Chapter 16
Serena
I think we’re meant to be.
Those words have been on replay since Tyler drove me home Saturday.
I’m choosing to not believe the universe is sending me signals that we are in fact meant to be. I’m ignoring the flashy, neon arrows that are clearly pointing out that I’m developing feelings for Tyler.
I’m ignoring all the signs.
I’ve been avoiding Tyler as much as I can since Saturday. We’ve been meeting on Mondays and Wednesdays for our tutoring sessions, but I always cut them short with the excuse that I need to get ready for practice early since we have our first home game tonight.
He hasn’t brought up my bucket list since I told him about it. And I’m still questioning myself on why I really let him in. Maybe there’s some part of me, deep down under all my baggage, that wants him to help me .
I don’t dwell on these thoughts any longer, for the sake of my sanity. I focus on Ms. Chambers going over our study materials for our next test coming up. It’s a snooze fest, so I pass the time by doodling in my notebook.
My phone vibrates on my binder, and my eyes study the text.
Tyler: can we please have an emergency tutoring session today during study block?
I bite the eraser of my pencil, thinking if I want to say yes or not. If I say yes, I’m helping because I’m his tutor. If I say no, I’m keeping a safe distance between us.
Serena: sure!
I’m playing tug-of-war with myself and I’m very close to losing. Every time Tyler’s name comes up, I find myself thinking about him. I can’t help but second-guess the distance I wedged between us. There’s a part of me that wants to embrace the possibility of a deeper connection with him, while another part remains adamant about not getting too close, for the fear of getting hurt and having people leave me, again.
The door knocks, making everyone’s heads turn to it. Ms. Chambers continues on with her speech while heading towards the door. A handful of students barge in; a male student holds a Bluetooth speaker that’s booming That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars, another male student hauling in a YETI cooler, and two more female students follow behind with clipboards.
Clipboard girl hands off a slip to Ms. Chambers, who scans the content and motions for the group to step inside. “Alright, class. This is the moment you’ve been waiting on all block,” she explains, strutting back to her desk. “Go ahead and give out the Cokes and Crushes.”
Oh right, that’s today .
I was expecting Alli to send me a Coke for fun, but she actually missed the deadline. So Grant, being the bestie he is, sent all of us Cokes so none of us felt left out. I also splurged on a couple of Cokes for them to show my amazing school spirit.
I watch clipboard girls read off names from their list while YETI boy and Bluetooth boy help hand out various Cokes and Crushes to a few people in my classroom. My classmates are buzzing in anticipation to know if they’re getting a Coke or Crush. A few girls and boys get Cokes. Mostly the attractive guys are the ones to receive Crushes. Kevin Lim literally just had five delivered to him.
YETI boy and one of the clipboard girls stop at my desk, “Serena?”
I glance up, pencil down on my desk. “Yeah?”
The clipboard girl shows the YETI boy her clipboard and he starts digging through the cooler. “Here’s your Coke from Grant Johnson.” YETI boy hands me a chilled Coca-Cola can, which I happily accept because I fucking love Coke.
He goes rummaging through the cooler and hands me a Crush. “Oh, this one too.”
I raise a brow and accept it with confusion written over my face. “Uh, thanks. Who gave me this one?”
Clipboard girl reads through her clipboard. “Tyler Westman.” She announces loudly for the entire class to hear, before walking away to deliver the other sodas to my classmates.
Cue the staring and the quiet murmurs behind me.
“Are they a thing?”
“Tyler sent the new girl a Crush.”
“I guess he’s over Cassie.”
Never mind the stupid whispers. I’m still wrapping around the fact Tyler sent me a Crush. A Crush.
Class ends shortly after the Coke and Crush delivery. I’m sitting at my normal lunch table, waiting for the rest of my group to arrive. His earlier words are replaying in my head when I asked about the Coke or Crush event.
You send a Coke to a friend or a Crush to a person you like or someone you’re dating .
Is this his way of telling me he likes me without actually telling me? I’ve always assumed Tyler’s the type to tell someone he has feelings for them, not showing it in gifts. Or maybe that’s just his love language.
My group of friends finally join me after what feels like forever. All of them have Cokes from Grant, and Crushes to my surprise.
“Cokes and Crushes?” I ask while unpacking my Laotian egg salad.
“Yep.” Grant answers, popping the p. His eyes wander to the Crush sitting next to my lunch container. He sends a quick once over to Alli and Priya, who both respond with their weird eye language that I’m not fluent in.
“Who sent you that?” Priya asks with a tone that basically translates to I-know-who-sent-you-that-but-I-want-you-to-tell-me.
“No one,” I reply, stabbing a piece of lettuce in my mouth.
“This is huge!” Alli sings, “He’s basically saying he’s into you.”
I don’t say anything, I just scowl on my face as I munch on my salad and crack open my Crush.
Alli places both hands on Priya and Grant’s arms. They lean in together and whisper, “Tyler Westman is into you. ”
My eyes widened. I wave my hands at them to keep their voices down but I’m already getting attention by the way I’m flashing my hands with a fork in my mouth. “Oh my god, can you keep it down?”
Truth be told, I don’t want anyone guessing something is going on with Tyler. I haven’t opened up to my friends about the recurring thoughts I’ve been holding in. In my defense, I’ve been in denial and still am. So, there’s nothing to tell.
The three lean back, composing themselves, and start taking out their own lunch items. Alli speaks first, “What’s wrong?”
“If he’s into me, he would just say so instead of sending me a soda.”
“Because he....” Grant chimes in, his tone hinting that he wants me to finish his sentence.
“I don’t know.” I really don’t know.
“Because he?” Priya echoes, her hand waving for me to continue.
“I don’t know.” Okay, maybe I do know.
“Liar, you do know.”
Shit.
“Your point is? ”
“Serena Annabelle Inthavong. Tyler sent you a Crush at one of the most obvious events we do at school. What could that mean?”
I hate when she does that. This is Alli’s secret weapon to force me into revealing more of what I’m holding back. But right now, it’s not about holding back; it’s about gaining control over my thoughts and emotions.
I mindlessly play with my salad and think about my never-ending thoughts that won’t shut the fuck up. Admitting how I feel is like stepping into the unknown, and I’m not prepared for that step quite yet. It’s much easier to keep them locked away, buried beneath layers of rationalization and denial. Because saying it out loud makes it real, and real means that it has the power to change everything.