FREEZEFAWN
BELLA
A bout an hour after Matthew left, the gate buzzed nonstop, and I reluctantly dragged myself out of the warmth of bed and toward the code panel in the other room. Wrapping a blanket around me, I noticed Addison’s car on the monitor. Pressing the buttons, I watched as the gate swung open, and she drove inside.
I wondered if she knew what had happened to me last night.
Why else would she be here?
Pulling the front door open before she could knock, I noticed her holding a tray with three coffees. “Three?”
“Brooklyn’s on her way. We have to wait for her,” she said as she swept inside and started pulling out the drinks. Once the tray was empty, she tossed it in the garbage.
“What’s up?” I asked.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You tell me.” She read the side of the cups and handed me one.
“Thank you. You don’t know why you’re here?” I asked before taking a sip.
“Nope. I was told to come over, and apparently, I just do what I’m told.” She laughed before shaking her head. “I mean, seriously, I didn’t even question it. Just came right over. Well, after I got us drinks, of course.”
“Of course.” I grinned.
I hadn’t lied to Matthew when I said that I was feeling better. The shock had worn off, along with the adrenaline. And in its place was a little bit of anger, disbelief, and disappointment… in myself.
“Brooklyn’s here.” Addi looked at the small screen that showed her car pulling up the drive.
I quickly typed in the code so the gate would close behind her.
“I’m here.” Brooklyn sounded out of breath as she let herself inside. “Sorry. Clara was running a little late.”
“Was it the shoes?” Addi asked with a laugh.
“It’s always the shoes,” Brooklyn said before rubbing her stomach.
“Are you feeling okay?” I stared at her hands, and she dropped them.
“Oh, yeah. I’m good,” she responded before looking at the one remaining drink on the counter. “Coffee?”
“Coffee for us. Hot chocolate for you.” Addi handed her the cup.
Brooklyn made a face. “Ugh,” she groaned. “I mean, yay. Thanks.”
We all chuckled, and I figured that I might as well get this over with. Everyone in town was going to find out soon enough.
“Can we go sit?” I asked.
The two of them followed me into the living room and onto the massive sectional. I set my coffee on top of the table, and they both did the same before sitting down.
“I might live on this couch,” Brooklyn said. She grabbed a throw pillow and pressed it against her and groaned. “It’s so comfortable.”
She wasn’t wrong. It was a great couch.
I jumped right in to the story, and the two of them stared at me intently as I told them what had happened. Addi remembered the group of rowdy guys immediately, and once I finished, their eyes were filled with concern and disbelief. They were looks that I wasn’t used to seeing.
To be honest, it was a little uncomfortable, talking about all of this. Part of me felt like I’d handled the situation poorly. Like I’d done something wrong somehow. If it had happened to Addi, she probably would have kicked the guy square in the nuts and called it a day.
“First things first. Are you okay?” Addi asked as she folded her hands in her lap.
“Yeah. I feel a lot better today. Mostly, I think I’m just mad at myself,” I answered.
“Why would you be mad at yourself?” Brooklyn asked with sympathy in her voice.
I swallowed hard. “Because I didn’t fight back,” I offered, like anyone in their right mind would have either fought or run away. “And I didn’t run. I froze.”
They each sucked in a collective breath, as if my response made complete and total sense to them. It actually made me feel a little bit better.
Brooklyn raised her hand like we were in class, and I was the teacher.
“Yes?” I said as I pointed at her.
“Most people only think there are two responses in situations like that.” She straightened up on the couch and leaned forward. “Fight or flight. We’ve all heard of those.”
“Are there more?” Addi asked.
“I thought there were only two,” I added.
Brooklyn shook her head. “No. There’s actually four.” She held up four fingers before putting them down and raising one at a time. “There’s fight or flight. But there’s also freeze or fawn.”
“Freeze or fawn?” I repeated. “I’ve never heard of those.”
“Well, freeze is what you did, which is totally normal, by the way.”
I scoffed. “It doesn’t feel normal.”
“Hey,” Addi interrupted. “None of us knows how we’d react in a traumatic situation until we’re in one. We’d love to all say we’d fight, but who knows what we’d really do?”
“I guess.” I tried to be agreeable, but I wasn’t so sure. I was still convinced that Addi would beat someone’s ass and ask questions about it all later. “What does the fawn one mean?” I asked as I pictured a baby deer in my mind.
“Fawn is when the victim becomes agreeable. Like they’re trying to defuse the situation with kindness. They’ll do anything to keep the aggressor happy so they don’t lash out any further. It’s a learned traumatic response.”
“Wow,” I breathed out. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah. There’s nothing wrong with you, Bella. Maybe the three of us should take self-defense classes,” Brooklyn suggested. “Although I’m not sure if I can take them with a baby growing in my stomach.”
“That might not be a bad idea,” Addi agreed. “What do you think?” She looked at me and waited for my response.
“I’m not opposed to it,” I said, even though I honestly wasn’t sure what useful information I could learn. I was pretty short, and the majority of men could overpower me easily. “I think I’d like to figure out how to respond differently if something like that ever happens again. I don’t want to freeze a second time.”
“Maybe a therapist too?” Brooklyn suggested.
“Not opposed to that either.” I liked the idea of talking to a professional about all of this. A neutral party, someone who didn’t know anything about me.
A phone buzzed and then buzzed some more.
Addi looked down and read her screen. “It’s Patrick. They want to get us security. Matthew’s anxious and impatient.”
“What kind of security?” I asked as she was already frantically typing away.
“Exactly what I’m asking.”
We waited for her phone to signal another text, and it came in pretty quickly.
“Where are they anyway?” Brooklyn wondered out loud.
“They’re clearing out Bella’s apartment.”
“You’re moving in here?” Brooklyn’s mouth opened as her eyes flew to mine.
“Like she has a choice,” Addi teased as she reached for her coffee and took a large gulp.
“I have a choice. I think,” I argued, and we all laughed.
“It’s a good idea.” Brooklyn smiled. “It would have happened anyway. It’s just happening a little sooner than you thought.”
She was always so positive and tried to see the best in every situation, but she wasn’t wrong. I would have ended up here eventually. At least, that seemed like the direction we were headed.
“I agree,” Addi said as she stared at her phone. “Okay. Matthew’s getting us a security guard. Patrick said that it’s nonnegotiable during tourist season and we can ‘revisit the situation’—she made air quotes—“during the offseason.”
“He’s so bossy,” I said at the same time Brooklyn said, “That’s so hot.”
“Um”—Addi put up a finger—“they’re getting us security cameras. They’ll be installed today.” She finished reading and put her phone down. “Honestly, I should have done the camera thing before we opened anyway.” She stood up. “I hate to cut this short, but I need to get to the restaurant before they wire the whole place wrong and make me mad.”
“I’ll see you later,” I said.
She cocked her head to the side and studied me. “You do not need to come in. Take a few days off. Whatever you need. The restaurant can exist without the bar being open. It’s not a big deal.”
The restaurant’s draw was the food, not the drinks. The bar was merely a bonus. I wasn’t sure how up to socializing I’d feel, but I also didn’t want to sit in the house all day and think about what had happened. At least if I was working, I’d be distracted.
“Can I let you know a little later?” I asked.
She walked over and pulled me into a hug before she reached out her hands to Brooklyn and helped her up from the couch.
“Yep. You sure you’re okay to be alone?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Thank you both for coming. And thanks for making me feel less crazy about how I reacted.”
The truth was that learning about the other two traumatic responses had made me feel less annoyed with myself. If nothing else, it gave me information to process and attempt to understand why I’d reacted the way that I had. It was much better than my thinking that I was just broken somehow.
When the gate buzzed, the three of us looked at each other in confusion, each of us wondering who could be here. If it were any of the guys, they would have buzzed themselves right in.
I walked nervously toward the monitor and squinted. Pressing the intercom button, I asked, “Can I help you?”
“Open the damn gate, Bella.”
Addi and Brooklyn looked like they wanted to lunge at the speaker, but I gave them a nod as I rolled my eyes.
“It’s my brother,” I said as I started punching in the code.
“Oh shit,” Addi said.
Brooklyn looked shocked for, like, the tenth time in the last hour. “Should we stay?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. It’s fine.”
“Does he know about you and Matthew?” Addi asked.
“I’m guessing he does now.” I shrugged.
“I kind of want to stay for this.” Brooklyn held on to her hot chocolate and took a sip. “Do you have any munchies?”
“We are not staying,” Addi chastised, and Brooklyn legitimately started pouting.
“Did you learn that from Clara?” I asked, pointing at her lips.
“Probably. Will you let me stay if I give you a funny nickname?”
A loud knock on the front door shut us all up, and I walked over to pull it open.
“What are you doing here?” My tone was filled with annoyance. I wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it was because I hadn’t expected him.
“Matthew called me.”
Of course he did.
“That’s our cue.” Addi tugged on Brooklyn’s sleeve.
“Hey! Long time no see, Addison.” My brother pulled her into a hug. “You look great!” He sounded so damn happy to see her.
“Thanks, Leo. You do too. This is Brooklyn, Thomas’s wife .” She emphasized the word in such a weird way. I wasn’t sure why she’d said it like that.
“I remember you from high school.” He gave her a quick, appreciative nod. “It’s nice to meet you officially, and congratulations.”
“Thanks.” She beamed. “I want to stick around, but your sister said we have to leave, so bye!”
“Oh my gosh,” I groaned.
Addi grabbed Brooklyn’s free hand and pulled her out the door. “Call me later,” Addi shouted as she left.
I shook my head and smiled. “I work at her restaurant,” I explained to my brother as soon as they were gone.
“I know. Mom and Dad told me.”
“What else did they tell you?” I looked at him nervously, and his expression was blank.
“Nothing. Just that Anna was here, but she left. Matthew was back in town. You’re running the bar at Addi’s new place, and you’re really happy,” he said, firing off the things that had happened in my life lately like a PowerPoint presentation. Of course, he’d missed one big thing.
“Sounds about right.” I walked into the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Actually, can I use the bathroom? Long drive.”
“Of course. First door on the left,” I said, and that earned me a concerned look.
“You sure know your way around Matthew’s house.”
“Well, I did sell it to him,” I fired back, and that shut him up.
The second he walked away, I ran back to the couch and grabbed my phone to text Matthew.
My brother is here! A little warning would have been nice.
I didn’t know he’d come so fast. I’ll be there in five.
I didn’t respond because there was no point. Matthew would be here soon enough, and we could finally tell my brother about us. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. I rarely saw Leo as it was, but something about the situation made me feel like I was a teenager all over again. No matter how much time passed, I would always be the little sister.
Part of me felt like I might get into trouble somehow. Or maybe I was just worried that Leo would be disappointed in me for never getting over my feelings for Matthew and giving in when it was the one thing that he’d always warned me not to do.
But we weren’t kids anymore. And Matthew loved me. This wasn’t a one-way crush. This was the real deal.
Leo reappeared in the kitchen and interrupted my internal thoughts. He looked so much older than the last time I’d seen him. His facial hair was unruly and clearly unshaven, and there were bags under his eyes.
“Want to tell me why Matthew texted me last night and told me to get the hell home?”
“Not really,” I said with a laugh. Thankfully, I heard the gate open and the sound of Matthew’s loud-ass truck rumble to a stop, followed by the sound of other cars. “Sounds like he’s here. You can ask him yourself,” I said before I started pacing.
“What the hell is going on, Bella?” Leo pinned me with a confused stare right as all three of the O’Grady brothers walked in. And then he smiled bigger than he had when he first saw me. “Damn. I’m just seeing everyone this morning.” Leo walked toward the group, his arms extended.
“Hey, Leo,” Patrick said before giving him a hug. “Did you see Addi?”
Leo nodded his head. “I did. She looks great. And, Thomas, your wife is gorgeous.” He shook Thomas’s hand.
They had known each other, but with the age difference, they’d never been close.
“She is gorgeous. And I knocked her up, so don’t get any ideas,” Thomas warned.
I could tell that Leo didn’t know whether to laugh or wince. He did neither, and thankfully, Matthew saved him from any further awkwardness.
“Brother,” Matthew said as they embraced, “it’s been too long.”
“It really has,” Leo agreed.
“I missed you.” Matthew grinned. “Glad you’re here.”
“Well, you didn’t really give me much of a choice.” Leo glanced back at me. “And I still have no idea what’s going on.”
Matthew shot me a look. “She didn’t tell you?”
“He just got here. The girls just left,” I complained, but I really didn’t want to keep talking about what had happened last night. I didn’t want to keep repeating the same story over and over again. It was exhausting.
Patrick spun around. “All right, well, we’re going to start unloading.” He thumbed toward the door, and Thomas followed him outside.
“I should probably help them,” Matthew said.
I wasn’t sure what to say to my brother when Patrick reappeared with his arms full of my things.
“You have a lot of clothes, Bella. I assume they’re going in the bedroom?”
My face felt hot. I knew that my cheeks must have been bright red.
“The bedroom? What the hell is going on?” Leo fumed. He was no longer happy to see anyone.
“I’ll be right back,” I said before disappearing into the bathroom.
I was hiding. Trying to buy myself some time. From what, I wasn’t sure. I just needed a second. What if Leo and Matthew started fighting?
There was a soft knock on the door.
“Bells? Are you okay? Can I come in?”
“You can come in,” I said.
Matthew opened the door and closed it behind him. He found me sitting on the ground, my head in my hands.
“Hi,” he said as he sat down across from me and stretched out his legs.
“You could have warned me that you’d texted him.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I honestly forgot that I had. It was in the heat of the moment.”
I understood. Matthew had my best interests at heart, and I knew that he was only doing whatever he thought was best.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Of course not. But now we have to tell him we’re together.”
“I always planned on doing that anyway. It’s better that it’s in person.” Matthew grinned.
A part of me wondered if he enjoyed confrontation. He probably did. He was used to being on the ice and getting in all kinds of fights. Even when he had gotten penalties, he would sit in the box with a smile on his face.
Another knock at the door startled me, and I heard Thomas’s voice.
“Can I come in?” he asked, and we both yelled that he could. “Patrick and I got the first load done. We’ll head back to the apartment for the rest. Uh, Leo looks a little agitated out there. Probably doesn’t feel good to be left out, especially when you asked him to be here.” He pointed at Matthew, and Matthew pushed up to stand.
He extended his hands toward me and helped me up before pulling my body against his. “We’d better go talk to him.”
“And we’ll leave you to it. We won’t be long,” Thomas said before turning to exit and then stopped. “You don’t think this will go south, do you? Should we stick around? Leo gonna take a swing or anything?”
Matthew waved him off. “It will be fine. He might be pissed at first, but he’ll get over it.”
“If you say so. We’ll be back,” Thomas said before leaving us alone.
I heard the front door slam, and Matthew and I walked toward my brother in the kitchen.
Leo’s eyes flew to our interlocked hands and narrowed. “What the fuck is this?” His tone was vicious. “Is this why you told me to come home? To tell me you’re messing around with my little sister?”
Matthew dropped my hand and moved me behind him, shielding me. But I stepped around his body and stood at his side.
“That’s not why I texted you,” Matthew responded, taking another step closer to my brother.
“Stop,” Leo ground out, and Matthew halted.
“Why are you being such a jerk?” I asked because this was stupid. He had no right to be angry.
Leo practically spat his response. “Because I told him to stay away from you. And I told you the same thing.”
I actually started laughing. “You’re not the boss of me, and I’m not a little kid anymore.”
He ran a hand down his face, as if this was too much for him to handle. “She’s too good for you.” Leo looked straight at Matthew. “Always has been and always will be.”
Matthew’s fists balled at his sides. I wasn’t sure he even realized that he was doing it or not.
“You’re not wrong about that.” He glanced at me and grinned. “She’s way too good for me. But listen, I’m not the same kid who left for the NHL all those years ago. I’ve grown up.”
“You’ve grown up?” Leo laughed, but not because it was funny.
“You’re kind of starting to piss me off,” Matthew grumbled in response. “And just to be clear, I don’t want this to come between us, but I’m in love with your sister. You’ll either figure out a way to accept that or you won’t. It’s up to you.”
I stood there and filled my lungs with air. Matthew had taken control of the situation without backing down. It was sexy as hell, watching him fight for us. I wished there were more people he needed to convince.
Leo looked like Matthew had hit him right in the stomach. He deflated, his bad mood seeming to evaporate. “You love her?” he asked.
“Of course I do.” Matthew reached back for me, and I gave in willingly, stepping into his arms like it was exactly where I belonged. “She’s my endgame.”
“Damn. I didn’t know it was this serious. Why didn’t Mom and Dad tell me this was going on?” he asked before he walked to the cupboard, opened it, and grabbed a glass. He filled it with water and downed it in one gulp.
“They told me they weren’t getting involved,” I answered.
Leo nodded before putting the cup in the sink.
“I thought I was going to have to hit you there for a minute.” Matthew sounded like he was teasing, but there was a seriousness behind his words. He would have hit my brother if it had come down to it.
Leo smiled. “That wouldn’t have gone over well,” he said before shaking his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you two are actually together.”
“Me neither,” Matthew said before pressing a kiss to the top of my head. I winced with the pain, and he looked down instantly. “I’m sorry. It’s still sore?”
I nodded. “It’s tender, yes.”
Leo glanced between the two of us, trying to figure out what else we weren’t saying.
“I know you have questions, but do you mind if I call Mom and Dad over so I can tell you all at the same time?”
Leo pinned Matthew with a glare. “If you knocked up my sister already.”
“Nah.” Matthew threw his hands in the air. “Not yet anyway. By the way, bro, you kind of look like shit.”
Leo exhaled long and loud. “All I do is work. Six days a week. And I usually sleep on my day off.”
“If you want to move back, I could always get you a job at the resort,” Matthew offered, and I actually felt myself get excited at the idea.
“That’s really nice of you, but I have a ladder to climb. The resort ladder only hits O’Grady men and stops.”
I’d always known in the back of my mind that my brother wasn’t going to move back to Sugar Mountain once he left. He loved the city too much, even if all he did was work. He barely came home as it was, and he didn’t seem to miss being here. It was weird how little desire I had to leave our small town and how others were consumed by it. My brother and my best friend both loved being gone.
“You’re not wrong about that,” Matthew agreed before he tapped my shoulder. “Call your parents, babe.”
“Okay.” I blew out a breath.
I guessed the quicker I got this over with, the quicker we could all move on from it.