Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
We headed out after retrieving money and my Colorado driver’s license, which had my picture but a different alias on it, from my go bag, which was the duffel bag I’d grabbed from the safe in my panic room back in Arizona. The hour drive to town was quiet for the most part. Creed rode in the backseat, frowning as he stared out the window. There were a few times when I peeked back at him through the rearview mirror as I drove us and caught him staring at me, but when he realized, he would look away. Knox sat up front with me and appeared to be sleeping. I was pretty sure he had been up since yesterday like the rest of us.
It wasn’t until we were pulling up to our first stop that I broke the silence. “There will be cameras everywhere. Try to keep your head down as much as you can.”
Knox opened his eyes and looked at me as if he hadn’t been sleeping at all, merely resting with his eyes closed. Putting my attention back on the road, I felt rather than saw him reach out before brushing the side of my neck. “You have hair hanging out.”
I brought my hand up to where he touched and felt the strand of hair he spoke of. Using one hand, I tucked it into my beanie. I’d put it on before leaving, hoping to hide my red hair. I’d need to pick up hair dye while we were out. The red was too noticeable.
Our first stop was a large, common department store. As soon as we entered, I suggested that we split up to get things done faster.
“Creed can go with you,” Knox said and walked away toward the men’s clothing department.
It was obvious what Knox was doing. I glanced at Creed and saw him frowning at his brother, who was walking farther and farther away.
As if feeling me watching, Creed’s gaze slid to me. His frown lessened just a smidge and he sighed. “Let’s go.”
It seemed that Knox’s plan was going to be for naught. I should have felt more upset and dwelled on the fact that Creed was mad at me. In normal circumstances, I probably would have. Maybe I was burying it with everything else because I was exhausted. Or maybe I just didn’t care because I knew I was justified in doing what I’d done and that really meant I was like my uncle. No. It had to be the first. I’d make things right tomorrow.
Creed let me take the lead. I grabbed a cart and decided to start in the toiletry department. I moved quickly through the aisles, pulling things off the shelves for the guys and for me without fully stopping. Because the drive here had been silent, I’d made mental lists of things we would need.
They didn’t have a huge selection of hair dye. I glanced over the small variety quickly, seeing that I had the option to go brown, which was my actual hair color. That didn’t seem like a good idea. I didn’t want to be more recognizable to Mr. X.
They were out of black dye. My only other option was to go with a light color. I’d have to bleach the red out of my hair. I knew the basics of how to do that, but having my phone to look up exactly how to do everything would have been really nice right now.
Cheese and rice! Knowing my luck, my hair was going to come out orange or completely ruined. Reluctantly, I grabbed a bleach hair kit and tossed it in the cart.
The next aisle was the feminine hygiene aisle, and I froze. My period had been due yesterday. The moment the crazy, panicked thought of possibly being pregnant entered my head, my rational side took over. I was on birth control. Or I had been up until a few days ago. I had a history of being a few days late when under a lot of stress. Besides, I was already getting the chocolate cravings that I always got right before and would continue to have after I started. As soon as I was able to calm down, my body would do what it was supposed to. For now, I needed to get supplies for when my period did eventually begin.
I caught Creed staring at me with a frown as I pulled the products I’d need from the shelf. I didn’t have it in me to feel embarrassed. Not that I had any reason to be. He didn’t say anything, so neither did I.
Farther down the aisle were condoms. Those were a must now that I was no longer taking birth control. Colt and I had already had unprotected sex. He may have pulled out, but we would not be having sex like that again.
I looked over the brands and styles of condoms that were available. I had bought condoms before, but they didn’t have that kind here. I bit my lip, trying to decide which one to get.
Creed sighed. “These ones, Shi.” He grabbed a few boxes off the shelf and tossed them into the cart.
“Thanks,” I muttered and continued on to the next aisle.
He went back to quietly following me. Or at least until I stopped to grab something. I felt him come up behind me before his arms wrapped around my stomach.
“Shi.” His arms around me tightened, molding my back to his chest. He rested his forehead on my shoulder. “I was scared, pissed off, and I’m exhausted. I said things I didn’t mean because I thought…” His arms squeezed around me even more. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. I was a jerk and I’m sorry.”
“If you squeeze me any tighter, I’m going to pop.”
Creed’s arms instantly loosened, and his hands went to my hips to spin me around to face him. His mouth latched to mine and before I could process that, he pulled away just a breath. “I don’t think you’re like your uncle. I was lashing out.” He kissed me again. It was quick, but I was prepared for it enough to kiss him back. His hands moved to cup my face and he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “It’s all right, Creed.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “I felt like I was going out of my mind.”
The pain I heard in his voice hurt my heart. I put my head on his shoulder and hugged him as tightly as he had hugged me. “I know. I’m sorry.”
We stood there holding each other for a while. At first, I felt completely, helplessly gutted that he felt that way. I wished I could fix it. I was desperate for him to never feel that way again. That desperation quickly turned into anger, because the only way to obtain what I wanted was if Mr. X was dead.
The sun was setting by the time we returned to the cabin. Keelan and Colt came out to help unload the car. After everything was put away, Knox offered to cook something for us, and I went to go take a fast shower. The warm water from the shower relaxed me to the point I felt bone tired. I struggled to get clothes on and had to sit down on my bed after. Just until dinner is ready, I told myself as I lay back across the foot of the bed.
Sleep pulled me away without me even realizing it and the next thing I knew, I was being lifted. I tried to open my heavy eyes, but all I could manage to do was groan.
“It’s just me, baby girl,” Keelan said as he laid me somewhere else in the bed.
When I felt blankets come over me and his warm body cuddle me from behind, I drifted back to sleep.
My eyes shot open as the blankets were slowly pulled down my body. At first, all I could do was watch the shadows as they danced on the ceiling. I felt paralyzed, unable to move, unable to blink as the rest of the blankets were pulled off of me completely.
It took me a moment to realize I was home in my bed in Arizona.
Cold air kissed my exposed skin just before fingers touched the top of my foot. My heart began to beat faster when those fingers started to move up the top of my leg. I could hear heavy footsteps on the rug as someone walked along the side of the bed.
Once they reached the hem of my pajama shorts, the fingers didn’t stop. They continued up my thigh, over my PJs, over my hip and stomach, until they reached my breast. There the fingers circled around my nipple through my thin pajama top, making it harden.
The feeling of the bed dipping and their bulky body settling in the bed next to me was familiar. My body moved on its own, snuggling closer to the person who I had thought had been Knox. That had been before. Too tired, I hadn’t opened my eyes before. They were wide open now. I was still unable to blink and this time I could see that it was not Knox who was in bed with me.
“Shiii…loooh,” he whispered as he pushed me flat on my back and climbed over me. “I have missed you.”
I tried to move, to scream. I had to just lie there as he shoved up my top, exposing my breasts.
Fear and nausea churned in my belly as he touched me, kissed me. He didn’t let go of one of my breasts as he moved his head down to my scars and he licked each one. A mumble forced its way out of me: “I’m too tired.”
He didn’t listen or didn’t care. He continued to focus on the scars on my stomach with his lips and tongue. Then he ran the tip of his fingers over each one. It was like he was admiring and adoring his work—his marks of possession.
I wanted to scream. I already was in my head, begging myself to move, for someone to help me.
He moved farther down my body and pushed my legs open with his knee. I knew what he was about to do and all I could do was mentally prepare for it.
Tears were finally able to pool in my eyes when he buried his face between my legs. Those tears escaped me, along with a whimper, as he ran his nose over me through my pajama shorts. As he pressed his face against me and inhaled deeply, my chest was heaving up and down rapidly. It was then that I felt that I could scream, and it tore through me. The force behind it was so strong, my throat burned so bad I was sure it was tearing apart.
The feel of someone shaking me and the pain in my throat was what pulled me from my nightmare. I opened my eyes mid-scream, finding Keelan above me. His eyes were wide and his hands were gripping my shoulders. My scream died off at the same time a crash sounded in the room. Keelan let go of me to look behind him, toward the door. Knox had stormed in with Creed and Colt right behind him.
“She was having a nightmare,” Keelan said quickly, trying to calm the panic that was all over their faces. They had to have known that I’d been having a nightmare, but given what had happened, I could see why they might have thought my screaming could have been for another reason.
Had it been a nightmare, though? Or my subconscious revealing the truth?
After finding Jacob’s body in my house and my gut had been screaming that Mr. X had found me, for a small moment I’d had a sickening thought that my dream of Knox coming to me in the middle of the night not only hadn’t been a dream, but it also hadn’t been Knox who had climbed into bed with me. I had almost voiced that worry to my guys as well, but things had kept happening and I’d let it go. I’d convinced myself that it had been, in fact, just a dream. It was easier that way because the alternative was too terrible to bear.
I should have known that I wouldn’t be so lucky. Maybe seeing Mr. X in the flesh at Desert Stone was what was jogging my memory and making me face the truth.
I felt dirty, as if every inch of my skin had become tainted. What made it worse was that I could still feel the way he’d touched me.
I sobbed in a way that rocked my whole body. I felt so heavy all I could do was roll away from Keelan and slide off the side of the bed to the floor. I wanted to run, to escape my skin, and knowing that was impossible made me feel trapped.
“Baby?” Keelan said and I felt the bed move.
I crawled away, not wanting to be touched. Tears leaked from my eyes as I turned onto my butt and scooted backward until my back ran into the wall. With blurry eyes, I looked from one of my boyfriends to the others.
“Shi?” Creed said as he moved toward me.
“No!” I put my hand out as if to stop him and he froze. My lungs tightened up, making it harder to breathe.
Mr. X must have drugged me. It was why I hadn’t been able to wake up the next morning. The more things began to really sink in, a terrifying thought popped into my head. Had Mr. X really stopped when I’d pleaded with him?
“Please… Let’s do this tomorrow.” Had the promise of sex at a later time convinced him to stop or had he waited until I’d fallen back to sleep to continue?
Had he done more to me?
Did he rape me?
My chest hurt as it heaved. This high-pitched, raspy hee sound came out of me each time I tried to inhale. Not enough air was getting in.
“Shiloh?” Knox said as he took a step forward.
I got on my hands and knees, unable to just sit there. Drops of tears dotted the floor by my hands. “I can’t breathe,” I quickly forced out with a strangled voice.
Strong arms lifted me off the floor and carried me hurriedly across the room. We were in the bathroom within a blink and by the next I was set on my feet in the shower. Knox turned me to face him, wrapped an arm around me to hold me up as he turned on the shower. Ice-cold water rained down on us, shocking me enough to make me gasp and my lungs expand.
“Breathe,” Knox said as he pushed wet hair away from my face.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.
“That’s it,” he praised. “Do it again.”
I did it again and again until the water warmed. The more the panic attack receded, the more my body became weak, and I began to tremble. “It wasn’t you,” I said with a raspy, sore voice. I tilted my head back to stare up at Knox. “It wasn’t a dream.”
Knox frowned down at me.
More tears leaked from my eyes. “I thought it was you.”
Knox brushed water and tears from my cheek. “You thought what was me?”
All I could do was sob.