6. Chapter 6
Onyx
R ifling through the kitchen, I tried to figure out something for dinner. I’d been so busy with writing and plotting earlier I’d only managed a couple of snacks from my bag. With a mental apology, I dug through his refrigerator and freezer. There wasn’t much by way of fresh produce, but I did find some frozen shrimp and veggies. I pulled those out. At least shrimp would thaw fast.
I remembered from the night before that I saw pasta and sauces in Theodore’s pantry, so I moved things around until I had a box of dried penne and a jar of Alfredo sauce. Okay, I can work with that. I wasn’t much of a cook, but I could open a jar as well as the next person. Putting the shrimp in a bowl, I let them sit under running water in the sink, while I filled a pot and got it started on the stovetop.
The water was boiling quicker than I expected, but maybe the high altitude in the mountains had something to do with it. I knew food cooked differently, but I always forgot which way it went. Either way, by the time Theodore walked into the kitchen, I had the shrimp sautéed, pasta in the water, broccoli in the microwave, and the sauce simmering. It wouldn’t be a gourmet meal, but it would do.
I felt his presence watching me, a warm shiver sliding over my skin. All these times he quietly observed me might have felt pervy if it was someone else, but with him, it somehow felt comforting. Exciting even. I liked his attention. Who wouldn’t want a strong, sexy older man admiring them?
“I hope you don’t mind, and I’m happy to pay you back for the groceries, but I found a few things to throw together for dinner.” My attention was on the stove, focusing on the shrimp, but I felt his presence draw nearer, and when he spoke, he was only a foot away.
“I don’t mind. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to do so, but I, uh, don’t expect you to cook for me.”
“Us. I’m cooking for us .” I turned to face him, ready to give him a smile, but the smile froze when I took him in. He wore a long-sleeved flannel shirt, tight jeans, and his head was free from a beanie. His salt-and-pepper hair was kept in a neat fade around the side, and short on top. Damn! He was all rugged, sexy mountain man. Theodore looked like he could be the model for Lumberjacks-R-Us.
He shuffled slightly under my stare and ran a hand over his beard. The action had me wanting to do the same, to scratch my fingers over his cheeks and run them through his trimmed beard. I bet it would feel wickedly delicious against my skin. I didn’t care for my own facial hair, which, while it never went away, started coming in thicker again when I stopped my HRT. I always kept clean-shaven, but it didn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it from the outside.
“Well... it smells delicious,” he said and shoved his hands into his pockets. Damn, he was just as adorable as he was hot.
“Thank you, Theodore. How about you set the table for us?”
He stared at my mouth for a moment, before nodding and getting plates out of the cupboard near me. As he placed them on the table and grabbed silverware from a drawer near me, he coughed to clear his throat. “Uh... it’s just Theo, actually. That’s what everyone calls me.”
Turning the burner under the sauce off, I faced him and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t hate the way his eyes dropped to see my breasts pushed up by my folded arms. He blinked and lifted his gaze to meet mine, looking sheepish. It was cute, so fucking cute. As was... “Theo, huh?”
His hand went back to his beard. “Yeah, I don’t know why I said my full name when we met. I never use it.”
I reached out and placed my hand on his arm, feeling the solid muscle beneath the material of his shirt. “Thank you for telling me, Theo. Trust me, I know how important names are.”
Theo gave me a crooked smile and... was that a flex in his muscle beneath my touch? I reluctantly let go and turned my attention back to the pasta. After testing a noodle, I was glad to know it was done. Because I was hungry. Like HUNGRY. Except the hunger that was building was more for the man beside me than the food I’d been cooking, and eating seemed like a better option than throwing myself at him. Despite his interest and admiration, I wasn’t sure if he’d be on board. He had a wall up for sure.
Instead, I said, “Looks like everything is ready. I just need to drain the pasta and we’re good to go.”
“Here, let me get that.” Theo got a strainer and put it in the sink, and then dumped the boiling pot into it. I could have easily done it, but I liked that he wanted to help, and it meant I got to appreciate the view from the back. Damn! His ass in those jeans. Every guy my age either wore super baggy pants or skinny jeans, or wore a more femme style, but there was something about a classic fit and a muscled ass that made for a perfect combination. I wanted to take a bite out of him. Food. Right, food was what we were doing.
I put everything on the table, noting my keyboard still sat at the end. I was tempted to break it out earlier, but didn’t want to lose focus on the words in my head. Theo brought the drained pot of pasta to the table and offered me a genuine smile.
“Everything looks great, thank you.”
“Shrimp Alfredo Extraordinaire.” I waved my hand over the fixings. “Well, maybe not extraordinary, but edible, I can assure you. Oh, and don’t be afraid to season as needed. I promise I won’t be offended. Cooking isn’t my strong suit, but I know how not to starve.”
We sat across from each other, and our eyes locked. Theo’s expression had a sad sort of wonder in it, and it seemed as if his eyes were getting watery. He cleared his throat and sat up straight. “Do you say grace or anything?”
I shook my head. “Nope, I just eat, but if you do, it won’t bother me.”
“I don’t.”
He seemed to be waiting for me, so I began plating my food, and he followed right behind. We ate in silence for a few minutes, which was fine. I found the quiet in his company to be strangely comforting. He was still a puzzle, though, and I wanted to get to know him more. “So, how long have you lived up here?”
Theo dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. “Five years.”
“Five years? Wow, that’s surprising.”
He cocked a brow. “How so?”
“I don’t know, you just seem really settled in here, like you’ve always lived in the mountains. Did you... always live in the mountains?”
“No. I lived in a suburb in L.A.”
I sat up at that. So he used to be in my general area. Interesting, because I couldn’t picture the man before me working an office job or commuting in traffic. “Really? What did you do?”
“I was a carpenter and my wife was an interior designer.”
Wife. It made sense he was married. He was handsome, kind, and in his forties, if I had to guess. It would probably be more surprising to learn he had never been married. But... looking around the cabin, it was clear to see he was the only person who had been living here. Did they divorce or did something happen? Not my business. I decided not to ask about the wife thing.
“So what brought you out here?”
Theo’s eyes darkened, and he opened his mouth before closing it. I half wanted to rush in and apologize for asking, but he also seemed as if he wanted to say something, so I waited.
“I bought the cabin as a surprise. It was meant to be a vacation home for us, but after what happened with Myra...” His lips pressed together into a thin line as pain etched into his features. My heart ached for him. I didn’t know what he’d faced, but it clearly still affected him deeply. Five years. Had he been alone all that time?
I reached across the table and placed my hand on his. Surprisingly, he turned his hand over in mine and held it, staring at our connection. When he lifted his head, he gave me a melancholy smile. Theo’s eyes drifted toward the covered keyboard on the table. He nodded toward it.
“Your keyboard? You play?” The words were forced, raspier than usual. It was an obvious redirect from wherever his thoughts had taken him, which was fine. I was happy to follow his lead.
“Yes. I’ve been known to play a little.” A grin stretched my lips. After the unexpected whirlwind of going viral, being on tour, and getting recognized everywhere, it was refreshing Theo didn’t seem to know anything about me.
“And you write, too?” he asked. For someone who had previously been struggling to have a conversation, it was nice to see him making an effort. Though, I suspected it was all part of distracting him from his own emotions.
“I do! I write all my own songs. Sometimes, it’s just word vomit, journaling, venting, but I’m often able to pull stuff out of the junk words to use, too.”
Theo watched me and I could see the shadows visibly sliding away and a brightness returning. “That’s incredible. Words... well, they’ve never been my forte.” He gave a slight shrug that made me laugh. “How long have you been writing?”
“Oh, pretty much forever. Shit, I can remember even in elementary school when all the other kids would groan about having to do their daily journal, but I loved it. It was my favorite part of the day. As I got into middle school, writing became a way for me to channel thoughts and work out my struggles. It was a way to express the feelings deep within. And when I figured out how to put those words to music, it became a way for me to share the feelings and express the thoughts that had always been mine alone. I don’t know... there was power in it. For me, it allowed me to release things I’d been holding onto, with the hope that, in doing so, it might resonate with others as well.”
“Wow.” The single word came out on a breath. Theo must have heard himself, because he quickly stuffed a large forkful of pasta into his mouth. A smile tugged at my lips as I scooped up food from my plate. It was cute to see him get a little flustered. He seemed so unused to conversation, it made me wonder if I was the first person he’d had time with one-on-one like this in a long time.
“That was my plan for my vacation. Time away from the city, social media, and people in general. Nature, and quiet, and stepping out of my world. I wanted a month to myself to focus on songwriting and recharging.”
Theo sucked on his teeth. “This is definitely the right place for that, but I'm, uh, sorry you're not by yourself.”
I waved him off. “Don't be sorry. I enjoy your company. Besides, you already helped inspire a new song, the one I was working on today. You’re like a mountaineer muse.” I gave him a wink.
His eyes rounded with surprise. “I did? But I didn't do anything.”
“You did, and you were marvelous. I think I've really got something great. Maybe when it's ready, I'll play it for you.” Although it wouldn't be ready before I left the next day. Fuck . I nearly forgot about that. I already felt so relaxed here, it was hard to imagine settling in somewhere else. Somewhere else… and alone.
Theo cleared his throat, but when he spoke, his raspy voice sounded thick with emotion. “I’d really like that.”
A warm smile stretched my lips at seeing how much he meant it—or how much it meant to him—I wasn't sure which, except it was genuine. Theo bore so many complex emotions, even without much dialogue, but I could write a song for each arch of his brow, pensive thought, or quiet awe, and have a full album.
We continued our meal, and it had fallen back into the quiet that felt less awkward tonight. A quiet I didn't mind with him. Theo had contributed more to the dinner discussion than I expected, but I imagined it was still a lot for him, especially after the mention of his wife.
After dinner was over, Theo helped me clean up, and we washed the dishes together. It was so natural and felt so homey, as if we had done this a million times. I’d never considered cleaning to be intimate, but somehow with the quiet man beside me it was.
With the last dish toweled off and put away, Theo stretched his back and made an “ oomph ” sound.
I looked at him pointedly. “What was that?”
“It's nothing. Just my back. It turns out my couch, while comfortable to sit on, isn't the best to sleep on.”
I grabbed Theo's arm and looked into his brown eyes. “Oh, I'm so sorry. You should have told me. I would have switched with you. In fact, we'll do that tonight.”
He was shaking his head. “No, Onyx. You're my guest. I can't ask you to do that. It'll be fine. It's just for one more night.”
Like hell I was going to let him sleep on the couch like a martyr. I folded my arms in defiance. “Fine. Then it's settled.”
“Okay, good. I'm glad we're on the same page. You'll sleep in the bed and I'll...”
I cut him off before he could finish. “And you'll sleep in the bed with me.”
“Wha—what?” Theo’s jaw dropped.
“Yup. You heard me. I refuse to have you sacrifice your back for me. Would you really want to put that kind of responsibility on me? How could I sleep knowing you were miserable?” Perhaps I was going a little hard on the guilt, but it was the card I thought would work best, and I wasn’t above playing it.
“No, I don't want that, but we... we can't.”
My hands went to my hips, and I stared him down. I never liked the word can't. It was another box; rules people thought I should abide by. “Can't? Says who? We are two grown-ass adults and the bed is plenty big enough. There's no reason we can't share it platonically.”
Theo looked toward the bedroom and back at me, and I could practically see the battle happening in his mind. He was teetering on the edge, so I decided to take a different approach. I softened my tone and my stance, stepping closer. “It might help me, too, actually. Admittedly, the animal noises and lack of city sounds made me jumpier than I expected.”
His eyes roamed over me, the tension in his features relaxed, and he gave me a crooked smile. “It’s a big change from the city.”
“ Sooo ?” I prompted, wanting to hear him confirm it.
He let out a heavy breath. “Okay. We'll share the bed, but if at any time you're not comfortable, I'll move back out here.”
“It'll be fine, I promise.” I did a little internal victory dance, but tried to keep my expression in check. Was I excited to sleep next to this hunk of a man? Maybe a little. But he was too chivalrous for his own good, and there was no need for him to suffer for my sake, even if his chivalry was endearing.
Theo’s eyes darted around as if unsure of what to do. “I’ll just, uh, make sure the fire is out.”
“Perfect. Thank you for that, by the way. It feels really nice in here.” It was surprising how warm the cabin was. I almost wished I had a fireplace back home.
“You’re welcome. I know it’s a lot colder here than in Los Angeles, and I want you to be comfortable.”
I placed my hand on his arm again and smiled at him. “I am, Theo. You’re very thoughtful.”
He returned my smile briefly, eyes locking on mine before clearing his throat and walking toward the fireplace.
“I have an evening skincare routine, so I’ll be in the bathroom for a few minutes. Come on in whenever you’re ready—and you don’t have to knock.” I could just picture him standing outside of his own bedroom, afraid to enter, and I didn’t want him feeling any more out of place in his own home.
Rifling through my suitcase, I looked through the different pajama sets I’d brought. Yes, I brought several. One had to be prepared for different occasions, even though I’d been planning to be by myself. It didn’t hurt to have something skimpy packed, or cozy, or anything in between. I was lucky I’d even gotten Theo to agree to share the bed. I didn’t want to push his comfort level too much.
Pity , I thought, as I tucked the lacy negligee and matching thong back into the suitcase. With the way his eyes had lingered on my chest earlier, I would love to see his reaction to that. Instead, I grabbed another variation of the set I’d worn the night before. It was a matching silky camisole and pants set with a lace trim around the sweetheart neckline. I didn’t have a lot of cleavage, but it accented what was there nicely. With a body in bed beside me and the cabin nice and warm, I didn’t feel the need to bundle up in sweats.
In the bathroom, I changed and put my hair up in a high ponytail so it wouldn’t turn into a wild mess while I slept. After cleaning off my makeup, I followed it up with the rest of my routine. I took in my reflection in the mirror, assessing the overall appearance, and my heart gave an excited flutter, thinking of Theo’s reaction. Again, I wished I was playing it a little sexier, but that wasn’t the goal for tonight. It was simply for both of us to be able to rest. I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation, or force him into something he wasn’t ready for, or even interested in.
Satisfied with the semi-casual look I’d achieved, I blew out a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. I thought Theo might have been lingering in the living room, avoiding the inevitable, so a startled gasp left me when I caught him lying on the bed. He was on top of the blanket, wearing flannel pajama pants and a T-shirt, and had his arms folded under his head, looking as stiff as possible.
My hand flew to my chest. “Holy shit, you scared me!”
Theo immediately jackknifed in the bed, sitting up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
“No. No, you’re totally fine. Please lie back down. I just didn’t expect to see you there.”
That uncertainty returned, so clear I could see it across the room. “I can still go.”
I shook my head and sat down on the side of the bed, facing him. I so badly wanted to reach out to him, but he was already jumpy. With a hushed tone, as though I was trying to calm a scared animal, I said, “Stay. Please. For me?”
His eyes met mine and I could see the change in them, the acceptance and relief. As much as he was resistant to the idea of sharing a bed, there was a part of him that seemed to want permission for it. I was more than happy to give it. “Okay,” he huffed out.
Theo slowly sank back down to his original, not quite relaxed position, but I took it for the victory it was. I pulled the covers back and climbed in. I could practically feel the tension rolling off him.
“Breathe, Theo. Everything is fine. We’re fine. You can get under the covers, too. I promise I won’t bite.”
He let out a forced chuckle. “I didn’t think you would.”
“Good. I’m glad we got that established. I only bite when it’s consensual.” Maybe that was taking it too far, but the snort that popped out of him was a welcome sound. I could feel him relax slightly , but he remained firmly in place above the blanket, creating a barrier between us. Well, it was better than I expected, honestly.
To give him a little more sense of space, I turned onto my side, facing away from him. Theo let out a heavy breath. And there we were lying in bed together, in silence. While hearing his breathing was calming for me, it felt too controlled, as if he was trying not to make a sound at all.
Maybe we were both too in our heads. At this rate, neither of us would sleep. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand to look for notifications.
“Are you... waiting to hear from someone?” The careful way Theo asked made me wonder if he was trying to figure out my love life situation. Don’t worry, mountain man, this person is single AF. It was hard to do anything more than hookup when traveling around the country. I’d barely had time to figure out what was happening with my music career without trying to add dating into the mix.
I rolled onto my back so I could glance over at him. “Oh. No. It’s just a habit, well, an addiction more like. I uninstalled all my social media apps on my way up here so they wouldn’t distract me. But the pull is strong, and I keep checking for notifications.”
“You could still go online without the apps, couldn’t you?”
“Yes, technically I could, but I don’t want to. And lucky for me, if it takes a couple extra steps to do it, I probably won’t. It’s a total time suck. A necessary evil that comes with the territory, but if I’m not careful, I’ll lose hours to it. When I’m trying to be in a more creative headspace, it makes it really hard to pull myself away, so I have to force it.”
Theo gave an understanding hum. “That makes sense.”
“I’m sure you don’t have the same problem.”
He turned to face me and propped his head up on one elbow. I considered it another win, seeing him get more comfortable. “Not exactly. I have a profile for customers and to see updates with Heartcraft, but... forget to check it.”
I let out a laugh. “That’s adorable. I wish it was that easy for me, but I guess I can’t complain too much, because it’s the reason I’m able to do what I do.”
“Social media?” Theo asked.
“Yup. It’s how a lot of people discover new music, and I... well, I got really lucky.”
Theo looked down at me and gave me a small but sweet smile. “I’m sure it was more than mere luck.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say. And yes, I worked my ass off to get visible.”
“I don’t doubt it.” A flash of heat brightened Theo’s eyes as he took me in, lying on my back in his bed, looking up at him. “You look... nice.”
The words surprised me as much as they seemed to him. His eyes rounded and the heat was gone as quickly as it had appeared. He let out a huff and rolled back over. Which was probably a good thing, because if he looked at me like that any longer, it would have been hard to conceal the effect he had on me, and the way blood rushed to my dick at his attention.
Our brief conversation ended, and silence returned. It was a heavier one this time; something had shifted in him. I knew I hadn’t imagined the intensity of his gaze, but it must have left him feeling unsettled. He’d been married. To a woman. Was it pain from his past that was bothering him, or sexual confusion?
We lay side-by-side in the dark, but it suddenly felt as if there were miles between us. I wanted to tell him I didn’t mind his compliments, and he had nothing to feel bad or weird about, but I felt like focusing on that would push him away further. Still... I had to say something.
As we both faced the ceiling, I whispered, “Theo?”
He didn’t make a move to look at me, but I heard him reply, “Yeah?”
I braced myself for what could be a big mistake, but the man was tormenting himself, and more than whatever attraction might be brewing between us, he seemed like he needed a friend, and maybe I could be that for him. “What happened with your wife?”
Theo inhaled sharply and held his breath. I wasn’t sure if he would answer, or if it would be the thing that pushed him over the edge and out of the bed. He released it long and slow.
I reached into the miles of space between us and placed my hand on his. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But you can. I’m here if you need to talk. You don’t have to carry it all alone.”
Surprisingly, he didn’t pull his hand away. Instead, he squeezed mine and held onto it as if it was an anchor. It gave me a bit of hope that I hadn’t crossed an uncrossable line.
“It’s... hard for me to talk about.”
An ache grew in my chest as I squeezed his hand in return, trying to give him comfort. “It’s okay, Theo. You don’t have to.”
“No. I think I need to. Just give me a minute.” He kept his hand clutched in mine as his other scrubbed over his face.
“Take all the time you need.” I hated to feel the anguish pouring off him, giving me an idea of just how bad the news might be. I wanted to take it all back, to wish I’d never asked, but he said he needed to, so I would be here for him as promised.
After a long, weighted moment, he said three words that cut right into my chest. “Myra was killed.”
I couldn’t stop the gasp that popped out of me. “Oh, God! Theo!”
“She was... fuck , this is hard.” His hand gripped mine so tight it was on the brink of too much, but I was willing to take it. To take any of his pain I could. “Sorry, I... don’t… I haven’t talked about it much.”
I scooted a little closer to him. “No, I’m sorry I asked.”
“No. I think it’s time.” He breathed deep and blew it out. “She was out shopping, going from store to store, looking for ideas for a design project. The light was green for her to cross the street, but a car came out of nowhere. It was a hit and run.”
My eyes burned with tears, threatening to break free. “I’m so sorry. God, I’m so very sorry.”
“It was five years ago. Five years and I’ve only ever said it out loud once or twice.”
There was no holding the tears back now. They rolled down my cheeks. I’d only known this man for a couple of days, but I felt for him so much. I wished I could take his pain away, but I couldn’t. All I could do was sit there with him through it. “Can I... hug you?”
He coughed and let out a barely audible, “Yes.”
I rolled toward him and planted my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm over his chest. He stiffened initially, before folding his arms around me and holding me in place. It was intimate, but not in the way I’d imagined being in his arms. It reached a whole different level of connection. Theo held on, clearly needing the comfort as much as I did.
“Thank you for telling me,” I whispered against his chest.
His arms tightened around me. “Thank you for being here.”
I stayed there, in his embrace, letting my body give what my words couldn’t. After a while, I felt some of the tension in his body loosen, but I didn’t move. “Are you all right?”
I felt him nod and sigh. “I think so. Saying her name has been... difficult, but I needed to. Myra .”
“Myra,” I repeated her name. I wasn’t sure why, maybe to hold space for her in this moment between us. Theo tightened his arms around me once more until there wasn’t a centimeter of space between us—aside from the blanket barrier.
In a move that surprised me completely, I felt him press a soft kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you, Onyx.”