16. Chapter 16
Onyx
J ude arrived much earlier than I expected. I wanted a few more hours with Theo. Even then, it might not have been enough. I was hooked on him, addicted. But I’d never lived with a partner before, and I basically U-Hauled my ass right into his home with all my luggage. Leaving was becoming a lot harder than I expected it to be.
Fucking Jude .
Okay, I wasn't really mad at him. I did actually love my brother, and we were tight. The tour had been the longest we'd ever been apart. We didn't live together, each of us needing our own space for the very different lives we lived, but I typically saw him a couple of times a week. My month away from my life meant we were long overdue.
When I heard his SUV coming up the driveway, I was hit with a mixture of excitement and dread. My eyes met Theo’s and his expression fell, too. He murmured a low, “Shit.”
I rushed to him and held his face, tracing his beard, memorizing the feel of it. “Two weeks, Theo. I've added it to my calendar, which I share with my manager. You have projects and Heartcraft, and I'll be busy with this new music I've been working on. It'll be here before we know it.”
Surprisingly, a playful smile formed. “You’re right. I have projects to work on.”
Okay, then. Not the response I was expecting, but it made me feel better about leaving him, giving me hope he wouldn't disappear inside himself.
I kissed him, and his arms enveloped me. Sigh , I was going to miss this. To be held by his strong arms, to feel his beard scratch my face, to see his commitment to something once he got out of his own way.
A knock sounded on the door, interrupting us. We pulled apart, and I squeezed Theo’s hand before walking to the door with Theo following behind. I opened it and, despite the trepidation I felt about leaving, I couldn't help but smile when I saw my brother. He had the same eyes as mine, similar contours to his face, though his jawline was a little sharper than mine. His black hair was cut short and was covered by a backward baseball cap. Jude wore his typical garb of a muscle tank and joggers.
When we were younger, we were nearly identical, but the hormones I'd taken had given me the body shape I loved and my focus had been maintaining my lean shape, where Jude had bulked up. He went from being active in sports when he was younger to pursuing his career as a personal trainer, frequenting the gym. We both grew into our own individuality and while there was still a strong resemblance, we weren’t immediately recognized as twins.
I jumped at him and he caught me in a hug. He only had an inch on me, but he was ripped. Jude used the gym for himself as much as he worked with clients. I kept trying to tell him he would make bank working at a gay gym, but he preferred the view at co-ed ones.
When he set me down, I slapped his arm. “You suck for coming early.”
Jude smirked in typical fashion, as if he had done it intentionally. “Yeah? Were you hoping for one last nooner before you left your rent boy?”
Theo cleared his throat and stepped out from behind me, and I had to suppress a laugh when Jude's eyes rounded. He held his hand out to my brother. “Hi, I'm Theo. It's great to meet you.”
Jude straightened, puffing out his chest, all bro style, making me roll my eyes. “Hi, I'm Jude.”
My brother leaned toward me and whispered loudly, “ This is the guy?”
I linked my arm through Theo’s and leaned into him. “This is my guy. Theo. And, yes, we are officially a thing, and no, not just a vacation fling. So be nice because Theo is important to me.”
I flicked my eyes to meet Theo’s, and he beamed with adoration, making me feel like the most precious thing on Earth.
Jude turned his hat around and smacked his lips. “Hey, sorry about the rent boy thing. I was just giving them a hard time.”
“It’s all right, I understand, but I want you to know that I feel the same way. Onyx is really special to me, too.”
Aww, look at my man using all his words with another person. I squeezed against him briefly to show him my appreciation.
Jude looked between us, and I could see his intimidation vibe relax. He really just wanted me to be safe and happy, and I was both with the man at my side, which must have been clear enough to him. His stance softened. “This is a great place you have, and the view is incredible.”
“This is nothing. You should see the view from the back porch,” I said.
“I bet.” Jude put his hands on his hips and looked around.
Theo scruffed his beard, and I tilted my head, wondering what he had percolating in his head. “How about I, uh, show you around, if you have a minute?”
I schooled my features, trying not to reveal my shock at Theo’s offer. I loved him even more for making such an effort with my brother.
Jude nodded. “Yeah, sure. That would be great. I hear you have a big workshop, too.”
“Yup.”
There he was with his simple answers. I chuckled to myself and watched with amazement as the two most important men in my life walked into the cabin that had become my home. Theo led him toward the sliding door in the kitchen that opened to the porch. I was going to miss those quiet mornings of sitting out there, drinking coffee, listening to the birds, and watching Theo whittle.
Not wanting to intrude, I headed for the bedroom, gathering my last few toiletries from the bathroom. My makeup bag was sitting on the counter, and I got an idea. I dug around until I found the fiery red lipstick Theo loved on me. Coating my lips liberally, I leaned over the counter and pressed a kiss on the mirror, leaving him a little parting gift. I smiled to myself, imagining him finding it later.
I packed the rest of my bathroom stuff and grabbed a couple of smaller bags to take to Jude's SUV. Stopping at the threshold, I took one last look at the bedroom and thought of the many wonderful memories made there, not to mention the very hot image of fucking Theo last night. He’d been so damn incredible. So trusting, so open. I didn’t top often because it required trust on my end as well, and I hadn’t been with too many people who were comfortable letting a femme partner take control. It was yet another box to fit someone into, assumptions of the role they would play. Not with Theo. He accepted all of me. Emotionally and physically. Mmm, and he had accepted me physically so very well . His begging and desperate pleas for me to be deep inside him weren’t something I was likely to forget.
Soon. I'll be back soon.
After my second trek to the car, the guys came out of the barn. I was surprised at how long they'd taken, expecting the tour would have been over as quickly as possible, given Theo’s typical disdain for small talk. Even stranger was the look on my brother's face.
Jude looked... mischievous . It was a look I knew well. He was up to something. I walked up to him, pointing at his chest, and lowered my voice. “I swear if you did anything to him.”
He held his hands up in surrender and laughed. “Relax, Nyxie. It's all good. I like him.”
I dropped my hand and arched a brow in confusion. “You do?”
My brother squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, he's a good guy.”
It made me happy to hear it, but I was confused about how he'd come to such a confident understanding so quickly. I glanced at Theo, who also wore a suspicious half-smile.
He shrugged. “I'm good with people.”
I barked out a loud laugh. “Liar.”
His half-smile grew, but he said nothing.
I threw my hands up in mock exasperation. In truth, it made my heart feel like it would burst, seeing them get along. “Fine! You boys can keep your secrets.”
They helped me bring out the rest of my luggage, my brother mocking me for how much stuff I had, as if he didn't know me. When it was all loaded up, an ache settled in, but I forced myself not to show it.
I turned to my brother and said, “Can you give us a minute? I'm going to kiss my man so hard he'll be feeling it for days.”
Jude pointed over his shoulder. “I'll be in the car. Nice to meet you, Theo. You have my number if you need anything.”
He left us alone, and I stood in front of my sexy mountain man. “You exchanged numbers?”
“We did.” He grinned, looking rather pleased with himself.
“What kind of topsy-turvy multiverse am I in?” I asked.
“The kind where a beautiful popstar can simply show up at your doorstep and somehow fall in love with you.”
I smiled widely and threw my arms over his shoulders. “Yeah. You know what? I like it here. I think I’ll stay in this version of reality.”
Theo gave me that crooked smile I was going to miss, and his hands gripped my hips. “I think I will, too.”
I kissed him hard. Kissed him for every day I wouldn’t see him and every night I wouldn’t sleep in his arms. Kissed him until the feeling of his lips were burned into my own, hoping it would carry me through.
When we broke apart, Theo ran his fingers through my hair. “I love you.”
I pecked him on the lips once more and said, “I love you, too. We’ll talk soon.”
We lingered for a moment, soaking each other in, but then it was time. He waved us off, and I felt like I was leaving a part of my heart behind. It would be okay, though. I trusted Theo to take care of it for me until I could return.
Jude and I had time to catch up with each other during the drive. I told him more about the songs I’d written and the vibe they had. He told me about a couple of bad dates he’d had. I told him about Heartcraft, making him promise to go with me sometime, even though he couldn’t care less about shopping. It was really nice to spend time with him after not talking to each other for so long, but once he helped me get all my things into my apartment, I was ready for some time alone.
After touring, I wanted nothing more than to be in my own bed, in my own space, but now it felt different. Everything in my place was mine—things I’d bought myself, or things I’d been given—and I liked it that way. I’d worked really hard to create a space that was my own. Except now... there was nothing here of Theo. Sigh. Maybe when I went out next time, I could find a few things of his to bring back with me.
Kicking off my shoes, I sat on the couch and took my phone out. Drawing in a deep breath, I blew it out, bracing myself as I reinstalled all my social media apps. The first few days in the cabin, I had really missed the action of checking my socials, but after a while, I didn’t even notice. It had truly been a much-needed break, and of course, it turned out so much better than I thought.
Reality was calling, though, and I couldn’t hide from it any longer. When I signed into Instagram , thousands of notifications awaited me. My manager had access to my accounts, so they could monitor them in case anything pressing came up, but they didn’t interact with my personal posts unless they came across trolls.
It would take a while to catch up, and I just didn’t have the energy to do it at the moment. Still, I needed to do something before my waiting fans either rioted or forgot about me. Checking my appearance in my phone’s camera, I realized the lipstick I’d been wearing was very faded, probably from kissing Theo as if my life depended on it.
Reluctantly, I got up and found the same shade I used earlier, taking my makeup bag to my bathroom, and reapplying for a totally natural I-just-look-like-this vibe with my casual bright red lipstick. I adjusted my hair, fixing the flyaways. I loved how Theo admired me no matter how I looked—dressed up, dressed down, with makeup, without—but as my official stage persona, my appearance mattered.
Once I was satisfied with everything looking just right, I posed and snapped a pic. Bathroom selfie for the win.
MxOnyx: I’M ALIVE! I had an incredible, inspiring trip. I am so hyped for this new material, and I think you are going to love the songs I’ve been working on. You all might get a little glimpse soon, so keep an eye out (winkie emoji)
To my favorite pirate out there, keep that eye patch on. I’ll be expecting some skilled night vision soon.
I smiled to myself with amusement. It might stir up some questions from my fans and the music world, nothing like a little cryptic message to drive gossip and conspiracies. Which was—perhaps—a little calculated. After being gone for a month, it didn’t hurt to give them a hook and draw them back in, but mostly I did it for me. Well, for Theo, if he ever happened to check his account.
Oh! Theo! I could finally follow him back after finding myself on his phone when he’d first taken me into town. I scrolled through my follow notifications, of which there were many. When I found his profile, I squealed, and hit Follow Back , before looking through his page. Of course, the man didn’t have any pictures of himself, only commissions and pieces he’d worked on.
I decided to do a little snooping and searched for his account tags. Several popped up, mostly him posing with different bears and statues he’d done around town, the photos taken by either townspeople or the clients he’d done the work for. There were also tags from Heartcraft customers, too. In each of them, you could see his forced barely there smile, his discomfort obvious. I opened my phone’s gallery and pulled up the photos I’d taken of us yesterday. One with us kissing and the other with us posing.
Theo’s entire countenance was different. Brighter, bigger, genuine joy. The look of complete awe in him as he glanced at me made my heart melt into goo. I loved how he opened himself up to me and I loved knowing I got to see him in ways no one else did.
My notifications started coming right away. I skimmed through the first several responses to my post to gauge the response. They were a mix of fans squealing about new material, pirate emojis, and rows of question marks. I got a certain amount of satisfaction from sowing little seeds of chaos. Nonbinary chaos gremlin and proud of it.
My smile faded when my phone rang in my hand, and I saw it was my manager. She must have seen my post and knew I was back, which meant I couldn't avoid her. I plopped down on the couch, took a breath, and hit the answer button. “Hello?”
“Onyx, sweetie! Good to hear from you. I’m glad you’re back. How was your trip? How are you feeling? Healthy? How’s ya voice?”
The million questions I knew were the niceties before we got to the business side of things. “Hi, Kiki. I’m good. The trip was great. Voice is strong. How are you?”
“Good, good. I’m dying to hear about your new material. Do you have any samples for me?”
“Not yet, but I have some really solid songs. I’ll record some in a little while.”
“Good. Very good. The sooner, the better. Yesterday, in fact, would be great.”
“I’ll get it to you as soon as I can. I feel really good about these. I think you’re gonna like them.”
A pop of gum sounded in my ear. Kiki was rarely seen without popping bubblegum. She was a bit of a character, but she knew the biz and had a lot of connections. Sometimes, she could be a bit much, but so far, I was glad to have her working for me. “Excellent. You created quite a buzz when you left.”
“Buzz is good, right?”
“It depends. Going dark can be risky, especially if another you comes along. But I gotta hand it to ya. Your welcome back post... good move that.”
“Thanks, Kiki.”
“The pirate thing? Anything I should know about? Do I need any statements prepared? Press kits?”
“Nope. Just an inside joke.” Theo was mine, and I was determined to protect him from my wild life in the spotlight. Didn’t mean I couldn’t send him secret signals or messages.
“Good, good. Well, I’ve got some news for ya.” Another pop of gum.
“Yeah? What’s that?” My ears perked up. Their tone didn’t indicate anything worrisome.
“Well, I was talking to a friend of mine, Larry. He manages some big names, including some local boys gone big. Crow’s Nest. You know them.”
I bit my lip to keep from cheering and tried to keep my cool. “Yes, I know them. They’re amazing!”
“Well, it seems they feel the same about you. Larry says they want to collaborate with you. I don’t know details yet. I told him I had to talk to you first.”
“Yes! Absolutely! I’m in!” Oh, Jonah! If I see you again, I’m going to give you a big hug.
“Great! I’ll call him, and we’ll set something up.”
“Holy shit! Thank you!” I was going to work with Crow’s Nest!
“Don’t say I never did anything for ya, kid,” Kiki said.
“Never. I would never.”
“All right. Relax, settle in, get me those recordings, and welcome back, Onyx.” With that, she was gone, and the call ended. I dropped my phone on the couch and threw my hands in the air in triumph.
I probably would have run into Crow and the band eventually, or I could have simply asked Kiki to put out an inquiry, but it wouldn’t have happened like this if I hadn’t gone to Heartcraft and seen Jonah and Van there. It was another one of those things that seemed to fall right into place, and it was all because of Theo.
“ Ahhhhh !” I shouted excitedly and danced around my living room.
Theo! I had to tell Theo. He was the first person I thought of whot I wanted to share my news with. I dove for my phone and found his name in my text history from when I’d given him my number. Without even thinking, I hit the call button.
He answered almost immediately. “Onyx! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
I immediately regretted not texting him as soon as I got home, especially considering his past. Walking into my apartment hit me harder than I expected, and it got away from me. I needed to be more mindful, so I wouldn’t worry him. “I’m home safe. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I’m okay, I promise. Actually, I’m fucking amazing. You’ll never guess what just happened.”
“It’s okay, Onyx. I just wasn’t expecting a phone call right away. What happened?”
I told him about my call with Kiki. It was really nice having someone to share my exciting news with. I would tell Jude, too, of course, but it was different having someone I loved cheering me on, and he did. Theo was thrilled for me. We chatted for a little while, as if we hadn’t seen each other a few hours ago, until I reluctantly had to hang up to get some recording done.
By the end of the evening, the burst of adrenaline I had from hearing about Crow’s Nest had long since worn off, and I crawled into bed, exhausted. I laid on the side of the bed I’d become accustomed to when I slept next to Theo. I used to sleep right in the middle and sprawl out, but it didn’t feel right anymore. I took my extra pillow and turned it sideways, wrapping my arms around it.
The sounds of the city used to be white noise that helped me sleep. Cars driving by, trucks honking, neighbors shuffling about. The first night in the mountains had been a huge adjustment, and now I was feeling the same way here. How was it that my home no longer sounded like my home?
Today had been a rollercoaster of emotions, but now that I was done singing and had finished unpacking, I was left to myself and the city noise, leaving me restless. I tried earplugs, which only made the noise in my head louder. I put on a playlist, which only made the noise outside my head louder.
My very nice bed—which I’d paid a lot of money for once my first check came—might as well have been a bed of straw. I flopped all over, unable to find a position that worked. There was no rhythmic breathing. No light snores. No heartbeat beneath my ear. How had I ever slept alone?
After many unsuccessful attempts to sleep, I stared at my phone. It was almost midnight. Theo wasn’t a late night person. It was too late to call, right ? I sent a text instead.
Me: Are you awake?
Theo: I’m awake. What’s going on?
Me: I can’t sleep. Can I call you?
Instead of getting a response, my phone buzzed in my hand, and I felt a small smile form.
“ Theodore ,” I said, feeling happy simply to have him there. “Thank you for calling. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you.”
“No, not at all. You could never bother me.”
“Why are you up?”
“I was waiting for you.” His answer came in a simple, matter-of-fact way, making my smile stretch wide. I sighed happily. Just hearing his voice made the restlessness in me settle. “It’s too noisy here, and it’s too quiet. It’s too... you-less .”
“It’s, uh, you-less here, too.”
Theo was what I was missing. He was my perfect bed, my white noise, my warm blanket, my perfect temperature. “Will you sleep with me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Can you just leave your phone on so I can hear you? We don’t need to talk. I just want to know you’re there.”
I could hear Theo shifting around in bed, and the sound of it was like music to my ears. “I’m here. I’m right here.”
“Goodnight, Theodore.”
“Goodnight, Onyx.”
Each day was filled, as busy as I ever was, but each night, I fell asleep with my phone on the pillow, the sound of Theo beside me letting me sink into sleep. He was with me this entire time—though distance separated us—until two long weeks had passed, and I was excitedly driving out to the mountains.
Theo was standing there when I pulled up the driveway, looking sexier than ever. As soon as I parked, I ran to him, and he lifted me off my feet. My legs wrapped around his waist, and I crashed my mouth to his.
“Welcome home,” he whispered into my ear.
“I missed you so much! I can’t even tell you how happy I am to be here.” I peppered his face with kisses, making him chuckle.
“I feel the same, Onyx. I have something to show you.” I thought he would set me down, but he carried me into the house, and I wasn’t mad about it at all. I clung to him like a koala, loving the way it felt to be pressed against him, and the way I could feel his muscles working to hold me.
He set me down outside of the bedroom, where the door was suspiciously closed. I slid a glance down the hallway and saw the other room’s door was closed, too. For a moment, I was worried he’d spiraled in my absence, that he couldn’t handle seeing the room that had been closed before I came. Seeing the pleased look on his face made the worry subside. This was not the look of a brooding, pensive Theo.
“What did you do?” I asked carefully.
“I’ve been working on something. I want this to be your home, too. For you to have your own space here. It’s, uh... not done yet. Still a work in progress.”
He opened the bedroom first, not saying anything about what he wanted me to see, and it took me a moment to realize what was different. The dressers. There were two. The matching set that had been broken up and divided between the two rooms. Theo had rearranged the room, giving it the balance that it had been missing.
“Oh, Theo! You moved the dresser back. It looks really nice.”
He placed his hand on my back, guiding me into the room. “They were always meant to be a set. They belong together.”
My heart felt all warm and gooey. “Aww. Just like us, Theo. We’re a set.” I leaned over and brushed a soft kiss on his lips.
“That’s not all.”
My brows arched. “What? This is perfect. You didn’t have to do anything else.”
“I wanted to. But... see that over there?” He pointed to something covered in a sheet on the wall by the bathroom, and I couldn’t place what it was.
“Yeah?”
“This is your real present.” His crooked smile was back. Damn, how I missed that smile.
I stepped in front of him, looking him in the eye. “Theo, I don’t need a present. Being here with you is enough.”
His crooked smile stretched as he put his hands on my shoulders, turning me around, and walking me toward the mysterious object. I shot him a look, but grabbed the top of the sheet and pulled it away. I stepped back with a loud gasp, bumping into Theo’s chest. He steadied me, wrapping his arms around my stomach.
“Theo! Holy shit! It’s gorgeous!” I walked up to it slowly, taking in every detail of the vanity table. It matched the dressers in style and color with a few extra ornamental details. The small table was fully equipped with a lighted mirror, drawers, and a matching stool that nestled into it so it didn’t take up walking space when not in use.
I pulled the stool out and sat down, opening the drawers and testing the light switch. Theo stood behind me and his hand played through the strands of my loose hair, an action I’d missed immensely over the past two weeks, as he watched me in the mirror.
“I wanted to make you something special. Do you like it?”
I met his gaze in our reflection and had to swipe away the tears that were building in the corners of my eyes. I turned around on the stool and hugged my face to his stomach. “Oh, Theodore, I love it so much!”
His arms held me to him, and he kissed the top of my head. What did I ever do to deserve such an incredible man?
“I have one more thing to show you,” he said softly.
I shook my head against his shirt. “No. Stop it. This is too much.”
“Please, Onyx .”
The way he said my name was my undoing. I sniffled and nodded, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. Theo led me to the other closed door. With the dresser moved to the bedroom, I had to wonder what was inside.
“Before you keep telling me it’s too much, I want you to know that this is for me as much as it’s for you. It’s, uh, hard when I have too much time to think, and working helps me redirect my focus. Projects. Projects are good for me.”
Holding his face in my hands, I met his gaze to show him my sincerity. “I hear you, Theo.”
He placed his hand over mine on his cheek and smiled sweetly. “Open the door.”
Forcing myself to calm, and to try not to overreact to whatever might be inside, I turned the doorknob and pushed it open. The room was nearly the same as I’d left it, except for the absence of the dresser. The standing mirror was pushed to the corner. Aside from that, the only thing different was... I tilted my head and walked inside.
There were several swatches of paint on the wall. I traced my hand over them and turned back to look at Theo. “What is this?”
He spread his arms out, motioning to the walls around us. “This is your office and walk-in closet.”
My lips twitched with surprise. “What?”
“You need space to work, and well... I know you like your clothes. It’s not much yet, but it will be.”
I looked around in awe, imagining what it would be like to see it transformed. “Theo.”
He held a hand up to stop my protest. “This is your room, Onyx. It was meant to be yours. From the moment you first opened the door, your light shone into every corner of it.”
I didn’t think my heart could feel any more full. “This is incredible, truly. I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s for me, too, as I said. This will give me something to focus on when you’re not here. Your brother is going to help me with it.”
After a vanity table and a whole room, I didn’t think anything else could surprise me, but that sure did. “My brother? My brother, Jude?”
“Do you have another?”
I smacked his chest half-heartedly. “Of course not. But Jude? Really? Oh, shit! This is what you two were conspiring about.”
Theo grinned.
“That fucker. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.” I wasn’t mad, just amazed he’d managed to keep it a secret. I turned around and looked at the space again. This wasn’t like designing my apartment, and this wasn’t merely Theo’s home I managed to infiltrate. This was different. Theo made this place ours. Ours.
I launched myself into Theo’s arms, smashing our mouths together. “I love you, you ridiculous man.”
Theo nuzzled his nose into my hair. “I love you, you radiant person.”
The happiest of happy sighs left me as I rested my cheek on his shoulder. Theo gave me one of his famous forehead kisses. “There’s just one thing left for you to do, Onyx.”
“ Mmm . What’s that?”
“Pick a paint color.”
Forcing myself to leave the coziest embrace was a big feat, but when I looked over the paint swatches, I smirked as I saw a familiar color, the same one I’d left on the mirror before I left. “I’ve always been quite partial to red.”