14. Austin
CHAPTER 14
Austin
“ W ell, fuck.” I slip my finger from inside her in one swift motion, quickly bringing it to my mouth and licking it clean. She quivers, a shudder running through her when I flick her clit one last time. “I guess we still didn’t have that talk.”
Her hand is still clutching my shirt, her eyes hazy. I slide my arm around her waist, ushering her around the back and right into her driver’s seat just before our friends reach the front of her car.
“Don’t leave. I’ll be right back.” I shut her door and walk toward Becca. “Hey, she’s upset and wants to talk so is it okay if you guys give Mia a ride back?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course.” She nods, her brow furrowed as she looks past me to catch a glimpse of her friend. “But what the hell is going on, Austin?”
“I fucked up.” I shrug. “I’m going to fix it.”
“You better.” She points a finger toward me. “And whatever the hell this is, you better not hurt her because I swear to God I’ll cut your balls off, right after Noah’s.”
“Cross my heart.” I drag my fingers in an X over my chest. “Thanks again for giving Mia a ride home.” I wave her off, going around to sit in Taylor’s passenger seat.
She’s still staring out the windshield but slowly turns her face toward me. “What’d you tell her?”
“That I fucked up and needed to fix it.”
“Is that how you really feel?”
“No. Is that how you feel?” I already know her answer; it’s written all over her face and it’s all over my fingers.
“No,” she says softly, “why’d you kiss me on the court today, in front of everyone?”
“I wanted to. I was frustrated with your attitude. It’s not often you get like that in the years I’ve known you, but when you have”—my hand twitches against my thigh—“it just does something to me.”
“Does something to you?”
“Makes me want to throttle you for a second before fucking some sense into you.” Her eyes widen in shock at my bluntness. “Sorry, I just get out of my mind with you. Today I just lost control completely. I couldn’t stop myself.” My eyes drift down to her plump lips and I have to restrain myself again. “I didn’t want to stop myself.”
“Why now?”
“Because I’ve had a taste.” She intakes a sharp breath. “And I want more.” I reach my hand down and slowly drag a single fingertip up her thigh. “I don’t think I can stop, can you?”
“I…” Her eyelids grow heavy but she squeezes them shut.
“Had I thought I had a chance before when you were in a relationship, I would have said fuck him and took my shot, but I didn’t expect you would perceive that very well.”
“Right.” She nods. “So now that I’m single and you want me, you just expect me to want you too?”
My fingers stop moving across her skin. “Please don’t start with your attitude again. You’re just looking to fight with me because you’re confused about wanting me.”
“I never realized how full of yourself you are.”
“You just came on my finger after I asked you if you wanted me to stop and if I pulled you over this center console right now, I’d bet ten to one odds you’d be sliding down my cock within sixty seconds. I don’t think I’m making assumptions here.”
I don’t think I’ve seen her speechless this many times in the five years I’ve known her, let alone this week.
“I didn’t expect you to be so?—”
“Forward?” I grin.
“Crass,” she shoots back.
“You think that’s crass?” I chuckle, reaching my hand from her thigh to her neck where I can see a faint red outline from when I bit her earlier. “Then you’re really going to be in for a shock when I tell you what I want to do to you.” The almost innocent look on her face makes me smile. “But you’re not the only one surprised.”
“Meaning?”
“I didn’t expect you to be so loud.”
“Oh my God.” She turns to look out the window.
“Trust me.” My hand drops, my fingers resting gently on her thigh again. “It was a very exciting surprise, one that makes any of my fantasies pale in comparison to the real-life version.”
“Did you just admit you’ve fantasied about me before?”
“Yes, but now I don’t have to.” I lean in, my hand behind her neck in a flash. “Because every time I close my eyes now, I’m going to see and hear you writhing against me while I fucked you with my fingers. And I’m going to enjoy every last second of it. Are you telling me you haven’t fantasized about me?” I take her hand and bring it over to rest against my rigid cock. “About how good boss daddy can make you feel?”
Her mouth falls open against mine, a puff of warm air hitting my lips when she gasps.
“What are we doing?” she whispers against my lips, her fingers slowly tightening around my shaft.
“Stop asking me that.” I kiss her, just barely letting my lips graze hers.
“I’m so confused.”
I pull back, searching her eyes. “Confused about what?”
“Everything, all of it. Where my head is. How this will change things between us.”
I release her, sitting back in the passenger seat and turning my attention out the windshield. I watch a group of people laugh and talk while walking to their cars after a round of golf.
“What is that you want, Taylor—between us, what does our relationship look like to you?”
“I thought it was business partners, friends, professional in some capacity but still personal.”
“That’s what it was. I’m asking you what you want it to be because we both know it’s far beyond that now.”
“I don’t know!” She closes her eyes in frustration with a groan before looking back over at me. “It was fine the way it was, wasn’t it?”
“Was it? Me acting like I didn’t notice the way your hands trembled if I brushed up against you.” My fingers graze over her cheek in their path to brush her hair behind her ear. “You pretending not to notice me staring at you, imagining what you’d look like in nothing but the newest pair of Louboutin heels you’ve bought yourself.”
She’s fighting it. Her thighs clench. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips.
“Can you go back to pretending? Hmm?” I gently hook my finger beneath her chin. “Because I can’t. I can’t stand next to you and pretend like I don’t know what you smell like, what you taste like.”
“And if I ask you to—go back to pretending?”
My hand drops from her chin. “Is that what you want?” She swallows nervously, her lips parting but nothing comes out.
“Is this about him?” Her face twists. “About Noah?”
“No, this is about us.”
“Are you still in love with him?” I can’t hide the bitter tone in my voice.
“No, and even if I was, that isn’t what this is about. He and I aren’t together anymore, and my decisions have nothing to do with him.”
“Well, how would I know, Taylor? I didn’t even know you guys broke up because you didn’t tell me anything about it until six months after and even when I’ve asked, you shut me out.”
“Do you want to hear about it?” Her cheeks flush. “Do you want to hear about how I was broken and pining for him?” Her voice rises an octave. “How much I struggled when making the decision to walk away from a man I thought I was going to marry?”
“Just stop,” I mutter.
“How low my self-esteem got because I couldn’t understand why he kept refusing my sexual advances when I tried over and over again?”
“I know what you’re trying to do. It’s not going to work.” I glare at her, a clear indication that it is working.
“I’m not trying to do anything.”
The car fills with silence. I take a moment, thinking through how I want to relay this next part to her.
“I told you last night that if this was just a game you were playing, enjoying the chase ever since that first kiss, even playing hard to get… I would be willing to play along, to toy with you and pursue you. But that’s not what this is, is it?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do.” I chuckle. “You’ve known since the second you saw me what you wanted from me, but you were too scared to take it. I saw it in your eyes the night we almost kissed, the night you said we shouldn’t.”
“Austin—”
I reach for the handle on her door, a thought occurring that I’ve never had before. “Were you dating him then?” Her eyes immediately dart to the left. “Ah.” Realization hits me.
“It wasn’t exclusive; we’d only been on two dates.”
“Did you go home to him that night?”
“What?”
“When you left my place, did you go to his place after?”
Her face goes white, then red. “What does that have?—?”
“Was that the first night you fucked him?”
The bottom drops out on my stomach when she doesn’t answer.
Fuck. This entire conversation has taken a turn I hadn’t intended it to in a direction I wish I could turn around from but my mouth won’t fucking let me.
“Why didn’t you bring him to any company events after he stopped by the office that first time and met me? No holiday parties, summer events, baseball games. Why?”
“Oh my God, why does it matter?”
I laugh, a hollow and cynical laugh.
“That’s why he avoided your sexual advances, Taylor.” I pull the door open and swing my leg out. “No man wants to know that you’re imagining someone else while they’re fucking you.” Once I’m out of the car, I lean down to look at her again. “And I guarantee you he knew, just like I know that every fucking time his cock was inside you, you were thinking about me.”
I don’t bother waiting for her to deny it. I slam her car door and walk over to mine. It wouldn’t do any good anyway because she can’t.
That’s why she’s hesitant.
That’s why I see guilt on her face every time I touch her.
Her head chose him that night, but her body chose me and she’s been fighting it ever since.
M y phone rings loudly in my ear, the piercing melody only adding to my throbbing headache. Quickly, I run through the memory of what the hell I did yesterday after leaving the country club.
I remember whiskey…
Brrrrrring!
“What?” I bark into my phone, not even bothering to see who the fuck is calling me this early on a Sunday morning.
“I’m downstairs,” Mia chirps. “Let me up.”
“How the fuck?” I pull the phone back to check the time. “It’s not even seven,” I groan.
“I have coffee and donuts. And you didn’t have to tell me your address; it’s pretty easy to find you online.”
“Sir, should I let her up?” I hear my doorman ask into the receiver.
“Yeah, she’s fine. Come up.”
Tossing my phone onto the bed, I pull myself up, running my hands over my bed-tousled hair and rough whiskers. I slip my feet into my slippers, sniffing the dirty t-shirt I threw onto the floor last night before pulling it back on. It’s a wrinkled mess but so am I.
By the time I’m walking downstairs, the elevator is opening up to a smiling Mia complete with two coffees and a large box of donuts.
“Good mo— Oh.” She scowls but doesn’t seem surprised at my appearance. “You look rough. I take it your talk with Taylor didn’t go well?”
“It didn’t,” I say, swiping one of the coffees from her, “but for all you knew, she could have been here this morning when you showed up unannounced.” I take a sip and wince; it’s still too hot but I desperately need it. “Which would have been a really fun way to prove to her that you and I are nothing more than friends.”
“You need some sugar and carbs,” she says, reaching into the box and pulling out a white frosted donut. “Take it.” She wags it at me and even though I don’t want it, I take it from her now sticky hands. “And I already knew she wasn’t going to be here; that’s why I came over.”
“Knew how?” I place the donut onto a napkin and lick at the sickly-sweet icing left behind on my finger.
“Well, apart from the obviously unsolicited kiss you planted on her yesterday in the middle of the game, the fact that she clearly didn’t believe you that you and I were just friends kind of sealed the deal.”
“Trust me, I convinced her.”
She rolls her eyes. “You men all think you have some magical way of seducing your way out of shit when you screw up, but it doesn’t work.”
“That’s not what I did, and I didn’t screw up. I had no idea that your friends that you asked me to play pickleball with also happened to be my friends… or friends of friends. Whatever, I am way too hung over for this shit. Why are you here again?”
“I wanted to see how you were doing after yesterday.”
“Bullshit. You could have texted me.”
“I’m serious. It didn’t look like things landed very smoothly.”
“They didn’t but I was able to smooth things over.” The coffee has chilled to a reasonable temperature and I savor the richness.
“Then why do you smell like a distillery?”
I sniff my shirt and frown. “Shit. Uh, yeah, it wasn’t what I thought it would be after we talked so I just came home and drank a glass or two, maybe four or five, and passed out.”
She chews her donut deliberately, thinking through what I’m saying. “Not what you thought how?” She pulls out one of my barstools and takes a seat, making herself comfortable, clearly letting me know she has no intention of leaving until she gets the full story.
“Fine.” I toss my hands in the air, almost in defeat. “I realized that back when we first met, that kiss she and I almost shared but didn’t—she was dating him at the time. I guess it wasn’t exclusive but that was the first night they fucked.”
“Whoa.” Her hand pauses halfway to her mouth with the rest of her pink-iced donut. “Why do you know that?”
“I asked her.”
“Again, why? How is her sex life, if she’s not in a relationship with you, any of your business?”
“Don’t do that.” I shake my head.
“I’m not doing anything.”
“We were about to kiss?—”
“But you didn’t and she stopped it from happening. She didn’t owe you an explanation that she had just started dating another guy and wasn’t sure how she was feeling about him yet. From where I’m sitting, it sounds like you’re jealous that she chose another guy over you.” She shrugs, shoving the last bite of her donut into her mouth and wiping the crumbs from her hands.
“That’s not at all what this is.” She lulls her head to the side to give me the most exaggerated eye roll. “Okay fine. Yes, I don’t fucking like the fact that she chose him over me but it’s not about that. It’s about the fact that she wanted me the entire time but still chose him. I don’t get it. And now she feels guilt for wanting me or something. I don’t know; it’s fucked.” I sigh and finally reach for that donut.
“Are you still in love with her?”
“Obviously,” I mutter around a bite.
“Then let out this little mantrum thing you’re dealing with and go back to being her friend. That’s what she needs right now. Even if it makes you jealous, she did just end a five-year relationship, and even if she’s over him, that doesn’t mean she’s ready to move on with you.”
“I’m very aware of that; she made it clear. And despite yesterday, I’m not a complete fucking moron. But at the moment, I’m still frustrated with her, even if it’s selfish or irrational, so please just keep it to yourself.”
“Fine.” She holds her hands up for a second before reaching into the box for another donut. “All I’m saying is, you’ve been pining for her for five years; meanwhile, she had to put that on the back burner to commit to someone else so give her time to catch up.”
“She sure seemed caught up yesterday.”
“You ever thought about flirting with her? Maybe wooing her a bit before you stuck your tongue down her throat? Us women,” she says, sarcasm heavy in her tone, “really like that.”
“So besides giving me more unsolicited wisdom, is there any other reason you’re still sitting at my kitchen island?”
Her sheepish grin gives her away. “Um.” She puts the rest of her donut down and wipes her hands. “Well, I was actually wondering if your new lawyer Miguel was single?”
“Oh.” I’m actually surprised at her request. “What happened with the ex? Operation get him back or whatever you nicknamed it.”
“Nothing.” She shrugs. “I just came to the realization that I wasn’t going to wait around for someone to want me back when and how I wanted them.”
“Now, wait a minute.” My shoulders sag. “How is that any different from the situation I’m in, but you told me to take my head out of my ass and get over it?”
“Not the same at all. Cameron had all of me and chose to walk away. You are in love with a woman you’ve done nothing but obsess over for the last five years without ever telling her.”
“Okay, obsess is a bit much.”
“Whatever. It’s not the same, but either way, I’m making this decision for me. You have to do what’s best for you. And if that is you deciding that you want to walk away and not wait for her to be ready for you, if she ever is, then yeah, I wouldn’t fault you.”
“ If she ever is ?” I shake my head. “You really know how to fuck up my entire day, you know that?”
“Can I get Miguel’s number or not?”
“I knew you came over for something else.” I laugh, scrolling through my phone until I find his number, then I send it to her. “Don’t be fucking weird about it though; he works for me now.”
“Oh, you mean don’t be weird like in the way you were when you stuck your tongue down his actual boss’ throat on the court in front of all of us?”
“You can leave now,” I say as I toss my now empty coffee cup into the trash and start to walk toward the stairs. “Feel free to let yourself out. I’m going back to bed.”
I hear her shout a see ya through her laughter before the elevator dings as I make my way back upstairs. I flop on my bed, my head still pounding and that sugary donut now adding to my soured stomach.
It’s not just the remnants of my hangover that’s making my stomach upset. It’s the reality that I really did fuck up with Taylor.
That stupid kiss in her office… I thought for sure it would be the turning point in our relationship. I know she felt what I felt. Saw in my eyes what I saw in hers—relief.
Relief that we no longer have to deny this raging desire that’s been building inside us over the last five years.
But she’s not ready. Not ready to accept her feelings. Not ready to accept that not just me but she and I are worth the risk.
“Shit.” I drag my hand over my face, letting it linger over my eyes for a brief moment, giving me relief from the sun that’s streaming through a crack in my drapes.
Sitting up, I grab my phone, navigating to my text thread with Taylor, and type out what needs to be said before hitting send.
She might not be ready to accept what I already know, but I’m going to make it damn near impossible for her to ignore it.