WITSEC

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

“Shiloh,” a feminine voice whispered.

My eyes shot open, finding myself surrounded by darkness. It was so dark I couldn’t tell what was up or down, but I could feel a presence coming toward me. Everything in me told me I had to get away—to run. So I did. I ran not knowing where I was going or if I would slam into something. What I did know was that the presence I felt began chasing me. The threat I could sense from them made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I blinked, or at least I thought I did, and a light appeared in the distance. As I ran for it, I could see that the light was coming from a cracked door. I blinked again and I was suddenly standing right in front of it.

The moment I saw the bloody handprint on the door, I knew where it led.

“Shiloh,” the feminine voice whispered again, and that time I realized who the voice belonged to.

“Isabelle?” I said as I pushed open the door.

I braced myself to find her bleeding on the floor. The door swung inward slowly, revealing an empty bathroom. There wasn’t even a drop of blood anywhere. I walked inside the bright room toward the sink, my gaze taking in the mirror as I did. It was clean. Mr. X’s message was gone and all I could see was my reflection.

Through the mirror I noticed movement over my shoulder. As if stepping out of a black abyss, Keelan appeared in the doorway behind me.

“Are you all right?” he asked me.

I opened my mouth to answer just as an alabaster face with coal eyes slid out of that black abyss behind Keelan. Before I could do or say anything, Keelan’s body jerked, arching backward, his eyes going wide.

“No!” I screamed as I spun around. I reached for Keelan to pull him away from Mr. X. Before I could, Mr. X’s hand wrapped around Keelan’s throat, and he pulled him backward into the darkness.

Nothing mattered but the desperate need to save Keelan. Not even my fear. I went to run back into that darkness, but something caught me by my ankle. I fell forward. My hands and knees slammed down on the tile that was now covered in blood. As I tried to get up, I slipped and slid in the blood.

“Shiloh,” the feminine voice called to me again and something tightened around my ankle. I glanced backward, finding Isabelle lying on the ground. She was just as I had found her at Ethan’s birthday. Stabbed, bleeding, and deathly pale. Her teal hair was soaking up the blood spreading around us. Her blue eyes were wide and fixed on me. “Help me,” she begged.

The sound of Keelan screaming out in pain echoed in the darkness, drawing my attention out the bathroom door.

Faced with a decision I wished I didn’t have to make, tears rolled down my cheeks as I glanced back at Isabelle. “I’m sorry.” I tried to yank my ankle free.

Isabelle tightened her grip. “Please don’t leave me.”

A sob barreled out of me. “I’m sorry!” I yanked away again, this time getting free. Pushing to my feet, I dove into the darkness, leaving my friend to die.

I woke, leaping to sit up. I barely had time to register that I was in the back of Keelan’s Jeep when a hand touched my arm.

“You’re safe.”

Startled, I scooted away until I slammed my shoulder, then my back into one of the doors in the backseat. I looked up front and saw Colt was driving. His arm reached back toward me. He glanced over his shoulder at me for only a second before staring back at the road.

“You’re safe,” he repeated. “It was just a dream.” He put on the car’s blinker and merged to the right.

Reality came back to me and then my nightmare replayed in my head. Instantly, my stomach twisted.

I left her.

“Pull over,” I begged.

“I am,” Colt said.

Before Colt could bring the Jeep to a full stop on the side of the road, I had the door open, and I jumped out. I made it just a few feet before I bent over and vomited. I heaved until I had nothing left in my stomach and then heaved some more.

Hands collected my hair and held it back. “Focus on breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth,” Colt said as he put his hand on my lower back and began rubbing in small circles.

I did as he instructed and when it seemed like I wasn’t going to heave again, I stepped away from him. He let go of my hair so he wouldn’t pull it as I kept putting more space between us.

“Shiloh,” he said, anger seeping into his voice.

I could feel him following me, so I stopped walking. I rubbed my eyes, hoping to ease the need to cry, before moving my hands up into my hair. “I can’t have you comforting me right now, Colt.”

“Why?” he asked, sounding as if he was right behind me.

I turned to face him. “Because I am barely holding it together.”

He reached out to touch me. Before he could, I caught him by his wrist, stopping him. “It is taking everything I have not to fall into your arms and break,” I said. “But to do that would be selfish. I love you too much to do that to you—to your brothers.”

“You’re not in this alone.”

I let go of his wrist. “I’m well aware of that.”

His expression hardened into a frown. “You almost sound like you wish you were.”

My hands fisted at my sides. “This is all new for you. The fear. The uprooted life. The running and hiding. But as time passes, you will get tired of always looking over your shoulder, and when that happens, you will resent me.”

He inhaled deeply, his nostrils flaring. It was clear that I’d upset him, but as he exhaled slowly, some of the tension in his body seemed to ease. “Damn it, babe.” He looked away from me, staring off at the mountains behind me.

It was then that I felt how cold it was outside. Feeling the need to shiver, I moved to fold my arms over my chest.

That drew his gaze back to me. He took me in and sighed. “Let’s get back in the car. It’s freezing out here.”

“Can I drive?” I asked, needing the distraction.

He nodded and we climbed back into the Jeep. As I pulled back onto the interstate, it took me a minute to realize where we were — less than an hour away from the safe house.

Silence filled up the car and as the minutes ticked by, that silence became more and more heavily apparent.

“You’re wrong, you know,” Colt said, dispelling the heaviness around us.

“About what?” I peeked at him for a second before returning my attention to the road. He was staring out his window.

“I want you to put yourself in our shoes for a moment,” he said. “If my brothers and I were the ones in WITSEC and we had to run, would you run with us? Would you uproot your life?”

“I shouldn’t have said any of that,” I said, trying to deflect.

“It’s how you feel. So answer the question.” His firm voice told me that there was no avoiding this.

“Yes, I would run with you,” I said.

“Do you think you would come to resent us?”

“No,” I answered without thought, because I didn’t need to think about it. I just knew on every level, from my head to my heart to my soul. I just knew. I didn’t care what came our way or what we had to endure; as long as we were together, that was enough for me. They were enough.

I saw his point and it was a little reassuring, but my guilt was still too crushing. “You and your brothers are stronger than me. If you had been in my place, I don’t think you would have even allowed yourself to get close to me to begin with.”

Colt didn’t deny it. Not that I expected him to. The fact that he didn’t just cemented why I was a piece of shit. Realizing that unleashed Logan’s voice in my head.

“You know better, Shi. What the fuck were you thinking dragging them into all of this?”

“You’re being stupid, Shiloh. So unbelievably stupid. You have fucked everything up by telling them.”

“I did not intend to fall in love with you or to drag you into this.” My throat became tight and my resolve to stay strong wavered a little.

Colt let out a sigh. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look away from his window to stare at me. “I don’t know for sure what I would have done if our roles were reversed. What I do know is that from the moment I first saw you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I had to know you, and the more time I spent with you, the more I was determined to keep you.”

I bit my lip so it wouldn’t tremble.

“If that isn’t enough to reassure you,” he continued, “then look back on how you and Knox came to be. He tried to not allow himself to be with you and yet, you two are together.”

One tear escaped my left eye and rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away before it could drip off my chin.

Colt put his hand on my knee. “Please stop punishing yourself because you think you’ve damned us by loving us. You have a bad habit of doing that.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but Colt stopped me with a light squeeze of his hand. “I understand why you feel guilty. I would, too, but I want you to listen when I tell you that I wouldn’t choose to be anywhere but here, with you, right now. I know it’s the same for my brothers. If we need to keep reminding you of that until it sticks, then so be it.”

Another tear rolled down my cheek, this time from my right eye. Colt’s hand left my knee and he wiped the tear away with his thumb.

“That’s not really fair for you to have to do that,” I said.

“If it was over trivial things, I could see how it wouldn’t be,” he said. “But what you’re feeling right now and what is happening is anything but. And I know it’s not just the guilt you feel about us that’s bothering you.”

He was hinting at Isabelle.

“I wish I could take on your guilt and fight it for you.” His thumb brushed across my cheek again. Not to wipe away a tear, but in a way that was loving.

I wouldn’t wish what I was feeling right now on anyone.

“Is this it?” Colt asked as we pulled up to an iron gate that blocked a narrow, winding road.

“This is it,” I said as I got out of the Jeep. I walked up to the side of the gate where there was a little black box nailed to a post. I opened the box, revealing a keypad. After I entered in the seven-digit code, the gate beeped and began to slide open.

I climbed back into the Jeep and drove through. About halfway to the house, the road changed from asphalt to dirt.

I caught Colt staring out the window, taking in the forest all around us. “It’s really isolated,” he commented.

“I think the nearest neighbor is fifteen acres to the west,” I said.

He glanced at me. “You think?”

“I’ve only been here once, right before I moved to Arizona,” I explained. “When I decided to rejoin civilization and restart my life, Logan insisted that I have another location to run to besides Alaska. It’s not only farther to get to Alaska, but I also told everyone in Arizona that I was from there. The safe house I have there is even more isolated than this and would be difficult to find, but not impossible if Mr. X came searching.”

“Why did you even tell anyone that you were from Alaska to begin with?” he asked.

“Because I’m a terrible liar and lies are easier to keep track of if there’s some truth to them.”

He nodded his understanding and returned to staring out the window just in time for the cabin to come into view. I saw my 4Runner parked outside the one-story log cabin. I exhaled audibly, feeling relieved.

“I’m relieved to see they’re here, too,” Colt said.

I parked Keelan’s Jeep next to my 4Runner and the moment I shut off the car, the front door of the cabin opened. Knox stepped out onto the front porch, then Keelan and Creed.

As Colt and I climbed out, they looked from me to Colt and relief washed over each of them. Creed and Keelan rushed off the porch for us. Creed beelined for Colt. I watched him pass and it almost seemed as though he was refusing to look at me. Just as I began to feel unsettled by that, Keelan threw his arms around me, enveloping me with warmth. It was freezing here, and I was certain it would snow either tonight or tomorrow.

Keelan squeezed me tightly. “You scared the shit out of us.”

I barely had time to hug him back before he pulled away just enough to face me. His eyes bounced all over my face and neck. He cupped my cheek and ran his hand over the scratch there. He looked like he was about to question me about it when a hand grabbed me by my elbow just below where my arm was bandaged.

I looked to see who it was and found Knox standing next to us, frowning at where I had been shot.

“What happened?” he asked as his eyes traveled to the cuts on my neck and cheek.

Keelan released me, taking his warmth with him.

I turned my body toward Knox. “I’m fine.”

Colt and Creed joined us then. “She was shot,” Colt said.

“What?” Keelan gaped as Knox’s hand tightened around my elbow.

“I’m fine,” I repeated and pulled my arm from Knox’s grasp. He let go of me the moment I tried to pull away. Beginning to shiver, I folded my arms over my chest. “Why don’t we go in?—”

“Stop fucking lying to us, Shi,” Creed snapped. The anger in his voice startled me.

I whirled to face his clearly unhappy stare. “I’m not lying. I’m okay.” My words just seemed to piss him off more. “You’re angry with me?”

“You left us, Shi,” he said. His voice wasn’t loud, but his tone was harsh and strained, as if it was taking everything in him to not combust. “You lied, played us for fools, and then took off. Do you have any idea how hard it was to leave you and come here? To trust that you’d be able to do as you said? We didn’t know where you were, if you were okay...” The more he spoke, the more upset he got. He kept clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. “You promised, Shi. Run or fight, as long as we’re together. You fucking promised me.”

“Creed,” Colt said, taking my hand in his. “She had to. She?—”

I cut him off by pulling my hand away. “You’re right, I broke my promise.” My voice sounded numb—vacant. “Be mad at me, Creed. Fucking hate me. I hurt you. I scared you. I’m sorry for that and so much more.” The numbness in my voice spread to the rest of me until I wasn’t feeling cold anymore. “But I’m not sorry for what I had to do to save your brother. There wasn’t any time and I had to make a tough call very quickly that made sure we all ended up safe.”

“Bullshit!” Creed snarled. “You sent us away because it was easier. That’s the type of shit your uncle would pull.”

I looked down. Did he really believe that? And was he right?

“Creed!” Colt snapped.

Maybe I should have argued—fought to explain, but I just…I had nothing left in me to give. There was still so much to do, and my energy was in the negative. All I could do for them and for me was finish making sure we were secure and safe. When that was done, I’d fight for Creed to forgive me. Without saying another word, I slid between Knox and Keelan and headed for the house.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I heard Colt snap behind me. “Do you really believe she would have done what she did if she had any other choice? Why the fuck are you so quick to pass judgment without hearing her side?”

“Why didn’t she have a choice?” Knox asked as I opened the door to the cabin.

“Because the sheriff told her he’d kill me if she didn’t come alone,” Colt said.

I didn’t hear anymore once I walked inside. The wood floor creaked under my wedges as I moved through the open living space that consisted of a kitchen to the left and a small living room facing a large stone fireplace on the right. There wasn’t a dining space. Just four stools that surrounded the kitchen island. A lot of the furniture was basic, a little dated, and had come with the place when Logan had bought it for me. And when I said “bought it for me,” I meant that he’d been in charge of buying it with my family’s money. Not the life-insurance money. The money I didn’t like to acknowledge existed.

When Logan had insisted on buying another safe house and asked if he could use my family’s money to do so, I hadn’t wanted any part in it. I had told him he could spend all the money he wanted for all I cared. He had just rolled his eyes at me and found and bought this place. We had spent a whole three days here before I’d started my life in Arizona. I’d hoped I would never have to come here. Which was why I hadn’t bothered to add any personal touches to the place. I had, however, brought and left a good chunk of my winter clothes from Alaska.

Apart from its somewhat dated furniture, it was a nice cabin. Along the far wall of the living room were two doors. One led to a bedroom and the other led to a bathroom. Farther down the far wall, past the living room, was a small hall with two more doors leading to two more bedrooms.

I headed for the hall and entered the door all the way at the end. It was the owner’s suite—my room. It just had a queen bed with gray and tan plaid bedding, a nightstand with a lamp on top, a dresser, and a trunk at the end of the bed. There was another large stone fireplace that took up the far corner of the room. A few feet in and to the left was the en suite. I headed there.

The bathroom was small. Right when you walked in, there was the sink. Next to it was the toilet and next to that was the shower. I opened up the mirror cabinet above the sink, finding a brand-new toothbrush and toothpaste. All I’d been able to do since I’d thrown up was rinse my mouth out with water at a gas station. I got to work brushing my teeth.

After I was done, I splashed water on my face in an attempt to wake myself up. I would’ve preferred a shower. I could still smell chlorine on my skin. Sadly, there weren’t many daylight hours left to waste.

I went back into my room, took off my wedges, and went to the dresser. I pulled out a pair of jeans, a thick cream sweater, and thick socks. Pretty much everything I would need was already here for me, apart from food. There wasn’t anything for the guys. I was sure they hadn’t packed winter clothes in their backpacks.

I placed the clothes I’d pulled out of the dresser on the bed. Just as I removed my shirt, Knox appeared in the doorway. His eyes dropped to my green, black, and yellow Loki bra. He didn’t say anything and neither did I as he watched me unbutton my shorts. His eyes followed my hands as I pushed the shorts past my hips and down my thighs until I let them drop to the floor around my feet.

There was heat in his stare. That heat warmed up my cold skin, but it wasn’t enough to warm me anywhere else. There was too much going on—too much that had happened. Time felt like it was moving too quickly, and I was racing against it.

As I reached for my jeans, I felt Knox move into the room. Jeans in hand, I faced him.

He came close enough to touch. “You’re not all right.” The way he said that almost felt like a question.

I debated my response, debated lying. The last thing I wanted was for him to worry. Having already lied to him many times in the past twenty-four hours, I decided against it. “No. I’m not.”

His hand cupped the back of my head. “What do you need?”

“To keep moving.”

His fingers snaked through my messy hair and began massaging the base of my skull. “That’s avoiding.”

I knew that, and I knew if I did it long enough, avoiding would become the easier choice. My eyes closed on their own and my head leaned back into his hand. “It’s necessary.”

“Why?” Knox’s voice sounded deeper.

I opened my eyes, finding Knox leaning over me, his mouth hovering inches above mine. A few days ago, I would have closed the distance between us.

I brought my hand up and cupped his cheek. “Because it’s not safe yet.”

Knox pulled back a little, his eyes searching mine. “We’re as safe as we can be.”

“Give me until tomorrow, please?” I pleaded in a low voice. It was what I had requested of Colt even though he hadn’t completely listened. Tomorrow was my finish line, what I had to get to. Until that time, I’d get everything done we needed to be safe, secure, and prepared here.

I didn’t know what Knox read in my eyes, but he relented with a small nod before leaning down, bringing his mouth to mine.

His kiss was gentle at first, as if he intended it to be short. That quickly changed. He moved closer, his other hand sliding over my skin to my lower back. The way his lips caressed mine went from gentle to demanding. I should resist, yet it would be so easy to give in. Who wouldn’t want to feel something good when the world was falling apart?

I put my hand on Knox’s chest and pushed against him gently. Knox stilled before pulling away with a question in his eyes.

“I’m not stopping because I don’t want to kiss you,” I told him.

“You don’t have to explain.”

“It’s not that I have to, Knox. I’m extending the same courtesy to you that I’d want in return. It’s easy to misread something and I don’t ever want you to feel like I don’t want you.”

Through his touch I felt him go tense. “I never wanted you to feel that way.”

I sighed and rested my forehead on his chest. “I know, and I didn’t say that to hurt you.”

Knox’s fingers continued to knead the back of my neck. “So why did you pull away?”

“There’s a lot that needs to be done and there aren’t a lot of daylight hours left,” I said into his chest.

“Like what?”

I pulled away and out of his arms. “We don’t have any food here.” I got dressed as I spoke. “It’s only going to get colder. It’s going to snow and if it snows too much, there’s a risk we could get snowed in. You and your brothers don’t have proper clothing, either. So I’m going to need your sizes before I head to town.”

“Or we could go with you,” he suggested.

I thought about it. “A few of you can come. Either only one of the twins can come or both need to stay behind. Twins are too noticeable and rememberable. If Keelan’s coming, he’ll need to wear something to cover up his tattoos. There’s some of Logan’s clothes here. Him and Keelan are about the same size.”

“Creed and I will go with you,” he decided.

After getting on my shirt, I went to the trunk at the foot of the bed and pulled out a pair of boots and a bark-colored knitted beanie. I closed the trunk and sat on top of it to put on my socks and boots. “Are you sure Creed will even want to be around me?”

“I’m not going to get in the middle of you and Creed.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I will say that when you took off after sending us that vague text, Keelan had to restrain Creed to stop him from driving off and searching for you.”

I looked down at the floor. “If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t have left you three like that.”

“We know that now.”

I supposed Colt had told them everything.

“I also believed you wouldn’t have left like that unless you had to. It was obvious something was going on when we left Ethan’s. You were on edge and distracted.” Knox moved to stand in front of me. He grabbed my chin and made me look up at him. “It wasn’t easy having faith that you and Colt would meet us here. You were going into a dangerous situation and leaving felt like we were abandoning you two.”

“I can see why that was hard,” I said. “Thank you for leaving despite it.”

As Knox stared down at me, his normal serious face gentled a little. “Thank you for saving my brother.”