Chapter 24
A lex
April
Knowing how stubborn Natalie is, I figured it would be at least two weeks before she bit the bullet and called me to scratch that itch. I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about our escapades all the damn time. I woke up every fucking morning, hard as a rock, having to jerk off in the shower to ease the lust coursing through my veins. I’d never felt like this, not even with Sara.
I want to try with Natalie, and show her that I’m making her a priority. Every morning, I text her hello. We typically text on-and-off throughout the day, and I end each day asking her for one good thing that happened that day. Usually she tells me something with her students, and I find it fun to hear her side of a story, when I’ve already heard about it from Ben.
It took a few days before Natalie began asking me what my favorite part of the day was, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was every interaction with her. I looked forward to our texts. I began checking my phone nonstop, hoping I’d missed a notification, even knowing she was teaching and not on her phone. I took a chance one night by calling her, and we talked for two hours. I laughed so loudly that Abbie asked me to quiet down. I felt like a new me, and even my therapist commented on it, too.
The therapist Dom recommended had me working through some pretty intense sessions to acknowledge and name my grief. He agreed with, well, everyone, that I was stuck, and I’d never made it fully through the stages. In all honesty, I absolutely hated the sessions. I realize that I wasn’t stuck in anger or sadness. I was stuck in denial. I could talk all day about how much I missed Sara, but in every facet of my life, I denied she was dead. I rarely spoke about her to the kids, and I led a fairly celibate life, as if I was still married.
It took three weeks for Pete to break through that mental block I’d subconsciously set up, and another two for him to help me understand that Sara’s death was not my fault. I’d never truly realized the guilt I held about being deployed, and I’d convinced myself she never would have been in that car had I been home.
“If I wasn’t in the National Guard, she’d still be alive,” I’d argued.
“Who’s to say she wouldn’t have died years earlier?” he pointed out. “We can’t play the ‘what if’ game, Alex. We have no idea how one decision could change the trajectory of our lives. For every hypothetical situation you give me where Sara is alive, I could give you a different scenario where she may have died. Or worse, your kids may have been in the car too.”
“I don’t know how to move past the guilt,” I’d admitted.
“Every time you feel that familiar wave of guilt, you say out loud that it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, Alex. Sara’s death is not your fault.”
I hadn’t felt the wave of guilt then, but rather a wave of emotion unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It wasn’t my fault. I’d spent over five years blaming myself for something that happened when I wasn’t even in the country. Thousands of car accidents happen every day, and who knows how many people die in them. It sounds callous to call Sara a statistic, but that black and white fact helped me begin to heal.
After that session, even Natalie could tell I was different. On our phone call that evening we talked about our families. How we were both raised. What we wanted for our son. I felt like, for the first time, Natalie and I were on the same page.
Over the last few weeks, I’d taken some big steps in my mental health. I talked to Abbie and Ben about my feelings, as well as seeing the therapist. I brought up how helpful it had been, and asked if either wanted to see a therapist. I was surprised when both said yes .
I’d also admitted to my entire immediate family that I’d been in therapy, and they were incredibly supportive. Our normally batshit crazy group text was a little more subdued, but still a bit nuts.
Which is why today, I’m laughing at my phone while waiting for Natalie to get home. She sent me some weird text about needing help with her pipes. I thought she had a landlord, but I guess he’s not available. Whatever. I realized that I’ve missed her in the last two weeks, and I’ll take any opportunity to check on her.
Fortunately, my family is keeping me entertained while I wait for Nat.
Isabella: No one needs this many cookies.
Luca: Those MC guys are growing boys, Belly.
Dom: Yeah, I’m sure he’s just being considerate for his club. There couldn’t possibly be any other reason Sebastian keeps coming back to your bakery.
Mom: Did I pass him this morning? You were glaring at him, sweetheart, and his face was red. What did you say to him?
Isabella: Nothing.
Luca: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Isabella: I didn’t say anything.
Luca: That’s not what I heard.
Isabella: LUCA I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND TAKE AWAY YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN
Hannah: Hey!
Isabella: No apologies. Tell your husband to shut up.
Hannah: You threatened to take away MY prospective children, so you get no help from me.
Hannah: And since now I’m allll pissed off …
Me: Uh oh. The Georgia peach never gets super mad.
Luca: Batten down the hatches.
Arianna: (claps hands gleefully) God, I LOVE when Hannah gets unhinged.
Dad: Stop adding me to this nonsense.
Dad has left the group
Kate: Somebody add him back in. He put me in a group text with a podiatrist last week, talking about a wart on the bottom of his foot. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of it, so I can’t figure out how to add him back in!
Dom added Dad to the group
Kate: How’s your foot wart, Nick?
Dad: How did you know about that?
Hannah: FOCUS
Isabella: I’ll babysit for a week if you don’t tell them.
Hannah: Tempting, but too late.
Luca: Sebastian point-blank asked Isabella out to dinner, and she laughed at him, then tried to hook him up with one of her employees.
Me: Holy shit. That’s harsh.
Mom: Isabella Marie!
Dom: Uh oh. Mom brought out the middle name.
Isabella: He laughed too! I don’t know which one of you put him up to it, but I know he didn’t mean it. He’s been coming in for years and he’s never even hinted at dinner.
Me: You’re a ballbuster, so I’m not surprised.
Isabella: I am not.
Arianna: I love you, but you absolutely are a ballbuster. The fact that he’s been coming in there for years and you never realized it was for YOU is what we should be focusing on.
Isabella: Please. No one wants to date the fat chick, especially a guy like Sebastian. He’s just being nice since I’m one of you.
Me: Wow. Didn’t realize you had such a poor opinion of yourself, sis.
Dom: Seriously.
Luca: Belly, you’re gorgeous. I wish you could see what all of us see. Hell, I can count a handful of college buddies who asked about you or wanted your number.
Dom: I agree with Luca. You’re curvaceous and beautiful.
Gia: I’ve always thought you were the best looking girl out of the three of us. Sorry, Ari.
Arianna: Oh, I completely agree. Belly’s always had this sex kitten thing going on without even trying. It’s just not fair.
Isabella: Okay, I get that you’re trying to cheer me up, but you’re laying it on pretty thick.
Mom: Reginetta, you are stunning, and any man would be lucky to have you by his side.
Dad: I agree.
Dad: But how the hell did Kate know about my foot wart?
Kate: Sometimes I hate this group chat. But I figured out how to leave, so …
Kate has left the group
Dom added Kate to the group
Kate: DOMINIC!
Dom: For better or worse, Katharine. You signed on the dotted line knowing us. This is my worse.
Kate: Wanna bet?
Dom: If I say yes, how long am I forced to sleep on the couch?
Kate: No comment.
Dom: No, I don’t want to bet.
Me: Good call.
“What has you grinning like a fool?”
Looking up, I find Natalie watching me with an amused expression. “My family’s group chat. We always have one that goes off the rails each week.”
“Our girl chat does the same thing. I’d blame Arianna, but Hannah and Kate are in there too, so who knows,” Natalie says with a shrug. I follow her inside, and up the stairs to her second-floor studio.
“This was mostly due to Isabella today. We think a friend of Dom and Luca’s has a thing for her, but she vehemently disagrees, based on no one would want to date the fat chick. Her words, not mine.”
Natalie’s mouth drops open as she unlocks her apartment door. “She is not fat! God, I’d love to have her figure. I honestly don’t know how she stays as skinny as she does, since she’s around baked goods all the damn time. Totally unfair.”
“I feel like this is a trap, but I’m diving in anyway. You know you aren’t fat either, right?”
Natalie scoffs. “Please. I was considered obese before I got pregnant, and now I’m rivaling one of those manatees in Florida rivers. I think I heard the scale at the OB’s office scream when I stepped on it for my last appointment.”
“Dramatic much?” I remark dryly.
She laughs, a melodic sound that flitters over me like the wings of a butterfly. “I’m not trying to be dramatic. Before I got pregnant, I rocked my body. I knew I was overweight, but I loved my curves. But I also love food, and I have no intention of giving that up anytime soon. It’s just seeing the changes on my body the closer I get to delivering, and it’s hard to process sometimes. It’s especially hard when it’s difficult to put on shoes by myself, too.”
“Should I start coming over every morning so I can make sure your shoes are on properly?” I tease.
“You laugh, but I just might make that a baby daddy responsibility.”
Natalie shoots me a mischievous wink over her shoulder as she flips her hair down her back, and I’m stunned with how extraordinary she looks. She’s as breathtaking as always, but I can’t tell her that. Her hair cascades down her back in lustrous waves, the mahogany color the perfect dichotomy for her porcelain skin. The weight gain she speaks of is located almost completely in her abdomen and breasts, and God damn do I want to get those perfect mounds in my mouth. I find myself staring, and watch mesmerized as her nipples pucker under her shirt, as if they know what I’m thinking.
“Alex,” she whispers, dropping her bag next to her. “I called.”
“You did.”
“You told me to call, when I — when I needed to be reminded about how good it is with you. Well, I mean, I texted.” Her voice, breathy and uneven, gets higher as I slowly stalk toward her, like a predator toward his prey. Coming to a stop only inches from her, I slide one hand up her side, letting my fingers dance across her chest for a moment before continuing on to her neck. Natalie’s pulse beats wildly against my thumb as my hand wraps around to grip her tightly, tilting her head slightly to the side. Her lips part with a gasp, one I desperately want to swallow .
“You asked me to help you with your pipes — oh,” I say, realizing what she meant. “Your pipes.”
“I didn’t want someone else to read the text, and know what it meant.”
“Need the words, Sunflower,” I rasp, my own voice deeper than normal. Natalie hesitates, her gaze clearing as her eyes center on mine, and I fear she may second-guess her decision to contact me. I feel her hands grip my shirt at my hips, and she steps closer, lining our bodies up. I love how her baby bump pushes against me, and it gives me the perfect view down her shirt. Fuck do I need to taste her.
“I need you,” she whispers.
“Louder.”
“I need you, Alex,” she states a little more clearly, and because it wouldn’t be us if there wasn’t a push-and-pull, I bait her again.
“What do you need?” I ask as I push her slightly until her back is against the wall.
“You should know what I need.” A fire has taken over Natalie’s eyes, and fucking hell is it sexy.
She impatiently growls, and I fight the urge to chuckle. “I’ve only been with you twice, baby girl. I highly doubt I know what you need.”
“Jesus, that was hot,” she mutters, her pupils blown out with need.
“What?”
“Baby girl.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Way hotter than it should be.” Natalie drags her index finger up my abs, and I reflexively shudder. Her eyes lighten triumphantly, and I realize how quickly she can take control of this situation. That’s not how tonight is gonna go. Natalie may think she wants to be in charge, but secretly, she wants me to make all the decisions.
Leaning down, I rest my mouth along the outer edge of her ear. “If you want to be my baby girl, you need to do as I tell you to. You want that, don’t you? Want me to control you as only I can. I can get you there, Sunflower. But it only happens if we do it my way. ”
“This is a new Alex,” she murmurs, but her pupils are so blown with lust I can barely see the green.
It is a new me. A different me, I guess. A version of myself I can be with Natalie that I never could with Sara. Or maybe I just never allowed myself to be like this. It could be that I curbed that need, the desire, to own someone. Possibly I thought Sara would be horrified at this kind of treatment. Our sex was always sweet and loving. Maybe this version of Alex was always there, right under the surface, and now I’m just tapping into him.
“Answer the question, Natalie,” I command, gripping her hair and pulling it tight. Her eyes drift closed as a slight smile graces her face. I can’t resist the temptation of her neck, dragging my tongue along her collarbone. “Tell me what you know I’ll give you.”
Her eyes flick open, and I grin wickedly. I can see the submission in her gaze, and I’m immediately hard as steel.
“I need to come, Alessio. I need you to fuck me,” she whispers.
“My fucking pleasure,” I respond before crashing my lips against hers. We moan simultaneously, the relief immediate. I’ve been craving her taste. Her scent. Her presence. And as much as I’d love to edge her again and again, I feel this innate need to bury myself so far inside her that no one will ever question whether Natalie is mine.
Natalie is fucking mine.
I don’t know what that means. How she may feel. But I know in my soul that she’s mine.
About time you got on board.
For fuck’s sake. This is not the time to have an internal conversation with my dead wife.
She needs you.
Sara, stop.
But you need her more.
“Alex,” Natalie whimpers against my lips, lifting a knee to wrap her leg around me, and bringing my mind back to the woman in my arms. “God, I should have called you sooner.”
I’m glad she didn’t. I’ve taken the past couple of weeks to dig deep. I needed that time more than I thought I did, but I still have a long way to go. I might say in my head that Natalie is mine, but I’m nowhere near ready to tell her that, because I don’t think Natalie is ready to admit she wants more with me. Besides, I think I want to woo her.
Crouching slightly, I grab Natalie behind the thighs, hoisting her up. She screeches as I walk to her bed, sitting with her straddling me. Her stomach protrudes slightly more than it did the last time, and I resist the urge to bend down to kiss it. It’s fucking feral how hot it is to me that she’s having my baby.
I take her lips in another deep kiss as her hands find my hair, scraping her nails along my scalp. Her hips begin to gyrate in my lap, subconsciously seeking the friction she needs, and I don’t stop it. I want to watch her make herself come. Natalie breaks off the kiss with a loud moan, laying her head down on my shoulder. Nope. That’s not gonna work. I want to watch her come.
Grabbing her hair, I pull her head up. “You gonna come, baby girl? Gonna get yourself off on my thigh? Keep your eyes open. I need to see what color green they turn when you come all over me.”
“Jesus, your mouth,” she pants.
“You have no problems with my mouth, and you know it.”
“Sometimes you could shut up a little,” she says, shimmying her hips faster as her hands latch onto my shoulders.
“If my mouth is closed, I can’t eat your pussy. I can’t suck on your nipples. I can’t lick your asshole like I know you love, but won’t say. You fucking love my mouth, Sunflower. Now fucking come,” I command, and my girl immediately acquiesces. Eyes remaining open, I witness the beauty of the emerald green color as she shudders through the aftershocks. I let her rest her head against mine, and I’m struck at how right it feels.
“I’ll admit, you give a better orgasm with your tongue,” Natalie confesses, and I throw back my head in raucous laughter.
“Noted,” I chuckle. “Might as well give that one an immediate try.”
“Actually, wait.” Her head lifts, and she gives me a coy smile. “Can I try something?”
“Yeah? ”
“Good. Help me up and then get naked.” When I don’t move, she giggles. “I thought that was pretty specific.”
“I thought I said I run this show.”
“I asked if I could try something, and you agreed. Therefore, I get to run this part of the Alex show.”
A slow grin spreads across my face. “Are you taking control on a technicality?”
“It would appear so,” she responds sweetly. I help Natalie stand from my lap, then do as she asked, removing my shirt and jeans. “What would it take for you to wear a suit?”
“A sibling getting married,” I answer honestly. I’m nothing like Dom. He lives in suits, whereas I’m all for comfort and a relaxed fit. As Natalie drags her fingers along the hem of my boxers, she looks up at me through thick lashes.
“I was at Dominic and Kate’s wedding renewal ceremony,” she says quietly. “Did you know that?”
I think back to that night at Everlasting, when Dom’s ex-wife crashed the wedding, and got Kate hurt in the process. Closing my eyes, I scan the imaginary picture from that night of the crowd. I remember telling Dom I was miserable, and how much I missed Sara. I remember Arianna gabbing with her friends, and I thought one of them was really pretty, but I didn’t think much of it until now … “Holy shit. I saw you. I remember you.”
“You’re just saying that,” she responds.
“No, I’m not,” I answer adamantly. “You wore a red dress.”
Natalie’s face noticeably pales as she nods.
“You had your hair half up in some kind of twist. You smiled at me, I think.”
“I did,” she whispers as her hand dips below the waistband of my boxers. “And you smiled back.”
“Did I?” I murmur absentmindedly.
“You did. Claire told me to talk to you after the ceremony. Then all hell broke loose, and I didn’t see you again. Until that night at the bar.” Natalie’s hand slips closer and closer to my length, rigid between us, and I’m struggling to focus .
“I wasn’t in a good place that night,” I murmur. “I don’t know if I would have talked to you, but I really can’t concentrate on talking right now.”
Natalie laughs lightly as she pulls her hand out. “Gotta admit, this control thing is kind of nice.”
“I will take that away, you know — holy hell, Natalie!” Before I could realize her intentions, Natalie dropped to her knees, whipped down my boxers, and sucked my entire length into her mouth. She gags when I hit the back of her throat, and I expect her to let up, but in true stubborn Natalie fashion, she takes a deep breath through her nose and fights through the gag reflex. “Goddamn, baby girl. Your mouth is fucking sinful.”
Natalie begins a pattern of sucking and licking that has black spots dotting the edges of my vision. Grabbing hold of her hair in a makeshift ponytail, I test pushing her head against me lightly, and her eyes light up. When she nods, I start fucking her mouth. “Tap my thigh if you need a break, okay?”
She nods, reaching in between my legs to fondle my balls. Tears drip from her eyes, but her gaze doesn’t break from mine. I’m barreling into an orgasm that is bound to be one for the record books. “I’m close, Sunflower.”
I expect her to release my cock so I don’t come in her mouth. Maybe whip up her shirt so I can come on her breasts. What I don’t expect, however, is the hand holding my balls to slip further back, her fingers pressing against my asshole. I’m so surprised that I don’t tense up, allowing one digit to slip past the rigid muscle, pushing perfectly against my prostate. I come with a yell as my vision completely darkens. A wave of pleasure unlike anything I’ve ever experienced crashes over me, and I collapse backward onto the bed.
Natalie moves with me, patiently lapping up my release as I’m overcome. “Jesus Christ. What the hell was that?”
She finally releases my cock from her mouth with an audible pop. “I figured if I was going to call you, I wanted to make it memorable. And I know I should have asked you first, or told you what I was gonna do. Consent and all. But I figure you licked my asshole without telling me that was your plan, so turnabout is fair play.”
“Yeah, I’m not gonna forget this anytime soon. And noted about the consent. I’ll be sure to tell you my nefarious plans beforehand,” I pant. My entire body hums as I wait for my heart rate to return to normal. “Think I’ll need a minute for round two.”
Natalie rises to her feet and sits next to me on the bed. “Take your time, old man.”
“Thirty eight is not old,” I murmur.
“It is when I’m only thirty two.”
“I forgot you’re younger than me. Dom is nine years older than Kate, and Stone is eleven years older than Ari. Age doesn’t bother me.”
“Not that it matters, anyway. We aren’t together. While you rest, I’m going to take a quick shower.” Natalie pats me on the knee as she stands. I open one eye to watch her walk to her bathroom, and a hand comes up to push against my heart.
Why does it hurt this much for her to say something I already know is true?
How can I convince her to give me a chance, when I’ve been so damn wishy-washy this entire time?
And will she say yes?