Chapter 17
N atalie
Late November
I wake up with Alex wrapped around me, his morning wood fitting perfectly between the globes of my ass, and only the slightest shifting of my thighs gives me a zing of pleasure so strong it knocks the wind right out of me. I’d read in a pregnancy book that some women experience an increase in their sex drive, and I wondered if I’d be part of that group. I’ve always embraced my sexuality, but I’ve never considered myself to be a nympho. Right now, however, I feel this out-of-character urge to roll over and mount Alex, demanding that he get me off, whether he likes it or not.
As if he knows my inner thoughts, Alex tightens his arms around me, sliding one hand up to grab my breast. Pregnancy has made my nipples remarkably sensitive, and I struggle to withhold the moan that wants to come out. I shift again, and with a slight push back against him, Alex’s cock hits my clit perfectly. God, this feels so good. It’s bad, though, right? I was in the emergency room last night for light bleeding, would a quick orgasm possibly cause an issue?
Alex shifts, causing his cock to slide against my core, and I’m helpless to stop the orgasm wave as it crests over me. The last time I came like this was my night with Alex. Holy hell. This is the fastest I’ve ever come, and it steals the breath from my lungs. I didn’t realize how much I needed that, and I don’t have a second to feel embarrassed before the rug is ripped out from under me.
“Fuck, Sara. That was hot,” Alex mutters behind me, squeezing my nipple, and it’s as if I’ve been doused with a bucket of ice water. I stiffen, my back ramrod straight, as his words repeat in my mind. Sara. Sara. Sara. It’ll always be her.
“Get off me,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes.
“Hmm?”
“Get. Off. Me,” I repeat, a sob breaking through.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Is the baby okay?”
Once Alex lets go, I quickly rise from the bed. Striding to the attached bathroom, I grab my phone from the nightstand as I go. “My name is Natalie.”
As I turn, I see Alex’s eyes go wide and the color drains from his face. “Shit. Fuck. I’m sorry, uhh …”
“Natalie,” I growl. I cross my arms tightly, as if the motion can somehow protect me from the pain he’s causing. I know it isn’t intentional, but that doesn’t mean it’s painless.
Alex stands, his hands in front of him in a defensive stance, approaching me slowly. “I’m really sorry. That wasn’t intentional.”
“I know. Can you take me home, please? Or should I call a rideshare?” I tip my chin to stare up at Alex defiantly. I’ll be damned if this man gets one more ounce of my emotions.
“I’d rather you stay here,” he says hesitantly.
“No.”
His eyes narrow as he watches me. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to be around you.”
“It was a mistake, Natalie. An accident.”
“A mistake is giving someone the wrong gift. An accident is stepping on someone’s toe. Calling someone by your dead wife’s name while in bed? Neither of those,” I hiss, suddenly aware the bedroom door is open, and the kids could be listening.
Mirroring my stance, Alex crosses his arms and studies me. “I’m not taking you home.”
Jackass. “Fine.”
“Fine.”
I step into the bathroom, closing the door. Listening carefully, I wait until I hear Alex shuffle out of the room, then pull up the rideshare app. I refuse to stay here for one more second.
Dramatic? Maybe. I’m a crazy, hormonal bitch, and he only got me off because he thought I was his dead wife. I can’t process that, and I don’t want to.
After peeing and washing my hands, I notice Arianna stocked the bathroom with my toiletries. While incredibly thoughtful, I’m ticked at having to waste time packing it all back up. There aren’t many things I splurge on, choosing most extra funds to go toward what I need in the classroom. The one major thing I never give up is good skincare, and I’ll be damned if I’m leaving it here.
Exiting the bathroom, I breathe a sigh of relief when Alex isn’t loitering in the hallway. Grabbing the bag of clothes Arianna brought over, I quickly tiptoe down the stairs. My phone vibrates with a text that my ride is here right as I unlock the front door, and that’s when all hell breaks loose.
“Ms. Jackson?” Ben’s sleepy and sweet voice asks from the kitchen, as he rounds the corner, stopping to wave at me. I wave back as I’m opening the door, then shriek when the loudest damn alarm screams throughout the house.
Of course he’d have an alarm system. Looking up, I see Alex tear down the stairs, his eyes on me, and I freak out. Bolting out the door, I run through the yard, assuming I’ll have better traction in the snowy grass than on his driveway, which looks to be snow-packed and covered in icy spots.
“Natalie!” Alex sprints after me, barefoot, and he reaches me as I open the door to my ride. He grabs a hold of my arm while simultaneously closing the door. “What the fuck?”
“Let me go, Alex.”
“You shouldn’t be alone right now. What if something happens?”
“Nothing is going to happen. I’ve been fine all night. Go back inside before you get frostbite.”
He thrusts a hand through his hair, all mussed and gorgeous, as he studies me. I steel my spine as I stare back at him. “I’d feel more comfortable if you were here. ”
Before I can think twice, I blurt out, “I’d feel more comfortable if I didn’t feel like I was competing with a ghost. We don’t always get what we want.”
Alex takes a step back, stunned, his mouth open in shock. I take the opportunity to open the car door, darting inside.
“You okay, ma’am?” The young male driver studies me in the rearview mirror, his eyes wide. “Should I go?”
“Yes, please go.” I refuse to take another glance at Alex, but I know he’s still standing there. I can feel the jerk now.
“Not cool referencing his wife, you know,” the guy mutters, and I growl. Stupid small towns and their stupid gossip. I don’t respond, because I know whatever I say will end up on The Eagle Has Landed . This entire exchange is probably already on its way to whoever writes the articles.
I’ll apologize to Alex. I will. Not about me leaving, or getting upset about him calling me Sara. But I’ll apologize for saying I’m competing with a ghost. He deserves that much. But right now, I want to sit and stew in my anger. My sadness. This isn’t how I thought my life would turn out. I always imagined I’d meet a man, fall in love, get married, then welcome a couple of kiddos and maybe a dog or two. Instead, I have a one-night stand, and get knocked up by my best friend’s brother, a man who is pining desperately for his dead wife, and I’m barely making ends meet in a studio apartment the size of a matchbox.
When am I gonna catch a break?
I last in my apartment for less than thirty minutes before I pack a bag, catch another ride to Everlasting to retrieve my car, and I get on the Interstate. On a normal day, the drive from my apartment to my parents’ house in Greeley takes about ninety minutes. But today, with roads less than ideal and tons of Black Friday shoppers out and about, it takes well over two hours. I’m relieved to pull into my parents’ driveway, because I can’t wait to get a much needed hug from my mom, but also because I forgot to pee before I left my apartment. I figured the need to pee a million times a day would start much later in the pregnancy.
“What a nice surprise!” My mom, Judy, says, opening her arms wide. My dad, Mark, looks on with love, and it’s all it takes for me to break down in earnest. “What’s this? Why is my beautiful daughter crying?”
Dad sighs as he pulls me from my mom’s arms. “Come on, munchkin. Mom will put on a pot of coffee.”
As he directs me toward the back of the house, I let out a sniffle and respond. “It’ll have to be decaf.”
“Oh? Why?” Dad asks, as Mom simultaneously says, “Oh, shit.”
“What? I don’t understand. Did you decide to give up caffeine? You love everything caffeinated!” Oh, my sweet but clueless father.
“I am giving it up, but not by choice,” I whine as we reach the family room.
“Well, this will be good. Sister.” I look up to find my brother, Shawn, staring at me with a wide smile.
“What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t have any time off this week!” I sob. God, these hormones are going to be the death of me.
Shawn reaches for me, yanking me into his arms. Shawn is at least eight inches taller than me, even taller than Alex, and my head fits snug under his chin. He leans down to whisper, “Please tell me the caffeine thing isn’t what I think it means.”
“I guess I’ll just be silent, then,” I whisper back.
“Fuck. Who’s the guy? I’ll call up Santo again. He’ll have no problem laying down the law for me,” Shawn teases.
“Probably won’t work this time,” I murmur.
“Why?”
I pull away from him, looking up to see his green eyes watching me carefully. “Because the guy is his brother.”
“Jesus Christ, Nat. Seriously? Which brother? Aren’t they all married by now?”
“It’s Alex. The oldest. Technically he’s not married, I guess?” I comment, scratching my chin. I’m sure Alex thinks he’s still married, but I didn’t do anything wrong.
“There is no technicality here. He’s either married or he’s not.” My parents watch the two of us volley back and forth, my dad still blissfully ignorant to the topic at hand, while our mom massages her temples.
“There is an odd technicality here, Shawn. His wife is dead, okay? He’s a widower. But he’s still hopelessly in love with her, and I’ll never measure up, and it was a one-time thing, but then he got me off this morning while saying her name, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that?” I ramble, then break into a new current of tears. “How can I raise a kid with him, knowing he’ll undoubtedly compare everything I do to her? She’ll be the better mom in every sense, no matter what I do. I can’t compete.”
“Raise a kid? What … oh. Oooh,” Dad says, finally catching on. “Oh, munchkin. You’re pregnant?”
I nod. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
He scoffs. “Why are you apologizing? You’re a grown woman. I highly doubt you set out on a quest to get pregnant.”
“I’m just thrilled the father isn’t Rob,” Mom blurts out.
Shawn nods. “He’s left you alone, right?”
“Yes, why?” I ask uncertainly. When Shawn shrugs, I poke his chest. “What did you do?”
“Nothing major. Just helped him understand that he’s not to fuck with you again, or I’d make his life a living hell.”
“I don’t even want to know how you’d do that, but thanks, I guess?” I may not wholeheartedly approve of his display of chauvinistic masculinity, but I appreciate the heart behind it. Even from one thousand miles away, my brother is always looking out for me.
“I think we’re going to need a bit more information, Natalie,” Mom says, right as the oven timer goes off. “Excellent timing. The breakfast quiche is ready. Everyone to the table so Natalie can tell us what’s been going on in her life. Evidently, it’s more than we knew.”
After sitting down at the same table my parents have had my entire life, I fill my family in. How Rob followed me to the bar, and Alex saved me. Running into Alex at the town community night, then having dinner together. Being Ben’s teacher, and how Alex is clearly still grieving his wife. After my outburst with Shawn, I don’t regale my family about this morning, just saying that Alex called me by his dead wife’s name, and I’m really struggling with where I fit in.
“Are you interested in more with Alex?” Mom asks quietly, her keen eyes already knowing the answer. My mother has always been able to tell me how I’m feeling before I can verbalize it myself.
“It doesn’t matter,” I answer sullenly. “That’s not something he wants.”
“I didn’t ask what he wanted, or how he feels. I’m asking about you, sweetheart. We can’t control how anyone else thinks, feels, or acts. We can only control ourselves. I want to talk about you, and give you strategies for interacting with him in the future. Regardless of your feelings, you and Alex will have to co-parent for eighteen years. That’s a lot of birthday parties, little league games, ballet recitals, and holidays,” she says pointedly.
“I don’t know how I feel,” I sigh. “I had a crush on him when I was a kid, but he was already in love with his wife. He never looked twice at me.”
“I’m sure the fact that you were jailbait probably didn’t help,” Shawn jokes.
“Exactly how much older is this man?” Dad asks, frowning.
“He’s thirty eight, Dad. Shawn is acting like he’s fifty or something. I crushed on him when I was around sixteen, though.”
“That’s still almost six years difference, Natalie. That’s a lot of life he’s lived in those years. And he’s a veteran?” Dad inquires.
I nod. “He’s retired now. He completed twenty years with the National Guard. He was deployed when his wife died in a car accident, and I think he struggles with a tremendous amount of guilt.”
“Does he have any other children besides Ben?” Mom asks.
“A daughter, Abbie. She’s twelve. You’d really like her, Mom. She’s full of sass and attitude.”
She fails to hide her smile. “Sounds like someone else I know.”
“I’m surprised Alex didn’t bite my head off when I met Abbie. She got snotty with me, and I just dished it right back at her. He walks on eggshells around her, but I wasn’t having it. She gets away with a lot, I think, just because he feels guilty.”
“It’s easy to assume that’s the dynamic at play, munchkin, but you don’t really know. She’s also struggling. I can’t imagine how she must feel, dealing with middle school and the looming teen years, all those hormones, and no mom to go to. It’s bound to feel incredibly difficult.”
I nod. “I had to stay at their house last night, and she cornered me. Poor girl started her period last week, and didn’t feel comfortable telling Alex.”
“Why did you stay there? You said you ‘had’ to stay there. Why?” Shawn presses, using air quotes.
Shit.
“Oh. Uh, it’s fine now, but I had a little bit of bleeding. Alex took me to the emergency room, and they did an ultrasound. Everything looked fine, but Alex asked if I’d stay at his house in case anything else happened.”
“Oh, honey,” Mom murmurs, reaching over to grab my hand. “On Thanksgiving? You poor thing.”
I look down at my empty plate, not sure how quickly I ate the quiche as I talked so much. That must have been ridiculously unattractive of me to inhale the food like that, but I’m finally over the nonstop nausea.
“It’s fine. I’m lucky I knew where he was so I could go to him and ask for help.”
“You weren’t with him?” Dammit. “I thought you said you were having dinner with Arianna’s family. Alex would have been there.”
I sigh, wincing at my slip-up. “I told you that so you wouldn’t worry about me. Arianna did invite me, but I chose not to go because of Alex. I knew where they were, though.”
“So you were home alone? On Thanksgiving? Honey.” Mom looks like she’s close to tears.
“Seriously, Mom, it’s fine. It’s just a holiday. It’s no big deal. ”
“Did you at least get some of your favorite foods to eat?” she asks, sniffling.
“Well, um, no? I mean, I’ve had a crazy amount of nausea and vomiting, so I just planned on eating whatever didn’t look bad in my apartment.” I won’t tell her that ended up being buttered popcorn dipped in strawberry ice cream.
The doorbell rings, jarring the conversation. “Who could that be? Jack, are you expecting any packages?”
“No, I don’t think so. My two favorite packages both surprised us this morning.”
“So you were a surprise, too?” I ask Shawn, and he nods.
“Coach decided to give us the day off. He hinted we’d still have afternoon skate today, but changed his mind late yesterday. I got a flight at six this morning, and … what the fuck?”
“Natalie,” Mom calls, “does this belong to you?”
Turning around in my chair, my mouth drops open when I find Alex staring expectantly at me.