WITSEC

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

A noise caused me to jerk awake and I found myself surrounded by darkness. I sat up and felt around. Had I fallen asleep on the couch? That seemed to jog my memory of watching a movie with the guys after we’d returned home from the mud run. Relieved to know where I was, I yawned and rubbed my tired eyes.

The light in the hallway that led to Colt’s and Creed’s rooms flicked on and it lit up the living room a little, especially the area behind the couch. I looked at the other end of the couch, finding it empty.

I thought it odd that any of my boyfriends would leave me to sleep on the couch instead of carrying me to one of their rooms and even odder that they’d left me to sleep out here alone.

Maybe whoever was staying out here with me had gone to the bathroom and that was what had woken me?

My thoughts were interrupted when the light coming from the hall was obstructed. I glanced back in that direction, expecting to see Colt or Creed returning from the bathroom.

Who I saw was neither.

Who I saw had me jumping to my feet, backing away, rounding the coffee table as I did, until I bumped into the TV.

There was a man standing in the lit hallway, a step away from entering the living room. It was dark, but I knew him. It was my gut that was screaming at me that just knew. The fear pumping through my veins was paralyzing. My ears filled with pounding beats of my heart and my lungs burned, desperate for air I was too scared to give.

His head turned toward me slowly. Light lit up half of his face and a whimper sounded in the back of my throat. I had no choice but to breathe then. It was either breathe or faint and be at his mercy. My chest rose and fell with loud ragged breaths that didn’t completely satisfy my body’s needs no matter how deeply I inhaled.

Trembling, I watched as he lifted a large knife up to his face. He pressed the dull side of the blade to his lips like a finger. “Shhh.”

The light reflected off the blade, showing that it was covered in a dark substance.

Whose blood is that? That thought invoked a new level of terror within me and I let out a strangled noise.

He looked forward and stalked into the living room. Unable to move, my eyes tracked him as he walked, unrushed, across the living room toward Keelan and Knox’s side of the house.

The fear in me shifted. It didn’t go away, but it was pushed back as something else took over.

“No,” I forced out. I tried to move, but I couldn’t get my legs to work.

“No!” I tried to move again, this time throwing my whole body forward, and I fell to the ground on my hands and knees.

Mr. X was steps away from reaching the hall to Keelan’s and Knox’s rooms. I smacked the carpeted floor. “I’m right here! Take me!”

He seemed to ignore me as he reached the hall and continued until I couldn’t see him anymore.

I screamed then. I screamed with so much desperation and fear. “Keelan! Knox!”

Hands grabbed me. “Shiloh!”

My eyes flew open to Keelan shaking me awake.

Seeing him made my body shudder with relief. The feeling was brief, though. I glanced around for the others. Colt and Creed were standing near, worry on their faces. More relief washed over me.

“Knox,” I breathed.

Where is Knox?

I shoved Keelan away as I sat up from the couch, searching frantically. The guys were blocking me from standing up, so I went to climb over the top of the couch. My tired and sore body tripped me up and I fell over the back to the floor.

The guys called out to me, asking if I was okay. I scrambled to my feet. “Knox!” Terror rattled through my voice as I screamed for him. I ran down the hall to his room. “Knox!” I screamed again as I shoved open his door and barreled my way into his room. His bed was empty. I searched his bathroom next. Empty.

The guys called for me from the hall, their voices getting closer. I didn’t have time to answer them. I needed to make sure Knox was all right. I ran back into the hall and slammed into Colt. I collided with him so hard, he grunted and I bounced backward. He tried to catch me and failed. I slammed against Knox’s bedroom’s doorframe hard enough that I knew I’d have a nasty bruise on my shoulder later.

Colt grabbed for me. “Shit! Are you all right?”

All I had time for was to wince at the hurt before pushing forward. I shrugged off Colt’s hands to walk away. I didn’t make it far. Keelan and Creed blocked me in the hall.

I was prepared to shove them out of the way when I heard, “Shiloh.” The deep, beautiful voice made me pause.

I looked past Keelan and Creed and saw Knox standing at the other end of the hall. Tears slipped from my eyes. I had to put a hand on the wall to keep from crumpling to the floor. My other hand went to my chest, trying to soothe the pain of my pounding heart. I looked down as a body-shaking sob barreled its way out of me. “He was here,” I cried, sounding broken. “He was going to kill you and I couldn’t stop it.”

Colt, who was behind me, grabbed my shoulders. I felt, because my sight was blurry, one of them move to stand right in front of me. Colt’s hands dropped from my shoulders the moment giant hands grabbed me by my hips and lifted me. I cried into Knox’s shoulder as he carried me somewhere.

Knox set me on a flat surface that felt like a countertop. My face slid from his shoulder to his chest. He stroked the back of my head as I continued to cry. “Can one of you go get the food off the grill?” Knox asked.

“I’ll go,” Keelan said.

“Watch your step out there,” Knox warned. “I dropped my beer when I heard her screaming for me.”

“I’ll go clean it up,” Creed said.

I heard the back door open and close. With how close it sounded, I knew we were in the kitchen.

“Nightmare?” Knox said.

“Yeah,” Colt replied.

Knox sighed. “I’m guessing the pills Dr. Bolton prescribed aren’t working anymore.”

“They work when she takes them,” Colt explained.

Of course, I hadn’t taken one in the middle of the day. They were strictly for bedtime. I hadn’t planned on falling asleep on the couch when Colt, Creed, and I had sat down to watch a movie this afternoon, waiting for Knox and Keelan to get home. Although I wasn’t surprised. I’d been so worn out and exhausted when we’d returned home, I’d had to sit down in the shower to get clean.

“She reopened the cut on her knee,” Knox said.

I pulled back from his chest to get a look. The bandage I had on was hanging by a thread and there was a line of blood making its way down my shin. It must have happened when I had fallen off the back of the couch.

“I’ll get her another bandage,” Colt said and left.

I looked up at Knox, finding him already staring down at me. The helplessness I felt…I couldn’t stand it. “You have a gun,” I said. “Do you know how to use it?”

His eyes narrowed. “I wouldn’t own it if I didn’t.”

“What about them?” I glanced at the back door, wishing Keelan and Creed would come back inside. It made me more and more anxious the longer they were gone. “Do they know how?”

“Look at me.”

I didn’t. I looked toward the hall leading to the twins’ side of the house for Colt instead. The vision of Mr. X standing there popped into my head, making me flinch.

“Shiloh.” Knox’s hand went to the back of my neck and forced me to face him. “You are safe.” His tone was assuring and unrelenting. “We are safe. X doesn’t know where you are.”

“I have a bad feeling.”

“It was just a nightmare.”

“It was the second one I’ve had.” I didn’t know why, but it felt like a warning.

“What do you mean?” Knox asked as I heard the back door open. Knox shot a look over my shoulder before returning his focus to me.

“I normally dream about my family or that night,” I explained. “This is the second time I’ve dreamt of the four of you.”

Knox’s hand began kneading the back of my neck. “Are you able to talk about it?”

“The last nightmare I had, he cut their throats while they were sleeping next to me. Their blood was everywhere. All over the bed, my hands. I couldn’t wake them up. He killed them just like he did Shayla.” Every part of me shook, even my voice.

“Colt and Creed?” Knox said.

I gave him a weak nod. “This dream…” I went on. “It felt like a continuation. It was the middle of the night. He was walking from the twins’ side of the house. I knew they were already dead and how. I had already dreamt it. He looked right at me and didn’t even attempt to come for me. It was as if he knew I couldn’t do anything to stop him—that I would just stand there frozen in fear. It’s what I did that night. I just stood there, even though Shayla told me to run. I watched him cut her throat. I hid as he stabbed my mother over and over and over.” My eyes became blurry with tears again. “When he started walking toward yours and Keelan’s rooms, I couldn’t just stand there. I was scared, but I was more scared of losing you.” I covered my face, crying and overcome with self-loathing. I’d die fighting Mr. X if it meant the four of them would live. I knew it in my bones. How come I hadn’t done the same for my family? “I should have fought for them. I was a coward.”

Knox pulled my hands away from my face. “It’s easy to look back and wish you’d done something different. You’re older and know how to defend yourself now. You’re going over your memories with experience and knowledge that a sixteen-year-old you didn’t have.”

That may have helped ease some of the guilt I had, but it didn’t erase the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.

I held Knox’s eyes and fisted the front of his shirt. “What am I doing, Knox?”

“Shi—”

“He’ll kill you,” I cut him off as panic took hold of me. “If he finds me, he will kill all of you. You and your brothers. Your family, Knox. You were right. I’m a threat. Because of me, everything you fought to hold together after everything you four have been through will be destroyed. I can’t do this to you. I can’t let this happen.”

He captured the sides of my face. “Take a deep breath.”

I couldn’t.

The clock was ticking.

I was running out of time.

I grabbed his wrists and squeezed. “I can’t do this. I can’t be here. He’s going to find me.” I tried to pull my face away to no avail.

“Shiloh—”

“I have to protect you,” I cut him off again. My whole body shook, and I felt like if I didn’t run away right then and there, Mr. X would see me with them.

“Shiloh!” Knox shouted.

Startled, my whole body jerked against him.

“Take a deep breath,” he ordered again.

Stunned, I did as he said.

“Again. This time in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

I did. He had me breathe like that over and over until the need to run away and the feeling of time running out began to fade. As I calmed, I realized what had happened. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

His thumbs brushed my wet cheeks. “Listen to me very carefully,” he said. “We take the possibility of X finding you very seriously. The four of us have talked about it extensively. And some of those conversations were not easy. Right after you told us you were in witness protection, the four of us had the biggest fight I think we’ve ever had. I wanted my brothers to pause things with you until we all got a better understanding of the risks.”

“Don’t take all the blame, Knox. I was the one who suggested it,” Keelan said from behind me.

Knox released my face so I could look over my shoulder. Colt, Creed, and Keelan were all standing where the kitchen transitioned into the dining room. All of them looked sullen.

Creed had his arms folded over his chest, his face downcast. “I told them to fuck off.”

“We both did,” Colt said, looking from Creed to me. “It hadn’t changed anything for us. Knowing. It had been a shock, sure. But I remember feeling we had finally gained your missing piece. The one that made all the other pieces of you make sense.”

“We had finally gotten all of you, and we weren’t going to give you up,” Creed said.

“Because of that, we argued all day that day,” Keelan said. “Until we came up with a compromise. You would continue to be in our lives, but we would take the risk of X seriously, learn as much as we could about him, and talk about our concerns.”

“One of those concerns, which required many discussions, was what we would do if X found you,” Knox said, drawing my attention back to him. “There isn’t a sure way of how to handle it if he does, but we came up with a few game plans and we’ve been doing our best to be prepared if he does.”

“Prepared how?” I asked.

“Run or fight, Shi,” Creed said, reminding me of what he’d made me promise.

I looked at all of them. “You’d run with me?”

“I wouldn’t have promised that if I hadn’t meant it,” Creed said, finally looking at me. He was mad and rightfully so.

I moved to get down from the counter and Knox stepped aside. I walked over to stand in front of Creed. “If Mr. X ever shows up, I have exit plans. I'll tell you guys all of them. I have two safe houses to run to. The closest is in Colorado. The other is in Alaska. Both are secluded. I’ll tell you exactly where they are. I have multiple passports and IDs with different names on them. I’ll show them to you.” I told all of them this, but I never stopped staring at Creed. I’d tried to break our promise. Twice. A simple I’m sorry, I won’t do it again wasn’t enough. “If we have no choice but to run and we get separated, you will know how to find me.”

Creed stared at me for the longest time and I was beginning to think I might have to grovel. Without saying a word, he unfolded his arms and hooked one around my lower back, pulling me to him. His other arm went across my shoulders, and he hugged me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered into his neck.

His response was to hug me tighter.

Later that night, we settled down watching the Food Network. A few of the shows we watched were cooking competition shows where you had to take random and odd ingredients and make a delicious meal out of them. The guys made me laugh as they really got into it.

As it got late, Knox was the first to stand from the couch and announce that he was headed for bed. I perked up, expectant of a hug or a kiss or pretty much anything extra beyond an announcement. Colt, Creed, and Keelan always kissed me somehow, be it on my mouth or forehead, when they went off to bed. Knox didn’t even spare me a glance.

I relaxed back against the couch, feeling disappointed.

“If you want to spend the night with him, you’re going to have to march in there and tell him,” Colt said. I looked at him and found him watching me.

I hadn’t slept in Knox’s room since the night he’d picked me up off my closet floor. That next morning, I’d given him my first hand job and he’d ruined it by telling me it had been a mistake.

“I don’t think he would be comfortable with that,” I said and tried to focus on the TV. I could feel all three of them staring at me, so it was hard.

“Knox is a fucking idiot,” Creed muttered as he stood from the couch. He grabbed my chin, made me look up at him, and kissed me. “I’m going to bed.”

Colt got up from the couch, too, and kissed me on the head. “Goodnight, babe.”

“Goodnight,” I said to both of them.

As they went to bed, Keelan laced his fingers through mine. “Did something happen?”

Great question. Ever since what had happened at the store yesterday and the way Knox had abruptly ended our kiss, it had felt like he was avoiding me.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

Keelan gently bumped his shoulder with mine. “The only way you’ll know for sure is if you talk to him.”

He was right. I knew I had to. I supposed now was the time.

I gave Keelan a quick kiss and made my way toward Knox’s room. I tapped on his closed door.

“Yeah?” he said from the other side.

I walked in. He was already in bed, but sitting up against the pillows with his phone in hand. I closed the door and leaned against it.

Just seeing him, doubt started to sink in.

What if what I was feeling was all in my head? Was I just being insecure again? Or needy? I didn’t want him to see me that way. I had enough things working against me already.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I…uh…will you kiss me goodnight?” Heat quickly spread across my cheeks after I blurted that.

He set down his phone on the nightstand. “Come here.”

When I was standing next to the bed, I expected I’d have to lean over to kiss him, that it would be quick and awkward.

Knox grabbed me by my hips and pulled me down across his lap. I was sure I was a sight, overcome with surprise, especially when he cupped the back of my neck as he leaned in and kissed me. I let him have this moment. Even though I wanted to kiss him back and deepen the kiss, I let him set the pace.

Knox pulled away, his eyes dancing all over my face. There was heat in his gaze that made me want to touch him, but I kept my hands in my lap. He combed his fingers through my hair and pushed it back behind my shoulder. I squeezed my hands into fists as he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to my collarbone. Then he pulled the strap of my pajama tank off and began kissing the entire length of my shoulder.

With each kiss, my resolve to hold back became more and more undone. His mouth traveled south until he reached the top of my breast, over my heart. My top was barely covering that breast. It was one deep breath from exposing my nipple.

“Knox,” I whispered. To beg him? To let out my frustration? I wasn’t sure.

His hand slid up my back and his mouth hovered over mine. “You’re shaking.”

“You’re doing that to me,” I said against his lips.

“I know,” he said and kissed me.

His lips moved over mine in such a devouring and needy way that my resolve finally snapped. My hands slid over his shoulders and I pressed closer to him. I reciprocated his kiss with equal neediness and the eagerness to be devoured.

He pushed me down on the bed without removing his mouth from mine. His hands began roaming all over me. Up my bare thigh until he reached the bottom of my shorts, down my sides, over my shirt, over my hips. As a hand slid up my body, it got caught under my shirt. At the feel of my bare stomach, he stiffened. I felt him shutting down and he broke our kiss. “We should stop,” he said in a detached voice as he sat up.

His hand pulled out from under my shirt. It was then that I realized he had been touching my scars.

I sat up and scooted away. “Was it my scars?”

He appeared taken aback. “No.”

This wasn’t all in my head. “Are you wanting to take things slow?”

“No. That’s not it.”

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, letting my insecurities show, but what choice did I have? This was the second time he’d shut down and pulled away with me. Something had to be going on.

“No,” he replied quickly. “It’s just been a long day.”

Why did that feel like a lie?

“All right.” I clambered off the bed. Disappointment burrowed deep in my chest as I went to the door. “Goodnight,” I said, glancing back at him.

Ask me to stay.

He was running his fingers roughly through his hair as he frowned down at the bed. “Goodnight.”

I ran into Keelan in the hall. Smiling, he said, “Hey—” His smile dropped slowly as he looked from me to Knox’s door behind me. “What happened?”

I shook my head. “He’s tired.”

Keelan glared at Knox’s door. “Creed’s right,” he mumbled as he put an arm around my shoulders and ushered me into his room. “Let’s go to bed.”