WITSEC

Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

The sound of the bedroom door opening was what woke me. I thought it was Knox leaving or one of his brothers coming into the room. When I heard the sound of boots walking on the wood floor next, getting closer and closer to the side of the bed where I was lying, I knew I’d assumed wrong.

I opened my eyes and just barely could see a shadow standing over me. I knew who it was and fear made my body too heavy to move.

In the darkness, I faintly saw him reach for me before his hand wrapped around my throat. As soon as he began choking me, I was able to move my arms and I grabbed ahold of his arm to try to stop him. It was no use, though. I fought to suck in air, but none reached my lungs. I smacked, punched, and pushed at him to no avail.

Knox! I internally screamed for him. He was sound asleep next to me, completely unaware of what was happening. Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, knowing that if Mr. X rendered me unconscious, he’d kill Knox next.

“You…are…” Mr. X leaned down, bringing us face to face. “Mine!” he roared over my mouth.

I’m not yours! I wanted to scream, but I could feel myself slipping away into nothingness.

I woke gasping for air. The room was full of light; it was morning.

An arm tightened around my middle, pulling me closer to a chest. Knox’s voice filled my ear. “I have you. You’re safe.”

I rolled over and buried my face in his bare chest.

His hand went to the back of my neck and began kneading it. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t dream about the night my family was killed anymore,” I said. “All I dream about is him finding us. In Arizona. Here. I fear losing the four of you more than anything and my nightmares have realized that.”

Knox was quiet for a while and if he hadn’t been massaging the back of my neck, I would have thought he’d fallen asleep. “I could make promises that I would do everything in my power to make sure he doesn’t hurt you again, but I think that would just stress you out.”

“You’re right. I’d rather protect you.”

He sighed. “My little control-freak-slash-hero.”

I leaned back to look up at him and he stared down at me with a tired smirk. “You’re my family, Knox,” I said. “You, Keelan, Colt, and Creed. The four of you are my family. I love you so much that I’d endure a lifetime of nightmares so long as the four of you were safe.”

His eyes became more awake the more I spoke. “Do you think that we don’t feel the same? That I don’t want to kill him for what he’s done to you?” His hand stopped massaging the back of my neck and instead just gripped me, holding me in place. “I’ve never felt this type of rage before you. The mere thought of anyone hurting you…” He trailed off with a clenched jaw. It clearly angered him just talking about it. “My need to protect you is just as great as yours. Never doubt that.”

I pushed on his shoulder until he rolled onto his back and I climbed on top of him. “I don’t doubt it.” Straddling his hips, I was reminded that we had fallen asleep naked last night, and I was currently sitting on what felt like a hard rod.

Knox gave me a little bit of déjà vu when he put an arm behind his head. Instead of just staring up at me, he reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I love you.”

Every thought, everything I’d planned on saying when I’d climbed on top of him, left my head. He hadn’t said that when he thought I’d been sleeping. He’d just told me that he loved me without fear, without shields, without pressure. He’d said it purely because that was what he felt and because he wanted to, and it was profound.

I leaned down and just before I kissed him, I said, “I know.”

The smile that stretched his mouth was almost too beautiful to ruin with a kiss. Almost. As I pressed my lips to his, I promised to myself that I’d find another reason to make him smile like that again.

When I left my room that morning, I felt lighter. I still hated my hair, and it was going to stay in a messy bun until I was able to change it, but it no longer gutted me to see it. As for everything else, I wasn’t as overwhelmed by it, or rather, the break Knox had given me had allowed me to recoup my mental and emotional strength to withstand my demons.

The thought of cooking breakfast didn’t seem like such a battle as I pulled things out of the fridge. Knox and I had skipped dinner last night. I was starving and I was sure he was as well.

The cabin was quiet, but it was fairly early in the morning. Keelan and the twins were probably still sleeping.

Knox and I worked quietly together in the kitchen. The delicious smells of coffee and food quickly filled the room, drawing Keelan out of bed first. I was currently mixing pancake batter at the island as he came out of the closest bedroom.

Yawning, he came to me and kissed the top of my head. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Just as I said that, I got a really sharp cramp that made me grab the edge of the island and hunch over a little. I had started my period this morning at the most inconvenient and embarrassing time.

After Knox had said he loved me, we’d started kissing. That kissing had turned into sex. He’d had my legs on his shoulders and pounded into me until release hit us both. It had been quick, hard, and satisfying. Every part of that moment had been wonderful. That was, until Knox had pulled out of me and seen my monthly visitor had finally showed up.

I had felt Knox still as he’d stared down between us. “Did I hurt you?”

“No. Why?” I had responded, propping myself up on my elbows to see what he had been looking at. Within a second I’d switched from hugely relieved to mortified. I’d quickly covered his eyes with my hands. “Oh my God! Don’t look!”

Knox had been calm. “I already saw. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” He’d pulled my hands from his eyes. A small frown had taken over his face when he’d seen my face. I hadn’t been able to hide that I’d not only been embarrassed, but about to freak out. As if completely unbothered, he had scooped me up, carried me to the bathroom, and we’d taken a shower together.

Keelan put a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to the present. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I quickly straightened and went back to whisking the clumps out of the pancake batter. “Nothing.”

“She has cramps,” Knox said from where he stood at the stove cooking bacon.

Understanding showed on Keelan’s face. “Do you need anything?”

“Nope,” I said as I went over to the large pantry cabinet next to the fridge. “You don’t mind having chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast, do you?” I grabbed one of the bags of chocolate chips I’d picked up in town and returned to my mixing bowl of batter.

Keelan was pouring himself a cup of coffee when he answered, “I don’t think anyone in this family will mind a little bit of chocolate with their breakfast.”

I was happy that he was all right with having chocolate-chip pancakes. However, I was irritated by the word little . Sure, half a bag would be the normal batter to chip ratio, but today…

I ripped open one end of the bag and the smell of chocolaty goodness filled my nose. It smelled so good my mouth watered. I plucked a chip from the bag and popped it into my mouth. It seemed to melt instantly on my tongue, and I let out a tiny moan-slash- mmm . I ate a couple more chips before dumping the whole bag into the batter and I felt zero remorse about doing it.

Feeling like I was being watched, I glanced over my shoulder. Keelan and Knox were staring at me, surprised.

“Oh no. I accidentally dumped the whole bag in.” My words came out flat and it was blatantly obvious that I was lying. I gave them a look that dared them to call me out on it.

Knox looked like he was fighting not to smile and turned back to face the stove.

Keelan did nothing to hide his smile. “If I’d known chocolate made you moan like that, I would have insisted a long time ago that we had it with every breakfast.”

Heat blooming in my cheeks, I turned back toward the island and started mixing the chips into the batter. “Why just breakfast?” The question slipped out before I could stop myself.

Keelan came up behind me and he pressed his lips where my neck met my shoulder, making me shiver a little. “I have two reasons,” he said and kissed me again, this time higher up on my neck. “One: hearing you moan first thing in the morning is the best way to start my day. It would be better if I was the one making you moan, but I’ll enjoy the sound any way I can hear it.” His lips moved up and he dragged his teeth along the sensitive spot just below my ear, which made my sock-covered toes curl against the floor. “And two: my life would become very unproductive if I heard you moaning all day.” His voice deepened as he spoke.

I found myself tilting my head to the side like an offering. “And why is that?”

He grabbed one of my hands and placed it over his cock. Through his pajama pants, I could feel that he was hard. “Those sexy noises are kryptonite to my self-control.” One of his hands grabbed me by the hip while the other found its way up my shirt. His fingers felt warm as they slid across my stomach. “If I’m exposed to too much, you’ll find yourself on your back or bent over with my cock buried inside you.”

Cheese and rice! I had to grab the edge of the counter for a whole new reason. “It’s not nice to tease,” I said with an affected voice.

“I’m not teasing.” He licked the shell of my ear. “Say the word and I’ll bend you over this counter right now. I bet we can wake the twins when I make you come screaming.”

“I’m on my period, Keelan.”

I felt him shake with silent laughter behind me. “You say that as if that will deter me from fucking you.”

“Keelan,” I admonished.

He chuckled. “Wasn’t it you that said a dirty time sounded like a fun time?”

“I was talking about the mud run.”

“The same could be said in this case,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I moved to the side before completely walking away from him and out of the kitchen. “Knox, the pancake batter is made. I’m going to go wake up Colt and Creed.”

“All right,” Knox said, his voice light as if he was trying not to laugh.

Keelan didn’t even try to stop himself. I could hear him chuckling until I made it to the room Colt and Creed were sleeping in.

I didn’t bother knocking before I entered. I went straight in. Colt and Creed were sharing a queen bed. Colt woke as soon as I entered, but Creed didn’t even stir.

“Hey,” Colt said tiredly as I climbed up onto the foot of the bed and crawled between them.

Creed’s eyes opened a little as soon as I lay down and he wrapped his arm across my stomach.

I tensed up slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Creed asked.

“I’m not pregnant.” It was meant to be a joke, but as soon as I said that, I realized I had just unloaded a worry I’d been holding onto.

“What?” Creed said at the same time Colt said, “Did you think you were pregnant?”

Crap.

“I was a few days late,” I admitted as I sat up and scooted back toward the foot of the bed. “I had a feeling stress was the reason I wasn’t getting it. I have a history of being late due to stress.”

Colt sat up. “You weren’t having sex back then, though.”

“No wonder you went pale when we went into the tampon aisle the other day,” Creed grumbled as he climbed out of bed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Inwardly, I was chastising myself for bringing it up. “You were upset with me,” I said, retreating backward toward the door. “Anyway, it’s not an issue anymore. I got my period. Let’s go eat breakfast.” I spun on my heel, hoping that they would let the topic go.

“Shi,” Creed called out to me at the same time Colt said, “Babe.”

I made it a few steps into the hall when I felt both of them catch up behind me.

“If you ever think you’re pregnant,” Creed said, “I don’t care how upset I am, tell me. Yell it at me if you feel the need to.”

I froze just as I entered the living room. Creed’s voice had been loud enough for even Keelan and Knox to hear, because both of their heads whipped in our direction.

“What?” Keelan gaped.

As Creed would say , Cheese and fucking rice!

I turned to face Creed and Colt. “The main reason I didn’t say anything was because there was so much going on that I couldn’t mentally take it on, and to talk about it would not only force me to, but it would have caused you to worry as well. None of us needed that added stress. I figured it’d be best to wait a week or two and if I still didn’t start my period, then it would be time to worry.”

“That makes sense,” Colt said.

Creed sighed. “I don’t like that you felt like you couldn’t say anything to me.”

“She knows to yell at you next time,” Colt said. “Let’s move on from this.”

“Let’s hope there isn’t a next time,” I said and turned around with the intent to head to the kitchen, but Keelan was standing right behind me.

“You thought you were pregnant?” he asked.

I let out a sigh and went on to explain.

Keelan and Knox were quiet as I spoke, and when I finished, Keelan put his hands on my shoulders. “Creed’s right. If you ever think you’re pregnant, tell us.”

“And then what?” Knox asked as he walked over.

“What do you mean and then what ?” Creed asked.

Knox stared at his younger brothers. “We haven’t talked about Shiloh possibly getting pregnant. Condoms and contraceptives aren’t one hundred percent. So it could happen.”

“If she does, she does,” Creed said like it wasn’t a big deal.

Knox frowned at Creed. “A baby is a huge responsibility and something not all of us are on board with.”

Creed frowned back at his oldest brother. “Why are you saying that when you know that if we got Shi pregnant, we’d be fine with it? Sure, it’d be scary at first, but I don’t think even you would be opposed to adding to our family. We would figure it out.”

“I’m not talking about the four of us,” Knox said, and his gaze shifted to me.

Feeling the weight of all of their eyes, I looked down. “I’m not on board with it.”

Keelan’s hands moved from my shoulders to cup my face. “That’s all right, baby girl.” He made me look up at him. “This conversation isn’t to make you feel ashamed. It’s just to know where we all stand if it ever happens.”

Colt put his hand on my lower back. “What about in the future, babe? When the time is right, would you want kids then?”

“I’m too scared to think about the future,” I said. Before Mr. X had found me in Arizona, I’d actually thought I could allow myself to envision a future. And now, I looked back at myself from a week ago and thought how stupid I had been. “As long as Mr. X is alive, I can’t let myself. It will only lead to disappointment, because his sole purpose is to rip away any future I might want, and he’s proven that he can.”

“What about before X came into your life?” Creed asked. “You told me once that you wanted to be a chef like your mother. Did you want anything else out of life before he ruined it?”

That question was too painful to answer. I grabbed Keelan’s wrists and pulled them from my face. “It doesn’t matter what I wanted back then, Creed.”

“Even though you feel like you can’t envision a future, you must still want something to keep moving forward,” Colt prompted.

For a second, I felt like deflecting, but I knew that wouldn’t work on them. I sighed and gave them the soul-baring truth. “After Mr. X killed my family, the only thing I wanted out of this life was to know what it was like to feel happy again. You four came into my life and gave me that.”

“Hearing that just made me equally happy and sad, baby girl,” Keelan said.

“Some people go their whole lives without knowing happiness. Mine is multiplied by four,” I told him and headed toward the kitchen to finish cooking breakfast.