Worth the Fight
LUKAS
“You want to do what?” Theo’s voice nearly cracks with the question. He stares at the run-down, dilapidated house in front of us with his arms crossed firmly over his chest.
“I want to fix it up,” I say again, gesturing to the farmhouse. “I already talked with Mom and Dad, they said I could have it.”
He laughs at that. “They better give it away. It’d be pure evil to charge someone for it.” He turns to face me, looking at me for a moment before turning back to the old house.
The farmhouse has been in my family for four generations.
When my great-grandparents first moved to Copper Ridge and established the ranch, this is the house they built with their bare hands.
My grandpa was born in it, and he and Gran lived in it until my dad was born.
It wasn’t until the farm started to expand well beyond their wildest dreams that they realized they wanted to be closer to the main buildings.
They then built the main house that my parents and grandparents live in today, and this one has been sitting empty ever since.
Not entirely empty, my memory reminds me.
The sun peeks out from a layer of puffy gray clouds, the beams shining down on us.
Theo tilts his face to the sky, letting the early fall sun warm his skin.
I take that moment with his eyes shut to look back at the front porch.
The one that Mags and I sat on all those years ago.
Where I held her when her grandpa died. The living room that sits in front of the bay window is where I told her I loved her for the first time, where we gave each other our virginity.
And I’ll bet my last dollar that if I walked along the porch, our engraved initials are still etched into the old wood on the railing.
“Why not buy a house in town? It’ll cost you more money and more time to fix this one.”
“I could use the project.” Now that I’m two months sober, there isn’t much to do with my spare time. My mind has been an unforgiving demon—restless, threatening me every night with memories of Magnolia. I can’t turn to the bottle anymore, so maybe something like this will keep my mind busy.
“There’s probably a fixer-upper in town if you really want the project.”
I can feel Theo's assessing gaze, but I don’t turn to face him. Instead, I take a few steps forward, testing the strength of the chipped wooden stairs before walking up. When my feet hit the last step, I spin on a heel to look back at my older brother.
“Listen, old man, if you don’t want to help me, that’s fine, but—”
“Oh, quit,” Theo scoffs, following my trail up the front steps.
He reaches my side, and then walks down the aisle, looking up at the crumbling soffit.
He blows out a heavy breath, taking off his ballcap and running his hands through the sides of his hair.
The gray hair that started sprouting when he was in his twenties really took hold while I was in the Marines.
It’s still an easy dig when I want to piss him off, but somehow, the gray has mixed with his light brown hair and gives him a unique look, one that drives the women in town wild.
He spins around with his hands on his hips as he looks out at the horizon.
This house has the best view on the property, always has. It sits atop a smaller hill. Low enough that it’s hidden from the road, but high enough to give a view of the sunrise and sunset over the trees. A large maple tree sits off to the side, perfectly shading that end of the porch.
I should put a swing down there. One I could sit on while I lazily sip my morning coffee.
Theo steps forward. His hands reach out to curl around the top railing, his thumb brushing over the carved L + M.
The image of that moment sits heavy atop my chest. Mags, curled up against me, tears staining her face as she asks me if we’d make it.
I made lots of promises that day, over those few years, and all I have to show for it is the memory of what once was.
Theo’s thumb grazes the carving, and he looks back toward the road for a minute before speaking. “Do you think if you fix up this house, she’ll come back?”
His words catch me off guard, and I nearly stumble. “Who?”
He scoffs, rolling his head to the side to stare me down.
“I’m not an idiot, Lukas. Do you think we didn’t notice the tracks that used to line the road leading up to this place?
The drive was covered in grass and branches for years, then you and Mags got together, and tracks were worn in the dirt.
” He brushes his thumb over our initials again.
“We all knew you two were sneaking out here to be alone. I think Ma and Dad were naive enough to not really think about what was going on, but Grayson and I knew better.”
I run a hand over the brittle wooden paneling on the outside wall, noticing a small wasp nest between the boards. “She’ll never come back,” I finally say.
He nods at that, gnawing at his bottom lip for a moment. “Have you even tried?”
The tilt of my chin is so faint, I'm surprised he even sees it, but he barks out a laugh, letting me know how dumb I sound.
“So, you haven’t even talked to her since you broke her heart, and now you want to fix up this house, probably turn it into her dream house or some shit, but you don’t even know how she feels? What she wants?”
“I don’t know, man!” The words whoosh out of me, and regret follows. “Sorry,” I mumble. “I just don’t know. I miss her so fucking bad, Theo. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone this much.” It’s been nine months since she left me that last voicemail. Nine months since her final goodbye.
And there hasn’t been one single day that I haven’t thought of her.
We both turn to the sound of a motor coming toward the house. Within a minute, we see Grayson pulling into the drive.
Theo raises his hand in a wave, and Grayson steps out of his truck, slamming the door with a nod.
“Sorry I’m late,” he says, taking our path up the stairs. He keeps his hands tucked in his front pockets, looking around at the shape the house is in.
“What do you think of Lukas’s little side project?” Theo asks.
Grayson shrugs a shoulder. “It sure was a hell of a house at one point. Holly and I drove out here on the UTV a few months ago. Have you looked inside? It’s in pretty rough shape. Pretty sure the back part of the roof has caved in.”
Theo hisses at that, but I shrug again. “Still worth it to me.”
Gray and Theo exchange a knowing glance, and Theo shrugs. “I told him he needs to talk to her.”
“What?” I hiss. “You two girls gossiping about me when I’m not around?”
“Just worried about you, that’s all,” Grayson says. “I’m game to help you with whatever you need with this house, but,” he glances over at Theo, “don’t you think you should call her?”
It’s my turn to scoff, and I cross over to the front step, plopping down with a sigh.
“It isn’t just about Mags. Promise. I’m living with Ma and Dad.
I’m going to be a dad soon.” I still can’t believe I’m saying those words out loud.
When I left the grocery store that fateful day after my run-in with nana, I never thought asking out Candi Peterson on a whim would lead to me becoming a father.
Our relationship was short-lived, nothing more than a few weeks of fun. We ended on a good note, thankfully, because she’s pregnant, and I plan to do everything in my power to be a hell of a father.
“I want a place where my kid can come and it’ll just be us, but I want to be close to the farm for work and for help.
And yeah…” I look back over my shoulder at the front of the house.
“This house has a lot of meaning to me, and whether or not I ever get to hear from Mags again, I think I’d like to live somewhere that she once walked, if that makes any sense. ”
Both my brothers are quiet for a few minutes.
It’s Grayson who talks first. “I don’t know anything about electrical work.
That’s the one thing I hired a legit professional to do when I remodeled the cabin.
I’ll help you with whatever you need, but I'm also warning you, it’s going to take a lot more work than you probably expect. ”
His answer is the closest thing to a yes that I need to hear. I turn to Theo, wondering if he will help, too.
He shrugs. “You know I'll help you, brother. But on one condition.”
“Name it.”
“I want you to call Magnolia.”
“I think it’s a little soon to tell her he’s building her dream house,” Grayson chides.
“It’s not her dream house!”
“It might pique her interest,” Theo answers, completely ignoring me.
“You two are insufferable.”
“Maybe we're just older and wiser. Hell, Grayson over here is going to be married soon.”
My brother blushes at that. While he has only been dating his girlfriend, Holly, for a few months, we all know how hard he’s fallen for her. Lucky for him, she feels the exact same way.
“What do you have to lose?”
Grayson’s soft question hangs in the air.
I haven’t tried calling Mags, ever. Not since her last voicemail where she asked me not to.
There were times when I was high, too drunk for my own good, and I’d pull up her name in my phone and stare at it until I passed out.
Her voicemails are still on my phone, and I used to play them on repeat when I was drunk and in the mood to self-sabotage.
I’ve thought about it more times than I can count, but on the off chance she actually answers, I don’t even know what I’d say to her.
There’s a long overdue apology that sits in the back of my mind. But an apology seems like such a futile thing. One apology won’t fix the damage I’ve done. And knowing the woman she is, she’ll likely tell me to fuck off before she hears one word from my lips.