15. Chapter 15
Theo
A sense of foreboding filled the cabin as a giant clock seemed to taunt us. Onyx was supposed to leave in a few days and return to their life. The thought of my cabin being empty again brought a level of grief I wasn’t prepared for.
I was trying hard not to show it or to get swallowed up by it, but it was there. In the meantime, I tried to be as present with Onyx as I could. They seemed to sense the deadline as much as I did. Every time we were together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Being as close as two people possibly could be brought moments of relief, and a glimmer of hope that this wouldn’t have to end.
After a rather vigorous session in bed, Onyx lay in my arms with their head on my chest. My fingers played in the strands of their hair. They loved me. They told me frequently, and every time I heard it, it broke through the shadows that were lurking in the corners. I had such limited time left with them, and I was afraid that with them gone, those shadows would overtake me again.
“What are your plans, Onyx?”
“What do you mean? Like immediate plans? Long term?”
I sucked on my teeth, not really sure what I wanted to ask either. “I don’t know. What do you see for yourself in the future? Immediate or otherwise.”
“Hmm. That’s a big question.” They pushed themself up to a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. I did the same, so we were at the same height.
“A year ago, all I wanted was to break into the music scene.”
I gave them a half-smile. “Which you have.”
“Which I have. And it’s been amazing, a literal dream come true. Now that I’m in it, there’s this knowing... this sense that it won’t last forever. Fans are fickle, trends change. I got really lucky, which I’m incredibly grateful for, and I plan to live it out for as long as it lasts. I don’t think I could ever give up music altogether. Even if I have to go back to filming myself and playing small gigs, it’s a part of me. But...”
“But?”
They slid a glance at me and smiled, taking my hand and twining our fingers together. “What I really want is to know I have a place to land, to have someone to celebrate the highs with and to catch me when it all comes crashing down, because it will.”
“Is that, uh, something... long term?”
Onyx gave me a soft smile. “Long term, absolutely, but immediate, too. My life is chaotic. It’s meetings, interviews, rehearsals, and gigs. It’s writing, singing, but also networking, and spending a lot of time on social media. Even now, what I need is some calm in the middle of a hurricane.”
“I could...” I almost said it, almost put it out there, but I didn’t want to insert myself where I wasn’t invited. I shook my head and my eyes fell to the space between us.
Onyx scooted closer to me and they tilted my chin up, forcing my gaze to connect with theirs. “Say it, Theodore .”
I dug deep and used every ounce of strength I had. “I could be that for you, Onyx. If you want me to. I can be the one to catch you.”
Their hazel eyes lit up and their smile stretched wide. They threw their arms around my neck and smashed their mouth into mine. It wasn’t the reaction I was expecting, but I was happy to have them in my arms and to have their lips on mine.
“You’re exactly the man I had in mind for the job.” They kissed me again before pulling back and leaning against the wall.
“Do you... mean that?” I asked carefully. My heart felt like it was sitting in a vise and the screw was tightening.
“I do. You know I love you, and I don’t want this to end when I leave.”
“I don’t either, Onyx.”
“Okay. It’s settled. This thing between us is only just beginning, Theo.”
The vise loosened, and my heart rattled around, wavering between taking flight or sinking. As amazing as it felt to hear them say that, there was a big hurdle that sat between us.
“How? How do we move forward? I wish I could be someone who could go with you when you leave, who could follow you wherever you go, but I can’t. I’m sorry to say it, but I just can’t, Onyx. What I feel for you... I wish I could. I just can’t go back to living in a big city.”
Onyx brushed their knuckles along my cheek. “I know, Theo. I know who you are and where you’ve been. I wouldn’t ask that of you. I could never ask you to uproot yourself and force you into a situation that would make you miserable. I don’t want you to be who you’re not. I love you , as you are.”
I felt my lips quirk up. I never got tired of hearing them say that, especially now when it was said with so much conviction. “Where does that leave us?”
“Long distance, I suppose. Is that something you think you could be up for?”
I shrugged. “Well, I’ve been solidly celibate for five years and I don’t like people, so... yeah, I think I could manage it, if it meant I could know you were mine.”
“I’m yours, Theo.”
“I live a pretty simple life, but what about you? You would be giving up a lot more. Is long distance really what you want? What if you get lonely?”
“Then I can teach you the wonders of video calls.” They ran their hand down their body, drawing my attention, and okay... perhaps the idea of seeing them on video wasn’t so bad.
“What about the whole sex, drugs, and rock and roll thing?”
“ Theodore .” The way they said my name sounded like I was being chastised. They waved a hand over themself. “One: I don’t like drugs. I can admit I tried a few things on tour because of the energy around us and getting caught up in it, but I hated the way they made me feel.”
“Good. I would feel much better knowing you were being safe and smart.”
“Two: I might have had some casual hookups during my last tour, but that was only because I was unattached and living my best—and worst—single starlet life. If I’m in a committed relationship, I am monogamous AF, it’s deeply ingrained in me. Theo, I don’t want to mess around with anyone else. Why would I when I have a man who cherishes me and makes me feel as special as you do?”
I played with their hair, letting the silky strands fall through my fingers. “I do cherish you, Onyx. More than I can say.”
“I know.” They smiled sweetly.
My eyes fell, focusing on their hair in my hand. “Will you, uh, come home to me?”
They didn’t answer right away, but instead pushed me back and straddled my lap. “I will, Theo. As much as I can. I don’t know how often it will be, and I may not be able to set everything aside when I'm here. But as long as you want me, even if I'm busy on my phone, I want to be here. In such a short time, this place already feels like it's where I’m meant to be. And you’re who I’m meant to be with. I’ve been... lonely for a while, but as I said, my life is chaotic. I haven’t had time to foster any sort of relationship. What we have here, the time we’ve gotten to spend together, it’s far more than sex. Really amazing sex. I feel like we’ve given ourselves a solid foundation to grow on, and it’s worth whatever work it takes to see it through.”
“It’s worth it. You’re worth it.” The three words I wanted so badly to say to them sat right on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t force them out. Instead, I kissed Onyx. I loved them, truly. And now that I knew there was a future for us, it bloomed even bigger within me. I’d been afraid to give them my all, afraid to plan and dream and hope. But they had plans, they had dreams, and I was in them. The thought of that filled me with wonder, feeling so grateful to have such a radiant person see something in me that was worth fighting for.
I clung to them, my nose nestling in their hair, and breathed them in. Onyx was mine. Maybe I wouldn’t get to wake up every morning with them in my arms, which would be hard; I’d been spoiled over the last month. I could handle it, though. They wouldn’t be gone from my life forever. Onyx would return to me. They would come home.
Onyx’s last night.
The thought kept repeating in my mind as much as I tried not to dwell on it. It wasn’t their last night forever, but it was for now. Onyx had looked at their schedule and added me in. We had a plan. I would only have to wait two weeks to see them again. Still, it was going to be an adjustment. I spent years alone, and one month with them—night and day—was making me wonder how I was going to handle the quiet in my home once more. Temporary. It was temporary.
With them leaving, though, I’d been spending a lot of time thinking about something I wanted. I never knew I wanted it before. It was there, hovering beneath the surface, but I never allowed myself to bring it into the light. Onyx shined light into all the places within me I thought were lost to the darkness. They made me feel comfortable and bold and now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Something I could only have with Onyx.
They were busy packing all their suitcases while I cooked dinner. I felt anxious and excited. Of course, it would all be for nought if they weren’t interested. It was one thing I’d never asked them. If not, it would be fine. I would take them however I could.
When the food was done, I went to check on them. They sat in the middle of the second room, surrounded by suitcases. I leaned against the doorway and couldn’t help but smile. I’d forgotten how much they’d brought. Of course, Onyx had done a fair bit of shopping in town and at Heartcraft, too.
They looked up at me and threw their hands in the air. “I don’t know how I’m going to get it all home.”
I chuckled and came into the room, squatting in front of them. Not that long ago, I wasn’t even able to open the door to this room. Furniture sat abandoned and unused, locked away in the dark, but now... this space belonged to Onyx. When the idea came to give it to them, it had been really difficult, but was one of the best things I’d done. Looking at them now, another brilliant idea came to mind, and I knew exactly how I would pass the time waiting for them to return.
“You could leave some things here.”
Their eyes rounded. “I could? You don’t mind?”
“Not in the least. In fact, I think it would be nice to have some of your stuff here. You would have less to bring back and forth.”
“Oh, honey, you underestimate my need for costume changes and shoes.”
A loud laugh popped out of me. “I’ve had a glimpse.”
They shot me a pointed look. “I haven’t heard any complaints.”
“No, none whatsoever. I approve. Bring as much luggage as you need to.”
Onyx looked rather smug. “That’s what I thought. Still, thank you. I think I might take you up on your offer. It would be nice knowing I don’t have to bring everything.”
I stared at them in wonder, completely smitten. “You make me so damn happy.”
They held up their hands, and I grabbed them, pulling them to their feet. They wrapped their arms around my back and nudged my nose with their nose. “I whole-heartedly agree.”
We shared a long, sweet kiss, as if we were both savoring each other. It wasn’t heated or ravenous, but it was filled with a sense of wanting to make the moment last. I wanted to capture it and remember it for always. Apparently, Onyx was thinking the same thing, because suddenly, a flash went off. I pulled back and saw they had their phone out.
“I was thinking today about how this entire time we’ve been here, we haven’t taken any photos together, and I am going to want some to look at when we’re apart. You know... to reminisce or... jerk off to.” They winked.
They leaned in and pressed their cheek against mine and we both smiled. In the picture, we looked happy. Truly happy. And I felt it, too.
“God, we look so good together,” they said as they pocketed their phone.
“We really do.”
“All right, all that packing made me hungry. How about we eat, so we can get to dessert?” They slapped my ass and walked past me.
“Good idea. I, uh, actually have something in mind for... dessert.” Nerves and anticipation were creeping back in.
Onyx looked over their shoulder at me. “ Really ? Color me intrigued.”
I scruffed my hand over my beard. “After dinner.”
“Aye-aye, Captain.” Onyx saluted.
I smirked despite spite the nerves I felt.
We sat at the table, and I tried not to think about the fact it would be empty tomorrow. Temporary. It was temporary. I both wanted the meal to last forever and for it to be over so we could hurry up and get to the rest of the evening.
I prepped myself as much as I could earlier and even doing that had gotten me hard from the anticipation. I wanted it, I really did. I was more nervous about asking for it. Words... were hard.
“So, I was going to arrange a driver, but Jude insisted on coming to pick me up tomorrow. I think he’s really curious and feeling all big-brotherly about us.”
“I thought you were twins.”
“Yes! Thank you! I keep reminding him of that, but just because he was born a few minutes before me, he thinks he was given the protector role.” Onyx waved their fork in the air while they talked.
“Good. I’m glad he looks out for you.”
Their expression softened. “I am, too, but don’t tell him that. I like to give him crap for it. It’s my right as his sibling.”
“Fair,” I said, feeling my lips tug up. I loved listening to them, no matter what they were talking about.
“This means you’ll be meeting my brother tomorrow. I hope that’s okay.”
Meeting their family. The thought made my heart bounce around in my chest. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe them when they said they were serious about us and our relationship, but this was big. Meeting Onyx’s brother was important. “It’s okay. I’m looking forward to it.”
Onyx smirked with amusement. “Ha! Liar. You hate meeting new people.”
“Jude isn’t people—he’s your brother.”
They clapped their hands and laughed. “God, I love you! I’m also of the belief that he’s not human.”
This is what I needed. I needed their laugh, their smile. The shadows I felt creeping in were thrust back. Onyx, despite their namesake, was pure light. The rest of the dinner was just as easy and just as nice. It didn’t feel like a last meal, it felt like an ‘ until-next-time .’ I could do that. I could hold on until next time.
After dinner, Onyx helped me clear the table and wash the dishes, but they bumped my shoulder with theirs. “So... this dessert? Is there whipped cream involved?”
“Oh. No. I didn’t think about that. Should there be?”
Onyx chuckled. “Next time, maybe. I’ll pick some up on my way when I come back.”
“Okay.” It was all I could say because I suddenly had an image of licking cream off their body, and my dick was rather excited about the idea. Of course, it was already chubbing up as I thought of where our night could lead.
“Are you going to give me any clues, Captain , or do I need to hunt for X?” Onyx wiggled their brows suggestively.
I dried the last dish and set the towel on the counter, turning to face them. I took a deep breath and resolved myself to ask. “Well... uh, the thing is, I was hoping you might... steer the ship tonight.”
The breath I’d been holding whooshed out of me, relieved I’d managed to get it out.
Onyx caressed the side of my face. “I’m happy to take the lead, no big deal.”
Shit. I guess it wasn’t as clear as I thought. I opened my mouth again and closed it. Why was this so hard? “Onyx, I...”
Their expression softened, and they gave me a light kiss. “Ask me, Theodore. Whatever you want.”
“I want you to... fuck me.” I forced the last two words out as clearly as I could.
“Oh! Damn! Are you sure?”
“Yes. If it’s something you would like to do.”
Onyx’s hand that had been resting on my cheek slid down to my chest and played with one of the buttons on my shirt. “Well, sure. I mean, I am perfectly content bottoming, I love it. But with the right partner, I’m happy to switch things up.”
“Am I the right partner?”
They shook their head with a smile. “Honey, if you don’t know the answer to that by now, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“So you will? You’ll do this for me?” My heart was beating wildly out of control.
“You mean, would I make such a great sacrifice and slam my cock into that sexy, muscled ass of yours? Yeah, I think I could handle that.”
I sighed with relief and then drove forward, capturing their mouth in a searing kiss. My dick throbbed in my jeans, celebrating the victory of asking.
Onyx moaned under the rough kiss, reaching around me to grab my ass, pulling me closer. We devoured each other. As desperate as the first time. Well, it would be a first for me. At forty-five and widowed, I didn’t think I would have any more firsts. Then Onyx walked through my door like they belonged here and my world blew wide open with firsts, and I loved every single one I’d taken with them. I doubted I would have been as ready or eager without them by my side through it all.
“Let’s go to bed, Theo.” Onyx’s voice had that sexy, thick, airy quality it took on when they were horny.
I bobbed my head enthusiastically. “Yes. Let’s.”
Onyx took me by the hand and led me to the room. Once we got to the edge of the bed, they stopped and faced me. “Are you sure about this? You don’t...”
I held up a hand and cut them off. “Please don’t tell me I don’t have to do this. I want to. I want this with you. I need to feel you in every way so I can carry it with me as I wait for you to come back.”
They rested their forehead on mine for a moment. “Okay.”
I tugged their hair gently, just enough for them to lift their head and meet their eyes. “Don’t let me stop and don’t go easy on me. I want it. I need it.”
They gave me a wonderfully sweet smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.”
Their mouth was on mine again. I felt a huge weight lift off me and sank into the kiss. My shirt was peeled off me and soon I was stepping out of my jeans, while they never stopped caressing me and kissing me. I felt peace... surrender. I trusted Onyx completely, and I was eager to let them do whatever they wanted to me.
Their hands roamed over my body, sliding down my sides and trailing over my ass, squeezing my cheeks and pulling them apart. The sensation made my dick jerk with excitement.
“You really are ready for this, aren’t you? How long have you been thinking about it?”
“Days.”
Onyx chuckled as they kissed my shoulder.
“No. That’s not true, actually.” Onyx had been incredibly accepting and understanding about everything, and if we were moving forward together, I had no reason to hold anything back.
“Oh?”
“If I’m being honest... I’ve thought about it most of my adult life. But... words. I've never been great with them, and I’ve never had someone who pushed me enough for me to ask for what I want. Without that nudge, I... couldn’t.”
They flicked their tongue over my ear, sending shivers through me. “I’m going to nudge you so good, Theodore .”
A heavy exhale poured out of me as I was filled with gratitude. Gratitude for their patience, for giving me time to process, and for their push when I needed it. “Don’t ever stop pushing me, Onyx. I love that about you.”
The word came out without thought. For all the times I fought it and it held firm, it just floated out there with ease. Free. I was free. The word was mine to use again. A smile stretched my lips as Onyx kissed the back of my neck.
“Lay on your stomach, ass up.” Their tone was soft, but their direction clear, giving me exactly what I needed, and I was all too happy to comply.
“Yes, Mx.” I positioned myself with my head resting on my arms on a pillow and my knees bent, my ass raised high. I felt exposed but putting all my trust in Onyx felt like the rightest thing I’d ever done and it was exhilarating.
“Fuck! Theo, I wish you could see yourself like this; you look so fucking hot.” They slid a hand over my ass, thumb just barely brushing against my hole.
I wasn’t expecting it and I jumped, apologizing immediately. “Sorry. I’m okay.”
“Tell me if we need to slow down,” Onyx said, as their finger slid between my cheeks, and gently caressed my hole again. It was less of a surprise this time, so I managed to keep myself still, eager for more.
“Don’t,” I rasped out.
Onyx moved their hands away. “Don’t what, Theo? I need more words.”
I turned my head to try to look back. “Don't slow down or the anticipation might kill me.”
They let out a loud laugh. “That's not happening on my watch.”
Onyx bent down and bit my ass cheek, making me shout in surprise, but a wave of pleasure rushed through me. Then I felt the bed shift as they got up and walked to the bedside table, grabbing the lube. “Aw, shit!”
“What’s wrong?”
Onyx looked at me with a grimace. “It looks like we used our last condom yesterday. I was too distracted to notice.”
I didn't have any so we'd been relying on Onyx's stash, and hadn't been keeping track. It had been hard enough for me to get here; I didn't want to stop now. “Can we go without?”
Their brows arched in consideration. “Is that something you would want?”
“Fuck, yes! I want you, all of you, Onyx.” The idea of feeling them inside me was hot as hell and I was more than ready to get to it.
“I, well... yeah. I tested before and after the tour and was negative, and it's only been you since.”
I turned to my side, feeling weird having such an important conversation with my ass to the sky. “Myra and I both tested when we started dating. You know the rest.”
Onyx leaned down and kissed me hard. “I love you.”
“So fuck me already,” I bit out, sharper than I intended.
They snorted and shifted my body until I was back in my original position. “Mountain man, chainsaw carver, needy bottom.”
Without any warning, they sank down behind me and held my cheeks apart, swiping their tongue along my crack. When their tongue wound around my hole, I shouted with surprise, but pushed back, seeking more.
I was a writhing, blubbering mess under the gentle but relentless attack of tongue and fingers. My hands clutched the pillow, needing something to hold on to. “Please, please, please.” It was a mantra, a chant, my brain short circuiting and not offering me any other words to choose from.
I heard the top of the lube again and my body felt like an inferno.
Onyx rubbed circles on my lower back. “Are you ready, Theodore ?”
The way they said my name had me ready for whatever they could possibly do. It was a weapon they could wield, and I was powerless to fight against it. Not that I wanted to.
“I'm ready.”
I felt them press against my hole and I could feel how much bigger their cock was than their fingers. A moment of panic hit me, but it was Onyx. I wanted this, I could do this.
Another gentle push and I could feel my body stretching around them. “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.” Look at that, my brain had new words for me to use.
They continued rubbing soothing circles on my back, giving me something else to focus on than the bite of pain that came from the breech. “Shh. Just breathe. You gotta relax, Theo. Let me in.”
I told them not to let me stop, and they weren't, and I loved them for it. Keep pushing me , I thought, as I forced myself to breathe and arched back toward them, ready for more.
Onyx eased in deeper. “You’re doing great. You feel amazing, Theo. So fucking tight.”
The pleasure in their voice made me feel happy, proud. I wanted to please them. “More, give me more. I can take it.”
One of their hands on my back slid up and curled over my shoulder, gripping it as they drove in until I felt their balls smack my inner thigh. “Holy shit!” I pressed my head into the pillow, panting. A strange fullness stretched me as I fought to adjust to it.
“Theodore, you look so fucking hot with my cock in your ass.” Onyx's throaty voice shot ripples of excitement through me. I knew what it looked like when things had been reversed and imaging it now with them inside me, combined with the way they felt, was almost enough to make me come already.
“Keep going,” I managed to choke out. “Don't go easy on me.”
Onyx leaned over me, the position pushing them even deeper, making me gasp. They kissed my cheek with such a tender touch I felt like my heart was as full of them as my ass was.
With both hands holding my shoulders for support, they pulled out and thrust back in, making me shout while they moaned loudly. Again, again. Onyx set a wicked pace, and it was all I could do to just maintain my position and take it. The initial burn gave way to pleasure, and I moaned loudly, pushing back to receive each thrust.
“Fuck, Onyx, don't stop, don’t stop, don’t stop!”
“No... way... in hell. You feel too good.” Their voice came out broken as they concentrated on their efforts.
Soon, I was stretching my arms above me, bracing myself with the headboard, which bounced and slammed against the wall. I was grateful I had no neighbors close by to overhear us.
Their nipples brushed against my back with each movement, adding yet another layer of pleasure. Onyx was giving it everything they had, no holding back, just like I hoped. This was what I'd waited years for, a lifetime. Not just this, but them .
“Onyx!” Their name left my lips, and I had no other thought to go with it. Simply them. I was consumed completely, filled in body and soul with them.
“Gah! Theo, I'm going to come.”
“Do it! Come inside me, please .”
They drove forward and cried out as a rush of warmth filled me. So overcome by so many sensations, my own release came without touch, rippling through me like a tidal wave. My dick jerked with aftershocks, covering my belly and the sheet beneath me. My legs were shaking, unable to hold up any longer, and I collapsed onto the bed.
Onyx let go of my shoulders and sank against me, lying flat on top of me, their breasts pressed into my back. “Shit, wow!” They mumbled in my ear.
I was achy in new places. My body was completely spent from the effort, and my hole twitched as Onyx slid out of me. “ Mmm . Agreed.”
They let out a happy sigh and relaxed against me, neither of us eager to move. “I love you so damn much, Theo. Thank you for trusting me.”
I hummed happily, smiling into the pillow. “I love you, too, Onyx. Thank you for being someone I can trust.”
Suddenly, a light smack landed on my shoulder blade as I felt Onyx's weight lift off me. “ Uh-uh . No way! You turn around and say that to my face.”
Their playful demand had my soft smile widened as I shifted around until I was on my back. Onyx straddled me and pointed a finger at my chest. They pinched their brows, shooting me a look, but the way they pressed their lips, trying not to smile, took the edge off their seriousness. “Do you have something to say to me, Theodore ?”
I sat up and folded my arms around their waist, feeling a sting in my ass with the change in position, one that wasn't at all unpleasant. “Only that I love you.”
“Oh. Only that? Is that all?” They threw their hands up dramatically.
I snickered and captured their mouth with mine, tangling our tongues together, effectively cutting off whatever else they might have said. Their arms wrapped around my neck and they kissed me with just as much fervor. When they pulled back, their eyes gleamed with unshed tears, and they wore the biggest smile I'd ever seen.
“Tell me again,” they said in a hushed tone.
My hands found the ends of their hair and I held them gently as I looked them right in the eye. “Mx. Onyx, I love you. I have for a while. Those words... well, they only ever belonged to one person before, but not anymore.”
A single tear escaped, and I brushed it away with my thumb. “Oh, Theo! I love you.”