Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“You are a bloody idiot. You didn’t need to see the leader in person,” George said as he inspected the rip in Evan’s ear. He had barely made it through the door before noticing the problem. It wasn’t really a notch, so whoever had made the cut had made a mess of it.
“I wanted to have lunch with my family, but they must’ve suspected something and invited the leader.” He let out a hiss of pain as George brought the two edges together. “Stop touching it.” Evan batted his hands away.
George pulled him close and kissed his cheek, breathing in his scent. He’d missed him so much more than he’d expected. “They would have jumped you at some point since they wanted to take the notch.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel much better about it. How the hell am I going to explain that at work?”
George studied the cut without touching it. “I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it.”
“You need to work on your bedside manner to put a positive spin on it and convince me to agree.”
“I prefer brutal honesty. So there’s no miscommunication.” He drew back enough to look Evan in the eyes. “What you did today can’t have been easy. I’m proud of you.”
Evan’s gaze slid away as his heartbeat quickened. “I should’ve done it a long time ago.”
“The pack didn’t exist a long time ago. I didn’t mean to rush you. Things like that need to be done on their own?—”
“You didn’t rush me. You gave me a helpful nudge.”
“I should’ve been there to support you.” Instead, he’d run away from any hint of responsibility.
“You’re here now, and that’s what matters.” Evan gave his hand a squeeze. “So what’s your solution?”
George had no idea how to sell the idea to Evan, so he jumped straight in. “It’s a clean cut. If I hold the edges together while you shift?—”
“No.” Evan jerked away, his body rigid with tension.
“No to the shifting or to me holding your ear while you shift?” Because shifting was the easy way to heal it and stop the bleeding. Although most of the bleeding had stopped, it was raw and puffy and would be painful for days.
“Both.”
George bit back on the frustration that swelled in his chest. “Ev, it’s the best way to heal this, and you know it.”
Evan grimaced, but it didn’t turn into a snarl the way George expected it to.
“No one’s asking you to run. You can shift and then shift back to human straight away, but if I don’t hold the edges while you do it, you’ll be left with a healed cut.” He stepped back. “But it’s your choice.”
He couldn’t tell another shifter how to live their life, not when his was a collection of misadventures strung together with a bit of hope and luck.
“It’s not though, is it?”
“It’s the cards you were dealt, so they’re the ones you need to play. You can spend the whole game railing about how unfair it is and fighting it, or you can figure it out and make the most of it. You can heal rapidly. How many people do you knock out for surgery who would kill for that ability? We never get cancer, and we can shake off most infections by switching forms.”
Evan didn’t meet his gaze. “You’re making me sound ungrateful.”
“I’m just saying there’s always another perspective. That some people would envy you.”
Evan glanced at him. “You don’t.”
He couldn’t disagree with that. “Your family pack is shit for so many reasons. Who the fuck still cuts ears? That’s petty bullshit.”
He was tempted to add that Evan was better off without them, but given that the wound hadn’t scabbed yet, it was far too soon.
Evan managed a weak smile. “I hate it when you’re right.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m used to being the smartest one. The one who knows what they’re doing and who has their life together.”
“Oh, you still have all of that.” George would never claim to be the smartest person in a room or even the most competent one.
“Not when it comes to being a wolf. You are the smarter wolf, the one who knows what they’re doing and how to navigate the world on four feet.”
“I had to learn or remain trapped.” And Evan needed to do the same thing, but while George had been happy to stumble and fall, knowing his family was there to catch him, Evan had never had that. All Evan had was him. “I’m happy to show you, but I’m not dragging you. You have to walk.”
You have to want it. You have to want me.
“Have you ever held a shifter while they are shifting?”
“Yeah. The injury was a little more severe…” And it wasn’t something he wanted to remember or talk about without a few drinks to dim the memory. “This is easy, only an ear.”
“It’s an ear… It won’t change that much?”
“Exactly.” George wasn’t sure who was talking who into this anymore. Touching a shifter while they shifted was gross for both parties. And it would spike the heat in his blood.
“Fine, I’ll do it. I’m already tired of the way it’s throbbing and reminding me I’m banished.”
“You can’t be banished if you’ve already been accepted by a new pack.”
“You try telling them that.”
“I’ll pass. Are you going to get your gear off?”
Evan rolled his eyes. “I invite you round, and all you want to do is get me naked.”
George laughed and gave Evan a look that he hoped was lewd, trying to make light of the situation. When he’d read the texts, he’d been expecting more than a cut ear and had been relieved that was all it was. Not that he was going to share that relief with Evan because he wouldn’t appreciate him downplaying the severity of a notched ear. “You’re the only one getting naked.”
It would be all too easy to take his clothes off and stay. But did he want to be with a wolf who didn’t want to run with him?
When they weren’t wolves, everything was great. And now he had sorted out his pack issue and was getting help…
Evan lifted both eyebrows. “I’ve missed you. I’m trying to catch up, but you are so far ahead…”
“I missed you too, but I also had some thinking to do.” And if he took off his clothes, he’d be falling back into the old pattern of keeping things casual, convenient, friends who fucked. And this time, he wanted more. Believed he could have more. “Why don’t we concentrate on your ear first? That’s an easy problem.”
“Meaning we’re complicated.”
“We are because somewhere along the way, I made the mistake of falling for you.” The actual man, not the person he’d thought Evan was growing up. He wasn’t invincible and cool, though he was smart. To be honest, dating someone as perfect as he’d imagined him to be would have been a nightmare. But that meant George needed to give the grown-up, flawed version the space to exist. The same space he’d always had but never appreciated.
“Same, which is why I’m going to let you hold my ear.” He pulled off his shirt, and George’s pulse quickened. All he wanted to do was run his hands over Evan’s chest, lick the hollow of his throat and work his way lower.
“I’m going to try not to shift.”
But the heat was already spiraling through his blood.
“We could lie on the sofa?” Evan glanced at him as if expecting a rebuke.
“As wolves?”
“Yes… I know it’s not running, but it’s something I might be okay with. The psych wants me to find something I enjoy or at least tolerate doing while shifted. She told me to stop putting my wolf in solitary confinement.”
“How about I stay human while you shift, and we can sit on the sofa and watch a movie?”
“Okay. That might distract me from being in the wrong form. I’ll put it on the list and then I can tick it off and discuss it with her next week. Would you like to help me with this experiment?” The hope on Evan’s face was heartbreaking.
“Of course. Whatever you put on the list to try, I’ll be there.”
Evan licked his lip. “You know I may never enjoy running with you, right? That’s not what I’m working toward.”
George nodded. “You don’t need to run with me. I’m happy to slow down and figure this out with you.”
“Why? Why wouldn’t you move on and find someone who’s happy to shift and run and is comfortably out?”
“Because I’ve done all of that. You make me want to stick around. And a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t know how to deal with that or the shifting issue. I think I needed time to sort out my own feelings.”
“I’m sorry I lashed out.”
George pulled him close again. “I understand. Though that doesn’t mean I’ll put up with it if it becomes a habit.”
“It’s not how I usually react. I would like to blame the wolf side of me, which, thanks to the psych, I now think of as an abandoned puppy.”
George laughed. “That’s a very massive, toothy puppy.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do.” He cupped Evan’s face and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He hoped that Evan found a way to be a wolf that didn’t stress him. That he could find a way to just be because no one should be miserable and trapped. “Shall we do this?”
Evan stripped off the rest of his clothes and dropped them on the armchair. “How?”
“Get into a crouch, and when I’ve got the bits lined up?—”
“Don’t fuck up my ear.”
“I’m not going to fuck it up worse than it already is.” He hoped.
Evan shot him a glare as he placed his hands on the floor. “Can we do this before I change my mind?”
George knelt next to him. “This is going to hurt.”
Evan let out a sharp bark of a laugh. “It hasn’t stopped hurting, so this will be an improvement.”
“Have you never shifted to heal a wound?”
Doubts formed in Evan’s eyes. “I’ve never needed to.”
“Lucky you. It hurts worse than getting the injury, so try not to bite me.”
“I prefer to be the one getting bitten.”
“Mmm.” He wasn’t sure if it was agreement or a smothered moan because the idea of sinking his teeth into Evan wasn’t helping to cool the heat in his blood, and he needed to stay human. They needed to do this before his body decided to join in the shift. “Ready?”
“Sure,” Evan said in a way that wasn’t at all convincing.
George hesitated, and then as gently as he could, he held the two bits of Evan’s upper ear together, making sure the outer edge lined up. There was a little sliver of ear missing, but the cut was far longer and narrower than it should’ve been. Almost as though the person had done it in such a way that it could be healed with a shift. “This is looking good… Whenever you’re ready.”
Evan’s fingertips whitened on the floor, then the ripple of his shifting heat washed over George. The hair on his arms spiked up. Beneath his fingertips, Evan’s skin warmed and moved, and fur pushed against his skin.
George bit his bottom lip and pushed against the tide that wanted to take him over the edge. Then Evan was a wolf, and George could breathe again though he was too full, too hot and bright, as if he was about to burst out of his skin because he’d put off shifting.
He shook out his hands, glad he had fingernails instead of claws. Then he examined Evan’s ear. Where the cut had been, there was now a thin scar which would fade with each shift. In his wolf form, the edges didn’t quite line up; he really hoped he hadn’t fucked it up when Evan was in human form. “It looks good. Not perfect… I’ll take a photo for you.”
George pulled his phone out of his pocket. Evan sat with his eyes closed, as if he was meditating.
He took the photo, up close enough that should it ever be found, it could plausibly be of a dog’s ear. George held the phone in front of Evan. “Do you want to look?”
Evan opened his eyes and studied the screen. He gave a far too human nod.
“You are a lovely-looking wolf.”
And if George took his clothes off, he would want to do more than lie on the sofa in wolf form with him. But he doubted Evan would want a lick job.
He gave Evan a scratch behind the ear as if he were a dog in need of affection, half expecting to be snapped at. But Evan closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, which gave George other ideas.
“You’re being such a good boy.” He kept petting him because Evan seemed to like it. “Shall we pick a movie?” He wondered if a movie would be too long. Two hours in a body that he hated? George wasn’t sure he could do it.
They needed to pick a short movie, ninety minutes tops. Though ninety minutes was still a bloody long time.
George stood and walked over to the sofa. On the coffee table was a piece of paper. There were only three things on it:
Brushed
Walked on a lead
Scented candle
“Is this the list of things you’re supposed to try?”
Evan huffed and nodded, then he jumped up on the sofa.
“You’re a few short of ten. I’ll add watch a movie.” George picked up the pen and did just that. The list was still far too short.
Finding ten things Evan might enjoy doing while shifted was going to be a challenge. It wasn’t as though George could suggest he run on a treadmill the way some wolves and cats did. It was the running he didn’t like, so being walked on a lead wasn’t going to work either.
George sat next to him, and Evan put his head in George’s lap. While George flicked through movies with one hand, his other hand rested on Evan’s thick fur. He didn’t want to push things and pet him too much, but there was a part of him that wanted to keep touching him. That wanted to rub against him.
“How about this one? It’s not too long, and it looks like a completely over-the-top sci-fi film with plenty of explosions.” That the lead actor was hot was a bonus.
Evan nodded, and George hit play on the remote control.
At some point during the movie, his hand had disconnected from his brain, and he found himself stroking Evan’s head and scratching his ear, and Evan wasn’t pulling away. George checked to make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep, but he was awake and watching the movie.
And it was kind of nice, running his fingers through Evan’s fur. Like most shifter kids, he never had a pet growing up. It wouldn’t have been fair to a cat or a dog. And when he’d run with his family pack, they had run and played, and it had been much the same in Darwin. Getting out of the city and hunting and stretching his other legs.
“How are you going?” Because he could get used to this.
Evan turned his head and looked at him. He licked George’s hand.
Shifting heat prickled over George’s skin, making his blood hot. Then Evan was naked and human with his head in George’s lap. “How long did I last?”
“About halfway. Was it terrible or a maybe?”
Evan rolled onto his back, using George’s thigh as a pillow. He rested his feet on the arm of the sofa. “I really don’t know. I guess I didn’t hate it. And I kind of liked you touching me. It was reassuring. Does that sound weird?”
George let his arm rest on Evan’s chest. It was so very tempting to tease his nipple, but he managed to refrain. “I don’t think so. Being with a pack mate is meant to feel safe.”
Evan studied him for what felt like minutes. “Is that all we are?”
George raked his teeth over his lower lip. “I want to be more. But I don’t want to fall into old habits. I think what I’m saying is that I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend, and I’ve never expected someone to be mine.”
And he didn’t know if their history, and their present, made a good foundation. But they were talking about it and navigating through it, which had to count for something.
“So we take it a day at a time?” Evan watched him.
“Yeah…” He needed to say something to show how much he wanted more. “I haven’t seen anyone else since I got back to Melbourne.”
“Same.”
The movie continued without either of them watching.
He couldn’t look away from Evan. “Does that mean we’re doing this dating thing?”
“I think it does. Not that I’m an expert in relationships.”
“I guess we’ve got a lot of figuring out to do.” But as long as they were doing it together, that would be okay.
“I learned one thing from this experiment.”
“And what’s that?”
Evan glanced away as his cheeks darkened. “That I like it when you call me a good boy.”
George laughed. “I can definitely keep doing that.”