8. Recovery
eight
ORYM
Ryland and I follow James into the cabin. The searing heat that lanced through my chest as he walked away from Garnet nearly knocked me off my feet. There’s no way they had a decent conversation, especially with the way she calls after him as he walked away. Luca runs to her side, and I follow Ryland. Maybe running from her tears is cowardly, but I’d rather face someone I can punch than to watch her cry.
Once inside the cabin, I spare a glance at Grammy and Trevan. Grammy nods at me and grabs the Fae man’s hand, dragging him outside. I would guess they’ll go back to her place, but at this point, I really don’t care. I stalk back to the bedroom where Ryland is facing off with James.
“What did you say to her?” Ryland asks, his hand around James’ throat with the human pressed against the wall.
“I told her the truth. This is a mistake. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t belong. I’m not one of you,” James spits. Pain stabs through my chest again, and Ryland rubs the identical spot on his chest. He feels it too. Mate bond rejection is something we’ve never experienced until now. If James leaves, it could destroy Garnet.
“You think so little of us? We’re your pack. You are one of us now. Our mate claimed you. That makes you family, idiot. Stop being a jerk and go apologize to her,” Ryland insists.
“Go tell her you didn’t mean it,” I say. I know he did, though, because I already feel the emptiness where his bond used to be. I rub at my chest.
“I did mean it, though. I shouldn’t be here. I’m not enough for her.” His voice breaks with his words, and I know that he’s feeling the pain too. A damaged mate bond is one thing, but James destroyed this one. I’m not even sure that we could repair this if we could change his mind.
“This will destroy her,” I whisper, still rubbing the stabbing pain on my chest. I want to reach in and rip my own heart out to make it stop.
“It’s already destroyed me. Please, just let me go. You’re all better off this way,” he begs. Tears slide down his face. Ryland lets him go, and James walks out. He’s leaving, and we’re not stopping him.
“We can’t let him go,” I say to Ryland.
“We don’t have a choice. You can’t force someone into a mate bond, and you can’t keep them there if they don’t want to be. All we can do now is comfort Red and hope he changes his mind before it’s too late.” Ryland’s words echo in my head.
I nod and follow him outside where Luca holds Garnet as she cries. James is nowhere to be seen, and I know it’s already too late. He’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
JAMES
Walking away from Garnet is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But nothing I said to her was untrue; I know it in my heart. I’m not like her other mates. I don’t fit here. A human in a world of magic and shifters will never work. I can’t just stay and pretend that everything is okay. I have to give her a chance to survive this fight. And the only chance she has is without me.
I wipe the tears from my eyes as I race down the path toward the edge of the forest. I already let the lease on my apartment go, but I can stay with Dec for now. I’ll get things sorted and move on. Somehow. I rub my hand over my heart, where the pain is growing in intensity. I feel as if I might die.
I don’t know enough about mate bonds to fully understand what’s happening. My body aches, and the further I get from Garnet, the more pain I’m in. If I can’t find a way to make it stop, I might not survive.
I must push through. I’m doing this for her good, not mine. For once in my life, I’m not going to be selfish in a relationship. I’ll do what I should have done after the first time we kissed. Walking away isn’t easy, but I can’t go back.
She won’t defeat Amber with me by her side. I’ll only hinder her ability. I’m the reason her magic went wonky anyway. It’s my fault. This is the only way to protect her. If I really love her, I have to leave.
The words echo in my head, and I struggle with the weight of them. I’m hearing my own voice, but it sounds off somehow. I believe the things I’m telling myself, even though it’s as if someone else is saying them. I shake that thought away, stopping at the edge of the forest.
The pain is so intense that I’m barely able to remain upright. I have to get out of here before Ryland, Orym, or Luca comes for me. They don’t understand. They can’t. I’m not enough, and I never will be. All I can do now is leave so that Garnet is better off.
She deserves so much more than I could ever give her. She’s worthy of a mate who can protect her; someone who has been touched by magic instead of a weak, worthless human. I’ll never be good enough for her.
I continue to berate myself, fighting against the pain, as I climb into one of the SUVs, hotwire it, and head into the city toward Midnight. There’s one person in the world who might understand, and that’s my brother. I need him now more than ever.
I don’t know what caused my sudden realization, but I’m glad that I left when I did. No matter how much it hurts me, I know that Garnet is safer without me. She’ll be stronger without me too.
At least that’s what I tell myself. I refuse to admit that I’m terrified of dying, or of watching her die. I can’t face Amber because I can’t defeat her, and I won’t watch the people I love fail. My heart can’t take that pain.
GARNET
The moment James walks away, my heart shatters. Pain lances through me, and I can’t even think. His words were painful enough, but his actions tear through our bond. I can’t feel him anymore. In the place where he should be is nothing but searing agony.
I collapse on the ground, my magic going crazy along with my emotions. How could he think this is what I want? What could have made him leave me like that? I saved him. And now he’s leaving me. Why?
I can’t deal with my other mates trying to comfort me. Nothing can heal this wound. I might as well lay here and die for as much as this hurts. I’ll never defeat Amber now. Not with a piece of my heart missing. There’s no way for us to win this battle. I should just go to her and surrender myself. Then the pain would stop at least.
But I know I can’t do that, no matter how compelling the thought is. I have to find a way to fight for what’s right. Once Amber is dealt with, then I can die. Unless I’m not strong enough to kill her, and she takes me out instead.
This situation is my biggest fear come to life. I don’t know how to go on without James here. Logically, it makes no sense. I should be able to get up and keep moving forward, no matter how badly this hurts. But the mate bond changes everything.
“I can’t get her up. She won’t respond. Where did Grammy go? We need her,” one of the voices near me says. The pain is so bad that I can’t even tell which one of my mates is talking. Did Grammy leave? I wonder if that means that Trevan left too. I’m glad they’ve found each other. They deserve to be happy.
I really should get up. But I can’t. I try to force my limbs to move, but they won’t. Pain tears through me again, and I know that James has left the forest. The last tether that connected us has torn apart. He’s gone, and all that remains are the scars his love left on my soul.
I’ve been so worried about protecting him, that I never considered how badly he could hurt me. Human or not, what he’s done to me is unforgivable. What is wrong with me? How can he just walk away like that?
Even his explanation of why makes no sense. I would never wish for him to leave. I want to keep him safe and near me. But I can’t do that now. I have to let him go. Even if it kills me.
I barely register the new voice I hear in my head. You chased him off. Always putting him in danger and never considering how fragile he was. The thoughts echo in my head. The voice is familiar, but I don’t know who it belongs to. I shrug it off, figuring it’s the numbness setting in. I can’t afford to care about anything right now.
If I don’t get a handle on my emotions, someone is going to get hurt. I feel my magic swirling around me, and I finally tune in to the conversation I’d been ignoring.
“We have to get through to her before she destroys the forest.”
“I know, but she’s not responding, and her magic is going nuts.”
“Red! You need to come back to us. Now. This isn’t the way to deal with James and the pain he’s caused.”
I know that the voices are right. But I can’t make it stop. I need the pain to stop. There has to be a way. I just have to figure it out.
That’s right. Push the pain down, lock it away. You must be rational now, or you won’t survive this. The heartbreak is too much. You should just give yourself to Amber so she can make the pain stop.
The voice is very convincing. I shake my head, pushing my emotions down. I lock the pain away, refusing to acknowledge it. I have to make it stop.
“Garnet, please. Come back to us. We love you.”
“Red, you can do this. Get your magic under control and come back to us.”
“We’re here for you, but you have to breathe. If you don’t calm down, you’re going to kill everyone.”
The anguish in those voices pulls me back. It’s not just my bond with James that’s broken. They all had bonds with him too. I’m not the only one hurting, and I have to stop acting like I am. That thought alone is the one that pulls me back together. I have to continue to fight, for these men who stayed with me.
With one final devastating cry, I pull my magic back into me, along with my emotions. I sit up and look at my fated mates. Each of them stares back at me with lost expressions. I can see their pain. But mine is tucked away, no longer visible. I’m hiding it just out of reach.
Standing up, I hold up my hands to stop them from pulling me into their arms. “Thank you for making me realize that this isn’t the time to fall apart. We need to get to work. There’s a lot to figure out before the Wolf Moon comes.” I walk back into the cabin without a backward glance.
I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep this pain at bay, but for now, I’m okay. I don’t feel anything. Not happy, not sad. Nothing. And that’s just the way I want it. I hear the door open and close behind me, indicating that Ry, Luca, and Orym all followed me inside. I don’t have time to deal with them right now, though. I have to work out a list of spells I can use against Amber. There is no more time to waste on emotions.
LUCA
I hold Red until her magic pushes me away. It rips me off her and tosses me as if I’m the one who hurt her. I don’t know if her magic can tell the difference, or if she just needs space from everyone. I kneel as close to her as I can get without being slapped away again. All I can do is watch as she breaks down even more than she did when she was in my arms.
My heart cracks at her pain. It’s bad enough that James destroyed the mate bond that connects him to me, Ryland, and Orym. But this is too much for Red. She can’t take it. With the buildup of magic, I worry that she’s going to explode.
James storms out of the cabin and races through the forest. Orym and Ryland step out after him, stopping close to where I kneel. The three of us beg our mate to come back to us. She can’t leave us like this. We won’t survive without her.
The way Red switches off her emotions is terrifying. One minute she’s inconsolable, wailing as her magic swirls around her, keeping us away. The next she’s calmer than I’ve ever seen her. She pulls her magic back into her with an ear-splitting cry and stares at us for a moment. Then she stands up, and walks into the cabin, as if nothing has happened.
I look at Ryland and Orym, unsure of what to do. Ryland shrugs, Orym shakes his head, and both follow her inside. I trail behind, moving a little slower. Part of me wants to go after James and bring him back to her. I know it’s pointless now, because he’s already destroyed the bond, and our mate. My only solace is that if my heart aches this badly, his pain must be worse.
That shouldn’t make me feel better, but it does. Knowing that he’s suffering as much as she is, makes me wonder if he won’t come back. The pull of the mate bond is strong; maybe it can be repaired. I stare at Red, now perfectly calm and professional, as she searches her spell books and makes lists of supplies and useful spells that she’ll need to fight Amber.
Orym and Ryland stare at her too. None of us sure of how to approach her. This situation is too much. Her pain can’t be gone, but she looks perfectly at peace. How is that possible?
“I don’t understand,” I whisper. “How did you turn it all off, Red?”
She looks up at me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Luca. We have work to do. Please, let’s just forget about what happened and move forward.” It’s clear that she doesn’t want to talk about it, and I decide not to push. Maybe she’s right. We should focus on defeating Amber, then worry about getting her other mate back and fixing this.
I just wish I could be confident about our chances.
RYLAND
Fuck. This is all going to Hell, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. From the moment James walked away—okay, ran—Red has been destroyed. I don’t blame her; I feel the pain of the broken bond too. I know it’s stronger for her, and probably for him, than the rest of us. No matter how badly I want to force her to deal with this, I can’t.
So, I’m stuck. Standing here while she makes lists about ingredients and spells. While Orym stares at her, just as dumbfounded as I am, Luca tries to figure things out. It takes her two seconds to shut him down. She doesn’t want to talk about it, and we all understand that. There has to be a way to fix this.
Something made James leave. But what? What could have gotten to him so quickly? I can’t wrap my head around what’s happened, or Red’s reaction to it. I understood her meltdown, but not her sudden recovery. When James walked away, I expected it to break her. I didn’t expect her to get up and move on so quickly.
“Red, it’s okay to let yourself feel. You don’t have to hold it in for us. We can feel your pain. It’s still there, even if you refuse to acknowledge it. Please let us help you,” I beg her.
She responds without looking up from the book she’s scanning. “Ry, I’m fine. I had a moment, and now I’m better. I don’t want to keep repeating myself. If you’re not going to let me work, then you need to leave. I’m busy.”
I stare at her in disbelief. It’s obvious that James leaving has broken something inside of her. There is no way she should be this calm or focused.
We need to keep an eye on her.I say to Luca and Orym along our bond. I purposefully block her from this conversation, because I don’t want her to flip out. She’s safer here than anywhere else, so I want to keep her here.
I agree. Something happened. Did you see anything, Luca?Orym asks, making sure not to let Red know we’re talking along the bond.
Her magic attacked me, throwing me away from her. After that, she got really calm and you guys saw the rest. Luca’s explanation doesn’t really tell me anything, but it doesn’t surprise me either.
I wonder if Grammy or Trevan would have answers for what’s happening. I pull my phone out and send a quick text to our elder hybrid to see what she thinks. Until she answers, we’ll stay here and watch our mate.
“Are the three of you just going to stand there and stare at me while you talk about me with the bond? Because that’s not creepy at all. At least go make yourselves useful and get me something to eat and some tea.” Her demand paired with her tone makes Luca jump. He and Orym go to fill her request.
GARNET
I’m a little disturbed by how concerned my guys are. James didn’t want to be here, so now he’s not. It’s not that complicated. There’s nothing to dwell on or worry about. If I have lingering feelings related to his abandonment, I’ll deal with them after I defeat Amber. I don’t have time right now to even consider anything but preparing to face my aunt.
I pull spells from my books, making lists of ingredients and situations where each one will be helpful. I try not to think about the last time I did this, when James helped me. Maybe one of the others will step in and do research with me.
We only have a few days before the deadline Amber gave us. I have to be ready. I can’t let my family down. I stare at the book in front of me, suddenly frozen. I can’t move and I can’t talk. I’m still standing and breathing, though, so I think I’m okay.
“What the fuck just happened?” Luca’s voice echoes behind me. I can’t turn to face him, and I’m not sure what he’s talking about.
“I’m not sure. She was flipping through that book and then this happened. There was nothing I could do to stop it,” Ryland says, gesturing to me as if there’s something wrong.
Guys, I’m fine. What are you freaking out about? I ask along our bond, but don’t get a response. Why am I frozen? Is this one of Amber’s tricks?
“I tried to reach her with our bond, but she’s not responding. I don’t think she can hear us.” Orym steps in front of me and stares into my eyes. “Can you hear us?” I blink twice, hoping that my eyelids actually move.
“She blinked. So, she’s still in there, just not able to move,” he relays to the others.
“No shit. She’s covered in ice everywhere but her face. How would she be able to move?” Ry slaps Orym on the back of the head and I try to laugh, but no sound comes out.
I play back the past few moments in my head. Reading spell books and making lists, that’s all I was doing. I didn’t cast any spells or repeat any incantations. I didn’t even read anything with ice involved. Yet here I am, frozen in a mostly intact block of ice that I can’t get out of.
Ry pulls his phone out and calls someone. “Something’s happened. We need you here now.” I can’t hear what the other person says in response, but he hangs up the phone and starts to pace.
“Are they coming back?” Orym asks. Clearly, he knows who Ry called. Why can’t I figure that out? Things are starting to feel hazy, and I don’t remember exactly what I was doing here.
My mates and I are working on something important. I have to go through the books and find spells to—to what? I can’t even ask them what I was doing, because my only method of communication right now is blinking. If only I knew Morse code. But would they understand it? I don’t know.
“It’s okay, Red. Grammy and your father are coming. They’ll figure this out,” Luca tells me, pressing his warm palm to my icy cheek. I wish I could ask him why they would go to Gunnar for this. How could he possibly know what happened? Grammy has more practical experience, so she might have some idea. But my father is a wolf shifter. What can he possibly do in this situation that will help?
Come to think of it, what exactly am I doing with these books? Did they leave me to research their war with—with who? Fuck. I want to remember what is happening here. Okay, Garnet, let’s focus. You have four mates. Wait, no. I only have three. Luca, Orym, and Ry. But there was someone else, right? Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something important?
I try to look down at the book in my hands, but I can’t see it through the ice that covers my body. Hold on, that’s weird too. How am I covered in ice, but I’m not cold? None of this makes any sense. My mates stare at me while we wait for what feels like an eternity. The longer I’m encased in this ice, the more uneasy I feel.
My heart races and I feel like my lungs are closing up. The door opens and Grammy walks in with some man I don’t recognize. I thought Luca said my father was coming. I want to ask so many questions right now, but I can’t. All I can do is stand here and stare at the strange man who is now inches from my face.
“What happened?” he asks. His eyes are kind, and he looks familiar, but I have no idea who he is. Where the hell is my father? Does Gunnar really not care enough about his defective daughter to come help us?
“We were hoping you could tell us that,” Ry says, putting his hand on the man’s shoulder. Why are my mates treating this man like he’s someone they know? And where the fuck is Gunnar? I’m going crazy with my questions that just keep building up in my mind. I need to be out of this ice so I can figure out what the fuck is going on here.
“She’s getting upset. We need to get her out of there, now. Trevan, is there anything you can do?” Grammy steps closer, realizing that I’m getting desperate for help.
“Let me try this,” the man says, turning to me. “Hold on, daughter, I’m going to get you out of there.”
Daughter?! What in the hell is this man talking about? I can’t be his daughter, can I? Thoughts swirl around my brain as I try to process this new information. I get flashes of memories, too.