biting down on his bottom lip, Drew carefully placed he test to the floor beside him, and he closed the distance between us, dropping his head to my stomach and burying himself there, a quiet sob I’d never heard him make before pouring free.
The rush of his hot breath against my skin made the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.
He wrapped his arms around me, claiming me, his fingers curling into my back like he wanted to climb inside me.
“It’s positive,” he choked.
“What?” I whispered.
“You’re pregnant, Ayda.’”
My hands fell to his hair, burying themselves in the strands as I wrapped my body around his head as best I could.
Overcome with emotion, I started to cry.
The images of the future I wanted and had so desperately denied myself suddenly formed with perfect clarity.
Those rocking chairs Drew had talked about, the children, even a puppy all formed in my head and stretched out like a red carpet.
We were going to have a baby. There was a child inside me growing.
Our baby.
“Drew.” His name came as a choking sound as I slowly uncurled myself from him and ran my fingers through his hair.
He was still clinging to me, his head in my lap, but I needed to see his eyes.
I needed to be able to see if this was truly what he wanted.
That brief second of recognition had been followed with an emotion I’d never seen on his features before.
When he lifted his head and his red-rimmed eyes locked on mine, he didn’t look like my Drew.
This man looked lost in his own head, unsure of what to say or do.
An unsure Drew wasn’t one I knew well. I reached out, cupped his cheek with my hand and watched as his eyes closed and he pressed against my palm.
I took a breath, my mouth opening and closing, trying to form words to say, when the muscles in Drew’s cheeks twitched mere seconds before his face broke out into a grin that made him look so young and free, it took my breath away.
All the stress and worry he wore daily was put aside, and all that remained was Drew.
My Drew.
Tears fell freely as I watched him. No words were necessary.
All he had to do was open his eyes to see my smile matching his.
To see the happiness that I felt all around me.
But he didn’t open his eyes. He stayed in the moment, so I took advantage and leaned in, pressing my lips over his so he would feel my aching happiness radiating from me.
My lips were against his when I finally whispered, “Me, too.”