17. Epilogue
Theo
I t was time. My nerves were kicking in, but I was ready. Truly ready. For years I thought I would never be here again, and now, I couldn’t imagine anything else. It wasn’t how I pictured it would happen, but it was exactly as it was supposed to.
In the two years since I met Onyx, so much had changed. I had changed, and they were there with me through it all. Well, not physically, but even when we were apart, I could feel their strength and light, helping me take each step. Nudging me when I needed it and standing at my side when I faltered.
As hard as it had initially been to have such long spaces between visits, looking back, I could see it was good it had worked as it did. When I met Myra, she immediately became my everything, and the two of us were never apart. I’d had a taste of that with Onyx in that first month together, and I craved them desperately. After a while, though, we found a really comfortable and healthy rhythm. I absolutely loved it when they were with me, but the grief I felt at Myra’s absence no longer tangled with the temporary distance that separated us.
Having their room to work on had been a huge help, mentally and physically. It let me channel the energy from missing them into a permanent fixture in our home. Something that was always there, reflecting the light Onyx cast. It wasn’t the only reminder left of them when they weren’t here, though.
Whenever they left, I would find a kiss print on the mirror, making me smile every time I went into the bathroom. I was always careful not to wipe it off until I knew they were coming, when I cleaned the mirror thoroughly in preparation for the next lipstick mark.
It was a little thing, but it made them feel closer. When they told me they would be going on tour with Crow’s Nest and would be gone for months, the thought of not getting new kiss marks left behind was almost harder than the news itself. Needing something to keep them close to me, I carefully pressed a paper to the last lipstick mark they left me before their tour. After talking to Dash, which had been quite an effort, I got the name of his tattoo artist and had the kiss mark tattooed above my heart. Now, every time I looked in the mirror, they were there with me. A permanent kiss that couldn’t be wiped away.
Onyx and I talked or messaged regularly. We’d even put video calls to use. I generally hated video calls. It was even worse than having to make small talk with strangers, because I could see myself and was aware of everything my face did. But when the image on screen was Onyx stroking themself to completion as they panted my name... yeah... big fan.
I followed their tour online, watching each incredible performance and every sexy-as-hell outfit. Whenever they sang Carved into my Heart , I remembered them telling me they wrote it after watching me whittle, and that singing it made it feel like I was there with them. Each time they ended a set, they looked into the camera and blew a kiss. A kiss just for me. I would catch it and hold it to my chest where the tattoo was, as if I could feel the warmth of their lips on me.
After four months on the road, they declared they were taking a break, and I was overjoyed knowing they would be coming home to me and staying for longer than a few days. When Onyx showed up, we were frenzied with need and lust. The front door had barely closed before our clothes started flying.
Once my shirt was off, Onyx looked me over and came to a dead stop, staring at the tattoo. Their eyes flamed with heat, and they kissed every square inch of my body. Every. Square. Inch. Even now, a year later, I rubbed the tattoo through my shirt and my skin warmed with the memory.
It was time.
This Saturday at Heartcraft, it was a holiday weekend in February. Two years since the first time I’d brought Onyx. I was going to be doing my live carvings, and Onyx was planning to drive out with Jude and meet me at the market. Of course, they didn’t know I had been messaging with their brother and had made the arrangements with him. I had a plan, but I couldn’t do it alone.
I opened Instagram and inhaled, preparing myself, as I scrolled to find Bearclaw Blossoms .
Me: Hi Marley. It’s Theo from Heartcraft. Uh, you know, the wood guy.
Bearclaw Blossoms: Hi Theo! Of course, I know who you are, you goof. (winky face)
Me: I... well, I need your help with something.
Marley: Oh no! Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. It’s something for Onyx.
Marley: Oh my God!! It’s happening, isn’t it?
Me: It, uh, might possibly, maybe be happening. There I go, sounding super confident . The thing about it, though, I was confident. I was confident in the outcome; it was just the delivery and the actual doing of it that had me all tied up in nerves.
Marley: Yes. Absolutely. Whatever you need.
I filled Marley in, and now I just had to wait. Waiting fucking sucked. Now it was finally here. Saturday, market day, and I was a jumbled ball of nerves.
With my acrylic shield set up, I set up the stumps I’d brought as usual, with the one at the center to be my first carving. It was the right size and shape and there weren’t any knots where it mattered. I practiced it in my head, over and over, and knew exactly what I wanted to do. If I didn’t do this particular piece first, I would never make it through the day.
Now for all the pieces to fall into place.
A little while after the market opened, Onyx and Jude showed up. Onyx looked breathtaking, as always, even incognito as they were. The difficulty they had going places without being recognized or pursued increased after their tour with Crow’s Nest. Jude looked like their bodyguard, which was a role he took on easily, and I was grateful to know that he would keep an eye on them.
Onyx greeted me with a big hug and a kiss, making me tremble with anticipation. They pulled back and looked me over. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”
I took off my beanie and wiped my forearm across my head. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just finished setting up.”
They eyed me warily, and I slid a glance over to Jude, silently begging for help. He tugged on his sibling’s arm. “Come on, Nyxie. You’ve talked about this place ad nauseam , and we’re here. So why don’t you show me what the big fucking deal is?”
Jude was really laying it on thick, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Onyx still seemed suspicious, but they let their brother guide them away. “We’ll be back soon. Maybe if we get Jude some food, he’ll chill out.”
I sighed with relief and bounced on my toes, trying to shake off the nerves. I stepped behind the temporary walls and pulled out my dime tip chainsaw. This one was all about precision; no heavy-duty chainsaw needed. A crowd began to gather, and I started chipping away, piece by piece. When I was about halfway through, I looked around. From my vantage point at the end of the Maker’s Mall, I could see parts of Grower’s Row, including Marley’s stand. I also saw Onyx and Jude heading toward it.
I never got on my phone in the middle of a carve, especially not when I was being watched, but this was a special circumstance. I pushed my goggles up and messaged Marley.
Me: I need 20 minutes.
Marley: You got it! Operation Stall is in full effect.
If anyone could keep someone distracted, it was Marley. He had a knack for striking up a conversation with anyone.
Righting my goggles, a sense of determination came over me. This was it. It all came down to two words. The two hardest words yet, and the two biggest. Words that choked me whenever I tried to use them. But I knew they were right. I wanted them. It was time for them. I felt a deep peace in my soul when I thought about them, but it was my mouth that seemed to struggle.
Since I couldn’t trust myself to speak them, I turned to the skills I could rely on. My craftsmanship. I could work the wood into what I needed it to be. Once I saw a design, I knew exactly the moves I needed to make to bring it out. I knew each touch of the rotating blade, each nick, each curve, seeing through each layer to the image locked within it.
As I usually did, I kept the front of the piece turned away from the crowd, waiting until it was complete to show the big reveal. The shape was there, and now I needed the finer details. I swapped out the chainsaw for my rotary tool, which had a really fine tip, allowing me to carve more intricate bits... like letters.
I glanced to the side and saw Onyx and Jude walking toward me. Marley was behind them holding a thumbs up above their heads. My heart beat wildly out of control, as I could sense them drawing nearer.
With one final swoop, I finished the curve of the last character. I examined it, feeling really happy with it, while my heart felt like it would beat its way right out of my chest.
Onyx was beaming, holding a large bouquet— thank you, Marley —looking just as radiant as ever. They waved and pointed at the flowers, mouthing, ‘ Thank you .’
Jude had his arm over Onyx’s shoulder and gave me a nod. I took off my goggles and ear protection and blew out a big breath. Looking at Onyx, at this person who showed up out of the blue, and changed my life, the nerves fell away at last. It was time.
I turned the carving around, facing it directly at them. They met my eye first with a proud smile, hearing the crowd cheer wildly, but then they lowered their eyes to see what I’d made and their mouth fell open.
The wood was carved into a heart and at the center were those two big, hard, wonderful words. ‘ Marry me? ’
I stepped around the shield and walked carefully toward them. Onyx’s eyes were misty as they stared at me. Jude gently took the bouquet from their hands and nudged them toward me. Face to face, I held their hands.
“Will you, uh, Onyx?” It was as close as I could get.
They began to shake their head side to side, making my heart seize in my chest, and the crowd seemed to be holding their collective breath. “Theo, are you sure? Are you sure you’re ready?”
I brushed their cheek with my thumb. “I’m sure, Onyx.”
“And Myra?”
“Myra will always be a part of me, but she made me promise to keep living. I wasn’t very good at it for a while, but then you came along, and you breathed new life into me. You’re a light that broke through the darkness. You bring me so much joy, and hope, and life. It’s what she would have wanted for me. It’s what I want for me. You’re what I want, Onyx.”
“You’re what I want, too. You’re my home, Theodore, no matter where I am.”
“Say yes!” someone in the crowd shouted, making us both laugh, as Onyx wiped a tear away.
“Yes. Yes, of course, Theo. I will marry you.”
I pulled them into my arms and kissed them to the applause of those around us. A sense of wonder filled me. Wonder that I would get to live my life with an incredible person who would never stop pushing me.