Chapter 5
K ate
One Month Ago
I cannot make these children orphans.
I cannot make these children orphans.
“Katharine, I thought we discussed your inability to park far enough over on the driveway so I can pull out of the garage without hitting your car.”
God dammit. Or- phans .
Deep breaths, Kate. You can survive longer here. You love the kids. Their dad is an ass, but you already knew that.
“Katharine, are you listening to me?”
I audibly growl.
“Oh, good. You are listening to me.”
“Plotting your demise as you complain,” I mutter. The sweet Dominic from the backyard the other night appears to have left the building, folks. It’s possible I dreamed him up.
“I heard that,” Dominic calls out as he walks back into the kitchen. He is ridiculously structured, and even without looking, I know he just took his bag to his home office, and now he will remove his suit jacket, carefully draping it over the back of a barstool.
Honestly, I’ve been living in Dominic’s house for five months, and I’ve only really thought about murdering him a handful of times. Maybe a dozen. Dozen and a half? Possibly.
Regardless, it’s mostly been good. Whenever I’m not with the kids, I hide in my room. Dominic has a small fridge in the basement, and I keep an emergency stash of snacks in my room at all times, so I only have to go upstairs for meals. Whenever I’m with the kids, I ignore Dominic’s presence. It’s just easier that way.
Well, I mostly ignore him. It’s hard when he goes full dad-mode, because it’s a Dominic that is so inherently sexy that I can barely stop from drooling. He’s already incredibly attractive, but when he is so attentively listening to the kids, and participating in whatever they ask him to do, he jumps up on the hotness scale. So many men might be with their kids, but they’re also on their phones. Dominic is present . His phone is always in another room, or in his pocket. He only answers phone calls, and never checks his phone for another reason. It’s ridiculously hot.
Him worrying about what questions his daughters might have as they get older, then saying his kids are his whole world? Hot .
So I ignore his physical presence as much as I can, because I’m about five seconds away from mounting his leg like a dog. I got turned on from holding his hand in the backyard, and had to enlist the help of one of my self-care friends, and, after seeing a Reddit thread for vibrator names, has been affectionately referred to as the Rammer Jammer since then. In time, they’ll all have names, because they’re the longest relationships I have … and they get me off every single time, which is more than I can say for most of my sexual partners.
But there are times like now, when he just got home from work, and all three kids left me alone with him, so I can’t not look at him. He’s cooking. Dominic cooks. As I watch him remove his suit jacket so he can carefully roll up his sleeves, I stare at the corded muscles flexing on his forearms and I feel my body clench up with need. It’s been … a while since I’ve gotten laid, and clearly I need some action before I mount my boss and he kicks me out of his house .
“Are you available this weekend for some extra hours?” Dominic asks as he begins to cook the angel hair pasta for Carter’s favorite meal. Dominic goes out of his way to find recipes that his kids will eat, but also recipes that are somewhat healthy. Carter is specific about what he will and won’t eat. He has a particular aversion to green vegetables, but he will eat orange or red ones. So the recipe tonight is toasted angel hair with sausage and red peppers. Aspen, of course, won’t touch anything but the pasta, and Sienna eats the whole thing.
I’ll eat whatever someone cooks for me, because I’m just thankful I didn’t have to make it. My mom always taught me that. It’s incredibly disrespectful to turn your nose up at a meal you had no part in cooking.
“I have to bartend Friday and Sunday night, but the rest of the weekend I’m free,” I respond.
“No hot dates?” Dom asks.
“Uh, no?”
“You aren’t sure if you have a hot date?”
“What does that mean?”
“You answered a question with a question, insinuating you did not know the answer.”
“I know the answer, Dominic. I just don’t know why you’re asking, considering it’s none of your business. Do you have any hot dates this weekend?” I snap.
“Why do you think I’m asking if you can watch the kids?” he retorts.
Stunned, I stare at Dominic’s back. He’s dating? I don’t know why that makes me irrationally angry, but it does. I don’t have any spare time to meet someone, so how does he? And how will any woman be comfortable with me living here? I would be incredibly self-conscious if my boyfriend had a woman living in his house.
When Dominic clears his throat, I raise my eyes to meet his. His mouth is set in a straight line, but his eyes sparkle with mirth as he views me over his shoulder. “No hot dates for me either, Katharine. Not only do I not have the time, but I don’t have any interest in dating.”
“Why?” I blurt out. A blush creeps across my cheeks as I realize how out of line that question is. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s fine. I have no interest in having a relationship, that’s all.”
“Why?”
“Because I have no intention of having a long term relationship, and I will never get married again. I’ve found that most women my age who are willing to date a single father expect a ring. Once they realize it won’t be coming from me, they’re no longer interested.”
“You really think you won’t get married again?” I ask.
“I don’t just think that, Katharine. I know. True love is a myth, and women can’t be trusted,” Dominic spits out bitterly.
“Wow,” I breathe. There is so much to unpack from that statement.
“Surprised?”
“Yes, actually. I’ve met some guys who’ve really had a number done on them. Bad relationships with every woman in their life, and they truly think they aren’t deserving of love. Look at Stone.” Stone is with Dominic’s youngest sister, Arianna.
“What about him?” Dominic asks.
“He fought the connection with Arianna for years because he didn’t think he was worthy of love. Yet you have amazing women in your life. You have a phenomenal relationship with your mom, and you got to experience your parents and your grandparents in love for a lifetime. So yes, it boggles my mind that you can stand there and claim all women are untrustworthy.” I could continue on, talking about how the love from Arianna has changed Stone in so many amazing ways, but I think Dominic gets the gist of what I’m saying.
“Well, that’s not exactly what I meant —”
I cut him off. “Furthermore, being as I’m a woman, and you trust me with your children, where is it that I become untrustworthy? Also, you have two daughters. When will you no longer trust them? But I guess you’ll trust your son, right? Because it’s just the women who are the problem.”
“Can you lower your voice, please?” Dominic hisses.
“No!” I shout. “No, I will not lower my voice. I’d love your daughters to hear this conversation, Dominic. They should know what their father thinks of their gender.”
“I meant in terms of relationships with me! Every relationship I’ve had has included a woman lying to me, or hiding something, or cheating on me. And I refuse to put myself through that again,” he states, his eyes wild as he waves his arms around.
“Dad? Why are you and Kate shouting at each other?” Sienna asks. Dominic and I swivel toward the staircase and find all three children sitting on the steps, and I have no idea how long they’ve been listening.
“Wonderful,” Dominic mutters as he glares at me.
“It’s not all my fault,” I snap. I mean, I’ll go as far as saying twenty five percent my fault. Okay, maybe forty percent. Turning toward the kids, I say, “We’re just passionately arguing points we believe in. Obviously we disagree on a topic or two.”
“We know,” Sienna replies nonchalantly. “You guys argue a lot.”
“It hasn’t been all arguments, though, has it? We disagree, but we typically don’t yell at each other. But we’ll definitely be conscious of that in the future, won’t we, Katharine? We’ll be respectful and tactful with boundaries.”
Well, that wasn’t obviously pointed at me leapfrogging over Dominic’s relationship boundary. Addressing the children, I say quietly, “I agree. We’ll be respectful from now on.”
“I think they like each other,” Aspen says bluntly.
Carter laughs. “How come?”
“My teacher says when Greyson pulls my hair it’s because he likes me. I think they yell at each other because they like each other.”
“Who is Greyson?” Dominic asks.
Shit. I forgot to tell him about Greyson. “Uh, a kid in Aspen’s class who has been a little too challenging with respecting physical boundaries.”
“Excuse me?” Dominic’s voice is calm. Deadly calm. I can see the violence brewing underneath the surface in his eyes. He’s ready to kill a first grader. At the same time, I feel a pain in my lower abdomen, and I blanch. I know what this means. I probably have another ovarian cyst, and I wonder how bad this one will be.
“It’s being addressed,” I answer hastily, discreetly rubbing my hand along my stomach to gauge where the pain is coming from.
“Is that so?” he snarls. “Might I remind you —”
Interrupting him, I blurt out, “I asked them to switch Greyson to another class, and they agreed. Once Greyson’s parents are notified, he’ll be moved. Her hair was pulled at recess, so now an extra aide watches the kids when they’re outside. Greyson rides a bus, so they aren’t in the same space before, or after, school. It sounded like he’ll also be working with the school psychologist to address why pulling Aspen’s hair is unacceptable.”
Dominic looks momentarily chagrined. I know he was about to tell me off, that I’m not her mother, and I should have referred the school back to him. But I also know he’s been incredibly busy at work, and it was an issue I could handle.
“Dinner is almost ready. Everyone go wash your hands, please,” Dominic says as he clears his throat. Once the children run back upstairs, he turns to me. “Katharine, I —”
“Oh, wow, I completely forgot, I said I’d cover for Kristie at the bar tonight. I have to go. Have a good night!” I frantically grab my phone and wallet, which were both sitting near the door, and quickly run out to my car. When I see Dominic follow me out, I start the car, throw it in reverse, and peel out of his driveway. I don’t know what he was going to say, but I don’t want to hear any of it.
I know I’m not their mother. But I love these kids, and I’d do anything for them. Whenever Dominic and I argue, I’m always wondering if he’ll cross that imaginary barrier and remind me of where I actually stand in their lives. Clearly I have some abandonment issues, because my biggest fear is Dominic finding someone, and dropping me at the bus stop on the edge of town. What I can’t comprehend is whether my actual fear is based on being abandoned by the kids, or Dominic potentially falling in love.
“Why are you here on a weeknight?” Kristie asks when I slink into the bar.
“Needed a valid reason to escape,” I mumble.
“Single dad problems?” she muses. Kristie was born and raised in Eternity Springs, so she knows the Santo family. A few years older than Dominic, she’s married to her high school sweetheart, Casey, and together, they run this bar. I stopped in here one night because I found the name so humorous. Eternity’s Elixirs. I love a good alliteration.
My mind isn’t completely wrapped up in thinking about the argument with Dominic. The pain in my stomach has been consistent since I left his house, and my experience with PCOS says it’s a cyst. What sucks the most about it is all the crazy side effects no one really tells you about PCOS. It impacted my body even more, causing hellacious acne, irregular periods, weight gain, and excessive body hair in my teens. Because really, as if being a teenager isn’t hard enough, I had to do it with weird patches of fur where I shouldn’t have any. Okay, it wasn’t fur. But it felt like that to me. I had to go on birth control when I had barely even kissed a guy, and rumors ran rampant around school that I was a whore.
Teenagers are so lovely.
Honestly, I didn’t have time to date, much less sleep around. I was too busy taking care of my mom.
I sigh as I nod. “Got into a big argument and we didn’t realize his kids were listening.”
“What was the argument about?” she asks.
As I’m about to tell her, I have an odd feeling of protectiveness. Regardless of how I feel about Dominic, I don’t want others getting mad at him too. Furthermore, I’d feel incredibly guilty if other people had a poor opinion of him based on my gossiping. I’m also aware that I accidentally goaded Dominic into giving me his opinion on women, and I don’t feel as if it’s something other people should know.
“It doesn’t matter. I just needed to get out of there for a bit,” I tell her. “Is Casey working the grill tonight? I’m starving. I ran out right at dinner.”
“He is. You want your usual?” Kristie asks with a smirk.
Nodding, I grab my purse to give her my debit card. She smacks it away, adding, “my treat tonight, babe.”
“Oh, no. I want to pay.”
“Well, I want a million bucks. We don’t always get what we want,” she says with a broad wink as she heads back to the kitchen to give my order to her husband.
We don’t always get what we want.
Yeah, because I want Dominic.
Woah. Where the hell did that thought come from?
I do not want my boss. I do not want my boss.
A momentary thought of him smiling at me like he does at his kids, and I realize something incredibly important.
Maybe I do want my boss, and that means I’m in big trouble.
I hang at the bar until around closing, then make my way back to Dominic’s house. I love his house. It’s so picturesque and cute. Very suburban family, with a railed-in covered porch on the front, white shutters bordering every window, and a wooden fence surrounding the backyard. Noticing all the lights are off, I sigh in relief. I feared Dominic might wait up for me after I tucked my tail and ran out of here.
Carefully tiptoeing into the house, I’m almost to the basement door when I remember I left my phone charger next to the couch where I was sitting when Dominic and I began arguing. I know my way around the house in the dark, but I trip over something and land half on the couch, catching myself on the back cushions as my knees hit the floor. But the couch seems to be warm, and moving.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“Katharine,” Dominic whispers, his arms clamping around me, and I still. He sighs, obviously asleep, and I relax in relief. I’ve never been this close to him. This close I can smell his cologne, mostly gone after a long day, but with an element that must be Dominic himself adding to the woodsy muskiness of the scent. I’ll admit, I snuck into his bedroom once to find the cologne and smell it straight from the bottle. I wanted to know what I was smelling in the air after he’d leave for work. Cedarwood, vetiver, and bergamot. But smelling it on him is a high unlike anything else. I find myself carefully lowering my head so I can sniff his neck.
Good God. I have to stop myself from extending my tongue to taste him. This is so not appropriate employer-employee behavior. As I’m attempting to remove myself from his lap, Dominic slides a hand up into my hair and winds the strands around his fingers. Tingles skitter up and down my spine, and when he pulls, I can’t stop the moan that releases from deep in my chest.
“Katharine … Katharine?” I realize the moment he wakes up, and I frantically scramble to get up, but he also attempts to get up, and somehow Dominic pushes me down, falling on top of me. But this time, he lands between my legs. And there he is. Hard. All of him. My eyes widen as I realize how much of him is hitting the very best part of me, and I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning again.
“Why were you on top of me?” Dominic growls.
“Uh, well, I tripped, and somehow fell on you, well, maybe more next to you, and then you grabbed me, and I think you pulled my hair? But that’s fine, because I like getting my hair pulled —” I stop, horrified at what I just admitted.
“Did you … did you sn iff me?” he asks.
“I mean, I sniffed, because that’s how people breathe, but sniffing you? I don’t know if I’d go that far to explain that, but you grabbed me and wouldn’t let go, so I was trying to figure out how to dislodge myself without waking you …” I trail off as I realize something very important. He’s still on top of me. And he’s still hard. “Why haven’t you stood up yet?”
“Fuck,” he whispers, before scrambling to stand. He holds a hand out to help me up, but I swat it away. I think it’s best if I don’t touch him right now. Maybe ever. Ever is probably the best idea. Can I move to a convent that doesn’t allow visitors? Wait. I enjoy sex. When I can have it, that is. So a convent isn’t the best place for me.
“I, uh, I just wanted to grab my charger by the couch, and now I’m going to go downstairs and die,” I mutter. Grabbing my charger, I shuffle to the basement door right when Dominic’s voice stops me.
“Katharine.”
“Yes?”
“I enjoy pulling hair, too.”
God dammit.