Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
There had only ever been one other time in his life when Evan had hated himself this much, and it had also involved George. It had also been one of those moments where he’d known he either took a different direction or kept following the path.
Last time, he’d stepped off the path.
Or at least he thought he’d stepped off the path when, in fact, all he’d been doing was slinking through the undergrowth next to the path. Was he brave enough to step off the path and carve his own like George?
That would mean being out in the open, being visible, not only to humans but also to wolves. But if he did nothing, then nothing was going to change, and he couldn’t keep going the way he had been.
He envied his human friends who never had to worry about pack dynamics on top of everything else. He knew that updating his pack status mattered and that it was important. But it took him a week before he found the guts to make the call to the Coven.
His pack, his family pack—he corrected himself every time he thought of it as his pack—wouldn’t offer him any protection if they knew the truth. Whereas the Outcast Pack would have his back, no matter what. And even though he didn’t like running with them, with anyone, he did enjoy being with them because, as George had said, with another shifter, there was a level of understanding that didn’t need an explanation. With the Outcast Pack, there was another level of understanding because they were all gay wolves, and they all understood wolf history and politics.
Officially switching packs was the right thing to do. So why was it so bloody hard?
He raked his fingers through his hair and stared at the screen of his phone. He’d been stalling for so long, he needed to leave for work in fifteen minutes.
If George was here, he’d take the phone off him and dial the number and tell him to get on with it because nothing was really going to change.
He closed his eyes, wishing that George was here. Watching him walk out and leave the run early had hurt far more than it should’ve. The anger he could deal with, the calm and gentle push that put distance between them, was much more painful. There had been no heat of any kind in George’s eyes.
He knew what he wanted, and in that moment, it wasn’t Evan.
He was too fucked up.
The appearance that he had his life together was such a thin veneer they hadn’t lasted two weeks before George had seen all the cracks. It seemed as though he couldn’t date humans or shifters, which only left witches, and he didn’t want to date them either. The only person he wanted was George. And to have a chance with him, he needed to complete the three steps he had written down after returning home from that abysmal run.
Change pack status.
See Coven psych.
Have lunch with family and tell them the truth.
On their own, they weren’t big steps. But together, they were the equivalent of blowing up his old life and admitting he was a failed shifter. He blew out a breath and tried to calm the fear churning in his gut. It was so tempting to scrunch it up again and throw it away.
Why should he do any of that for a guy?
Except they were all things he should’ve done for himself, and if he hadn’t been so scared, he might have. On another piece of paper, he’d written out the worst-case scenarios.
His family pack leader would notch his ear when he found out—and he was sure one of his family members would tell the leader, as they would feel obligated.
The Coven psych might tell him that there was nothing she could do and that he needed to suffer through the rest of his life, hating the time he needed to spend as a wolf every six to eight weeks or however long he could push the shift out for.
Neither outcome was life-shattering.
The only thing that would change was the worry of being found would disappear. He hated George had pointed it out because now he was aware of it all the time, no matter what he did.
Ten minutes.
“Grow a fucking set of balls, already,” he muttered to himself with a bit too much growl in his voice. Even though he hadn’t seen George for a week, the heat in his blood was hotter than usual, and he wasn’t sure if it was an unsated desire or the need to shift. Not that it mattered because one fed the other.
He hit call on the Coven number before he could back out. It rang twice before being answered.
“Hello, how can I direct your call?” the woman asked.
Evan broke out in a sweat, and his heartbeat quickened as though he were running for his life. “Umm…” His tongue knotted as though he’d forgotten how to speak. “I need to…” He wiped his palm on his pants, wishing that the woman would somehow know exactly what he needed to do.
“Do you need immediate assistance?”
“No…I’m not in danger.” He closed his eyes and drew in a breath. “I need to update my pack status.”
“Okay, let me pull the right screen up, and that’ll only take a moment.” The keyboard clacked as she typed. “Can I start with your name?”
“Evan Charles Steele.”
“From the Steele pack?”
“Correct.”
“Have you already requested permission from the leader of the new pack you intend to run with?” Evan guessed she had to ask that in case some people changed their official status without getting approval first.
“Yes.”
“Then notifying him and getting his sign-off will be a formality. If your request is rejected, you will be notified. What pack will you now be running with?”
For another wolf, it might be simple. They might be changing packs because of work or marriage, but as soon as he said the Outcast Pack, he was outing himself in the Coven records.
He had no doubt that George had already updated his pack status from his accepting family pack to the Outcast Pack and had probably done so without batting an eyelid. Not for the first time, Evan wished Kyle had chosen a name that was a little less obvious.
“Mr. Steele?”
“The Outcast Pack.”
The keyboard clicked a couple more times. “Okay, that’s all updated for you. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
That’s it? No comment about his new pack? Though, what was she going to say? ‘Nice selection…a bit of an upgrade from that regressive pack that you were born into?’
Evan glanced at his to-do list and knew he wouldn’t find the courage to call again. Not in the short term, anyway. “I need to talk to one of your psychs about a shifting issue.”
He didn’t want to tell some random phone operator all his problems.
“A shifting issue? Related to your previous pack or a physical issue?”
Evan huffed out a breath and shook his head. Where did he even start? Maybe it was all related, and he was screwed up before his first shift because of the way his ex-pack and family were. “All of the above.”
She typed a few more things and made some noises, and Evan wondered what the hell was on his file. All shifters and witches who made themselves known to the Coven had a file. Sam said it was in case there was any trouble, and for the most part, it was very mundane and things that could be found online. Of course, if a shifter drew the attention of humans by shifting in public, that was also going to end up on their file.
“Sorry about that. I needed to check a few things.”
“Something in my file?” Should he be worried?
“Bethany has a free appointment this weekend. Some people find it easier to come in on the weekend.”
“That doesn’t seem like a good deal for Bethany.”
The woman laughed. “She is one of our part-time psychs. Can you come in on Saturday?”
“I can do Saturday morning.” He knew without needing to check his roster because it was his turn to do Saturday night—which was always hellish. At least there wasn’t a full moon.
“Great, I’ll book you in for ten. Come to the café, and you’ll be directed through. Enjoy the rest of your day.” She hung up.
Evan stared at his phone. How the fuck was she so perky when he had changed packs and booked a psych appointment?
At least he had less than twenty-four hours to worry about the appointment, though he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.