WITSEC

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

I endured lying there for a whole five minutes before I had to get up and get busy. Why? Because my mind drifted to Mr. X again and the urge to rip off my skin just to remove the feel of him nearly sent me over the edge of insanity. And if I let myself reach that point, I really would backslide.

It was dinnertime. I honestly was not in the mood to cook, which just showed how messed-up I was feeling.

For my sanity, I pushed myself toward the door. As I reached to open it, I froze when my eyes caught on the ends of my hair.

I had never not wanted to be in my body more than I did right then. Gritting my teeth, I grabbed the brown knitted beanie I’d worn to town yesterday and put it on. After stuffing all of my hair into it, I left my room.

All four of my guys were hanging out in the living room. They went quiet as I entered, and I could feel them watching me as I headed to the kitchen.

“I’m guessing your hair didn’t turn out the way you wanted,” Colt said as I opened the fridge.

“No.” The curt word fell from my lips before I could even remind myself not to take out my frustration on them. I looked around in the fridge as I went over in my head what to make. I pulled out everything I’d need to make a simple baked chicken meal. As I set everything on the counter, I felt one of them come over.

“Shi,” Creed said from right behind me. “Is this another sweatshirt situation?”

I stiffened for a breath before turning to face him. “No.” This time, I was able to soften my voice before speaking.

Frowning, he reached toward my head.

I moved without thought. My hand shot out to block him from touching my beanie and I stepped out of his reach. “I love you, but I will ground you,” I warned angrily.

Keelan chuckled in the living room as he watched us.

Creed’s frown shifted into a smirk. “It can’t be that bad.”

I didn’t respond. The last thing I wanted to do was pique his curiosity more. Unfortunately, the determined glint in his eye told me it was too late. He wouldn’t back off.

“You can’t wear a hat forever, Shi. You might as well rip off the Band-Aid now and get it over with,” he said.

Unless I really wanted to put my boyfriend on his butt and risk hurting him, I really only had one option. “Would you still find me attractive if I was bald?” Only reason I asked was because I was seriously feeling the impulse to take scissors to my hair. I wouldn’t, though. What I was feeling would pass. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

“Yes,” they all said without hesitation.

I sighed. “You all said that a little too quickly,” I grumbled as I moved over to the cabinet that held the pots and pans. I grabbed a skillet and as I set it on the stove, I felt Creed come up behind me. He grabbed my beanie. I closed my eyes as it was removed, and my hair fell to my shoulders.

The reaction I got was silence. They knew I didn’t like pink, and they knew why.

“For what it’s worth, you look beautiful,” Creed said sullenly.

I couldn’t bring myself to say thank you. I couldn’t even move my hands to cook. I was so uncomfortable in my body that I wanted to tap out so badly. I wanted to run so badly. If there had been any alcohol here, I was pretty sure I’d be already chugging it. All I could do in that moment was stand there, staring down at the stove, battling with myself.

Move, Shiloh.

Just keep moving.

It’s terrible right now.

It’ll pass.

It’ll pass.

“Babe?” Colt said at the same time Knox said, “Shiloh?”

Creed grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around to face him. His eyes bounced all over my face. He must have seen something that unsettled him, because he pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around me.

I tried to lift my hands from my sides to hug him back. They felt so heavy that I only got as far as his waist. “Can someone help me cook?” I asked as I pushed on his hips a little.

“I’ll help,” Knox said as he came into the kitchen.

I can do this.

I can keep moving.

Creed unwrapped his arms from around me, but didn’t move or look away from me.

Knox came up next to us. “I got this, Creed,” he assured his little brother and a look passed between them.

Creed reluctantly backed away, letting go of me completely.

Knox took his place in front of me. The intensity of his stare and the way he towered over me made me feel like he was blocking out the rest of the world. Knox was the strongest out of the five of us. I found myself leaning toward him and resting my forehead against his chest, hoping to absorb a little bit of his strength.

He ran his hand down the back of my head to cup the back of my neck. “Are you even hungry?”

I shook my head against him.

“Okay.” He kissed the top of my head before moving away.

I watched him grab the food I’d taken out and put it all back in the fridge. Then he took my hand. I let him pull me and lead me back to my room.

As soon as we got inside, I asked, “What about dinner?”

He let go of my hand. “They’re big boys. They can feed themselves,” he said as he shut the door and leaned against it with his arms folded over his chest.

I moved farther into the room. “If you brought me in here to ask me what’s wrong or to talk?—”

“I don’t need to ask,” he cut me off.

I went to go sit on the edge of the bed. “Then why did you bring me in here?”

“You’re struggling.”

I scoffed as I shook my head. “I’m doing everything I can not to make past mistakes. I know I slipped and buried things, but that was so I could get us all here—somewhere safe.”

“I didn’t bring you in here to lecture you,” he said. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I can see you’re itching to go running. I can also see that you’re fighting it.”

“Is that why you brought me in here? To help talk me off the ledge?”

“I brought you in here to ask what you need to help you,” he grumbled. “It’s been one nightmare after another for days and you’ve had to deal with the brunt of it.”

“I would shoulder all the nightmares if I could.” Even if it destroyed me, if I could shield them from it all, I would.

By the angry frown that adorned his face, I was almost convinced he was a mind reader for a second. “That’s not how this works.”

“And how does this work?” I asked him.

“We shoulder it together,” he said. “So what do you need?”

“I don’t know.” If I knew how to make myself feel better, I would have done it by now.

“Would it help to talk about things, then?”

I didn’t really see the point. He knew why my hair bothered me and he’d gotten all the details this morning about Mr. X. Speaking of this morning… “Why were you so quiet this morning?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“Maybe I’d be more forthcoming if you were, too,” I shot back.

He was quiet for a moment as he clearly debated. “I was angry.”

“Because I thought it was you?”

The way he clenched his jaw gave me my answer.

I looked away and steeled myself for what I had to ask next. “You’re angry with me because I couldn’t tell the difference?”

“No.” He practically growled.

I winced a little and made myself stare back at him.

He was watching me with a hard frown. “I’m angry that he assaulted you period. Yes, it upset me that you thought it was me. Not because I’m offended you would ever think I would sneak over and be with you like that. After you had come over earlier that day and unwrapped yourself like a fucking present, I wanted to say fuck it and go to you that night. I wish I had instead of denying myself, because meanwhile that fucker…”

Knox trailed off, his face downcast. His expression was downright murderous and the muscles in his jaw ticked. I stayed quiet as he calmed himself.

“I absolutely do not fault you for thinking that it was me. It could have been. I’m upset at how much he got away with because you didn’t know.”

It took a minute to process what he’d said. “If I hadn’t thought it was you, he would have raped me right then and there. If I hadn’t thought it was you and I’d realized it was him, I would have freaked out and tried to fight. Because I thought it was you, I reacted as he’s always wanted me to react to him. Like a girlfriend who didn’t want to turn him away, but was too tired for what he wanted, and asked if we could do it the next day. Because I thought it was you, I fed into his fantasy and prevented something that would be a lot harder to come back from.”

This time he was quiet as he processed. He didn’t look happy, but he was less upset.

“I hate my hair,” I said because it was my turn to be forthcoming. “I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror. I see Shayla. You would think I would be happy to see her. It’s why I started dyeing my hair to begin with. To hold onto her. To see glimpses of her. But those small glimpses I used to get were memories. Good ones. Looking into the mirror now, all I can see are her last moments. I see her dead.” I clasped my hands together tightly in my lap. “And since I woke up this morning, I can’t stop feeling the way he touched me. I’ve been trying to keep busy. To move around. If I’m moving, I can try to process things without feeling him. But the moment I slow down, he takes over and I want to rip off my skin. I quite literally hate my body from head to toe and I feel trapped because of that.”

“We can change your hair. I’ll go to town tomorrow?—”

“We should avoid going to town unless we absolutely need to,” I said.

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “We’ll cover up all the mirrors until then.”

“I guess that solves that,” I said dryly and that made him smile a little bit more. Unfortunately, I made that smile disappear when I added, “I don’t think you’ll be able to help me with the rest. Unless you’re able to erase my memories, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop feeling him.”

He contemplated for a bit. “I can only give you new memories.”

“Only good ones, please,” I said as I lay back on the bed.

“How good do you want them?”

It took me a few seconds to realize what he was asking. Gaping, I turned my head to the side so I could look at him.

“I can’t erase what he did, but if you’re comfortable with it, I can help you forget him for a little while,” he said.

“I thought using sex as a distraction was bad.”

“It is bad if you’re using it to completely avoid dealing. You’re overwhelmed to the point of breaking because all you’ve been doing is facing shit that has been thrown at you today. You’re allowed a break.”

For a split second, I felt dirty, like I was damaged somehow and he was only wanting to have sex with me to fix me. Then I quickly imagined lighting that toxic thought on fire. Knox loved me and he would never sleep with me for just the sake of helping me. “Is this really how you want our first time to be?”

“I would offer to go get one of my brothers, but I don’t think I can leave you right now.”

I pushed up on my elbows. “Why?”

His eyes locked with mine and I could see that he was struggling to contain his anger. “I don’t like that he touched you,” he said as if that explained why.

It didn’t. At least, not at first, but then I remembered his reasons why he hadn’t come to me the night Mr. X had. The hang-up in our relationship had been his worry of jealousy. He had been unsure if he could share me with his brothers. Since then, we had learned he could. However, someone other than his brothers had touched me.

“You’re feeling possessive.”

He sighed through his nose. “Yes and no. I know that makes me a fucking bastard, but you’re mine. Someone hurt you when you should’ve been with me, and I can’t fucking stand it.”

I opened my mouth to argue that it hadn’t been his fault when he said, “I know, Shiloh.”

If he knew, then why did he sound so angry with himself? Then I realized what I was seeing. I wondered how we’d swapped places. Normally, I was the one who was too riddled with guilt to see reason.

I didn’t know why, but I was fighting not to smile. Since it had been days since the last time I’d smiled, there was a possibility I’d gone mad. Or maybe it was because it was stupidly wonderful to be on this side of things. To see, feel, and understand my guys’ perspectives instead of imagining them.

I got to my feet, determined to battle his guilt with him and to help satiate his possessive side. Not just for him, but for myself, too. I wanted that break he offered, badly. To be honest, he had already granted me it and I wasn’t ready for it to end.

“We don’t have to do anything. I can just hold you…”

He trailed off when I reached for the bottom of my sweater and took it off. I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Not even a bra. I walked toward him as I unbuttoned my pants. I stopped to shove them down. He pushed away from the door and knelt before me to help remove my jeans from my knees down. I put my hands on his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall as I stepped out of each pant leg and then my socks.

Standing in front of him in nothing but pale blue underwear, my heart started to race. A small part of me wished I had chosen to wear something a little bit sexier. Unfortunately, all I had here was plain bras and panties, apart from the superhero lingerie I’d traveled here in.

Knox tossed my jeans and socks to the side and his intense, gorgeous, golden-brown eyes moved up my body, starting at my feet. His hands cupped the backs of my calves and traveled up with his gaze. As his warm palms smoothed up the backs of my thighs, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to my lower stomach just above the top of my panties. He let go of my thighs to hook his fingers into the sides of my underwear and slid it off.

His mouth never left my lower stomach as he helped me remove the last scrap of clothing I wore. He kissed me from hip to hip and as soon as I was totally naked, that mouth drifted south. He took his time as he made his journey down and I found myself pushing up to my tiptoes wanting to speed things along.

He huffed a laugh over my sex when he realized what I was doing. Grasping the backs of my thighs just below my butt cheeks, he smirked up at me. “You’re impatient.”

I squeezed his shoulders. “How patient would you be if I was kneeling?—”

My words were cut off when his hands slid up to my butt cheeks as his mouth came down on top of my clit. His fingers gripped me firmly as he brought his tongue into play by stroking it through the folds of my pussy.

Gasping, my hands went to the back of his head. I tried not to hold him too tightly, but my legs were beginning to shake. They nearly gave out when he started flicking that tongue on my clit. “Knox,” I whimpered.

He pulled away and stood, forcing my hands to drop from behind his head. His mouth found mine and I could taste myself on his tongue as he stroked it along mine.

Without breaking our kiss, he lifted me into his arms bridal-style and carried me across the room. He put a knee on the bed so that he could lay me down with a gentleness that I wasn’t expecting. I pulled away to meet his eyes to see what he was thinking. To my surprise, the intensity I normally felt when he stared at me seemed different. It wasn’t any less intense. It just wasn’t sharp. It had softened. Was this what he looked like behind his many, many shields?

I’d known after the first few times interacting with him that I would never be worthy in his eyes just based on my character alone. To see this side of him, I had to withstand the way he challenged and pushed. I saw it for what it was, and I hadn’t backed down. I never would.

Holding himself up with one arm on the mattress by my head, his eyes narrowed a little. “What is it?”

I cupped his face and leaned up to give him a quick kiss. “I love you.”

His brows rose a little. “I know.”

Way to pop my lovey-dovey bubble. “You know?”

An annoying smirk graced his gorgeous face as he moved his head down and kissed me over my heart. “I do.”

“I take it back,” I grumbled.

I felt him smile against my chest before he moved down a little more and took my nipple into his mouth.

A little moan slipped out of me as he sucked, but it was quickly cut off with a hiss when he tugged on my sensitive peak with his teeth. I felt his fingers trail up my thigh just before they dove between my legs.

“You can’t take it back,” he said as his fingers slid through the wetness that had pooled at my core.

“Yes, I can,” I breathed.

Knox pushed two fingers inside me, and I grabbed ahold of his shoulder as I savored the feeling of being stretched.

“Are you saying you don’t love me?” he asked as he withdrew those fingers and pushed them back in.

I didn’t respond. Instead, I just focused on the way he was moving his fingers in and out of me. Wanting to come, my hips moved to meet the thrust of his fingers.

Knox lifted away from my breast so he could stare down between my legs. “Still so impatient.” He began rubbing his thumb over my clit, making me groan.

“We’ll see how patient you are the next time I have my hand wrapped—ah!”

Knox’s fingers inside me curled upward as he moved them inside me, hitting that perfect spot. Feeling that addictive pressure begin to build from what he was doing, my hips jutted up as if to beg him not to stop. He didn’t.

“Still a brat, even with my fingers buried deep in your pussy.” Having a filthy mouth was undoubtedly a Stone trait.

“You love it,” I whined.

“That my fingers are buried in this tight, pink pussy?” he said with a smirk. “I suppose I do.”

“Knox!” I growled-slash-groaned with my eyes squeezed shut. I was so close to the precipice of coming.

He chuckled as he trailed kisses down my sternum to my belly button. “You’re close, Shiloh.”

“Yes,” I whimpered. My orgasm was right there, about to take over my body just as his mouth moved over to my scars next to my belly button. Within an instant, all the buildup to my climax disappeared and every inch of me went still. Mr. X flashed in my mind, and I wasn’t feeling Knox touching me anymore.

“Look at me.” Knox’s firm voice pulled me from my thoughts and made me open my eyes. I stared down my body to see him kneeling between my legs, fingers inside me, and his mouth hovering inches above my scars. His eyes locked with mine. “I’m the one with you right now. Not him. He will never touch you like this again.”

I released a shaky breath to calm myself.

“Keep your eyes on me and you’ll only see me,” he said, and he reached for my hand. He brought it to the side of his face. “Feel me.”

His hand dropped from mine, and I kept my hand against his cheek as he leaned down toward my scars. I held my breath, watching him as he laid a kiss on one scar, then the other. When he didn’t disappear, I exhaled.

“Still with me?” he asked.

I ran the tips of my fingers over the scruff along his jaw before moving them up and through his hair. “Yes.”

Knox’s mouth moved down and before I knew it, his tongue replaced where his thumb had been circling my clit.

Moaning, my head fell back against the mattress.

“If you want to come, you need to keep watching me, Shiloh,” he said and began flicking his tongue in a way that made me lift my hips and push down on his head.

I shook my head against the mattress. “Please.”

He pulled away from my clit.

I let out a frustrated growl and lifted my head to look down at him.

“Don’t take your eyes off me.”

I did as he asked because I knew what he was doing—what he was hoping to achieve. He not only was making sure I knew that he was the one touching me, but he was also trying to give me something better to remember. Good memories to fight the bad.

Knox stared right back at me as his tongue flicked out. It was probably the hottest thing I’d ever seen. With his fingers pumping in and out of me and his tongue attacking my clit, I felt release hurtling toward me.

“Do you love me?” he asked me just before I was about to come.

“Yes!” I cried out, deliriously mad he’d stopped.

The instant he returned his tongue to my clit, I shattered. Spots dotted my vision and I dropped my head back to the mattress.

Knox pulled his fingers from me and climbed off the bed. Trying to catch my breath, I watched him with hooded eyes as he removed his clothes. When he was standing in front of me in all his naked glory, I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

He wrapped his hand around the base of his cock. “Open your legs for me.”

My knees were currently bent and together. Suddenly feeling a little nervous, I bit my lip and slowly opened them, revealing myself to him.

His eyes danced all over my body, greedily taking in every inch of me as he stroked his cock. “So beautiful.”

I snapped my legs closed. “Stop staring.”

He chuckled as he reached for the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. “I just had my tongue in the place you’re trying to hide. How could you possibly feel shy?”

I watched as he ripped open the condom packet and rolled it on. “Because you’re just standing there staring at me,” I said.

“I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment.” He climbed back up on the bed and grasped my knees. “I plan on doing more than just staring at you.”

He pushed my legs apart and climbed up the rest of my body until his hips were cradled between my thighs. Leaning down from where he was holding himself above me, he pressed his lips to mine. I ran my hands up his large chest and over the muscles of his shoulders.

“Are you ready?” he asked me as he reached a hand between us.

That question made my heart pound with anticipation. “Yes.”

He aligned with my entrance and pushed into me slowly. My breath hitched and I squeezed his shoulders as I stretched around him.

When he was fully inside me, he let out a curse. “I want to be gentle with you, but fuck.”

I smiled. “I know you’re a big strong man and all, but I’ve told you before, you can’t break my vagina.”

He just blinked at me.

“I mean, you’re welcome to try and?—”

Knox cut me off by pulling out of me and slamming back in. I let out a whimper.

He seemed to enjoy the sound and continued to thrust into me. “Is this the trick to get you to behave?” he asked as he placed kisses down my neck. “I have to fuck the brat out of you?”

I wanted to rebel and say something smart back at him, but only moans left my lips.

He let out a deep chuckle and sat up. His big hands went to my hips and he lifted up my pelvis off the bed. Holding my waist up, he continued to thrust into me. The new angle allowed him to enter me deeper and to rub me in places that lit the fuse that would lead to my release. I arched and writhed my upper body against the mattress and blankets beneath me.

He pulled on my hips to meet his every thrust, making me cry out every time. The grunt-like growl that came out of him as he watched where our bodies joined made my toes curl. “Fuck. You take me so well.” His deep, rumbling words sounded pleased.

“I’m going to come,” I whined.

“Who’s going to make you come?” he demanded.

I fisted the blankets on the bed and forced out the word, “You.”

“Who’s inside your pussy right now?”

I moaned as I arched my back even higher as I felt myself reaching the peak. “You!”

“That’s right, Shiloh,” he said. “Me. Not him. Me. He will never have you. You will never be his. You belong to us.”

It was a promise—a vow that was underlined with a threat. Mr. X wasn’t just a serial killer in his eyes, but a man who touched what didn’t belong to him.

Knox’s claim detonated me and I came screaming.

As I contracted around him, he slammed us together hard, burying himself deep inside me. He groaned as his cock swelled and his release spilled out of him. His hands slid up my back and he lifted me up to straddle him. The moment we were chest to chest, I wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto him as my soul returned to my body.