Chapter 25
N atalie
April
I’ll admit, I’m using the shower as an escape. The look in Alex’s eyes is … different somehow, and I don’t know how to interpret it. Some of his looks are very easy to define. I can tell when he’s thinking about Sara, or when he’s thinking about his job. I’m starting to learn his expression for when he has his dad hat on, and I can even recognize the moment when he feels like he’s getting too close to me and begins to pull away. Slam the shutters down and close up shop. Oops, Natalie almost saw the real me. Rein it in, boys! Can’t have her getting the wrong idea.
But today, watching him laugh so openly at his phone, I was taken aback. I’ve seen a variety of Alex smiles over the past few months, but reading his family group text had a carefree smile I’ve never seen. I’m not even sure if I saw it before he got married. When I finally approached him, after watching him for a minute or two and ogling him unabashedly, I had the wind knocked out of me when he turned that smile onto me.
I’ve tried to keep my feelings in check because I knew where Alex stood. He’s still firmly in Camp Sara, staying devoted to his dead wife, while doing the right thing by supporting me. I’ll never be her. I get that. I’m not trying to be.
Today he’s different, and I’m scared as hell to let any more of my heart get invested. If I let myself think he wanted more, and he had to tell me otherwise, I’d be so humiliated. Heartbroken. I have to be around this man potentially for the rest of my life, and I simply can’t embarrass myself any more than I already have.
So I’m hiding in the shower.
Get it together, Nat.
The only thing that matters is having a good co-parenting relationship with Alex.
Taking a deep breath as I attempt to calm my nerves, I calculate how much time I can waste in here before Alex gets suspicious. Shampoo and conditioner take five minutes. Body wash another five. How much does he remember about pregnancy? I could say I shaved, but my bump is now large enough that it’s blocking a good portion of my legs, and I’m just blindly hacking away at whatever is down there and hoping for the best. I look longingly at my bath salts and bubble bath. This little tub-shower combo is really tiny, and I’ve certainly had my shape change in the last few months, but there’s nothing I like better than relaxing in a bath.
Another time.
Knowing my luck, if I tried it today, I’d get stuck and have to call Alex in here anyway to help me up.
I’ve only barely gotten my hair wet when the shower curtain is dramatically swished to the side as Alex steps into the shower.
“What are you —” I sputter, but he covers my mouth with his hand.
“I’m not done with you.” He drops to his knees, and I shriek.
“No! No, no, no,” I chant.
He looks up at me, droplets of water sticking to his thick, black lashes. “You’re supposed to shout yes, yes, yes.”
“It’s just … I haven’t finished my shower, and I’d like to clean there first, please.”
Alex raises a brow at me. “Pretty sure I’ve told you I don’t care about that.”
“Well, you should! I’ve been chasing around fourth graders all day. I don’t want your mouth on me if I’m stinky and sweaty.”
“I came in your mouth ten minutes ago. I hadn’t showered all day either. ”
“It’s different.”
“Not even a little bit.”
Alex rises to his full height, crowding me against the shower wall, putting his hands between my back and the wall. Because of course he’s that thoughtful. His lips crash into mine with intensity, and I immediately moan. As I moan, Alex sweeps his tongue into my mouth, circling mine quickly. His fingers grip my back tensely as the kiss continues. I feel his cock harden against my upper thigh, and I rise on my tiptoes, trying to get it between my legs. He breaks off the kiss and steps a few inches away, and I whimper in disappointment and sheer need.
He chuckles as his eyes rake down and back up my body. “I came in your mouth.”
“Yes?”
“After not showering.”
“Okay?”
“And I just stuck my tongue in your mouth.”
I don’t answer.
Alex grabs my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Because I don’t fucking care, Sunflower. I want to make you come with my tongue. I want you to coat my face with your orgasm. Then I’m going to fuck you, harder than I ever have, because I’m so fucking turned on right now that I’m about to burst. Now, be a good girl and let me have you the way I want.”
Holy shit.
I must nod, because he gives me a feral grin as he drops to his knees once again. Throwing my leg over his shoulder, Alex dives in, sucking hard on my clit as one finger plunges into my core. He’s hinted about edging me before, but this is fast and to-the-point. He’s not tentative as he brutally forces me closer and closer to the edge, nibbling on my clit at just the point of pain before pushing me over, the free fall so exhilarating and sensual that I forget to breathe. I barely register that Alex has removed my knee from his shoulder, and he stands before me as I slowly come back to my senses. When I open my eyes, he watches me as he slowly strokes his erection. I must lick my lips, because he chuckles darkly. “Not this time, baby. I’m coming in that pussy. I need to feel you grip me.”
The mouth on this man!
“Turn around and put your hands on the edge of the tub,” he commands. I do as he asks because I’m still reeling from my orgasm, but also because I can’t wait to see what it’s like when Alex really lets loose. He’s fucked me before. It certainly wasn’t slow and tender. Can he be even more unhinged than that?
I’m barely turned around before he slams his dick into me, and I let out a guttural moan. Alex begins pummeling me, grabbing my hair and pulling my head back. I can’t help the loud cries that burst from my mouth. He’s hitting my G-spot every damn time, and he’s not just touching it. It’s like he’s trying to break right through to the outside. Grunting with each thrust, Alex slides his other hand around my body, briefly touching my stomach before continuing between my breasts. He shoves two fingers into my mouth, holding my head with a thumb under my chin, then he lets go of my hair. That hand quickly swipes around to cup my breast, the weight heavy in his palm. When he pinches the nipple between two fingers, I moan loudly. “Suck, baby girl. No one else gets to hear your sweet sounds but me.”
I immediately do as he asked, sucking on his fingers, which taste of me. I’m still somewhat level-headed, and bite down on the digits, making Alex swear behind me. He lets go of my nipple and smacks my ass, but his thrusts never stop. I can feel another orgasm barreling toward me, but I want Alex to come with me. I know I’ll probably fall over if I lift a hand from the tub edge, so my only option is to suck his fingers as far into my mouth as they’ll go, letting his middle digit touch the back of my throat. He lets out a groan as the consistency of his pace falters just enough that I know he’s close. His free hand finds my clit as he turns my head to one side, capturing my lips with his. As his tongue thrusts into my mouth, he pinches my clit, and I explode. I feel him swell inside me as he moans into my mouth, and his slowed movements push my aftershocks out further.
Alex breaks off the kiss, and as my head falls in exhaustion, I feel his hand let go of my hair. I didn’t even realize he’d grabbed it again at some point, I was too far gone to care. My entire body zings with pleasure, and I know my legs won’t work right if I attempt to step out. Holy moly. Three orgasms. I’d say Alex delivered on his promise.
“Was I too rough?” he whispers against my back.
“What?”
“Too rough. Was I too much? I don’t know what happened. I’m not like that normally. At least I don’t think I am.”
“You weren’t too rough.”
“I wasn’t?” he asks quietly.
“No. I — I liked it, Alex,” I confess.
“You did?”
“Yeah. That was, well. That was something.”
He chuckles awkwardly before slowly sliding out of me. I wince slightly, fully aware that I’ll be feeling it tomorrow, but I regret nothing. “Stand up and let me wash your hair, Nat.”
“You don’t have to do that.” My voice is barely above a whisper. I want him to wash my hair, but I don’t want him to think he has to.
“I’d like to, if you’ll let me.” Alex’s voice sounds tentative and raw. It’s possible he’s as unnerved with how intense the sex was, and he’s also having difficulty processing it. I carefully straighten, my knee buckling instantly, but Alex catches me. “Turn around so you can lean your body against mine.”
My movements halt, as I’m unsure if I can face him. I’m thrown by how I feel. He consumed me unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I feel his head drop to my shoulder as he applies a gentle kiss. Such a strange dichotomy to what we just did. “Please, Sunflower.”
God dammit. That nickname is my kryptonite. I slowly turn, choosing to keep my eyes closed as my head dips back into the spray. I hear Alex grab the shampoo bottle, squirting a healthy amount into his hands, before he gently touches my hair.
“I hope he has your hair,” he says quietly. “The color, I mean. I’m fine if he wants to have long hair. I don’t care about that masculine shit. I’d love a little mini-Natalie running around with the same hair, and a fiery attitude. ”
I can’t help the snort that comes out of my nose. “Then I’d like him to have your eyes.”
“Fuck no. He needs your eyes. Brown is a dime a dozen. Green eyes like yours are unique and breathtaking. And he needs your lips. Your cupid’s bow. Maybe even your cheekbones.”
“Is there anything of yours you’d like him to have?” I tease.
“Yeah.”
“I’m guessing you’re gonna say your dick size.”
“Well, not as a baby. That would be difficult to explain to other people, and I imagine he’d have trouble learning to crawl with a footlong between his thighs.”
“Clearly he needs to have your modesty and humble attitude.”
“I can’t help it if I’m an absolute blessing, baby girl.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and it makes me giggle gleefully. “Turnabout is fair play. What do you want him to have?”
He dips my head back into the water as he washes the shampoo from my hair. “I haven’t thought much about his physical attributes. I hope he has all ten fingers and toes. No birth defects. No birth trauma. I’ve thought more about his personality.”
Alex squirts the conditioner into his hands, then drags his fingers through my tresses carefully. “What have you thought of?”
I sigh. “I want him to have your patience and drive. I don’t think I’ve ever met a man as patient as you. I see how you interact with your kids, and you meet them exactly where they’re at. That is such a commendable trait, Alex. I deal with parents every day, and no one is as thoughtful as you. I love how you support your kids so unconditionally.”
He’s quiet as he massages my scalp. “I feel guilty.”
“About what?” I want him to say it. I need him to tell me.
“About not being here when Sara died,” he whispers. “I didn’t find out for a week, and then it took almost another week for me to get back here. By then, Sara’s parents were in talks to try and take my kids. They’d lost their only child, and they wanted to latch onto the only part of her left. I was so angry with them, but I completely understood. I couldn’t lose them either, because they’re my daily reminders of her.”
“Oh, Alex,” I whisper.
“All this time, I thought if I had been here sooner, or if I hadn’t deployed at all, I’d have taken away the pain. Or maybe Sara wouldn’t have died. I’ve felt guilt every day over her not being here. Them not having their mom.”
Tears stream down from beneath my eyelids, and I’m thankful for the water so Alex can’t tell. This poor, broken man.
“It’s been almost six years since she died, and I finally feel like I’m coming out of the fog. I can’t change the past, but I can make up for what I missed when I was desolate. I can treat my children to a present father who respects and values them. I can spend time with my family, because who knows what tomorrow will bring. And I can find a job that I actually enjoy, because this police job ain’t it.”
“You’re that unhappy?” I ask softly. I open my eyes to stare up at him, watching as he shrugs with a hint of a smile. This is the first time he’s spoken so openly about Sara, and he doesn’t look devastated. There’s a peaceful aura that I haven’t seen before.
“Maybe it’s not that I’m unhappy. But this job doesn’t bring me joy. I don’t want to do something just because I’m good at it, or that it’s available. I want to be happy. I want to show my kids — all three of them,” I smile at that addition, “— how important it is to place happiness above all else.”
“That’s really great, Alex,” I whisper. He opens his eyes, a beautiful smile gracing his face as he looks down at me. Leaning down, he kisses me softly, a far cry from the beating my vagina just took from the same man.
Alex looks down at his watch, grimacing. “Fuck. I forgot I told my mom I’d bring dinner over tonight.”
“Oh, okay,” I say hurriedly. “You should probably go.” I quickly wash the conditioner from my hair, then turn off the water.
“You want to come?” he blurts out.
“What? To your parents for dinner? Uh, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I answer hastily. Why the hell is he even asking? I basically invited him over for a booty call.
Alex is quiet as I pull the shower curtain aside, handing him a spare towel to dry off. I realize I didn’t wash anything important, but I can do that later when I’m alone. Wrapping the towel around me, I step out of the shower and open the bathroom door. I’m a step out of the bathroom when Alex’s arm slides around me, pulling me back against him.
“I’d like you to come,” he whispers.
“Why?” I blurt out.
I feel him inhale against my hair as his other arm comes around my shoulders. “I think I’d like all my children in one spot, and seeing as how you’re baking one of them, you should be there, too. But I also know I want you there. With me.”
“I texted you for sex,” I stammer, and he chuckles against me, making goosebumps prickle along my neck and shoulder.
“I know. Will you come with me? Please?” His voice is quiet, a nervous tenor I haven’t heard before.
“Okay,” I find myself answering, and he lets out a relieved exhale.
“Okay. Good. Get dressed.” Letting go of me, he quickly spanks my ass before crossing the room to get his clothes. Still standing by the bathroom, I stare at him incredulously. He turns around and smiles. “You need help, Sunflower? It’s been a while since I’ve put clothes on an adult woman, but I’m pretty sure I can manage.”
I shake my head in shock, making him let out a peal of laughter. “Who are you, and what have you done with my Alex?”
He cocks a brow at me. “ Your Alex?”
Shit. “That’s not what I meant. Typical broody and stoic Alex. You have to admit this sarcastic and scrappy Alex is unusual.”
He shrugs. “Maybe it’s new. Or maybe it’s who I was meant to be all along. Now chop-chop. Get dressed, or I’ll be forced to fuck you again, and my family will have questions when you walk into their house all bow-legged.”
“When I said I was fine with you being in control in the bedroom, I didn’t mean all the time,” I say, slightly irritated.
“We’re in your bedroom, baby girl. I’m still in control.”
For fuck’s sake.