Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
After George bolted off, Evan remained rooted to the ground. Not sure if he should shift to wolf or walk back to the house as a human. He didn’t want to be the first one back because he’d been the last to leave.
Not only that, but if he was human, he had to talk to George, and he’d well and truly fucked that up. That sharp, unsettled feeling tumbled in his belly. He didn’t fit in with the pack. He thought it might be easier because they were like him, but it wasn’t.
He didn’t fit anywhere.
He remembered his father telling him how he needed to pull his shit together and get on with being a wolf because that’s what he was.
Evan stared at his fingers pressing into the dirt. The dirt didn’t bother him because they were his hands. So even though he was naked in the bush and alone, he wasn’t worried the way a human might be. But he worried about how much he’d messed things up with George…again.
While he was sure being around George caused spikes in his shifting heat, the inability to control them was his own fault. And he knew that.
But he didn’t know how to be around him and not need to shift. Was it because he let his wolf out to play as a human too much, and it was having fun because George bit back?
He pressed his teeth into his lower lip. Perhaps he liked the time they spent together too much. But what was wrong with that?
Not wanting to be found crouching in the dirt as a man, he drew up the shifting heat and returned to the form he hated. Hate was a strong word, but how else could he describe it? They were his paws, but it was jarring to look at them because that is where his hands should be.
He found a sunny spot and lay on the grass, closing his eyes so he didn’t need to see the changes even though he felt them. Breathing was different in this body. Then there was the tail.
And since everyone else seemed to love running around as a wolf, how did he explain that he didn’t in a way they could understand. He didn’t want them to look at him the way his father had, like some kind of reject who needed intense supervision. He’d faked his way through loving to shift for about six months before his family had eased up.
He didn’t want to fake the enjoyment of something that bothered him.
As he lay in the sun, he tried to figure out if he should fix things with George or not.
Everything was so much easier when he was pretending to be human. He had a job, and he had human friends, and that was fine. As soon as he brought wolves into the equation, everything got messed up.
But it was so much easier being with another shifter.
He startled and sat up as something ran towards him.
George put on the brakes and skidded to a stop, watching him as though he expected to be mauled.
Evan sighed and hauled himself onto his four feet while trying not to trip over the extra two. He jerked his head in the direction of the house, and George nodded. They walked back the same way they had left, with him following George.
The others were on the grass area. There was an extra wolf now because Mitchell had shown up. His witch sat on the veranda with a beer, as if hanging out with wolves and a leopard was a perfectly normal way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
Sitting on the lawn, he could do.
George walked over to Kyle and let him do the whole sniff and welcome to the pack wolf thing. There was some conversation going on from the way their ears moved. Most of it was very wolflike, though there was the occasional human nod. Then George went off to greet the others.
It had taken Mitchell a while to grow used to shifting and running with the others, and he ran even though he limped and was unable to keep up.
And Evan had four good legs he didn’t want to use. He placed his chin on his front paws, wishing he hadn’t come.
He was the first to go inside for a shower. He scrubbed under his nails, removing all traces of the dirt, and by the time he stepped out, he once again felt fully human. The shifting heat was nothing more than a low-level hum in his blood.
He wrapped the towel around his waist and made his way to the bedroom he was sharing with George.
George lay on the bed naked and dirty from running. “We need to talk.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Though what he was going to say, he had no idea.
“I was a little harsh,” George said, his gaze roaming over Evan’s body as though drinking him in.
Evan shook his head. “It’s me. It’s always me. I’m not human, and I can’t wolf. I shouldn’t have blamed you.”
“But you are kind of right about the shifting heat and lust. We’re pinging off each other, and if I can feel it, it’s making it worse for you.” George sat up and rested his elbows on his knees.
Evan was aware of the water dripping off his hair and trickling over his skin and the way George looked at him as though he wanted to lick him. He wouldn’t say no if he did.
“I like you…” George frowned. “That’s never been a secret, but where do we go from here?”
Evan shook his head, lost for words and trapped in the hole he’d dug. He didn’t want to give this up. “When I’m human with you, everything feels easy, natural. And I don’t feel weird for wanting you to bite me or any of that stuff. I enjoyed the roadside fuck. Probably too much.” It wasn’t the kind of thing he shared with random human hook-ups. He didn’t share it very often at all. “I don’t need to hide with you.”
“But as soon as we’re outside, you do.”
The fear that someone from his pack would see him out with another man was one that wasn’t easily brushed aside, so he didn’t date. Or if he did go out, then he made sure they were acting as nothing more than friends.
George’s eyebrows knitted together. “I think you’ve got a lot of unresolved issues. When you’re ready to face them, I’m happy to hold your hand and do that with you, but I’m not existing in the shadows.”
Evan clamped his teeth together. He wasn’t going to beg for a second chance. He didn’t need to. What he needed to do was act, something he’d been putting off for years.
“That’s all very reasonable.” He sounded so calm.
“Oh, I’d much rather be shaking some sense into you. Wrestling you as a wolf until you submitted and agreed that you were going to get some help.” Hurt made George’s words sharp.
It was far too easy for Evan to imagine George grabbing him by the scruff and forcing him to do something. “Maybe that’s what I need.”
George shook his head. “No. You need to do this on your own. That way, you can’t blame anyone else.”
He winced. Those words were going to keep coming back to bite him.
“I’m going to shower up and catch a ride back to the city with Callum. Call me when you’re ready.” George walked past him.
He should have let him leave, but his hand shot out, and his fingers wrapped around George’s arm.
George stopped and turned, eyebrows lifted in question.
Evan swallowed. “Thank you for not brushing me off the moment you saw me.”
George smiled, the one that made Evan’s heartbeat a little quicker. “I’m not brushing you off now. We’re just in two very different places.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Evan’s cheek that he didn’t deserve. “I mean it. Call me.”
“Yeah.” He was sure that by the time he dealt with his issues and sorted out pack problems, George would’ve moved on and found someone else. Guys like him, they didn’t remain single.
The door closed, and Evan was alone. And while he was used to being alone, he was not used to the hollowness in his chest. He didn’t only want the confidence and ease that George had, he wanted George. But George deserved someone who would run and travel and do all those things with him. All the things that Evan also longed to do.