Chapter 13
D ominic
I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry before. Even when I found out about Savannah’s numerous affairs, I remember being more worried about the reputation of the hotel, as well as how our children would fare, instead of Savannah’s betrayal. Somehow, this is different with Kate.
This marriage may not be one that follows the normal route, but we made vows. I looked in her eyes and promised to honor her. That means something. Well, it means something to me, at least. Evidently, Kate sees a gray area where affairs are allowed.
To me, cheating is a deal-breaker. Do not pass Go, do not collect your winnings. Straight to jail. If you’re unhappy in a relationship with me, say something, or break it off. If you go behind my back, we’re done. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If Kate thinks there’s room to negotiate that, she’s not the woman I thought she was.
Maybe I never verbalized those thoughts to her. If she didn’t know details about my first marriage, it’s possible she might think my moral compass is skewed.
For this to feel worse than Savannah’s affairs tells me that I’m developing feelings for Kate, and I don’t know how to compartmentalize that.
“Dammit!” I shout as I hit my steering wheel with my palm. Instead of turning onto my street, I continue into the town center. Not knowing where I intend to go, I’m thrilled when I see my brother Alex’s car at a restaurant that we frequent. Parking next to his car, I head inside to blow off some steam. I could use a beer.
“Uncle Dom!” Abbie calls out. My gorgeous niece is eleven, and in the throes of tweendom hormones and drama. Alex is struggling. His wife died in a car accident several years back, and Abbie is in dire need of a female role model. Our mom and sisters are doing the best they can, but Abbie is lashing out. She misses her mom.
“What are you doing here?” Alex asks, looking up from the coloring his son, Ben, is working on beside him.
“Saw your car, and decided I needed a beer.”
Alex studies me, tilting his head to the side in a look that is so spot-on for our dad it’s almost scary, then sighs. “Abigail, watch your brother. Uncle Dom and I are going to chat at the bar for a minute.”
“You want me to have them send your food up there?” Abbie asks sweetly.
“I just said — you know what, if I’m not back, sure,” Alex says exasperatedly. He pushes me toward the bar as he mutters, “Fucking hate that she’s started calling me out on my shit.”
“But she does it in such a sweet way,” I comment.
A look of wistfulness covers Alex’s face. “It’s so much like Sara. It fucking hurts, Dom.”
Alex turns away as he gathers himself. While I definitely understand how draining the single dad life is, I can’t begin to imagine the emotions Alex cycles through every day. My wife chose to leave. His didn’t have that luxury.
I won’t tell Alex this, but I never thought Sara was the perfect match for him. Incredibly similar in their introverted tendencies, Sara was quiet and soft-spoken. She rarely challenged Alex, or pushed him to try anything out of his comfort zone. I always assumed he’d end up with someone more outgoing and opinionated. But I’d welcome her back with open arms if it meant bringing happiness back into my big brother’s life .
“You know you’re doing an amazing job, right?” I ask quietly.
Alex laughs bitterly. “I’d rather do a shitty job with Sara still here.”
“I know that. But Sara would be so proud of you. Sara is proud of you, man. You’re an excellent father.”
“I don’t know about that,” he murmurs. “I feel like I’m fucking up left and right. Abbie’s been asking questions about when to know if a boy likes you. And the school sent home a permission slip to approve a sex ed unit. She’s eleven!”
“I know.” Our oldest kids aren’t too far off in age. “These days, they’re inundated with sex so early on. Schools are trying to get ahead of it, I think.”
“I — I don’t want to talk about this. Change of subject. Why do you look like you’re ready to beat the hell out of anyone who looks at you wrong?” he asks.
Now it’s my time to huff in annoyance. “I told Kate about Savannah visiting me at work yesterday, and —”
“That bitch came to the hotel? And no one stopped her?” Alex hisses. “Are you back with her again? I swear to God, Dom, I’ll beat your ass myself.”
“For fuck’s sake, I’m not back with Savannah. Jesus,” I seethe. “I told Kate that Savannah showed up to talk about the kids, then suggested we spend the time in more creative ways.”
“Once a ho, always a ho,” Alex mutters.
“Before I could tell Kate that I had Savannah escorted off the property, Kate asked if I took Savannah up on her offer, and suggested that, since we’re only in a business arrangement, I can do what I want, with whomever I want.”
Alex stares at me, dumbfounded. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, until their food is delivered. I order a beer from the bar, content to just sit with my brother.
“Do you like Kate?” he asks suddenly.
“Of course,” I answer .
“No, I mean like her.”
“I’m fairly certain I answered you the first time,” I say, frowning.
“Dom,” he chuckles, “Sometimes you really are clueless about relationships. I meant are you interested in Kate. As more than an almost-cousin or nanny, or even your marriage of convenience wife. Do you want to have an actual relationship with her?”
I go to answer no, but the word won’t come out. It’s as if my brain and heart are arguing. Surely I don’t want anything with Katharine. We’re as different as night and day. She’s loud, opinionated, and way too happy. But she also brought joy to my house, a joy that I didn’t realize was missing. And when she’s near me, I relax a bit more. But even I’m surprised when I find myself answering, “Yes, I believe I do.”
My answer shocks both of us, as Alex inhales some of his water and begins choking. “Holy shit. I didn’t think you’d answer me honestly. Really?”
I frown again, not sure how to respond. “She aggravates me to no end. I find strands of her hair all over the house, even in my bathroom. And she clearly doesn’t understand how the duct system works in housing, because she sings in the basement, horribly off-key, mind you, and then acts like nothing happened. Her water glasses are everywhere. Everywhere! Never in the sink, though. Definitely not in the dishwasher. And don’t even get me started on how badly she fucked up the surface on the Blackstone.”
“You and that fucking grill,” Alex groans.
“Do you know how long it takes to clean and re-season a massive cast iron griddle? She dumped soap on it, dude. Soap.”
“I was trying to help you, asshole.” Swiveling, I find a furious Kate behind me, steam practically coming out of her ears. “And just so we’re clear, I don’t know how my hair ends up in your bathroom, because I never step foot in your space. I’ll be sure to stop the singing, though. You’re welcome for the free horribly off-key performance. Looks like I’m off shift for the night, Mr. Santo. Take your own kids home. ”
Whirling around, she stomps out of the restaurant. It’s not lost on me that one single piece of her hair, currently a light purple, floats down to land on my leg.
“Way to go, Dad. She said we could get ice cream,” Aspen pouts. My kids have piled into the booth with their cousins, and all five look at me with varying stages of disappointment.
“Yeah, way to go, Dad. I’m guessing she didn’t hear the first part of that conversation,” Alex says quietly. “Guess we know where she stands on liking you.”
“I could have told you that,” I murmur. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Katharine would never go for someone like me.”
“Someone like you?” Alex asks as my beer is finally deposited in front of me, and I take a healthy swig.
“You know. Closed off. Not creative, or romantic. I’m pragmatic to a fault, I have a remarkable in ability to delegate, and I rarely trust anyone with my children. Kate and I have butted heads since we met.”
Alex hums noncommittally. “I would have said you’ve butted heads because you both recognized an attraction that neither of you expected.”
I shrug. “Doesn’t matter now.”
“Don’t count yourself out. She needs time to cool off. And that gives you time to draft an apology.”
“Draft?” I say, perking up. “I can do that? Would it be better handwritten, or on letterhead? Can I email it to her? Text would be bad, right? God, I hate texting.”
“We all know that,” Alex responds dryly.
“Then why do you keep adding me to group texts?”
“Because it pisses you off. And when I said draft, I meant you can decide what you want to say to her. In person. Verbally.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. I don’t do well with in-person apologies. “Can I send a balloon bouquet? Are candy grams still a thing?”
“Jesus, man. Are you scared of little Kate Reynolds? She’s what, maybe a buck forty, soaking wet? ”
I close my eyes in frustration, before confessing, “She makes me forget what I want to say, and how I want to say it.”
“Aw, little brother!” Alex coos, batting his eyelashes at me. “Does little Kate Reynolds make you tongue-tied? I guess that’s an improvement over our baby sister outing you for tongue-fucking Kate.”
“What’s tongue-ducking mean?” Carter asks, jarring me from focusing on Alex and my beer. I had no idea my son crept up on us.
“Nothing important, buddy. So Kate promised you ice cream?”
He nods. “I only want one vanilla scoop with sprinkles, please. And not the chocolate sprinkles. They don’t taste like chocolate. The rainbow sprinkles taste better. More sprinkle-y.”
I chuckle as I tip my head to Alex, who grabs his food and returns to the table with his kids. Ben barely noticed we were gone, inhaling his food and returning to coloring. Abbie is reading a book and absentmindedly waves goodbye to the rest of us.
Once in the car, Sienna leans forward to speak directly behind my head. “Dad, did you and Kate have an argument?”
“Why do you ask?” I respond.
“Well, she seemed pretty mad when we got in the car and she tracked you here.”
“Tracked me?”
“Yeah. With the app. We all have it,” Sienna says, offering her phone so I can see.
“I know what it is, sweetheart.” I can track Sienna’s location through my phone carrier app because her phone is in my family plan, but not whatever tracker everyone else apparently uses.
“Do you track Kate?” Carter asks.
“Well, no, but —”
“You should. That’s what husbands do,” Aspen states.
“Is that so?” I ask warily. I’m afraid to ask where she’s learning about expected husband behavior, but I also need to know.
“Uh-huh. Dat’s what Aunt Gia says. Whenever we’re with her and Uncle Travis does something good, she says, ‘that’s what a good husband does,’” Aspen says confidently. I figured this was the doing of one of my sisters, but I honestly expected it out of Arianna. Gianna and Travis have been married a few years, and recently welcomed their first son, Carson. They were the first two to successfully cross the threshold at my parents’ house, and they truly believe they broke a curse Alex unwittingly set upon all of us years ago. Joking around, Alex bet that none of us could carry a loved one across the threshold. And for years, that stood. I, of course, didn’t manage it with Savannah, but I wasn’t heartbroken about it. Alex didn’t think much about his own inability to carry his wife Sara over the threshold until we all kept failing.
“Were you a good husband to Mommy?” Sienna asks.
“I like to believe I was, yes,” I finally manage to answer.
“But you don’t know?” she presses.
“It was a long time ago.”
“What about now?” she asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Are you a good husband to Kate?”
I’m sure she’d answer I’m not. “It’s a unique situation, Sienna. I’d hope Kate would say that I’m respectful, and that I never make her uncomfortable or incredibly angry.”
“Oh, she won’t say that,” Aspen says cheerfully. “She called you a bad word.”
“And what was that?” I ask, rubbing the bridge of my nose. Knowing Kate, it could be a variety of four-letter words I’d rather my children not repeat on the school playground.
“Asshat.”
My eyes whip to the rearview mirror, catching Sienna’s eyes. “She called me a what?”
“She called you an asshat.”
Jesus Christ. “I’ll handle that with Katharine at home. And perfectly timed, we’re at the ice cream parlor! Everybody out.” Slamming the car into park, I let out a trapped breath that seemed to be lodged against my heart. An asshat? Really? I sigh as I realize I’ve given her nothing but asshat behaviors for months.
Aspen jumps from the car, grabs my hand, then looks up at me. “Well, you did come to the park for a minute, and then you left us there. Maybe that is asshat stuff, Daddy. You should try not to be an asshat anymore.”
I scrub a hand over my face in frustration. “If you promise to stop saying asshat, I’ll let you have two scoops.”
“Okay, Daddy,” she says cheerfully, dropping my hand to skip into the store. When I hear her tell her brother and sister how she gets two scoops, I realize I’ve been played.
As the kids order their ice cream, I think back to all of my interactions with Katharine over the past couple of years that I’ve known her. Yes, we’ve butted heads. She seemed to get under my skin, and I never understood why. Once she began nannying for me, I realized it was partly due to her connection to my children. I didn’t want them to need someone other than me. Even as I could recognize how she gave them something that I never could, it still pissed me off. And now, years later, she’s married to me, but thinks I’m a philandering asshat who would schedule clandestine meetings for sex with my ex-wife.
Watching my kids happily inhale their ice cream, I realize how lucky I am. Yeah, Savannah leaving was hard. Figuring out how to navigate single parenthood was awful. We struggled for the first couple of years. But now I can see a difference in my children. How Kate has improved their lives.
Sienna’s confidence has grown leaps and bounds since she began confiding in Kate. Carter has realized how his unique interests are strengths, and he wears that fact proudly. And my sweet and sassy Aspen has adopted Kate’s take-no-shit attitude. Two years ago, my children were nothing like this.
But the worst part? The most humiliating part? I realize I’ve never told Kate any of this. I’ve never thanked her for what she’s brought to our lives. The peace she’s given me, knowing my children are always well cared for. No wonder she thinks I’m an asshat.
From this moment on, I’m turning over a new leaf. A relationship, an actual relationship, with Kate is clearly not in the cards, but I can show her how important she is to this family. How integral she is. She needs to know that she’s the cog that keeps this train going, and we’d be lost without her.