Chapter 19
Serena
The Skyline Vikings triumphantly win with a score of 20–16. The thrill, the adrenaline being on the sidelines cheering for my school is exhilarating. It’s like a new high that I’ve never felt before and I’m in disbelief that I never tried to go to a football game before.
Jared and I make it home before midnight. We opted out of the after-football activities like the parties or the late night bites at Liberty’s. We saunter over the threshold like zombies taking over the Collins-Inthavong household.
“Hey kids.” Ralph greets us from the living room.
“Hey.” Jared and I respond back in unison. We cross into the living room, a flood of instant peace relieving me of the pending muscle aches I’m going to feel this weekend.
“Great game tonight, Jared. Serena, I saw people post your tumbling on that clock app. You did amazing.” Ralph chimes in from the couch while looking at his phone over his glasses .
Aunt Lina rests her chin on the back of the couch to face us. “I’m sorry we couldn’t go, it’s been a little hard to go places without having to pee every five minutes.”
Jared waves a hand. “No big deal, you need the rest.”
We both sit on the opposite couch. We watch the action movie that’s on for a bit to catch up on much needed family quality time. Even though Jared and I are extremely tired, times like this are rare to have with the both of us getting older. So, we try to spend a few minutes catching up or spending time in pure silence.
I’m the first to call it a night. I start my night routine by playing one of my curated playlists called get unready w me .
Ariana Grande’s pov quietly plays from my phone, not too loud, not too soft, just enough for me to hear as I decompress for the night. I wipe off my makeup, clean my lashes and hop into the shower. I walk back into my room, pulling on an oversized t-shirt and boxer shorts from my closet. I sink into my chair at my desk, my mind still haunted by my conversation with Tyler.
If Cassie hadn’t interrupted us, I might’ve accidentally confessed my feelings without considering the consequences. And that could be embarrassing. After all, he did go with her, he could like her still for all I know.
I rub my forehead in frustration. My thoughts are getting tangled like wired headphones found in a junk-filled drawer, I mean, how can I suppose to go to that party tomorrow night with him? Stupid bucket list. This isn’t what I had in mind…
Falling for a guy I can never have.
“I’ll just focus on some homework,” I mumble to myself, “it’ll clear my head.”
I pull out one of my trigonometry assignments and set to work. I’m working out a problem while listening to Perfect Night by LE SSERAFIM from my phone. I bite the end of my pencil, thinking the next steps in my head until the music stops and is replaced with my ringtone.
I grab my phone and scream internally when I check the caller ID. I would’ve had a solid twenty-four hours to prepare myself to face Tyler at the party, but apparently time had other plans. Seconds.
I prop my phone on a stand and plug in my AirPods, schooling the best neutral expression I have before accepting the call.
“Hi.” I greet nonchalantly, keeping my eyes on my paper.
“Hey.” Tyler greets me back.
I glance at the screen and my breath hitches at the sight. It’s like we’re mirroring each other. He’s sitting at his desk, drying his wet hair with his towel. The phone’s propped high enough to where I can’t see his upper body, but I can tell he’s definitely not wearing a shirt.
“What’s up?” Be calm, cool, and collected .
Tyler tosses the towel off to the side and picks up his phone, bringing me closer to him. “Just got home not too long ago. I wanted to call you.”
I stop working on homework and lean back in my chair, giving him my full attention. “Is something wrong?”
Part of me thinks he’ll tell me about his conversation with Cassie and that will push me to face my unwarranted feelings. Now I feel my anxiety increasing by the second. I don’t have a hair tie on my wrist so there goes my one coping method.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
So much for being calm, cool, collected. A thousand butterflies have set free and flutter inside my stomach. I do my best to avoid eye contact because I know the second we lock eyes, I’m going to blush like an idiot–my trademark.
“You did great at the game, by the way. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, that means a lot.” My face betrays me, a small smile twitches on my face.
“I wanted to meet you in the parking lot after the game, but I had to leave early to pick up my sister. ”
“It’s fine, I thought you were going to be busy with Cassie anyway.”
“Why would I be busy with her?” Tyler asks, settling onto his bed.
“Isn’t she your girlfriend?” My voice barely above a whisper as I prepare for his response.
“No, we’re not together,” he clarifies, his tone steady and sincere.
I make the mistake and lock eyes with Tyler and for a moment, there’s a hidden connection sparking between us. My heart should’ve dropped, gutted, ripped from my chest, but instead, I feel relieved.
Tyler breaks the silence first. “Did you actually think we were together?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’ve heard the rumors.” I grab my phone and jump back onto my bed. I lay on my side and tuck one hand under the pillow.
Tyler runs a hand down his face, “We’re not together. We were never together .”
I lean in slightly, my curiosity piqued. “What do you mean?”
“We were friends for a while,” his tone softens, “and then we started hooking up. I thoughrt we were something, but it turns out we were nothing at all. Bottom line, I got played like a violin. ”
A heavy silence settles between us, neither of us speaking, just lost in our thoughts. I take the opportunity to study Tyler’s features, noticing the details I never realized until now.
The tiny scar right on the bridge of his nose. The faint freckles across his cheeks.
He clears his throat. “Why aren’t you sleeping? I didn’t think you were going to be up.”
“I couldn’t sleep. Well, sometimes sleep can’t find me. You?”
He shrugs. “I told you, I wanted to talk to you.”
“So, you waited until midnight to call me?”
Tyler grins. “Why do you have trouble sleeping?” he asks with a curious frown.
“I don’t know… it’s just hard sometimes to turn off my brain.”
“Have you ever thought about counting sheep?” he suggests with a playful grin.
I laugh and switch to laying on my other side. Tyler mirrors the same action. “I actually used to do that a lot.”
Tyler raises an eyebrow as he sits up against his bed frame. “Did it work for you?”
I chuckle softly. “Not really. I’d always end up getting distracted, and then I’d start thinking about random things. Counting sheep turned into planning my day or dreaming that I’m a popstar.”
Tyler chuckles. “So, instead of sleeping, you were on American Idol?”
I nod, a grin spreading across my face. “Yeah, I’m pretty delusional.”
“Not delusional, just imaginative.” Tyler smiles, and I do too. The butterflies . “It’s a good thing we didn’t have a sheep-counting competition back then. I would’ve won for sure.”
“You would’ve,” I raise my eyebrows. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“When you can’t sleep, what do you do?” I question, my eyes drawn to him more than usual. It’s the late-night vibes, I swear.
Tyler pauses for a moment before he speaks, “Don’t make fun of me.”
“Promise.”
“I like to watch those ASMR cooking videos.”
“ASMR?” I straighten up a little, “I like watching them too! The barista vlogs are so peaceful. Do they help?”
“Yeah,” Tyler nods, “it helps me sleep and… with my anxiety. ”
I prop myself up on my elbow. “Anxiety?”
Tyler hesitates for a moment, his gaze shifts to the floor before meeting mine. “Yeah,” he admits, then exhales deeply, “I’ve struggled with it for a while now.”
I don’t respond right away, giving him the chance to open up more, because I want to know more.
“Sometimes it feels like my mind is constantly racing, and I just can’t find a steady peace. It got worse a couple of years ago, but therapy has helped a lot.”
“I’m glad therapy helped you.”
Late night conversations that I’ve seen happen on TV don’t compare to when it actually happens. This… feels more relaxed and intimate. Intimate enough to where I think we’re becoming closer in our friendship. He’s slowly letting down his walls, and I’m still questioning mine.
Stop it, Serena. Catching feelings for someone is scary. The chances of having my heart stomped on increase if I let my walls down.
And boy, don’t I know about heartbreak. The first time was when I watched my mom turn her back on me. The second was when my dad died. The third time, I’d like to imagine it never happened. I don’t think I can handle a boyfriend in this mix, because what if they decide I’m not good enough like my mom? Or what if the universe decides it’s their time to leave ?
Mommy issues, I’m telling you.
As nice as love sounds and how the movies make it seem like it’s the best thing that’s graced this planet, I don’t think I could ever handle the constant doubts floating in my head.
“How often do you sleep late like this?” Tyler’s questions, snapping me out of my internal monologue.
I shrug, “I don’t know, maybe a couple times a week? I don’t keep track.”
Tyler adjusts to laying on his side again, tucking his arm under his cheek. “Call me.”
“I’m talking to you right now.” I tease, stifling a soft giggle.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Tyler breaks out in a full laugh, showing off the dimple that favors his left cheek. “Call me when you can’t sleep.”
“But what if you’re asleep?” I counter, my brows knit together.
“I don’t care if I’m asleep.”
“Tyler, you can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?”
Making me fall for you . “You can’t keep offering to help me. ”
“I’m doing this because I want to. If you need me or can’t fall asleep, just call me. I want you to. I don’t care if it’s 3 a.m. or an hour before my alarm goes off, you can call me. I’ll dump my head in cold water to stay awake with you.”
With a deep breath, the corners of my mouth lift up slightly. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
I roll my eyes, knowing he just wants to hear me say it out loud. “Okay, I’ll call you when I can’t fall asleep no matter how late it is.”
“I’m serious, you can call me or even text me whenever you want… even if you don’t have a reason to.”
My heart races like crazy, pounding like a drum solo at halftime. Suddenly, it hits me. This feeling? Familiar, but never with a guy–only with my family and Alli.
I feel safe.
“Thanks, Ty.” How is it so easy for him to win every situation we’ve crossed into?
“Ty? I feel so honored you’re giving me a nickname.”
“It was time for a nickname.”
“Sounds like we’re taking things to the next level. ”
My heart skips a beat and I thank the earlier Serena for not turning on my bedside lamp. “What do you mean by that?”
Tyler doesn’t answer right away. I can see his eyes flicker into something that I can’t read, leaving me with a lingering question in the air. “For me to know, you to find it.”