11. Chapter 11
Theo
I t usually took me a full day to prepare everything I needed to take to Heartcraft, especially for the days I would set up my carving station. There were pros and cons to doing it, but it had been a hit since the first time I’d set up my acrylic shields. The market organizers loved it, and it drew a big crowd. I wasn’t in it for the crowds, but it was a way to showcase my work, and I happened to like the division it provided between me and the market-goers. Less interaction was a bonus in my book. I didn’t sell as much as I did when I brought my regular collection, but what I did sell, I could charge more for because of the novelty and size of them.
Despite the chill in the air, I pulled off my beanie and wiped my arm across my forehead, catching the sweat dripping into my eyes. The bed of my truck was full, and I hitched a small trailer to the back and filled it with wood stumps I inspected and deemed good enough to carve and sell. Some of them were chosen because of their unique shape, which sparked inspiration for the designs I would turn them into.
When I first started, I used spray paint to sort of map out the designs on the wood, but I’d been doing it long enough now that I had a pretty decent feel for where to make my cuts. I double-checked the tie-downs on the truck and pushed on the sheets of acrylic wrapped in moving blankets to ensure they were stable and not at risk of falling or breaking. Everything seemed sturdy enough to satisfy me.
Onyx opened the door of the cabin. I swear every time I saw them, I was struck by their beauty. It didn’t matter if they were in sweats, in a lacy camisole, or in a slouchy knit sweater like the one they currently wore. Since we’d slowed things down and taken a step back, I was able to appreciate them not just for the desire they stirred in me, but for their radiance in every form. I truly found them stunning, whether they had makeup on or the hint of a shadow on their cheeks.
Onyx leaned against the doorframe, looking perfectly comfortable there. It made me tremendously happy to see them settle into my home. Even seeing their things fill the other bedroom and the door to it open more than it was closed. A door opened in my heart, too. No longer dusty and covered in cobwebs. A light shone into it, clearing away some of the shadows.
“Hey. I totally hit a wall with writing, so I decided to cook instead, and it’s almost ready. Care to join me for dinner?”
Our mid-day meals were hit or miss, but we had fallen into a nice routine of eating dinner together every night. There was something really comforting about having someone to end the day with. “Perfect timing. I just finished loading up.”
Onyx walked out and eyed everything in the truck. The toolbox, the thick, plastic walls, and the attached enclosed trailer. “What is all this? Are you going somewhere?”
“Heartcraft is tomorrow.”
“Oh, right! The market. I forgot about that. You know? For someone who makes and sells wooden items, I’m not seeing any wood.”
I felt my lips tug up in amusement. “Well, maybe you’re not looking in the right place.”
A loud laugh popped out of them. “Is that so?” They intentionally dragged their eyes down my body until they stopped at my crotch. I felt my skin heat and realized the unintentional innuendo.
“I meant... it’s in the trailer.”
Another beautiful laugh came from Onyx, and their eyes sparkled. “Sure, sure. Why don’t you bring your ass, and your wood , inside so we can eat?”
I gave a salute and said, “Yes, Mx.”
Onyx was already walking ahead of me, but turned to look back over their shoulder. “Careful, or I might get used to that.”
And just like that, we were back to the flirting phase, but I didn’t mind it as much. I never really did; I just hadn’t been prepared for it. In fact, I rather enjoyed it. The no-pressure days of learning how to have someone in my life again had been extremely helpful. It gave me time to process through the mess in my head with no expectations. I wasn’t sure I was ready to get naked with them again just yet, but I was feeling more open to the possibility.
We walked into the kitchen, and Onyx went straight to the oven. When they opened it, a savory aroma wafted out. “I told you I’m not a fancy chef, so don’t expect too much, but this is my cheater version of a chicken pot pie.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be great.”
I washed my hands at the sink while Onyx dished the food up, and we sat at the table, as we’d gotten used to doing. Funny how one week of living with someone and we already had a routine together.
“What happened with your writing?” I asked, trying to stay present with them.
They waved their hand around. “It’s nothing major, but sometimes when I’m focusing this much, I just run out of words. Or suddenly forget how to compose a line with a beat. How many syllables are in that word? Will it fit in that space? If it’s a word or a phrase I really like, then I need to play with the sentence structure to figure out how to work it in. It’s just all part of the process. Overall, I’m pretty pleased with how much I’ve gotten done this week. Being here really has made a huge difference.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” We shared a brief smile, but then Onyx stared at me for a moment, as if contemplating something. I wasn’t sure what they were thinking about, but I forced myself to ask, “Yes?”
They sat up straighter, looking resolved. “What was she like?”
My heart squeezed in my chest. I was certain I knew what they meant, but I couldn’t be the one to say it first. When I didn’t reply, they added, “Your wife? Myra?”
I coughed and shoved a bite of food into my mouth to buy myself a little time and figure out what to say. “You don’t want to hear about her, do you? Isn’t there a whole thing where you aren’t supposed to talk about your exes?”
Onyx’s expression softened. “Myra isn’t an ex. It’s not the same. It’s okay that she still holds a part of your heart, and I understand she always will. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk about her, and, I don’t know, I guess I’d like to know that side of you, too.”
No. She wasn’t an ex. The word felt wrong the moment it left my mouth, but I hadn’t really talked about her to anyone. Onyx had been nothing but supportive and understanding, and maybe... maybe this was something I needed to do. If I were going to talk about her, I knew they were someone I could trust to share her with.
I set my napkin on the table and folded my hands together. Closing my eyes, the vision of her was harder to see as clearly after all this time, but there were memories that were as vivid as if they’d happened yesterday. A strange mix of sad joy bloomed in me and my lips stretched at the corners.
“Myra was... a bit of a mess, but she was tough, a self-proclaimed tomboy. It was one of the first things that caught my eye about her. I happened to be at a college softball game with a friend, and Myra was playing. She put her whole self into everything she did, and I found her captivating. We got introduced and started hanging out soon after.”
Onyx had their head propped up on their hands as they listened with interest. “So, it was love at first sight?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just liked that she was different from most of the women I knew.”
“Yeah?” Onyx prompted.
It was strange to talk about her, but it felt good, too. Myra had been a big part of my life, one I didn’t want to forget, and Onyx seemed genuinely interested. I’d kept her to myself for a long time, and now that I’d ripped off the bandage, I was flooded with memories. Happy ones, ones that should be shared, and they came pouring out of me.
“Myra had a great eye for design, which was funny because she hated clothes. Clothes were a necessity, but she didn’t care much for picking them out. She could design and shop for an entire house to fit the needs of a client exactly, but she avoided the mall like the plague. Myra was content in shorts and tank tops, when she wasn’t at work, that is. And shoes... she hated shoes.”
Onyx gasped loudly and put their hand to their chest. “What? I’ve never heard such horror.”
I had to chuckle at their overly dramatic reaction. Onyx was so completely opposite from Myra, not just physically, in expression and personality, too. Still... “You know... I think you have something in common with her.”
“What is that, exactly? Because I was never a sports person, and I think you know how I feel about shoes.”
They were tall; Myra had been petite. Onyx had long, silky hair, where Myra’s was curly, and she kept it short. Onyx was more feminine than Myra had ever been. “You march to your own beat, just like she did. She never gave a damn about what anyone thought of her. And... I see that in you, too. It’s really, uh, appealing.”
Onyx pursed their lips together, holding back a smile. “Appealing?”
I ran my hand over my beard. “Well... attractive.”
“So your type is butch women and femme enbies?” they asked teasingly.
I shrugged, feeling my cheeks warm. “I never really thought about it.”
They reached across the table and I took their hand; it was as natural as everything else had been with them. “It’s all right, Theo. You don’t have to define anything. As for me, I was grateful to find a label that fit. I remember hitting puberty and seeing my classmates start changing. There were things I admired about the boys and girls, but I never felt like I fit in either box. When I heard the term nonbinary and learned there were gender non-conforming folks, it rocked my world. For the very first time in my life, I felt validated and like I wasn't alone. That was huge for me. But not everyone finds a label that fits or wants one.”
I gave them a half-smile of appreciation because I didn’t have words for what my sexuality was. My gender identity, sure, I never questioned that I was a man, but I never truly considered myself to be straight. I had fallen into an easy and comfortable love with Myra. If it hadn't been her, I couldn't guess who else I might have been with, but it wasn't something I'd had to think about.
“I like you ... so that's what I know.”
Onyx smiled sweetly, looking radiant. “See? What else do you need?”
I met their smile and gave another shrug. We were both quiet and returned to eating. As I forked through the biscuit layer on top of the chicken and veggie mixture, I felt lighter. All this time, I thought it would be easier to not talk about Myra. Even saying her name had been difficult. But now that I got over the hardest part—starting—it felt really good to be able to share her. We had a lot of good memories together and it was nice to be able to focus on those for a moment instead of the nightmare at the end.
“Thank you, Onyx.”
They peered over at me. “For what?”
“For asking about her. For giving me a nudge. I don't know if I would have talked about Myra without it.”
“I'm happy to nudge.” Onyx winked. “Thank you for sharing, though. Seriously, I'm here for whatever. I don't want you to feel like you have to keep your life with her locked away.”
Locked away like the room , I thought. It had been closed for years, but now that it was open, it felt lighter and didn't hurt to look at it as much. I felt the same now, having been able to share my wife with this person who entered my life. My throat tightened with emotion. I dipped my head in thanks, not trusting myself to speak anymore. Onyx seemed to understand and didn't prompt any further.
As we were getting ready for bed, Onyx was in the bathroom, washing their face. It was a simple action, but I was captivated by pretty much anything they did. A lot of it may have been due to the simple fact of having someone in my home after all these years of solitude. Onyx’s presence was overwhelming in the best way. The sound of them was more comforting than I expected it to be. I was quickly becoming addicted to it.
Onyx met my gaze in the mirror with a smile. “You can come in.”
I blew out a breath and took a step into the restroom. Onyx returned to their routine, rubbing some kind of cream into their face. My eyes caught on their hair and I itched to run my fingers through it.
“Can I...” Fuck ! This was ridiculous. I shook my head and turned around to walk out.
“Wait! Theodore. Go ahead and ask because I can almost guarantee the answer is yes.”
Slowly turning back around, I forced myself to keep my head up. This shouldn’t be so hard. “I was just wondering if I could..., uh, brush your hair.”
Onyx tilted their head, and their expression softened, making them look almost angelic. “Sure.”
They took their hairbrush off the counter and held it out to me. I didn’t know what possessed me to ask, but their hair beckoned me. I took the brush from them and they turned their back to me. Reaching up, I ran my hand over their hair first, loving how soft it felt. Onyx clearly put a lot of work into maintaining it, if the number of bottles in my shower were any indication.
A light sigh sounded from Onyx, encouraging my action. I brought the brush up and gently stroked it over their hair, entranced by the strands sliding through it. I continued, brushing each section with the utmost care, as if their hair was an ancient artifact, needing the gentlest touch.
They reached back and placed their hands on my thighs, gripping the material of my pants, and they leaned back into my touch until their head rested on my shoulder. The position made it a little more difficult, but I wouldn’t change it for anything, not with how good it felt or with the tropical scent in my nose. I simply brushed through the ends of their hair, loving the sensation of it.
Onyx grabbed the brush from me and set it back on the counter, then took my hands and pulled them across their chest, folding their own over mine to keep them in place. They lifted their head, so they could see our reflection. Seeing us together, like this, made my heart practically leap out of my chest. It felt so intimate, so... real. We looked like a couple, and damn, I was jealous of that. My identity had been wrapped up in being Myra’s husband for ten years, and her boyfriend for the five years before that. Since she passed, I'd been a lone figure, just Theo. Now, the idea of being a unit with someone again wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.
Already, I was able to picture more days like this. To hold Onyx and see us together. And already, I was struggling with the idea of leaving to go to Heartcraft tomorrow and not being able to see them whenever I wanted to. Not that I spent all day with them, but it was comforting to know they were near enough I could see them at any time.
Onyx caught my gaze in the mirror and rubbed their hand over my arm. “What are you thinking about?”
I sucked on my teeth. It shouldn’t surprise me how easily they seemed to read me, but it did. “I was thinking about the market.”
They chuckled. “Not what I was expecting.”
“I’ll be gone nearly the whole day, which means you would have the place to yourself, just like you hoped to when you booked the cabin rental.”
A tiny smirk appeared on Onyx’s face. “ Uh-huh , and?”
“Well, it would probably be incredibly boring.”
They tilted their face toward mine, looking at me next to them and not in our reflection. “What would be boring, Theodore ?”
They drew out my name in the way that made my knees wobble and my brain evacuate my body. I swallowed hard, trying to concentrate. “If you came with me.”
Onyx turned toward me, and I could feel their smile pressing against my neck. They placed a light kiss there before pulling back enough to look me in the eye. Which was easy for them, considering their height. “You want me to come with you tomorrow?”
“Well, uh, I’m sure you have a lot of work to do, and you would probably like some time to yourself.”
They placed a finger on my lip. “ Shhh . Don’t overthink it. Ask me to go with you.”
I closed my eyes and saw them handing me their hairbrush, how easily they responded. “Will you go with me to Heartcraft?”
A light kiss against my lips followed, and I opened my eyes to see Onyx practically nose to nose. “Yes. I’d love to.”
“You would?”
“Absolutely. I think it would be great to see you at work, maybe meet some of your friends. Besides, I feel really good about what I’ve accomplished this week, and after hitting a wall today, I think it’ll be a good break, too.”
I coughed to clear my throat. “Okay. Great! We’ll have to leave early, though. During the winter and spring months, the market sets up in the morning and is open all day, whereas in the summer, it turns into a night market because of the heat. It will take us about an hour to get there.”
“Then I guess I better get my beauty sleep.” Onyx booped my nose and turned toward the mirror, pulling all the hair I had brushed smooth into a ponytail.
“You don’t need it. You’re already beautiful.”
They grinned. “And you are very sweet.”
Onyx followed me out of the bathroom, and we took our respective sides of the bed. I liked having a side of the bed. It never felt right floating around all willy-nilly with no boundaries when I slept alone. It only felt right with Onyx taking up space on their side of the bed. Felt even righter when the designated sides of the bed were ignored, and Onyx scooted closer until their head rested on my shoulder.
My natural clock had shifted since Onyx had been sleeping in my bed. I slept deeper, and no longer woke as early as I usually did, so I made sure to set an alarm for Saturday morning. Though I cursed it when it went off, wishing I could blow it off and spend the day nestled with them.
Onyx groaned but was already pushing themself up and stretching.
“You can stay if you like. You don’t have to go with me,” I said through my sleep-raspy voice.
“Nope. It’s too late. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
My lips twitched at the corners. I liked how Onyx didn’t let me back out of things, which was something I tended to do. It wasn’t like I was one to go around making plans with people, but on the rare occasion I did, I often panicked and tried to get out of it. Not Onyx. They charged forward, not letting anything stop them, and I admired that.
Onyx disappeared into the other room, where all their clothes were being stored. It wouldn’t have been sustainable or functional to keep all their stuff in their luggage, or to keep the luggage in our room, but I kind of missed seeing things draped everywhere. I would have to settle for the little signs, like the notebook and phone on the bedside table, the toiletries in the bathroom, that wonderful hairbrush, and the unmade bedding on their side of the bed.
It had become a habit over the years to make the bed as soon as I got out of it, but I couldn’t bring myself to straighten Onyx’s side. It looked slept in, lived in, which was better than any nicely made bed that showed no signs of life.
When Onyx came back, I had to fight to keep my jaw from falling slack. I never knew what to expect with their wardrobe, but it honestly didn’t matter. They looked amazing in anything they wore. I wondered if the novelty of their beauty would ever wear off, but I really hoped it didn’t.
They put their hands on their hips and posed. “ Ta-da . Does this give farmer’s market realness?”
I bobbed my head as I looked them over. They wore black satiny jogger pants that cinched in above the ankle and had large pockets on the side, like cargo pants, but fancier. It was paired with a cropped olive-green hoodie that showed off their stomach, teasing me with the skin they showed, making me wish I could see more. Onyx wore a ball cap that looked to be the same material as their pants, and their hair was in a ponytail pulled through the back. In their hands, they held a large pair of sunglasses that they brought up and rested on their brown-tinted lips seductively.
“Wow!”
They smiled and put the sunglasses on, making them look mysteriously hot. “I’ll take it. Should we eat before we go, or pick something up on the way?”
I coughed to clear my throat and tried to focus. “If you can hold off for a bit, we can plan to eat at Heartcraft. There are plenty of food vendors and I gotta say, they make some pretty good stuff.”
“Okay, I’m sold. But I definitely need coffee for the road.”
With coffee in hand, we loaded into my truck and drove down the mountain. I always felt myself get tense and my knuckles grip the wheel tighter when I came down the hill and got closer to the cities. Grove Hills wasn’t a big town by L.A. standards, but it still brought plenty of the sights and sounds that I lived with my entire life—before I couldn’t handle them any longer.
Onyx must have noticed because they scooted closer on the bench seat and put their hand on my thigh. The warmth radiating through my jeans was comforting, and I felt my hands unclench slightly.
“Are you nervous about me being there?” Onyx asked quietly.
I shook my head. “No. Not really. I always get like this when I go into bigger cities or on busier roads. I have since Myra. It... brings a lot of sensory memories back.”
They unbuckled, making my heart seize in panic for a moment, but they slid to the middle seat and put on their seatbelt. Closer now, they rested their head on my shoulder. “That must be really hard. I’m sorry.”
Breathing in their scent, I was able to focus on them and their nearness, which helped tremendously.
“Why do you do it, then? The market? If it’s so challenging.” Onyx’s hand stroked lightly over my leg. It wasn’t sexual or teasing this time, but soothing.
“Once I’m there, it’s okay. It’s the getting there that’s harder. Heartcraft can get very busy, but it’s still nothing like Los Angeles. It feels... safer, I guess. I know there are barricades around it for protection, and generally it’s a pretty casual crowd. Besides, it’s easier than trying to run a store, and I have time to, uh, recover, between market days.”
“Makes sense.”
“It probably seems pathetic,” I mumbled. Onyx had been on tour, traveling to major cities across the country, and here I was barely able to drive an hour from home.
They sat up and turned toward me. “No! No, Theo, it doesn’t. You went through something traumatic and it’s bound to have an effect. I don’t think that at all. I think you’re strong; you’re so strong, Theodore. I really admire you for it.”
I slid a quick glance to see the sincerity on their face and gave them a weak smile. Onyx leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek before returning their head to my shoulder. If I thought about it enough, I knew deep down Onyx wouldn’t judge me, but the insecurity of them seeing me in a different light pressed in, and it was hard to shake.
Their words, their touch, the ghost of their lips on my cheek, all worked together to help the insecurity I felt fall away. With Onyx, I didn’t have to pretend or hide. I could show them who I was and how I felt. I didn’t realize how much I needed someone I could be real with.
They said I was strong, but what I felt was their strength infusing into me, making the final part of the drive easier than it normally was. When the Grove Hills Public Library, which hosted Heartcraft Market, came into view, I sighed with relief.
Several vendors were already setting up. Marley was there on Grower’s Row , arranging flowers in his booth. His was one of the few metal-framed stalls provided for the farmers and produce.
I wondered if Onyx liked flowers. Myra hadn’t been a flower person; she preferred live plants or herbs, things that were useful. In fact, the last time I bought flowers was for our first date, when she had accepted them gratefully, but was quick to inform me of her preference. Even at her funeral, I had guests donate to charity in lieu of flowers.
Whether Onyx liked them or not, I felt a flutter of excitement at the idea of picking something out for them. I liked the idea of buying something for Onyx. They seemed to be able to buy whatever they wanted, but sometimes it was different when someone else got it for you. Or I could make something. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more a picture came into my mind. I knew what I could make for them and I think they would appreciate it. Though, perhaps I could find something from a vendor here, too, since they seemed to love finding little treasures.
“Oh! This is cute! I couldn’t picture it, but it’s actually bigger than I expected.”
I pulled my truck and trailer into Maker’s Mall , where my booth would usually be. This side of the large, U-shaped set-up was where all the crafters, artists, and makers set up. Normally, Collin had the booth on the end with his crochet business, Hooked on You , but on days when I carved, we swapped, so I was on the end. It made it easier for my set-up, and I wasn’t wedged in between two different booths. Being on the end also allowed for greater visibility and room for a crowd with the walkway between rows right there, too.
Onyx looked me over and grinned with amusement before climbing out of the truck. I wasn’t sure what that look was about, but I was just glad they were here. When we got to the back of the truck, I said, “It’s going to take me a little while to set-up. There are usually a couple of food trucks that are open and ready with breakfast if you want to grab a bite.”
“I know you’re used to doing it on your own, but I’m happy to help you set up your canopy if you’d like.”
One side of my lips tugged up as I thought of them seeing me in action. Perhaps being able to show off a little was part of my motivation for having them here today. “Actually, I’m not setting one up today. Since it’s a holiday weekend, I’m doing something special. I’ll be doing live carvings today. I try to do it a few times a year.”
“Live carvings? Like your whittling?”
My smile grew wider. “You’ll see.”
“Okay, fine, be all mysterious. I’ll go get us some food.” Their glasses were too dark to see their eyes clearly, but they smiled and gave me a little wave.
The acrylic panels linked together in a partial hexagonal shape, creating a barrier to protect people from the wood pieces and chunks that would go flying. I’d had to give a demonstration to the market organizers to ensure safety for their customers, but also for myself, and I had to sign a waiver to dismiss them from liability if I injured myself. Five years later, I still had all my fingers and toes. I’d had my fair share of splinters, but that came with the territory. Having always worked with wood, I was used to it.
After the shields were in place, I unloaded my toolbox which contained two chainsaws, an angle grinder, a rotary tool, spare batteries, and chisels. I brought six raw stumps with me and arranged those inside the acrylic, with one right in the center where I would be working, as well as a few finished pieces as samples or to sell. The final thing I unloaded was a box of small bottles of oil. These would be used to treat the wood and came with instructions for the customers.
The idea was I would finish one piece per hour of the market being open and hopefully returning home with none. I usually sold out on demo days because people loved buying something they had watched being made.
Once my set-up was complete, I stepped out of my area to ask my neighbor, Collin, to keep an eye on things while I moved my truck. Collin was a big guy, not much taller than me, but he looked like he could crush a watermelon with his bare hands. I didn’t talk to him all that much, but he seemed like a nice guy. Though, I didn’t really talk to too many people if I could help it.
Collin was surrounded by crocheted items; plushies, clothing, and accessories. He was the least likely person I would expect to see crocheting, but it seemed to make him happy. I cleared my throat to announce myself, and he turned around with a small, stuffed panda in his hands. “Morning, Collin.”
“Hey, Theo. How’s it going?” He tilted his head, smirked, and gave a little nod toward me. “Is that for luck?”
“Luck?” My brows furrowed, not sure what he meant.
The man snickered, pulled me into his booth, and handed me a small mirror from his table. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”
I held up the mirror, and my eyes went wide when I saw the lip print on my cheek. It didn’t occur to me that Onyx might have left lipstick behind when they kissed me in the truck, though it explained their amused expression. Seeing the mark made me smile. It would be weird to leave it there all day, right?
“A gift from a lady friend, huh?” Collin was beaming.
I shook my head. “No lady, a, uh, person... friend.”
“Oh, okay. Seems like your person-friend was being quite friendly this morning.” Collin winked.
I kept staring in the mirror. Did Onyx expect me to keep it there? Would they be disappointed to find it had been wiped away? I liked the idea of it showing I had someone, had them , but maybe I didn’t want it to be a conversation starter throughout the day. I wasn’t really a big fan of conversation, and already this was feeling like a lot.
“I’ve got to, uh, move my truck. Can you keep an eye out until I get back?”
“Yup, you got it.”
Running was not an option, not with only being a few steps away from my truck, but I closed the distance as quickly as I could. When I got in the cab, I flipped down the sun visor and looked in the mirror again. A smile pulled at my lips without meaning to. It should have embarrassed me, but it didn’t. It made my heart dance and made me feel alive. Maybe I didn’t have to take it off. I would be behind the acrylic walls most of the time. And when I wasn’t, I had ear protection and goggles that might draw the eye away. Onyx was so bold in how they dressed and expressed themself, and it made me want to be bold, too.
It would stay, I decided, and I smiled to myself while parking my truck and walking back to my booth.