Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Lunch was a few barbecue chickens, bread rolls, and salad. While Evan hadn’t brought any food, he had already added to the jar in the kitchen, which was how they contributed to the food fund. Kyle and Cooper might be the leaders of this pack, and it might be their place, but it was not their responsibility to feed a pack of wolves. He put in enough to cover George, and he’d let him know what was expected for next time.
He ate because he needed to, forcing the food into his knotted stomach. Already, he was worrying about his furry feet. If crawling about on his hands and knees had been enough to sate the need to shift, he would’ve done it gladly.
Callum and George were talking. Cooper was watching everything as usual. Nothing got past him. Which was why he didn’t like it when Cooper and Kyle paid too much attention to him. It felt as though they were going to peel off his skin and expose everything he was doing his best to keep hidden.
Or had been doing his best to keep hidden. A few days with George, and he’d spilled his guts. And lost control of his shifts.
The thin veil of illusion that he was in control of his life and that his life was perfect had been destroyed. Yet whenever George looked at him, there was only warmth in his gold-flecked eyes. No disgust or revulsion. Both of which he’d expected after the roadside incident. He was disgusted with himself. His cheeks heated with shame, but his asshole clenched with pleasure.
“Evan.”
He startled at his name. “Sorry, I was miles away.”
“Will you be able to come to Brandon’s farewell?”
“I’ll have to check my roster.” It was an excuse he often used when he didn’t want to join a pack event. He’d been to Drew and River’s wedding, had made it to Christmas Eve, but hadn’t been able to attend Kyle’s birthday party. It had been over the school holidays, and half the staff had already booked the time off. It hadn’t been a good look for him, and it was one of those major events he should’ve attended. The casual runs he avoided. He needed to go to the farewell.
Kyle gave him the date, and Evan pulled out his phone to check.
“Um…I don’t want to make it about me, but that will also be my last run with the pack,” Callum said.
Everyone paused and stared.
“Why?” Kyle asked.
“My pack wants to make changes, and they have asked that I return to help. I said yes. I think we need to help the packs that want to move forward, and I don’t want anyone else feeling as though they have to leave,” Callum said.
Evan couldn’t imagine his pack leader or his father ever admitting they were wrong and that they needed to reconsider their policies on allowing gay wolves to remain in the pack.
“That’s very generous of you,” Kyle said.
Callum gave a tight smile. “I might feel differently if I’d been officially kicked out.”
Callum’s pack were not hardliners, and they didn’t take out notches. However, they had suggested it would be best if Callum left if he was going to be out, which he had.
There were a few murmurs of agreement. “You’ll always be welcome to run with us, even if you aren’t an official member.”
“What does make an official member?” George asked.
“Your name is on the pack register in the Coven database, and you attend most official pack events,” Cooper said. “The invitation for Callum is to run as a friend. Which means he would not be invited to any official events, and his name would be placed with his family pack instead of this one. Your name,” Cooper pointed a chicken wing at George. “Is still listed with your family pack.”
“I will sort that out.”
Cooper glanced at Evan. “As is yours.”
“What Cooper is saying is that we need to tidy up our books. Otherwise, it leaves a loophole for the other packs. Until now, we’ve been able to fudge it a bit as people sort out their situation. But we are official, and all packs are required to register their members. We need to follow suit. I will send that information out along with the invitation to Brandon’s farewell so that people have time to do what needs to be done.”
Shit.
They all looked at him as if expecting him to say something. He needed to say something. But there was only static between his ears. He either needed to tell his family pack that he ran with the Outcast Pack, or he needed to run with his family pack again, which meant avoiding the Outcast Pack.
He didn’t want to do either.
“What happens if you’re travelling for an extended period or working interstate?” George asked as if that were the most pressing issue. But in that moment, Evan loved the way George couldn’t let a silence sit unfilled.
“A holiday is just that. Working is different. Some people request permission to run with another pack and will be listed as temporary members,” Cooper said. How much had he been involved with the creation of the register? While there’d always been a register for territory—mostly to prevent disputes where possible—it had never been to the extent of individual names. That had been left to pack leaders.
“So people who,” George lifted his hands and made air quotes, “go interstate for work to avoid being kicked out will now have to speak up. That seems a bit shit.”
“It’s to stop some packs from hiding what they are doing. The ones that are obvious and take notches know exactly what they’re doing. But there are other packs who like to pretend they are progressive while turning a blind eye,” Cooper said, as though that made perfect sense, and on one hand, it did as it left no gray area. But that was also the problem. There were no shadows to hide in.
“It seems like the Coven is forcing wolves like me to out ourselves,” Evan said with a disgruntled sigh. Because while he was comfortable saying he was gay at work and being with these gay wolves, that wasn’t a conversation he wanted with his family. Or pack.
“You aren’t required to tell your old pack,” Kyle said. “You just tell the Coven that you run with the Outcast Pack, and they check with me to confirm. I, as pack leader, am not told if people leave. I do not have access to the list of names, nor am I told which pack they have moved to. The Coven consulted with the pack leaders when the registry was being created. You can guess which packs objected to not being told when people left or where they were going.”
“Yeah, the ones where some wolves were made unwelcome, and leaving was a matter of survival,” George added as if it hadn’t been clear.
It was one phone call. He could do that. Couldn’t he? “And who has access to that register? What if someone within the pack works for the Coven and has access?
George was right.
He was living with the threat of being found out stalking him everywhere he went. And until George had walked into his apartment, he hadn’t paid the fear much attention. Now he felt its breath on his neck and heard its claws as it crept closer.
“It’s not that kind of register. It’s closed, meaning that only those with very strict clearance can access it.” Cooper said.
“You accessed it,” Evan countered, and Cooper wasn’t that high up.
“No, he didn’t.” Kyle fixed him with a glare that said he needed to stop questioning the pack leaders. “I gave a list of my pack members and was told which ones needed to sort out their pack.”
“So my family pack already knows.” But if they knew, why hadn’t they knocked on his door with a knife in hand, ready to cut his ear?
Kyle shook his head. “The Coven hasn’t told your old pack anything. They understand the situation.”
“Do they? Because some of us don’t want that confrontation.”
“You don’t need to have it,” George said.
Evan stood, unable to sit any longer. “As soon as it’s written, someone will find out.”
George also got up. He put his hands on the table and looked at Evan. “And what if they do? There is nothing they can do without breaking human and Coven rules.”
“It means that I won’t be able to speak to my family again. And they might be…” He barely spoke to them. He saw them less than he did the members of the Outcast pack, and it was always awkward and filled with half-truths.
“You think they don’t suspect?” Kyle’s chair scraped the floor as he got to his feet. “Any pack leader who gives a damn knows when something is wrong. When was the last time you ran with them, Evan?”
Evan closed his eyes so he didn’t have to look at George. He didn’t want to listen to Kyle either because he was right. But he couldn’t avoid answering if he wanted to keep Kyle as his leader. “Since I moved out for uni four years ago. I’ve avoided going home, too. It’s easy to meet up for birthday dinners and such in the city.”
It wasn’t normal wolf behavior. Most wolves loved going back home to run with their family. Even if they lived on the other side of the city, they made the effort. Except for George. But he didn’t want to run with his family because they would smother him with love, and he felt as though he would never get out again.
Wouldn’t that be a nice problem to have?
“While your name is listed with your family pack, you don’t have the protection of this pack,” Cooper said. “It’s your choice, though. You can run as a friend, or you can update your status. Brandon’s farewell will be the cut-off.”
Fuck.
He ran his fingers through his hair, knowing what he needed to do and that it wasn’t a big deal. But the weight of it crushed him and made it hard to breathe. And while the phone call to the Coven was the easy bit, he couldn’t leave it at that. Not telling his family felt wrong. But perhaps that was just years of pack loyalty that had been drummed into him, making him feel guilty.
He walked away from the dining table, and no one called him back.
He went and sat outside on the veranda and stared into the distance without seeing anything. His parents had asked once why he wasn’t coming back for runs, and he’d told them it was because the leader had made him break up George and Ryan’s friendship. That had been the last thing he’d done for the pack. It had been the final scale to fall from his eyes.
His parents had told him to move on and that it was for the best.
Ryan had gotten over it and seemed happy swallowing the pack’s bullshit.
He didn’t need to see them in person. One more phone call, and they’d pass the news on to the pack leader, but even the thought of that made his skin clammy.
Inside, the others were cleaning up. They asked Callum about what his pack planned to do and how they’d make the changes to be more inclusive.
Evan knew that if his pack leader called up and asked the same thing, he’d tell him to get fucked as it would be another manipulation. That’s what he was scared of. That they would somehow use this against him, to manipulate him in a new way, one he wasn’t prepared for.
The glass sliding door opened. He knew it was George from his scent and the beat of his heart. That they were both so familiar was more than a little jarring.
“We’re going to head out for a run. Did you want to join us, or would you rather…”
Evan turned. The need to shift simmered in his blood, tangled up with the new dread, as well as the usual revulsion. “I will run with you,” he sighed. “That’s why I’m here.”
He was pretty sure his body would revolt if he left without shifting, and the last thing he wanted was a random, uncontrolled shift in public. He needed to take back control of his wolf. And to do that, he needed to let the wolf have a run.
Then maybe he could push it out for another two months if he didn’t see any wolves. As much as he enjoyed letting his wolf side out in human form, he was sure that being around George wasn’t helping because he’d never had this problem with human lovers. But then, with human lovers, he hid everything.
George was watching him as though he expected him to fall apart or something.
Did he appear that fragile?
“Are you okay?” George asked softly.
“No, but there’s not a lot I can do about it, is there? I need to shift, so I will. I need to update my pack status, so I will.” He didn’t want to do any of it, but what he wanted never mattered. All he could do was ride out this turmoil and do his best to survive.