Chapter 18
Serena
Even if I really want to, I’m not sure I can explain the butterflies in my stomach.
My first football game on the sidelines?
Indigestion?
Going to another party tomorrow?
Tyler’s flirting becoming more and more evident and too much for me to handle, making it really hard for me to shove my true feelings for him to the side?
Let’s go with blaming it on indigestion.
We’re at the on-campus football stadium, the heart of Friday night lights at Skyline. Students, parents, and children are streaming into the stands, creating a buzzing atmosphere. Laughter from kids mixes with the excited chatter of parents, who eagerly point out their children on the field. Skyline students are busy capturing the moment, snapping photos to share on Instagram, celebrating that the return of Friday night lights is back in full swing.
Then there’s the people on the sidelines.
The cheer team is stretching and getting their little bubble of space ready for tonight’s game. From fluffing out our pom poms and getting our megaphones ready, the athletic staff pacing back and forth on the sidelines, to the yearbook and newspaper club getting their equipment ready to capture tonight’s events, win or lose, rain or shine.
I can feel my excitement bubbling up as I take it all in. The energy, the anticipation, the sense of belonging. It’s like everything I’ve been searching for is here. I have friends, I aced my AP Lit paper and I tried a disgusting school lunch the other day too. It’s weird to think that I never bothered to come to any of these games or made the decision to come back to public school sooner. I smile to myself just being out on the sidelines. I love being a homebody, but nothing beats this.
I glaze over the crowd to soak in the audience I’m performing for. My eyes stop instantly and lock on one particular person who’s standing a few rows away. Then I find myself blatantly checking him out.
Tyler is dressed in a more laid-back vibe compared to usual. He’s sporting a dark gray Skyline tee, faded jeans, and a backward hat that somehow manages to make him look even hotter. The t-shirt clings to his frame, showing off his well-toned physique. I watch him turn around to chat with his friend showing the back of his shirt with the bold number, thirteen.
Someone nudges my arm, bringing me back to reality. I face Alli with a knowing look plastered on. She definitely caught me staring at Tyler .
Let’s hope he doesn’t know.
“Staring at someone in particular?” she teases, grabbing her pom poms.
We get ready for kick-off. The cheer team leads the football team out at the start of each home game. My job here is to run across the field holding the flag that proudly displays our school’s Viking logo, just before the football team runs and breaks the banner for their entrance.
I follow alongside Alli and the rest of the team to the very corner of the field. “I wasn’t staring, and will you keep it down?”
“What are we talking about here?” Priya hops in with her DSLR camera hung over her neck. She’s the school’s photographer for the yearbook and newspaper club.
Alli eyes me knowingly, “I caught her all goo-goo gah-gah over Tyler.”
“I was not.” I shove Alli’s shoulder. “Keep it down, will you? I swear all of North Carolina can hear you.”
“My third eye is tingling.” Priya squeals .
“Priya, not the time.” Grant joins in on the conversation, sending a warning look toward Alli and Priya. I guess he overheard everything because of how loud Alli is. “Ser, Tyler is a good guy. You should hang out with him, get to know him.”
We’re nearing our spot on the field for kick-off. “We’re going to a party tomorrow night.”
Three pairs of eyes swiftly fixate on me. Okay, maybe I should’ve kept them in the dark a little bit longer . Maybe I said it to get them off my back. Another part of me thinks I’ve said it to let them know I am getting to know him and not just admiring him from afar like a crazed fan.
“Wait, what?” Priya’s voice cuts through the silence, her surprise shown with the furrow of her brows. “I swear, I need to become a fortune teller,” she adds, earning an eye roll from Grant.
“Pri, shut up.”
“Stop being a dick, Grant,” Priya snaps back, a hint of irritation in her tone.
“I mean, I do like dick,” Grant retorts, a mischievous grin tugging at his lips, earning a chuckle from Alli.
Indigestion was fine. Now they aren’t butterflies, clearly. They still look at me with curious eyes, thirsty for gossip. But it isn’t that to me, at all. It shouldn’t be anything for them either. I find myself gritting my teeth slightly at their insistence, and raise a hand in the air to stop their banter. “Okay, this is why I haven’t told you guys anything.”
Their expressions soften, understanding dawning in their eyes as they take in my words. Priya steps closer, her voice gentle as she speaks. “Serena, this is huge. Tyler’s a really great guy.”
“I know, but... it’s not like that,” I reply, my voice wavering slightly as I try to convince them–and myself–of the truth .
Grant rolls his eyes. “This is a classic friends-to-lovers trope. You go out on a date and you both fall in love.”
“We are not talking about this anymore,” I state point blankly. We separate from Priya to get ready for kick-off.
Alli’s expression darkens at my response. She steers me aside for a private conversation. “Ser, why do you keep shutting this down?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, crossing my arms defensively.
Alli’s gaze hardens as she chooses her words carefully. “He’s not like Alex.”
“Don’t bring him up.”
“Why not? Is he the reason you’re holding back?”
Whistles blow in the background and the crowd’s cheers echo across the field. “This isn’t the same. And I don’t owe you an explanation. ”
“Look, I’m sorry for bringing him up. But you need to stop these mind games with yourself.” She sighs and rubs her temples. “Not everyone is going to hurt you like Alex or your mom.”
“Girls! Get in here, now!” Coach Miller bellows behind us.
I don’t have any time to conjure up any response, so I let Alli have the last say in this conversation.
God, I know she means well and has every right to be right. As much as I hate to admit it, she is. My mind and heart are at war right now. One is telling me to fall and admit defeat to my increasing feelings for Tyler. The other is telling me to pull back and I’m getting flashbacks to memories that are creeping up on me. Do I really want to get my heart broken again? Have my trust thrown out the window?
We walk up to the rest of the team. Coach Miller gives us a run down and pep talk before we head down the field. My mind is swarming and possibly about to go into overdrive now that I can’t stop thinking about Tyler.
Do I like him? I think so.
Does he like me? I think so.
Am I willing to admit it to myself and potentially get hurt again by another person? Not really.
The kick-off goes off without a hitch. The rush of adrenaline courses through my veins as I sprint across the field, proudly waving Skyline’s flag. It’s the kind of feeling they hype in movies, and now I understand why. It’s a unique mix of excitement, pride, and pure chaotic energy that I’ve been missing out on all these years of my teenage life.
Now that we’re on the sidelines, I take my place next to Alli in the middle of the second to last row–dead center if you like. As captain, Alli gets to be in the center to call out cheers and lead the team. In the front row are the other female teammates and behind us are the male teammates.
The night continues on. All eyes are on the field, but I can sense Tyler’s piercing blue eyes eating me up on the sidelines. I’m trying to not stare at him but it’s becoming too hard to not sneak a glance at him. I wave my pom poms in the air to hype the crowd up and I use this opportunity to look back.
My suspicions are confirmed when I let my eyes glide to his on accident, giving into my temptations. I get the sense Tyler knows that I’ve been trying not to stare, that he only responds with a wink and returns to the conversation he’s having with his friend.
Shit .
The Skyline Vikings are dominating the second quarter with a 9–0 lead. Our squad showcases our dance routines to “Go Big Blue,” along with a few other cheers Alli crafted, and executed a couple of baskets from our routine. Coach wants us to start performing them in front of the crowd to help us feel the pressure and attention before the state competition.
We transition to the basket tosses, one girl and two male stunters support the flyer. I feel bad sometimes for Grant. He’s one of the bases for Cassie, serving as the pillar for the entire stunt. I see the frustration and tension in his arms as he struggles to catch and hold Cassie, who can’t support her own weight.
All the girls land smoothly, except for Cassie, who grunts in frustration, Coach claps her hands together with her clipboard. “Alright, let’s not do the tosses right now. We’ll keep working on those in practice. Tumblers, get ready to rock and roll.” She twirls her fingers for us to get ready.
Coach picks out a handful of people to run and tumble across the sidelines since it doesn’t make sense to have the entire team do it. I jog towards the end of the sidelines, alongside Alli and Grant.
“You have a fan in the stands,” Grant explains, stretching his legs out.
I raise a brow. “What are you talking about?”
“Tyler’s been staring at you all night. I think it’s taking a toll on Cassie.”
“She was never good to begin with,” Alli mutters under her breath. She angles her head at me. “And he’s right, Tyler’s looking at you like you’re the only person here. ”
One teammate finishes their tumbling and I use it as my opportunity to escape being interrogated. “You guys can keep making assumptions all you want.” I back away from them and straighten up my pose.
With a deep breath, I settle my eyes forward. I block out the noise and lock in. The energy from the crowd hypes me up enough so I begin to sprint off, launching my body into a round-off, effortlessly transitioning into a back handspring. Without missing a beat, I follow up with a back handspring with a front somersault, tucking and rolling gracefully. I land on my feet and I can hear the student section clapping and roaring in cheers.
I used to feel shy back then after landing, which made me walk away with my head hanging low to avoid eye contact with the audience as a child. Now that I’m older, I lift my head with confidence and throw out a wave and a proud smile to my fellow classmates.
I walk back to my spot, but my godmother/coach stops me in my path with a big fat smile. “You missy, are the business.”
I stifle a laugh at her using slang. I really need her to stay off TikTok. “Thank you.”
“You shine out there and I’m so happy to see you sparkle again.”
Grant claps his hands on my shoulders, totally pumped. “Ugh, you’re so good! ”
The stadium is buzzing with excitement, the cheers and applause creating an unforgettable atmosphere. I think about the times when my dad would tell me to be confident, and proud of my performances. I didn’t quite understand it back then since I was still shy and learning who I was as a person.
Sometimes I wish he could see me living life like he asked me to do.
A very tiny tear runs down my cheek as I head back to my position in the lineup. I wipe it as quickly as I can hoping no one notices, but Alli offers me a soothing hand on my shoulder once everyone finishes out their tumbles.
“You okay?”
I nod, faking a smile so the team doesn’t sense the change of energy within me. “Yeah, just thinking about my dad.”
“He’s proud of you. I know it.”
We leave the conversation at that and continue on with the rest of the second quarter. Skyline Vikings are still up but the Greenwood Lions have caught up with a field goal, bringing the current scores to 12–3.
It’s halftime now but before we can take a break, we watch the school’s marching band perform their opening title. A group of students playing their instruments and memorizing their movements to create a cohesive performance? Super impressive .
Alli, Grant and I march up the stadium stairs when the performance’s over. “I’m fucking starving,” I say, scanning the area and looking for any signs of real food other than popcorn, while also looking for a certain person.
I didn’t see Tyler in the stands when I walked up to the concession area, so he might be up here already.
I need food before I can even think about him and let my thoughts take over. Alli taps my shoulder and points at a pizza stand. I get in a line that isn’t too long, while Alli and Grant go in a different line to grab drinks. I’ve been given strict instructions to buy a full pie for us. Priya is still on the field snapping photos, so I’ve been told to save her at least three slices.
I’m holding a wad of cash in my hands while tapping my foot impatiently due to my growing hunger. I peek over the line that hasn’t budged. “This line is taking forever,” I mutter under my breath.
“Tell me about it. The game will be over by the time we reach the front.” A familiar voice behind me chimes in.
I whip my head to laugh at their response. “Right, I’m getting hangry soon about to be frangry.”
“Frangry?”
“Fucking angry hungry. ”
The stranger scans my body from head to toe, taking notice of my obvious uniform. I’m wearing a sleek, navy blue top and matching skirt adorned with vibrant gold accents at the edges of my skirt. The top has a white slash across the chest with the letters, SHS, proudly stamped. And the cherry gets taken by my white cheer shoes and a matching gold bow, keeping my hair in a ponytail.
“I saw you tumble on the sidelines, you were insane.” The stranger compliments, shoving both hands into his pockets. “My sister is in Cheer for Kiddos and she adores it.”
I blink, then blink again, what a coincidence. “I went there too when I was younger.”
“No shit? Are you coaching there?”
“Nope. I just cheer for Skyline.” I shake my head and suddenly recognize him. “Hey, aren’t you in my AP Environmental Science class? Second block?”
The guy scratches his head and then he snaps his finger when it comes to him. “Yeah, you sit next to Kevin?”
Kevin is the smarty pants who is likely to be our class valedictorian. A pain in my ass. He loves to remind the teacher about homework that we haven’t turned in.
“That’s me, I’m Serena,” I respond with an agreeable nod and a friendly smile .
The guy extends his hand which I accept in mine. “Travis.”
“How did you do on that test?” I ask while the line starts to pick up.
The guy shrugs, “Not too bad, got an eighty-five. You?”
“Ninety.”
“Damn, you’re good at everything, aren’t you?”
I only offer a shrug since it’s my turn to order. “Can I please get a whole pepperoni pizza?” I hand him my $20 as I wait for them to put my order together.
“You planning on eating that alone?” Travis asks.
I turn back to him, a hearty laugh bubbling out of me. “Sharing with friends, actually.”
The worker slides a box of pizza towards me which I happily accept out of pure hunger. “Thank you!” I begin to walk away, but Travis’ voice stops me.
“See you around?”
I offer a subtle nod and walk away to find Alli and Grant who are still standing in line for drinks.
“Got the pizza!” I exclaim, holding it up like it’s a trophy. “I’m ready to fucking destroy this. ”
“Can you wait on us before you eat the whole thing? We’re still waiting on the drinks,” Alli says, peeking over to see how much longer it’ll take. “Urgh, can you grab a table by the pavilion? We’ll just meet you there. I think Priya’s about to come up too.”
I walk away towards the side of the main floor where there are numerous patio tables around for students to hang out. I snatch an empty table towards the back and wait patiently for my friends.
“Hey, sunshine.” A familiar voice, which is admittedly becoming my favorite, rings behind me.
I turn to face him, mustering a gentle smile. Tyler’s been on my mind all night, and now that I’m actually looking at him, I feel like I’m melting into a puddle. The same might be happening to him; he’s rubbing the back of his neck, and I catch a glimpse of a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks.
I swallow down my nerves. “Hey, you’re here.”
Tyler continues to rub his neck. “Yeah, I told you I was going to come.”
There go the butterflies . “I’m glad you came.”
“I’m glad I came too.” He swings around and takes a seat next to me. The close proximity makes the butterflies go batshit crazy. He’s hunched over slightly, hands clasped together. “You did great out there, by the way. I have no idea what you did, but you’re fucking amazing.”
I wave a hand dismissively, nervous laughter bubbling out of me. I’m at least more than average in an outsider’s eye. However, last time when I thought I was on top of the world and the best at this game, I learned it was better to celebrate your wins silently. “I’m just average, you’re making my head grow bigger.”
Tyler turns his full body to me. “You’re not average, Serena. You’re far more than average. You’re out of this world.”
I can’t tell if he’s complimenting my cheer skills or me as a person. Whatever the case it is, my heart’s racing and I can feel my cheeks betraying me once again. I hide my face away from him by covering with both hands. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“That,” I say, keeping one hand on my face and using the other to gesture at him.
Tyler chuckles, which makes me uncover my face, only to scowl at him. “What am I doing?”
He’s lying and he knows it. “You know what you’re doing.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
I cross my legs over on another, scowl still present on my face. “You’re confu– ”
“Tyler, can we talk?” A voice cuts me off mid-sentence.
Our heads turn to the unexpected visitor to our conversation. I can feel Tyler’s body tense up as he sits upright in his seat. “Cassie.”
“Please?”
All eyes are on Tyler. He rubs a hand down his face and quietly groans. Annoyance replaces the energetic tone he had. He rises from his seat and offers me an apologetic smile. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
I nod, feeling a tad bit dejected. I don’t know what I was expecting or hoping for. I don’t own Tyler. He’s not my boyfriend. I need to remind myself that he’s in some kind of thing with Cassie. As they walk, I notice her inching closer to him, but he doesn’t respond in the same way. Rather, he steps further and glances back at me a couple times with a look I can’t decipher.
I feel something strange. My throat tightens a little and my teeth grit. Am I… jealous?
I mean, I’d been trying hard to push everything away during our tutoring sessions, and our car rides together, and our meetings at the boba shop. But it’s just getting harder and harder. I can’t fake it anymore. I know I like this guy, and for a fleeting moment, I entertained the thought that maybe he could have feelings for me, too. But who am I kidding to be thinking that? He just walked away with her.
But who am I to complain? He’s not mine. He never was to begin with, even if for a moment, I allowed myself to believe otherwise.